#blue's posting!!

[per-ardua-ad-astra-x]

another day. same as yesterday, same as tomorrow. is it so bad to long for happiness?

[per-ardua-ad-astra-x]

per ardua ad astra

i suppose i am a dreamer.

i spend half my life

gazing into the stars

watching, wondering

if the answers to my pain lie

in hidden patterns

i have yet to discover.

sometimes they speak to me.

weave an intricate web

of ephemeral fantasies,

each one further from reality than the last-

and as you soar between worlds, ponder

that all that goes up must come down.

you will fall in the end.

per ardua ad astra, they said

but what if they are one and the same?

[per-ardua-ad-astra-x]

general

they have me all figured out.

with knowing eyes

they glance at my wrists,

trace the scarred patterns as they

place a drip in my dehydrated veins.

they think they know it all-

'sectioned'

'unstable'

'risk'

but what they refuse to see is-

my passion

my story

my life

no, i want to scream.

no, you don't know me.

you look at the person

lying in the hospital bed

and think they are all i am.

do i not deserve a life

where people see more than my scars?

[per-ardua-ad-astra-x]

[per-ardua-ad-astra-x]

me when actions have consequences

[per-ardua-ad-astra-x]

alone

I don’t want to be alone.

when i meet you,

“love at first sight” they say-

but for me you are

the end of the world or that reborn.

your silence draws a knife to my throat.

your praise sends me into the clouds.

when you leave-

as they all do eventually-

a supernova.

cataclysmic.

soul-wrenching.

the raw, helpless void surfaces.

who am i without you?

I will feel it all while feeling a shell

of myself.

fly away,

far away,

from my whole life.

start again-

and so my endless loop begins.

[per-ardua-ad-astra-x]

im in hospital talk to me