#borderline personality

[mentallylivingin2000s]

photo of me crying bc even tho i’m sad at least im still pretty ig

[gemwesper]

"This person is too much for me"

Then be nice about it. Yes, they are overbearing to YOU. No, they do not deserve to be told that. No one does. Be kind, please.

I've been too much for a lot of people. Okay. I'm not for everyone. No one is. It's okay to not like people or not be liked. But it's also true that you should treat everyone (almost everyone before someone says what about pedophiles!!) with kindness and respect.

Sincerely, a borderline princess

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Ian Sanders

“We are experiencing a rise in so-called dissociative disorders, such as borderline personality disorder, conditions in which the sense of one’s own identity is weakened or lost altogether. In the modern world the individual may experience himself or herself as no longer having a role and a place in a close-knit community on a human scale, and therefore as engulfed in the mass – of the populace, of the city, of bureaucratic organisations and global corporations – relatively powerless. No wonder people emphasise (with tragic and damaging results) something called ‘identity’, in which, ironically, their true identity is swallowed up.”

~ Iain McGilchrist, 'The Matter with Things: Our Brains, Our Delusions, and the Unmaking of the World'

[borderlineonline]

Eu, definitivamente, já deveria estar dormindo... Mas, não estou.

Para falar a verdade, eu "deveria estar definitivamente" fazendo tantas coisas que nem consigo numera-las.

Por que está tão difícil existir? Quando vai voltar a ser normal?

Algum dia já foi normal pra mim? Por que eu não consigo lembrar de 70% da minha vida?

Todo mundo é assim?

Os 30% que sobram de memória tinham mesmo que ser em sua maior parte as coisas mais escrotas, traumáticas e vergonhosas?

Qual a porra do meu problema?

Será que foi porquê passei grande parte da minha vida tendo devaneios excessivos por viver uma realidade de merda?

Tantas perguntas e a única pessoa que poderia me dar a resposta é uma sequeladinha desmemoriada de merda que não consegue ter um raciocínio lógico sem se sabotar (eu mesma).

É. Acho que pra mim, nunca vai ser normal existir.

[mentallylivingin2000s]

having friends is like a form of self harm for people with bpd

[gemwesper]

Yess...so excited for friends!!! I say, before being hit with friendship ruiner disorder

[evil-pwnpd]

Narcissistic abuse is…

Narcissistic abuse is about the rejection of life, the constriction of life, the elimination and limitation of life. Narcissistic abuse is the expression of hostility towards life, the loathing of the elements of life. It is as if the narcissist casts himself, pits himself against the totality of creation. No wonder people are talking in terms of demons and antichrists because the narcissist truly rejects everything that is human.

You could divide the world of phenomena into existent and non-existent. And the non-existent pole would qualify as narcissistic. Narcissism is the non-existence pole. So whenever the narcissist comes across life, its manifestations, its expressions, its exuberance, whenever he is forced to interact with reality without defenses or masks, without narratives or fantasies, without delusions and selfdeception, the narcissist recoils, recoils in horror. What terrifies normal healthy people is death. What terrifies the narcissist is life.

The narcissist tries to take away your life. Not in the classical physical sense. Narcissists rarely actually commit these kind of crimes or violent crimes. But in the metaphorical sense, the narcissist tries to abscond with what the French call yourélan vital, your life force. The narcissist tries to reduce you into an inanimate object which can be manipulated, which can be internalized, which can be interacted with safely, which can be controlled.

The narcissist rejects life not only in himself and of himself. The narcissist rejects life the life of the lives of others. He does not want others to be alive because that is a reminder of his or her own extinction. And so the narcissist rejects love. He rejects intimacy, friendship, closeness. Narcissists regard intimacy as a form of imminent allervading menace as something that is about to take over. In this sense, narcissists have a mutated form of engulfment anxiety which is very common in borderline personality disorder and borderline personality organization. And yet whereas the borderline when she feels engulfed runs away.

The narcissist regards life as frustrating and reacts inevitably with aggression to the frustration, attempting to annihilate and eradicate and obliterate the very sources of the frustration. And the frustration is existence itself, being life, entities. The narcissist idealized fantasy, narcissist ideal fantasy is a fantasy of a dead planet. Narcissism is a death cult. At the core of the narcissist, there is death internalized. The death drive if you wish. Narcissists are dead inside and they seek to export death. They seek to imbue with death. They seek to disseminate death wherever they are. It is it is as if the narcissist is embedded in a cloud of death, a cloud of extinction, a cloud of negation, a cloud of obliteration. Wherever he goes, this dark pregnant cloud consumes everyone around the narcissist. And so no love, no intimacy, and no friendship, of course, because there's no recognition of the externality and separateness of other people. But at the same time, no ability to experience joy and cheer and happiness and contentment. Do not confuse narcissistic elation with any of these. Narcissists are incapable of joy, happiness, and cheer. Narcissists go through life denied the basics of love and happiness, joy and intimacy, friendship and cheer, contentment.

They denied all this and largely it is a denial of their own making. They self-deny. No one is quite sure why. Is it because they catastrophize and they anticipate a horrendous ending to every love affair? every intimacy? A catastrophic cataclysmic outcome to A friendship that ends in betrayal? Joy, happiness, and cheer which only accentuate the underlying depressive sadness of pathological narcissism. The grief, the everlasting prolonged grief. Is it this? Is this the reason they reject all everything life has to offer? Or is it simply that they know no other way? They have no alternative experience. They were denied the possibility as children to develop and evolve a self.