#breadramblings

[knightbananabread]

Just wrote two thousand words for my fic last night. And I'm thinking I'll need at least four thousand more at this rate. Cook me again my god why did I make this complicated for myself.

[foolishbananabread]

Motherfucker.

I cursed under my breath. The night is chilly and crisp like a refrigerated apple cut into pieces as a snack on a hot summer afternoon. Dogs bark in the distance, far beyond the walls of my own home. I stare emptily, watching the shadows dance on my wall. The orange glow of my lamp warm and soft, music plays in the background, filling the still night air with a gentle melody that fails to soothe my heart.

I... I don't know when it started. I don't know how it happened. All I know is that it's here, it's in front of me and it's something I must deal with. From the wall to the tips of my foot, the orange glow dyes everything in it's light. Yet, despite that, it doesn't illuminate beyond my window. And perhaps, this is how it has always been, and may be how it will always will be.

I've closed the door to my heart for a long time now, something I can vaguely remember as something I thought was good when I was younger. I was naive then, and I feel, no, I am even more naive now.

Somethings never change. Despite that, time brings new perspective to old wounds we thought has long scarred. Perhaps the problem never was that my emotions was foreign to me, but instead, I alienated them myself.

As I lie down on my bed, the glass of water on front of me has always been within reach. A little push, a little shove, and I can surely feel it's cool surface on my fingertips. It'll be easy to reclaim it surely, after all, it is mine, and it is part of me. And yet it's been 9 years of reaching, and only now I've realized that perhaps it was never across me. That maybe, just maybe, I was the one in the glass surrounded by the water all this time.

It's scary, watching the water ebb and flow around me from where I sit underneath the glass. The blue light filters through the waves, a faint promise of the sun should I choose to embrace the deluge that awaits me beyond these walls. One day may be, but this time, this time I shall cower once again underneath the glass, as I muster the courage to break the walls I've surrounded myself for so long.

[foolishbananabread]

Between devastation and the performance of tears. I dance on the lines with my knees on the floor, head low, swaying to a tune I've heard so many times before.

I scream, I spin, and I sing.

It never became easier.

[foolishbananabread]

Crashing out. Why are these two doomed characters making me act up like this. From a minecraft arg no less.

[foolishbananabread]

Crashing out. Why are these two doomed characters making me act up like this. From a minecraft arg no less.

[foolishbananabread]

Life in color, life in grayscale. Does it even matter when it all passes by in a blur?

[foolishbananabread]

Currently an emotional piece of bread. I love music.

[foolishbananabread]

Honestly, it's just so stupid how grown adults still can't communicate properly. Even not properly, even just professionally, in a manner that also respects their peers.