Discover Top Posts Tagged with #bc here i forget... about ims... for years

also i made gifs of these bc there were no good ones and theyre my favorite

#AFTER A VERY SPECIFIC SORT OF WEDNESDAY EVENING AT WORK. I WAS IN NEED. OF THESE #it really feels exactly like this.#you motherfukcers dont LISTEN. STOP. PAGING ME ON THE INTERCOM. IM LITERALLY OUT HERE TAKING CARE OF IT ALREADY #I AM NOT COMING BACK TO THE OFFICE. YOU DESPERATELY NEED ME ON THE FLOOR AT THIS MOMENT. BECAUSE YOU DIDNT LISTEN #if i can figure out a way to make one transparent without it taking a million years i may just put it in my work email signature #bc most of my work emails. are this #she IS already there. but rn its just that one kinda chibi sticker graphic of meanie yelling. gif is the real experience #anyway. hey. she doesnt have her ahoges in the second one...............................#im not gonna feel bad about forgetting to ddraw them ever again bc you know what joel fuckin did too. in the game.#also i want u to know i had a still from one of these pulled up like the entire time i was writing that ask answer. for motivation #ena dream bbq #worker ena

blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)

"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed, abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie

#liv in the replies #if i were insane there would be an appendix to this called telling the bees however i finished this at 3am yesterday its nearly midnight &#my cutoff is when my ahl asg stream cuts. GOD by now i should know when i save a poem like hmm. not applicable but god it'd be perfect #THAT'S A CURSE. DON'T PUT IT IN THE DOCUMENT. DON'T SAVE IT. FORGET YOU READ IT. IT'S A CURSE!! <- things i should've told myself when i #went to read bees was already like 👀 &then the first line was FUCKING CLAUDE!!!!! anyway. sorry also this is like. insanely long but ALSO #regarding mf claude. the first picture is a leftover from the claude edit i made years ago so that feels GREAT and BEAUTIFUL & also for me #as ever y'all will be getting a full breakdown. starting with what i regularly have a breakdown about every time i see it which is joelle's #james 1:12 tattoo which if u use the king james version (gay) is blessed is he who perseveres under trial because having stood the test he #will receive the crown of life the lord has promised to those who love him. which i always go blessed is he who perseveres // for those who #love him. and that's joel. ignoring him getting it then getting sent down on his birthday IGNORING IT. also we know the frosty/maple leafs #hahaha fuck the flyers lore right? good. that's morgan and his dad also bc i love a baby picture & it was perfect. also the dave isaac pic #next was in an article talking about morgan 'stung' by draft camp. shut UP. i have an alt for tells him with claude and ALSO hate the #elephant w/phil bc myesie u fuckin leaf-eater (giraffe) but i love the composition of that jake shot & had to use it (it was also almost #tells him) with thylacine jakey frog nolan also raff the extinct whale bc i needed him here. if my editing on incapable of joy is bad no on #tell me i did some SHENANIGANS to put morgan in there & color-pick/alter his jersey. new skill. i think euphoria is one of my favorite for #the sake of pride night but ALSO that polaroid kills me very time &they're so stoners contemplate the universe but ALSO i love transcendenc #so that whole three photo string i think is my favorite. and i was in looking at these like listen okay it's okay there are only so many #photos in the world. you can repeat from others you've seen before. except ALSO there's so many of these freaks together do you separate #and every time i was like there can't be more there was more. don't ask the number of back-ups for the sweetest blossom/pinch/ruffle sets #okay also the ready to be stung one was a surprise favorite fit for me because i love that line but wasn't sure how to convey it? so it's o #i think with how morgan's face is and the almost of it all. yes joel hardest trier is in there purely for me i do have an alt but. how coul #u doubt him. insert sasha's tweet abt how much joel loves philly but all his quotes have been abt being excited for morgan to have a fresh #start. AND NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES IN CALGARY AND YOU'RE STILL INSEPARABLE god i literally googled frost farabee calgary to find the last #blessed [because. heard but not seen you know of everyone traded but you went together. not seen. (which ties into the terrible appendix)]#and IT DIDN'T EVEN TAKE ME TWO MINUTES TO FIND THAT!!! WHAT DO YOU MEANNN anyway. sorry again it's so long & also i will be vanishing a wee #& a half after posting [redacted] is kicking my ass & im doing [redacted fun things WAIT ACTUALLY U CAN KNOW ONE i'm seeing hippo campus]#morgan frost #joel farabee #philadelphia flyers #calgary flames

i sorted likes on my og blog by oldest and its literally just pages and pages of posts and selfies from the person i fell in love with and tattooed their work on my body so i will never lose them and who has traveled thousands of miles to see me and used to mail me her little dud crotchet projects and they would tag me in their selfies every selfie so i didnt miss it and made a national best friends day post for me multiple years who the day snapchat started doing streaks we had 400+ days on it already the person who talked me down in my hardest times who let me sit with them when her parents went through medical emergencies who literally hacked a jumbotron to add my name to a 'special thank you' banner who every day to this day reminds me i am easy to love and never too much. so i sent them a video of me scrolling and laughing at our 2013 haircuts :)

#2011 to now. 0 love confessions to date. hugged once #im never going to forget when she was here for a concert and i coudlnt stop looking at her all night and begging her to kiss me in my #head everytime she looked at me.....shortly after id convinced myself i was over her and could move on.....#tthe way this is just a slice of our life together. we met on tumblr and realized we had passed each other literally a week earlier at a #robotics comp our teams were literally on an alliance together and we were in sister fandoms and idk. she followed me. i like a selfie #the rest is history. literally. all my friends know everything about them. a few have told me to stop talking about her.#in fact when i went through a friends breakup he used this whole situation to talk about how well i wont say the things he said but #wow #and i cant reminisce on this on main bc they follow me LOL only gets on sporadically!!! but i will not take the chance #slagathor #and ok another thing is that i actually kind of have said something abt it a couple times in the last few years and each time it was.#not bad. very good. in fact one of those times things started feeling uhm a little too real and i had to dip out. but i never said it outri #just jokes that turned a little hot that got a little too pointed....that we havent talked about since.....#which is why i dont think about them. even tho when they traveled here w a derby teammate we spent like 5 hrs sitting and talking #and out of nowhere they turned to her and said yeah theyre just as good for you as i thought turned to me and said youre everything #she said youd be. then immediately after that they both got up from the table and left the state. but i dont think about that either

how it feels knowing i'm squandering every opportunity that comes my way because i just can't seem to fully function like a real person and it's such an all consuming feeling and problem and even meds didn't fix it.

#i'm so disappointed in myself #i know everyone else is disappointed in me too #and you only get so many opportunities #esp when u just don't have a network bc u are also bad at networking #it's worse knowing I CAN DO IT. I CAN DO THESE THINGS. Finally at the point i should have been MONTHS ago.#and there's no relief there's no pride there's just.#embarrassment and shame and frustration and a lot of guilt #things just snowball so fast and i just got monumentally fucked over by the inability to get my meds for so long #i want to do better so badly I want to be faster and more consistent and less forgetful and better with time management #but it just never seems to work that way #personal stuff #sorry im just #really embarrassed #even more embarrassing is the more stressed I get the harder it is for me to complete anything #and i don't think i've had a stress free day in years so i'm operating maybe at 50% these days #i see so many other people with the same plight as me and they're doing great things and making beautiful work #so i feel like my brain not working right isn't even a good enough excuse because like. literally everyone else does it just fine.#i'm so fucking sad man. i love working with this coworker so much and i wanted a chance to work with him again and i got it!#and it was fun! it was so much fun and is still kind of fun when i'm not consumed with feeling so so bad #about how long it's taken me to make things...#i feel like when i talk about this to people they also maybe think i'm exaggerating or just suffering from imposter syndrome #like i'm literally not. i REALLY should be faster and a hell of a lot more consistent than I am. it's an objective truth.#i don't know how i can spend months at my desk with everything open trying to do my tasks and then it just doesn't get done #i did so much less this last year because i was trying so hard to work and i still didn't even get much done #suffering with nothing to show for it #most of the time when i'm working on things it feels like either it clicks or it doesn't #i'm basically just stuck sitting at the starting line waiting for the gun to go off and for whatever reason mine is a specific separate one #that is not going off and i'm just sitting here with increasing dread about how far behind i am #and by the time it goes off i've got to put twice as much effort in. all to eke across the finish line last.

GOD I am so immensely stressed out

Was looking into stuff to plan Charlie's bday gift and realised I had even less money than I thought I should, looking closer HMRC is showing me as having been paid over £500 more than I actually recieved. It shows £250 in tax which, still not sure why its that high, but where the fuck is the other £250 then???

#im gonna have to fucking call them i forgot the other day #and now its the weekend which means ill have to on monday by which point ill probably have forgotten again #i just. i just want to afford to live man for fucks sake #i also cant access my payslip directly bc i have never in 4 years working here been told my HR login details #and i have no idea who to ask #and the registration stuff isnt sorted yet either i just keep forgetting to talk to a manager about it #i just! i want to work and then recieve money for that work!#and have it be enough that im not worrying i cant buy groceries by the end of the month!#and thats BEFORE even thinking ablut the fact we need to move house!!!#this is just. its too fuckin much #has me beating myself up bc i bought myself a book as a treat and fucking. chips so id eat before work

well. apparently its NOT normal to obsessively and repeatedly check your phrasing/ delete posts/ go through your social media to make sure its "right" and people are perceiving you the "right" way

#very very much suspect i have ocd !#already suspected bc of other things ive had going on for years. esp health related intrusive thoughts #but just saw a post abt this and ERM. whys this shit (alleged ocd) influencing every aspect of everything let me LIVE #also i have about 3k followers on here now. which 99% of the time is fine and i forget because im just kind of saying whatever #and most of the interactions ive had on here have been lovely and awesome #but then i convince myself that ive like. made myself seem evil and irredeemable to several thousand people #like brother you are posting about anime. i think it will be okay😭#izzy.txt

man i am excited for my internship next month. AND SCARED CUS IT'S 6 MONTHS 2400 MILES FROM HOME. but excited. bc last year's was so bad and i need to do it "right" this time

#text #whats that post thats like. sometimes it feels embarrassing celebrating your progress bc you have to admit how bad things really were #i dont talk about last summer on here bc it was awful for a variety of reasons but i myself made it worse #by (in our shared field housing) minimizing myself and letting people forget that i was even there #i cant do that again i cant do that for SIX MONTHS #last year was 2 months in the middle of nowhere this time its 6 months in a REAL CITY #i need to make some fucking friends there (both with the other interns/my de facto roommates and other people) or ill kms #and it feels embarrassing being like “wow im proud of myself this past month for being more talkative with strangers and waving at people”#bc it feels like everyone figured that out already #but yeah i do feel good about not acting like a prey animal all the time anymore. and i think this summer (+ fall + winter) will be better

#anyways personal but i need to vent for a second #so fun fact about me i am one of those girls whos like really. not intense but i really like my birthday #its the one day of the year ive always looked forwards to #and its still two months away (sept 9) but i am. lowkey scared about it #i think its mostly because. every year that passes my birthday becomes more and more lonely #and i hate feeling lonely on my birthday #and this year in specific my birthday is going to be lie. two or three weeks before i travel to england #and i just keep having this feeling that #im gonna move out of the country and everyone here will forget about me #and you know like i was talking to my dad the other day #and he was like oh you know for your bithday you could do a 'going away' party or smthg #and i was like dad. there's only going to be waht. 3 people there #and idk this really upsets me bc my birthday used to be the most important day of the year for me #every year that passes its become a day where i just feel really shitty bc i get reminded #of how lonely i am #and i dont want to feel that when im about to leave my whole home behind #idk i just #aa.#i miss being young and feeling special and important on my birthday bc it was the one day of the year #where people paid attention to me so i didnt feel as shitty #and now its becoming the opposite #its like every year people manage to dissapoint me on my birthday and its just #getting really hard to deal with it #bc you know you try to tell people and they're like its just a birthday who cares

#bc here i forget... about ims... for years

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#bc here i forget... about ims... for years