The Riddler probably has such an up and down relationship with the Robins because they all tend to tackle things differently and he’s always so thrown by how they handle his riddles.
The Riddler: To free Batman from my trap, you must answer this riddle, little bird. I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?
Dick, eight years old and freshly Robin: *thinking really hard*
The Riddler looking at Batman dangling upside down: ?
Batman: He just needs an extra minute.
The Riddler:
Batman: English isn’t his first langauge.
The Riddler, feeling a little bad: oh, that’s… take your time, buddy.
Jason, twelve years old: *lifting a hand*
The Riddler: -uh, yes?
Jason: Can you repeat that? The riddle?
The Riddler: um, yeah, sure. I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?
Jason: Yeah, you’re a map but when you’re talking about multiple species of fish, which you probably are, you can say fishes. If you’re using fish, you’re only talking about one species.
The Riddler:
Jason: I just think you should know that. You know as a “genius”
The Riddler: The more you take, the more you -
Tim: Footsteps, where’s Batman?
The Riddler: No, you have to let me-
Tim: Nuh-uh
The Riddler: The fuck do you mean “nuh-uh”? Who raised you?
Tim, on two hours sleep, with two essays due on this fine Thursday night: *fucking launches himself at The Riddler*
The Riddler: I wear a mask but not to hide,
Steph: It's you. You're the answer.
The Riddler: You have to let me finish.
Steph, mimicking him: YOu HaVE tO LEt mE FIniSH
The Riddler: I have-
Damian: *launches himself at the Riddler*
The Riddler: Batman, fuck, FUCK, he’s fucking biting me-
Jason: Stop calling me baby. I am twenty years old. I have dragged murderers from the back of my motorcycle. My scarred hands smell like gunpowder. I hate you and I will never be soft again.
Bruce: Yes, of course, I understand.
Bruce, deadpan introducing Jason to literally anyone: This is my baby boy. My sweet little darling. My silly goose. Bambini. Small one. Duckling. Spider monkey. Pumpkin. Itty bitty.
I really enjoy Bruce as an affectionate father, even when his children hate it.
He used to kiss the top of Dicks head so often the press took notice. There were YouTube complications after a bit, every time he kissed his son’s head in an interview. But he did it at the manor all the time, it was a habit After a bit, Dick started wiping it off, or complaining about Bruce messing up his hair. Secretly he would miss it if he stopped.
Bruce often had to stop himself from continuing the habit in the batsuit.
With Jason, he was always holding his hand. Even as he got to be a teen, Bruce would hang onto his hand to remind Jason he wasn’t going anywhere. Partially it was to make sure he wouldn’t run off, he has a flight risk. When cameras were pulled out when Jason was younger, all he wanted to do was run the opposite direction. Bruce would give a good squeeze to calm him down.
Tim would lean into Bruce a lot. Not quite a hug, but just pressing his body into Bruce. If he was bored, he’d just lean into his side. If he was speaking, or Bruce was just behind him, he’d lean backwards. Bruce would squeeze his shoulders, or swing one of his arms around him. Sometimes Tim would get randomly touch averse and make himself collapse to the ground to avoid hands on his shoulders as he was on the computer or reading.
Steph was a hard egg to crack, she didn’t quite care for more of the typical affection, not that she was opposed. But Bruce would often do her hair as a method of physical affection, he eventually mastered all of the braiding methods her hair could handle. Any fancy bun at any gala, Bruce was behind it. She humored him a lot.
Bruce hugged Cass more than any of his other children, the pressure of an embrace was enough to calm her through a meltdown, panic attack or flashback. Sometimes she wouldn’t realize she needed the tight squeeze and she’d fight against it.
The newspaper once released “top 10 Bruce Wayne hugs” and 1-8 were Cassandra. 9 and 10 were Dick and Jason, Bruce was weirded out that they’d run such a specific article.
Bruce had a serious scooping problem when it came to Damian. Any chance he got, he’d scoop up his son and hold him close. Think “never speak to me or my son again,” if anyone asked anything too invasive Damian would be snuggled into his shoulder and Bruce would hold a scowl. As Damian got older, he’d mimic the upset look during interviews, and it became a huge effort to convince him to fake a smile. It got weird when he was about 16 and people started wondering how Bruce could lift him.
You know in hotel transylvania when they 'zing' and its like love at first sight or whatever. That's what happens in my mind when bruce gets a new kid.
Seeing Dick sitting in the circus alone and just deciding yep I'm taking this one
Again with Jason, sees a small child, clearly in need, suddenly Bruce NEEDS to take this kid home. Yoink.
He doesn't do it on purpose, or even notice it, just blinks and hes obtained a whole child
He sees kids on patrol all the time, helps a lot of kids, but sometimes his brain just clicks when he sees a kid and then the batfam grows again
Headcanons about baby jaybin todd because I have brainworms about him, and im making it everyone else's problem:
☆ Jason never asking for anything new, especially with clothes and shoes. He's always content with Dicks hand-me-downs because really hes never had anything that nice before.
☆ Him not having any favourite foods because he's never had the choice to be a picky eater before. You either had food or you starved. That's how he grew up. And for the longest time even after moving in with B he would only eat a quarter of his plate and stash the rest away for later, just incase the next meal wasnt guaranteed ( because old habits die hard) . It took an uncomfortably long time for Bruce and Alfred to convince him he would never have to go hungry again.
☆ selective mutism haver Jason todd, who spends the first 2 months with Bruce completely silent. And when he does start talking, he's throwing Bruce for a loop because once the kid starts, he does not stop. Until he does stop, and the whole house is silent with him yet again.
☆ Jason is good at making himself invisible. Way too good. Because he never wants to be a nuisance. He never wants to make bruce feel like he's taking up more space than hes allowed. To the point where one time, when bruce comes home in a particularly pissy mood at something that has nothing at all to do with jason, jason still takes it as his sign to stay out of sight and out of mind for the rest of the day until he's needed. He stays hidden behind the tall bushes of the maze on the Wayne's estate, and it takes calling Clark on the JL emergency line for Them to finally find him. Fast asleep in the tall grass, a book that should be far above his reading level, dropped next to his head, pages esque in the grass.
☆ If jason wants something, you will NEVER hear him ask for it out right. He'll just talk about it indirectly and/or incessantly, hoping someone will get the hint .
"Susanne Collins is writing a new book I heard." "Who is that again? Harry Potter?" "Hunger games" "right... and youre telling me because?" All he does is shrug, spinning in his chair, paying half a mind to bruce tapping away on his bat computer. "They're good books"
A few days later, he wakes up to the unreleased manuscript for mockingjay neatly stacked on his desk (in a very devil wears prada way)
☆ Jason being afraid of the dark even though he swears he's not. And no, he definitely does not need a nightlight. that old thing on the wall? It's a stupid prank gift from Dick and he only keeps it on because he feels bad about not using it... no other reason... no, really... It's fine... you can keep the lights off in the hallways at night, Alfred, who needs to use the bathroom anyway?
☆ Jaybin falling asleep in the Batmobile on their way back home from patrols. Bruce is carrying him back to bed even when he knows jay is just pretending. BECAUSE THAT'S HIS BABY BOY THATS HIS SON HE GAVE BIRTH TO HIM
☆ Jason getting gifted a scribbled drawing of him and batman from a street kid after saving them on a patrol, and he has not stopped smiling at it since. He put it up on a wall in the bat cave first thing when they came back "I get why you do this now, B" he says all too quiet for someone who looks so proud of himself right now and Bruce cant help but smile at him "what do you get, son?" He asks just to ask. Jason looks down at his uniform, fingers fidgeting with the domino mask in his hands, "How nice it feels to be liked."
☆ Jason taking full advantage of all the educational resources being a Wayne provides him. He doesn't care if it's ridiculous. He starts college prep at 12 because "How does anyone pick just one thing to do forever?!?" He wants to be a lawyer and a doctor and an artist and a writer. He wants to learn philosophy and politics and history and physics and literature and music and poetry and- and- and-
☆ At one point, Bruce is genuinely considering adding a whole new wing to his already stacked library because he's pretty sure jason is going to be done with his entire inventory by the time he's 16.
But he never does get to do it... turn 16, that is.
The construction of the new wing is abandoned half way through, rusting scaffolding and exposed brick left unfinished. Just like the book marked copy of Sunrise on the reaping on jasons desk that he never got to finish. Or the half empty glass of water on his bedside thats burning rings into the wood there. Or the old hand me down clothes collecting dust on the pile on his bed that Bruce never lets Alfred put away. Jason's room. Untouched exactly how he left it. Because what if... what if he comes back and he cant find the things he needs?
And keep the lights on in the hallway, Alfred and the nightlight on in his room. Jason doesn't like the dark... even if he'll never admit it out loud.
Okay so I saw this post and you know the types of fics where adult Danny moves to Gotham and winds up emotionally adopting one or more of bat kids or accidentally coparenting with Bruce (with or without a relationship between them)? I had the thought, what if Danny parented the bat kids but he started doing it out of spite?
Like, Danny moves to Gotham and runs into Batman and Robin one night while out for a late night flight and drops down to the rooftop to say hi.
Bruce sees this 5'6" twink that looks like a stiff breeze could knock him over and is so obviously new in town and thinks Gotham is going to eat him alive, he needs to leave before he gets killed.
Batman: Looming menacingly and in his deepest scariest Batman voice, "Leave. Metas aren't allowed in Gotham."
Danny: Offend! Excuse?! Who does this guy think he is?! 😡 Danny was trying to be polite here! "First of all, I'm not a meta. Second of all, rude much?!"
Batman: Does scariest bat glare. "Leave." Swoops off into the night.
Robin (Damian): "My father is correct. You should leave the city for your own safety."
Danny sees this tiny vigilante child with fierce expression and a sword and is just like awww, so cute! 😍 Then he noticed Robin had a small cut on his arm and his inner gremlin activates. If the rude flying furry can't take care of his own kid properly, Danny will do it better!
He bandages up Damian's arm, gives him a cookie and teaches him a neat sword trick before sending him on his way with a hug telling him he needs his sleep.
Danny goes out of his way to run into the bat kids and be the absolute best dad.
He takes Nightwing flying and throws him in the air so Nightwing can do all the fanciest acrobatic tricks.
He tracks down Red Hood and starts a book club with him (Danny may or may not have used his connection with Ghost Writer to get ahold of some rare books).
He eats waffles with Spoiler and trys out weird topping combinations that make them both make faces and laugh.
He makes new gadgets for Red Robin but carefully breaks them just a little bit and takes them to the teen so they can fix them together (it's enrichment!). He always insists RR keep them as a reward.
He follows Signal around during the day invisibly, making faces and doing tricks only Signal can see (he made him laugh in front of the police at a crime scene twice!).
All of the kids get his attention and love and Danny smugly thinks how Batman must be absolutely seething about his kids bonding with Danny and Batman missing out on all of it.
Danny started it out of spite but he does wind up genuinely loving the bat kids.
Batman definetly hates it when the kids are bonding with Danny and is extremely jealous (sulky Batman brooding in his cave about it).
Bruce's repeated attempts to intimidate Danny into leaving Gotham don't work and him telling his kids to stay away from Danny had zero effect (the terrible children don't listen to him at all).
So Bruce starts spending more time with the kids to compete against Danny. The bat kids love it and (little gremlins that they are) use the two of them against each other constantly.
Bruce:"Sorry Tim, I can't make it to your photography exhibit this weekend, there's a meeting with the Justice League."
Tim:"Oh that's fine... I'll just ask Danny to come." 😏
Bruce: Narrows his eyes and grits his teeth, "Actually, the Justice League needs to have contingencies in place to manage without my input. This would be a good time to test their capabilities. I'll skip the meeting and come to your exhibit."
With both of them competing to spend more time with the kids it leads to the two of them spending time with each other to be around the kids more.
After Damian catches a terrible flu bug, Danny spends an entire weekend at the manor babying him. This is when Bruce finds out Danny has known their secret identities for months and tries to get mad about it but Alfred puts his foot down, raises a judgmental eyebrow in Bruce's direction that puts a stop to that nonsense and sets up Danny with his own room in the family wing.
Eventually, Danny gets to the point where he spends most of his nights at the manor and he and Bruce consult each other on all major household decisions.
The whole family is at the manor one morning including Danny. Bruce has a meeting at WE and he and Danny are absently discussing their plans for the day at the breakfast table.
Bruce: " The meeting should take most of the morning and then I have paperwork this afternoon and a scheduled walk through on one of the new engineering projects. I probably won't be done by the time school let's out. Can you pick up Damian today?"
Danny: "That shouldn't be a problem. Would you mind swinging by the bookstore on the way home and getting my preorder? Jay and I just finished rereading the first book and we were wanting to start the second tonight before you all go on patrol. I'd rather not try to make it to the bookstore in school rush hour traffic"
Bruce: "Sure."
Stephanie watches Danny reach out and absently straighten Bruce's tie as they both get up to leave. Bruce grabs Danny's coffee thermos and hands it to him while they walk out the door.
Stephanie: "Sooo, bets on how long until they realize they're basically married?"
