#bluposting

[blubushie]

I just wanna say.

I don't know who did the dialogue for the comics but they're pretty good at Intuitively Aussie Things (outside of spelling "cark it" wrong).

The amount of times I've hauled arse while chanting "bugger" under my breath is too goddamn many. I once cleared a click on foot with a 20kg bluey on my back and a rifle in my arms because a VERY angry pig was chasing me (when I got back to Matilda he tried his damnedest to pop one of my tyres but that's beside the point). Screaming "BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER-" while being chased by the wildlife is just part of the bushman experience. I don't care if it's outrunning magpies, outrunning pigs, outrunning a bushfire, outrunning a tornado, outrunning hail big enough to knock you out, outrunning a perentie, staring down dingos, waking up to a venomous snake in your swag, seeing a shark while swimming at a beach, blowing a tyre on a rough bit of track, or wading in waist-deep water and seeing the bubbles of a crocodile submerging a few metres away. If you live in the bush you will chant "bugger" like a prayer at some point in your life.

On that note, if you're ever somewhere and you see an Aussie running away from something while screaming "BUGGER" it's a good idea to trust his gut and follow him because 9/10 times whatever's chasing him will end up chasing you instead. If he's running he's got reason.

[creator-eliminator]

Are you guys frocking seeing this????

[blubushie]

Hello Aussies, today (4 Jan) is my birthday! I'm now 23!! Woo!! I'm going to the pub to get a tinny for like. Eight bucks. Love dry towns 👍

[^ Secretly loathes dry towns with a burning passion]

To the non-Aussies: my birthday will be tomorrow! But it's 4 Jan here, so I'm celebrating >:]

[blubushie]

Shit I learnt growing up in outback Australia: EVERYTHING can be fixed with WD-40, a Stanley, duct tape, and a hot glue gun. And if you can't fix it with those it's not worth fixing

↑ Just fixed his laptop with a hot glue gun

[blubushie]

Disclaimer: none of this is to be taken seriously.

DNI IF YOU:

Are vegan (vegetarians are fine)

Are a cyclist (bikies, you're on thin fucking ice)

Don't like flanno

Are scared of snakes

Are scared of bugs

Unironically say "NAURRR" (Aussies are exempt)

Drive a manual (I'm jealous of you) No longer applicable, I drive a manual now >:)

Scream when you're afraid or startled

Don't take your shoes off indoors (WTF is wrong with you?)

Have never loved the stars too fondly

Claim your favourite flower is roses

Like the colour pink

Don't wear a watch

Don't like vegemite (WTF is wrong with you? x2)

If you DO like vegemite, DNI if you eat it at level 6 or anything below 3

Eat vegemite plain off the spoon (WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? x3)

Call all cattle "cows"

Use chapstick (let your lips split like a real man)

Weren't sacrificed on the altar of Victoria Bitter

You drink Foster's

Call thongs "flip-flops" (wrong) or "jandals" (inhuman)

Are a ranga

Wear neon colours (hunting orange is fine, safety green is only permissible for tradies)

Like wearing shoes

Wear socks and ESPECIALLY if you sleep with socks on

Like maths (you're an alien)

Wash your face every morning

Don't know how to change a tyre

Think heat above 80F/25C is "unbearable"

Have never ridden a horse

Don't know the difference between revolvers and pistols

Have, at any point, unironically uttered the phrase "assault rifle"

Are from M*lbourne (Victorians, you're on thin fucking ice)

Are from New Zealand (Aotearoans, you're fine)

Are French/speak French (Africans, you're on thin fucking ice)

Are Canadian (exempt if you're the TikTok lumberjack lady)

Are French-Canadian (double-wrong)

Are English. The rest of the UK, you're on thin ice.

Are from a city with a population higher than 1mil. People from cities with populations of 30k to 999k are on thin fucking ice. People from cities/town/shires/villages with less than 30k I love you.

Think "bogan" is an insult

Don't shave with a knife (people who use straight razors, you're on thin fucking ice, people who don't shave at all I love you)

Have never been sunburnt (only for people who can get sunburnt)

Don't like camping

Own decorative towels and ESPECIALLY if you get mad at people for using them. It's a bloody towel and I'm using it for its intended purpose

Believe in astrology

Have a skincare routine and/or wear makeup

Drive a Toyota Prius

DON'T love thunderstorms

Were born after 2023

Think catching toads to get high is "animal abuse" (the toads are fine unless they're cane toads, fuck cane toads, all my mates hate cane toads)

You microwave water for any reason

Have never been to a B&S ball

Don't believe in aliens

Are taller than 158cm/5'2"

Take multivitamins (aka you are healthier than me)

Haven't read my fic (minors exempt, do not read it)

Don't like bush ballads or sea shanties. I'm going to show up at your house and aggressively sing Waltzing Matilda at 3am outside your bedroom window

Think the term "blackfella" is racist

Would give me up, tell a lie, and hurt me

Don't bless the rains down in Africa

You shave your eyebrows

And the only LEGITIMATE ONE on this list...

People who think/call Sniper TF2 a Kiwi. If you'd call Sniper (who left New Zealand as an infant and spent his whole life in Australia and didn't even know his Australian parents weren't his birth parents until he was 30) a Kiwi, then you would call me an American because I was born in America and moved to Australia when I was two. You need to re-evaluate how you see migrants, relationships to culture, and adoptees.

[blubushie]

Make jarate and then drink it for another jar of jarate. Call that Jarrate. Gives you a 70% damage boost instead of just 35%.

This has been your nightly Sniperposting.

ETA: Giving a burl. Will add results later. The things I do for science.

[blubushie]

I've been charged $8.25 for a BEER and I wanna commit violence. This is outrageous. I hate dry towns

[blubushie]

So today's been a bit of a bust.

I went into town for the PP haemoglobin test. Got lost. Somehow got Matilda pinned on a carpark because her roof is high and the roof of the building next to me was REALLY LOW. Luckily there's no damage and I got out with some clever work. Got to PP, got the blood test which came back as expected. 14.13. They stole my blood.

Went to the courthouse, got the forms I needed, filled them out but turns out I need them looked over by an attorney, who doesn't come in until 1pm. So now I have to come back sometime this week on a 20-minute drive back to town to get that done. And while I was there I had to strip most of my effects off including my belt, which fucked up my gig line and took me 5ish minutes in the bathroom just to make myself look professionally presentable again.

Go back to the house to pick up Misty and have a roadie cuz I'm annoyed. Get to the groomer, lead her out and let her walk around. She doesn't cause issues until it's time for me to sign paperwork, at which point she starts growling and barking and being problematic. I have to scoot her with my foot to get her through the door while the woman drags her, and as soon as they take her back she looks at me with this betrayal of "Daddy how could you" and then she's just. Fine? Walks with them no issue? She's people protective, but Jesus. What a turncoat.

So now I'm sitting here eating with a beer and waiting on them to call me to pick her up. I bought her two burgers, one for being good and the other for not biting nobody. If she bites somebody I'm eating one of the burgers.