bruce’s dad lore has got to be the most insane thing.
and like, he’d drop it at the most random times, because he genuinely doesn’t believe it’s all that interesting.
so here’s some good potentials.
dinner at wayne manor-
duke: so like, a cult is-
bruce, without pausing his eating or looking up: i was kidnapped by a cult when i was eighteen. they wanted to drain my blood.
everyone:
tim: what the fuck bruce
alfred, passing through: ah yes, i had almost forgotten. no one speak his name, or he will know master bruce survived.
the rest of the table:
in the batcave-
jason: being buried alive is a very traumatizing experience, i’ll have you know.
bruce: yeah, i got mud all in my mouth cause it was raining.
the kids:
bruce: oh, and i broke the casket when i finally got it open, so i had to get my dad a new one.
jason: what the fuck
on patrol-
steph: hey, bruce! if you were to go back in time, would you go to, like, fifties bop or midwestern cowboys
bruce: well, the midwestern cowboys were sort of fun, but there was this one guy shooting everyone with a gun from the future, and i had to fight robot pterodactyls. so i guess if i didn’t have to deal with that, the widwestern would be more fun.
the coms:
barbara: bruce what the fuck
the dinner table, again-
dick: i’m just saying, arkham isn’t the best mental institution to base your opinion on.
bruce: it was a lot worse in the eighties. the food was awful and the doctor only wanted to experiment on me.
the kids:
dick: what the fuck
alfred, passing through: master bruce, how many times do i need to apologize for that before you cease bringing it up?
bruce:
the batcave, again-
damian: from what i’ve researched, dent was fairly intelligent before he succumbed to his insanity, and-
bruce: actually, harvey cheated off of me whenever he could, which didn’t actually make any sense, because he was studying law and i was studying medicine, but most of those grades are mine, anyways. and some are probably harley’s and john’s, i’d bet.
everyone:
duke: what the fuck
on a stakeout-
jason: i’m just saying, old man. if you’d kill the joker i-
bruce: well, i did try.
jason:
bruce: stupid kryptonians getting in the way.
jason:
the coms:
jason: what the fuck.
on patrol, again-
cass: poison ivy and harley quinn were spotted downtown, two of us should-
bruce: oh! i forgot i scheduled dinner with them. you kids have patrol covered, right?
the coms:
damian: what the fuck
in the living room, watching an action movie-
bruce: this reminds me of the time i climbed mount everest.
the kids:
stephanie: what the fuck ?
in the hall, looking at the new family portrait-
bruce: you know, when i was a kid i tried to get alfred into the family portrait because he was dating my parents and we all wanted him to be a part of the painting, but he refused.
the kids:
alfred: master bruce, really?
bruce: