The crash out Chuuya probably had when he found out Dazai was alive was probably legendary, like
“I opened some of my fanciest wine to celebrate (mourn) only to find out that BASTARD WAS FUCKING ALIVE-“
And then Kouyou walks in seeing Chuuya’s office completely up turned and the angry ginger fuming at the center. But she smiles knowing this is the most energetic he’s been in four years.
They didn’t account for the fact that teenagers go through puberty and are inevitably horny at some point.
I hate to say it, but after drawing Kouyou, I fear I get the craze. The lesbians have infected my brain, I want to draw her obsessively 😔
This was based off a conversation I had with a friend about Mori having absolutely no idea what to do when Dazai starts going through puberty. It was funny.
⋆˙♱ 𓆩♡𓆪 cn: explicit sexual content [nsfw / 18+]. loss of virginity. finger-fuck. attachment and abandonment issue. dirty talk. anger issues. fluff. mention/description of physical abuse. 6k+words.
fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs
pairing: Ryunosuke Akutagawa x Reader
Akutagawa is a difficult person, with a ruthless, vicious nature feared by both ally and foe. He receives obedience from the Black Wizard subordinates mainly out of fear. Fear of his short temper and his general intolerance for incompetence.
Still, that’s how people saw him. And it makes you laugh every time. Because you know Akutagawa very well and that’s only half correct.
Despite the rumours—hostile as he is towards the weak—he says he “dislikes” meaningless torture and prefers to kill in one strike whenever possible, but that’s far from the truth. He would never hurt innocent people.
The core of that anger comes from his past, from being an orphan in the brutal slums of Yokohama.
But that makes two of you. He wasn’t completely alone, both of you had been thrown into this world of poverty and neglect, without parental love. But you had each other. And you made your own definition of “family.”
You always tried to pull him out from under Dazai’s manipulation techniques, the ones designed to crush his self-esteem. Sometimes, you thought your opinion didn’t weigh as much for him as his did for you, because he still kept chasing Dazai’s approval.
But that’s far from how Akutagawa sees it. Because of you, he lives in a complicated state of mind.
He hates himself and everyone around him. But then there’s you. Always here for him. Always understanding, even when he doesn’t deserve it.
And that drives him mad. Because it’s fine to disappoint himself, but you? The guilt is unbearable.
He never was expressive with words. Only actions. Sacrificing his life for you in a heartbeat, protecting you from others even if you never asked for it. And you tease him for that (he hates that side of you).
Also, on rare occasions he talks to you calmly, openly before detaching himself again.
After the exhausting fight with Atsushi—his new rival, for some reason you don’t want to understand because it would just create more problems—it was impossible not to tease him a little when he came back to the shared place you two have. Separate rooms, shared kitchen and bathroom.
You swirl your tongue over the cherry-flavoured lollipop, leaning against the bathroom door while Akutagawa cleans wounds that go far too deep. Sometimes, you swear he’s a masochist.
“Did you know Higuchi likes you?”
Your smirk already irritated him. It showed in the furrow of his brows, and the quick side glance he gave you before focusing back on disinfecting, hissing slightly.
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“Do you like her?”
He scoffs while lightly tapping the damp cotton against his skin.
“Not in the mood for your stupid questions.”
You roll your eyes playfully.
“Are you ever in the mood?”
He shoots you another threatening glare. You wiggle your eyebrows, twisting your own words into something suggestive, which makes him instantly ignore your words.
“Do you mind? Don’t you have anything better to do?” He nods toward the door for you to leave, but your smile remains glued to your face.
Watching him struggle to pull the bandage with his teeth to wrap around his hand, you interrupt him.
“Here, let me.”
He wants to complain, but suddenly you step into his personal space with your stupid, intoxicating perfume. He swears you didn’t smell like that before. Suddenly, the thought terrifies him. Because why the hell did he notice that?
Your hands were too delicate for his taste. Almost foreign. He wasn’t used to being treated like this, even though you used to do it often when he got into fights with anyone who threatened him—or especially, threatened you in the past.
He didn’t realize he wasn’t breathing right until you dropped down on your knees.
“What the fuck are you doing—” His eyes widen, looking down at you, but his body freezes.
“Oh, shut up already.” You mock him, while your gentle hands bandage his right side of his leg too.
A faint blush appears on Akutagawa’s cheek. Normally, he would talk back—but instead, he swallows, trying to distract himself by watching the crows outside, circling the window.
“All done.”
You smile at your own neat work, poke his cheek, and walk toward your room. You leave behind an embarrassed Akutagawa.
He doesn’t know you also let out a soft breath, biting your lip.
. ݁ ₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ .
It took you a few years to realize you had feelings for Akutagawa. With nothing to compare it to, you thought that was just what friendship felt like. Like a brother and sister. Even though there were other people at the orphanage who tried talking to you, none of them felt like a match.
You thought that when you used to ask him to hold you when you were too scared to sleep, it was just because you didn’t know what it was like to be held by a parent—not because his entire presence calmed your whole being.
It only became clear when you turned thirteen—and so did Akutagawa. In the years that followed, you never felt anything close to what you felt for him. You met plenty of interesting people. Expecially boys.
Like Karuma, who kind of stalked you because he was antisocial and didn’t know how to talk to a girl.
Or Arthur Rimbaud. That man was a one-time experience. A beautiful but annoying man who complained constantly about the cold.
Well, you offered to help him feel warmer. Not by sleeping with him—no. You stopped just before it happened, because another man’s face was already in your mind. At least he was your first kiss.
With your life constantly at risk, you didn’t want to go without at least experiencing those things. You remember how exasperating Akutagawa was back then. Bullying Arthur so you couldn’t hang out with him. You think he still believes you slept with him. You preferred that way—because even if you told him, you would’ve only given him half the reason why you didn’t go through with it.
You liked to think Akutagawa was jealous that time. But you couldn’t be sure without feeling delusional. After all, Akutagawa never showed interest in any woman. Or man.
Well, maybe just you. But you think it was just embarrassment when he invaded your space that time he accidentally walked in on you in the bathroom.
You remember it clearly.
. ݁ ₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ .
He had just turned eighteen that day. But he was gone, out on another mission. Not that he cared about his birthday. Still, you always tried to surprise him every year,
It was past midnight. You went to take a bath, thinking about what to get him, something that might actually get a reaction. You’d done it before.
You had just wrapped your naked body in a towel when Akutagawa walked straight into the bathroom, not bothering to knock. He didn’t expect you to be awake at 3AM.
You froze, already staring straight at him. Your hand was frozen too, holding the towel that covered only half your body.
Akutagawa’s life flashed before his eyes. His mouth dropped open in shock, eyes widening, hand trembling slightly on the doorknob. His primal instincts kicked in, his eyes betraying him badly. He sized you up in an instant before noticing your flushed face.
He raised his voice, slammed the door shut, and leaned against it.
“Are you out of your mind, Y/N?! Why the fuck aren’t you sleeping?”
“I, I—” You couldn’t find the words. You didn’t even know what bothered you more—that he saw you like that, when he wasn’t supposed to? Or that the first time he saw you, you hadn’t shaved?
“For fuck’s sake! S-sorry.” His breath was irregular, eyes closing in frustration as his head rested lightly on the door. The apology was uncharacteristic. Not because he lacked manners, but because he never let himself end up in these kinds of situations.
He left. He couldn’t wait for your reply.
But in the morning, yawning and scratching your head, you walked to the coffee machine to make for both of you. At least that way, you could surprise him if your plan failed last night.
You didn’t know Akutagawa hadn’t slept well. He was deeply ashamed for replaying what he saw too many times. So ashamed he almost did something terribly wrong. Disrespectful. Something he knows you’d hate him for. Right?
So he felt a mix of guilt and annoyance toward you. That’s why he stood there, staring at the two cups of coffee he had already made.
“Oh? Morning, Ryu.” You pouted. “You ruined my plan again.”
Calling him that name was rare; it stirred something in him he couldn’t place. He gave you a side glance and slowly pushed one of the cups toward you.
“Plan?” he muttered, deciding not to act like an asshole for once—his guilt was heavier than his pride.
“Yeah. You think I forgot or something?” You smiled. “I wanted to make coffee at least, since last night I also wanted to go find a birthday present. Maybe surprise you.”
You smirked. His eyes were anxious, avoiding yours—especially avoiding glancing at your body again—but he acted unbothered.
“Don’t need it.”
“Hah? I can’t hear you.” You teased him because his voice was too low. He seemed in a calmer mood, so you caught him off guard, hugging him from behind and resting your head on his back.
“Y/N, get off—”
He couldn’t finish. You caught him too off guard. His heart nearly dropped, then began pounding in his chest. His muscles tensed. His hands, which had started to push yours away, dropped instead. His face turned red.
“Happy birthday, Ryu.” You murmured softly, smiling as you let out a deep breath, comforted by his warmth. One you missed too much.
Several minutes passed before Akutagawa finally whispered a soft “Thanks.”
You let go of him, tilting your head and grinning at the shy boy.
“Or maybe I already gave you a surprise last night?”
His eyes widened before he yanked your hands off of him.
“Shut the fuck up.”
His voice dragged at the end as he scratched his head, stressed, and walked away.
. ݁ ₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ .
The only time something like that ever happened. Not that you never thought about it again. Far from it. And he’s no exception either. The sad part is that neither of you knows how the other feels. Maybe that night wouldn’t have been so awful if you had.
Kōyō Ozaki.
She acts like a mother figure to your friend Kyōka. You should like her, right? Until you saw something you didn’t want to.
You know she has a sadistic side. Everyone does. But one day, you saw your friend being psychologically broken into submission by her. That was the first strike.
And the second? Your Akutagawa.
She became a mafia executive and eventually started caring deeply for your friend. You and Akutagawa weren’t neglected either. That woman supported both of you whenever needed. Especially when Akutagawa caused trouble in the past. Kōyō would speak to Ōgai Mori and just like that, he’d be excused or punished less severely.
But that’s low, even for her. Today’s events.
You walked down the corridor, dragging your fingers absentmindedly over the jagged wooden walls, painted here and there in a red that looked too much like blood, whistling a tune whose melody you barely remembered. Your hand froze at the same moment your body did, upon hearing their voices.
“I heard you did a good job in the last mission, Akutagawa Ryonosuke. I’m glad to hear it.”
“Thank you, madam.”
“I’m sure you know what to do to show your appreciation. Am I right?”
You frowned. Thanks to your stealth training, your presence was barely detectable, so they didn’t notice when you peeked near the door.
Kōyō’s eyes glinted with mischief as she gently gripped an uncomfortable, but obedient Akutagawa. Tilting his chin towards her.
What the fuck is this?
You thought it. You didn’t mean to say it out loud so you don’t realize. Not until their heads turned in your direction all at once.
I’m fucked.
Well. At least to finish it.
“What’s happening here?”
“Oh? Y/N L/N? To what do I owe the pleasure of you being somewhere you clearly don’t belong?”
You swallowed hard as her eyes slowly sized you up. A restrained, but dangerous gaze.
You risked a glance at Akutagawa, who looked completely disappointed? That stung more than it should have.
“What are you doing to him?”
She raised her brows in surprise, then slowly started walking toward you.
I’m probably going to die.
“Nothing that concerns you, darling.” She stared at you with that infuriating, sharp superiority. “But I suppose a discipline lesson will.”
Akutagawa stepped between you and her, disappearing without a look back. She smiled afterward.
“Looks like your boyfriend doesn’t want to watch. That’s fine. I have time reserved with him anyway.”
You’re going to kill her.
Or not.
You were too exhausted and bruised after that ongoing “discipline” lesson to even care about either of them. Apparently, she enjoyed pushing your limits. You now felt even more sorry for your friend than for whatever twisted version of motherly love she received.
You were on the floor, barely conscious, when someone caught you just before you fainted. His touch was warm against your cold, trembling skin.
Akutagawa didn’t speak to you for days. He does that sometimes. But this felt different. Like he was avoiding you as much as humanly possible. Especially since even in the morning, all you heard was the door slamming as he left. He never left that early.
On the third day, his hand was already on the doorknob when you shouted his name. He paused for just one more second before slamming it harder than usual.
And that was it.
. ݁ ₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ .
Until Akutagawa was severely injured during a mission to recover a large sum of money and submerged cargo from a ship. You found him unconscious, gravely wounded in the ocean after the mission.
Giving him mouth-to-mouth, your tears covered his cheeks until—finally—he woke up.
Seeing you, he groaned from the pain. But it wasn’t just pain. With the last bit of strength he had, he pushed your hands off him.
“L-leave.”
Your eyes widened, overwhelmed with relief at seeing him alive.
“Akutagawa, oh my fucking—I’m so glad you’re—”
“I said leave.”
You furrowed your brows in pain. That was the final straw. You said nothing more. You forced him to lean on you, despite his constant protests, though he kept hissing in pain so he couldn’t do anything but get dragged by you.
You asked Higuchi to treat him then. You even showed her the special treatment you fought to get your hands on, to ease his brutal coughing.
And… you switched both of your apartments. Mori was against it, but Kōyō approved faster than expected. You wonder why.
Akutagawa felt relief when he woke up and learned you were done with him. Finally, he no longer had to carry that constant anxiety of losing you. Of disappointing you. Of worse, seeing you tortured because of his fucked-up life. He cried that night, lifting you from the floor and bathing your weakened body. The strongest person he knew, fallen apart in front of him. And because of him.
You need to hate him. Fast.
Except life only got worse without you. He didn’t realize how hellish it would be, being treated like the piece of shit he truly was. You wouldn’t even cooperate in the missions you were both assigned to.
You nearly got yourself killed because you refused to act like “an obedient dog” like the others who followed his orders. That’s how he’ll lose you completely.
And today was a rough day. He felt like destroying his own room. Still, he didn’t want to be tormented by Higuchi’s questions either.
So he had to destroy yours. Or at least your door. He barged into your “new” apartment. What a joke. You chose to live near that rat Arthur Rimbaud. That bastard better not be close or he’ll destroy him too.
You didn’t flinch when you saw him storm in, slamming the door shut.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
You looked at him with a completely unreadable expression. That enraged him even more. You never looked at him like that. Like he was nothing.
“Do you need something?”
“Y/N, stop this fucking game.” He kicked the table beside the couch, shoving it aside violently. “I fucking get it. You hate me. Good. But do you want to fucking die?”
His breath was ragged, his voice aggressive. He tried to calm himself as you gave him a bored stare, putting down the knife you were holding. No dinner tonight, apparently.
“Did you fuck her?”
Akutagawa thought he misheard.
“Did I what?”
“I asked if you fucked her, Akutagawa.”
Your voice was faint.
“No?! Not that it’s your fucking business who I fuck or don’t.” He felt himself boiling over, especially at the pained look on your face—a look he couldn’t understand at all. “Why the fuck does it matter? You sound like some jealous idiot.”
Your heart dropped. Biting your lip was the only thing you could do as it trembled. You can’t cry in front of him. Not even him. No. No.
Akutagawa felt his ears ring. He couldn’t feel his body. Not even his own heart.
Impossible.
“Y/N, tell me it’s not true.” His voice was shaking. Flashbacks of sweet but painful memories of your childhood flooded in. “Right fucking now.”
He realized he was yelling only when he saw that same awful expression on your face again. Tears on your cheeks.
“I can’t.”
You weren’t lying. It showed in your eyes. Akutagawa felt like dying. How didn’t he see it? How could someone like you, like someone like him?
He groaned, holding his head, pacing back and forth while staring at the ceiling.
“So you don’t like me.”
Your quiet voice shocked him again. He hesitated to lie and you definitely caught it, because your face lit up slightly. Your heart was pounding like mad in your chest.
“Akutagawa?”
“It doesn’t matter if I do or not, Y/N. It will never happen.”
“Why? Is Kōyō a better option?”
“Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable.”
He stormed toward you, his voice laced with venom. You swallowed. You could admit he scared you sometimes. Very rarely—but still.
He laughed, irritated that you almost flinched. He felt insulted. Like he was being pushed to say the next words.
“What, sweetheart? Do you think about me fucking her at night? Does it turn you on?” His fake smile vanished. “That’s low. Even for you.”
You shoved him.
“Fucking asshole. You never cared about me. You were just waiting for a reason to get rid of me! Just say it and I’ll fucking leave you alone.”
Akutagawa’s head throbbed. He wasn’t thinking clearly anymore.
“Y/N, she’s fucking old.”
You stared at him in confusion. Was that… supposed to reassure you?
“You think I’m some kind of slut? Just taking whoever gives me attention?”
“I don’t know, Akutagawa. I don’t know who you are anymore.”
That hurt. Too much. He couldn’t breathe. The past months blurred in his mind. Reality hit him. He’s going to lose you completely. Whether by death or whatever this was.
You felt so shattered you knew you’d cry for days again. Like you had been doing these past months. The only strangely comforting part was that Akutagawa looked just as broken as you right now. His eyes were nearly red. And not from rage.
“I never wanted you to suffer because of me.”
A step closer.
“And I never want to hurt intentionally.”
Another one.
“That’s why I didn’t want you near me anymore.”
One more.
“Saying I don’t care about you is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.”
His eyes screamed pain and guilt, but his voice carried accusation.
You didn’t trust your voice. His presence overwhelmed you, made your skin burn.
“Who are you to choose for me?”
Akutagawa grabbed your chin. Gently, still.
“Someone who wants you so badly, he’d make you completely miserable.”
You gasped at the sound of his voice, hoarse and whispered so close to your face. His eyes never left yours.
“And what if I want to be miserable?”
Akutagawa’s glare could cut like blades. Your mind went blank while only one impulse echoed relentlessly inside his.
He grabbed you by the legs and lifted you up, setting you on the round kitchen table, drawing a startled sound from your lips.
“Ryu—”
That damned name. His lips brushed your ear, sending a shiver straight down your spine.
“You drive me fucking insane. But you already know that, don’t you?”
Your mouth went dry.
“Mhm.”
You could only feel the side of his face until he moved directly in front of you to look. He planted his hands beside your raised body, towering over you. Akutagawa had never lingered in your personal space for so long. You figured the adrenaline had numbed his sense of awareness. Your gaze betrayed you, slipping to his mouth. His intense, storm-grey eyes were no longer empty. No, they brimmed with dangerous possibilities he had long tried to suppress.
You didn’t know whether to move or stay perfectly still, afraid he might change his mind. Your mouth hung slightly open, breath heavy. Your eyes, vulnerable and steeped in lust, were far too honest for Akutagawa and only spurred him further.
He leaned in slowly, barely brushing your lips before finally kissing you. You felt like you might combust when he began tasting you—slowly, like he was afraid to want it this much. You kissed him back gently, praying he wouldn’t stop and that’s when he deepened it, pressing in harder, making you gasp. At the sound, Akutagawa stilled for a moment, breathing against your lips, watching you closely. Your heart felt so small. But to your relief, he didn’t pull away.
The kiss didn’t stay gentle for long; it escalated fast. He chased your mouth, guiding your head deeper into the kiss with his own. And once his tongue slid in, curling against yours, you were done for. You moaned. A sound Akutagawa had only imagined until now. It shattered something in him. Instinct took over. He pulled your hips flush to his and brought one hand to your cheek, steadying you so he could kiss you harder.
He tasted incredible—a bitter, layered flavor you knew you’d get addicted to. His kiss grew rough, fervent, mirroring his unrelenting temperament. Especially when he bit your lip, just enough for a tang of metal to hit both your tongues. You hissed, but the protest meant nothing. You were still moaning, still opening for him. And though he dominated your mouth entirely, the slender hands exploring your body remained careful, purposeful.
“Please… touch me more, Ryu.” Your voice was a broken whisper against his mouth, both your arms wrapped around his neck.
The hitch in your breath brought him back to his senses; if only briefly.
“It’s not right—” he started, but your boldness cut him off. You leaned into him, inch by inch, chasing his body. That warmth blooming inside you, those overwhelming feelings—he could see it all. Not to mention the sheer magnetism you felt toward him.
“Then why did it feel so good, Ryu?”
You were cruel. So cruel, in fact, that when your trembling hand reached down to his most sensitive spot, rubbing over the fabric, he groaned and seized your wrist. You gasped when you felt how hard he was. At least your embarrassment about how wet you’d gotten from just his kiss was slightly eased.
“Stop. We should stop, Y/N. We’re not thinking straight.”
Your face was obscene to him. Parted lips, flushed skin, and an expression so sinful it made you impossible to resist.
“You don’t want me, Ryu?”
The weakness he felt made him furious. So he did what he knew best—wrestled back control.
Akutagawa murmured against your ear, his lips twitching at the end.
“Fine. I’ll show you how much I want you—but you won’t get to complain.”
You shivered when he grazed your earlobe between his teeth. Not enough to hurt—just enough to make you need his tongue afterward, to soothe it. But he didn’t stop there. His mouth descended to your neck, leaving trails of burning heat. And despite your whines, he silenced you the second he cupped your breast, rubbing and squeezing it repeatedly until his movement grew impatient. His hand slipped under your shirt, then beneath your bra.
“F-fuck…”
This was maddening. He still felt too far away from you. He needed to be closer. His fingers tore your shirt open.
“Akutagawa, what—”
“Shut up.”
He leaned into your chest, and his short, jagged black hair was tugged by your fingers for support. The white tips clung to his sweat-dampened face, but you brushed them aside while arching into his mouth, moaning at his kisses that raised goosebumps across your skin. A soft hiss escaped your lips again when his mouth latched onto your nipples, sucking until bruises bloomed across the tender skin.
You weren’t sure if you’d heard him right when he pulled back to look at them, cupping them in his hands and murmuring in a low, almost reverent voice.
“Beautiful.”
Your breath barely existed anymore. And when you tried to reach under his now-wrinkled dress shirt, your fingers sliding carefully beneath it, he grabbed the torn shirt off the table in a swift motion and tied your hands behind your back.
You felt docile beneath him, maybe because you trusted him with your entire being. You didn’t even think of protesting. That sight alone did something irreparable in Akutagawa’s brain.
He looked at you. Really looked. Splayed out for him like this, on the kitchen counter, wrists bound, breasts swollen and marked with him—and your face? God, infuriatingly beautiful, like always. His own flush mirrored yours when he took it all in. Your very existence beckoned him, pleaded with him, and he didn’t have the heart to resist anymore.
Maybe that’s why he didn’t recognize himself when he muttered:
“No one was ever supposed to see this but me.”
You spoke through shallow, trembling breaths, your heart completely bare as you watched his eyes widen.
“No one has.”
Akutagawa thought you were lying. Because—
“Not him. I couldn’t. I was thinking only of you.”
His world flipped upside down when he heard that. His obsession had taken root the moment he first said it aloud. But now? Now he was utterly lost. And you… you were dangerously close to becoming just as obsessed as he was.
His fingers ghosted over your body, between your thighs, then above them, until he pulled you closer by the hips and cupped your neglected pussy. Your mouth fell open in surprise, already trembling under his touch—and embarrassed by just how wet you were.
He managed to maintain control over Rashōmon even in this state. A small black thread with streaks of white shaped itself into clawed ribbons—some tilted your chin toward him, others brushed against your throat. You gasped, utterly caught off guard by the most arousing moment you’d ever lived through. A buried fantasy. You were clearly just as unhinged as him—and maybe that’s why it worked.
“You touch yourself sometimes?”
“Yeah. Thinking about you.”
You were so openly aroused by his ability that he trailed the shadows to your breasts, overstimulating you. “So filthy.” His voice was barely recognizable, eyes tinged faintly red from the technique. “But don’t worry. I do too.”
Your head fell back, moaning under Akutagawa’s touches that began through your pants.
“Since when?”
“Bet you want to know.”
He pulled your pants down, eyes locked on yours as he crouched. When he finished, he spread your legs apart with his black tendrils.
“Please.”
He shot you a glance, then lowered his gaze. His mouth parted slightly at the sight. You were soaked. He pulled your underwear aside to touch you more directly, entirely focused now; his response was short, deliberate:
“Years.”
“F-fuck—”
He toyed with you, edging and teasing until he returned to where your body responded best—your clit. His movements were steady, consistent, though they had started off erratic. You weren’t hard to read. He looked at you when his fingers dipped lower, but your eyes begged him for more, giving all the consent he needed.
There wasn’t much resistance left in you. Just a faint ache here and there, but you were no stranger to it. Especially not after all the nights you imagined yours were his fingers.
His long, elegant fingers touched places you never dared reach yourself. He eventually released your wrists, noticing the strain in your posture, but the moment you tried to touch him, his shadows stopped you again that this time tightening around your throat, just a little.
“It’s not fair! Ryu—I want you undressed too!”
“Not now.” He silenced your protest, leaning in to kiss you while keeping one hand firmly pressed to your lower back. The other thrust into you faster, adding a second finger. “Cum for me first.”
“Oh—fuck, fuck, fuck!”
You couldn’t stop now. You were sure the man Akutagawa had once been jealous of could hear you if he was still in his room but somehow, that only turned you on more.
Your voice broke, incoherent and desperate. But that was enough for Akutagawa. He circled your clit with his thumb, just a little more, just enough to push you over the edge.
He tilted your face toward him, wanting your eyes on his when you came. As your body convulsed, he turned off his ability and held you up himself. You gripped his clothes, your legs trembling as he cradled you, resting the lower part of his face against your neck while slipping his fingers out from your throbbing heat.
Then he lifted you by the thighs, still shaking, holding them up since you couldn’t wrap them around him yet. His gaze zeroed in on one thing, one place: your room.
He let you fall onto the bed while you pushed yourself back on your elbows, crawling slightly. His eyes were entirely possessed that he looked at you like you were sacred, like what just happened had wrecked something inside him. Not that he had past experiences to compare. Nor did he want to.
“You haven’t fucked anyone else, right?”
He undressed, revealing a pale, slender frame—lightly scarred at the abdomen, matching your own. You both remembered how you got them, but not at the same time. You reached out and touched him with a kind of worship that made him avert his gaze after only a minute. He bent over you, still in his pants, leaving soft kisses over the scars and you nearly cried at the softness.
“N-no—”
Your voice cracked, but Akutagawa didn’t answer. He just watched you fall further under him. His kisses trailed down your legs, then—without warning—pressed a short kiss between your thighs.
He sat back on his knees and awkwardly removed his pants, feeling exposed. But you didn’t have time to look. He didn’t let you. Whether out of embarrassment or something else, you didn’t know. But now, the head of his cock brushed against your soaked folds, slick with your arousal.
“Swear it.”
When you felt him push in, slow and careful, both your mouths opened in tandem, your expressions frozen in shock.
“Oh my God—No, never. It was always you—”
He was focused solely on not finishing too soon. It was already painful, how long he’d waited. But it was definitely worth it. Still, he had to move slowly, the look on your face told him it hurt more than a little.
“Good.”
Akutagawa saw your reddened eyes but you didn’t stop. You were fine with the pain. You wanted him so badly, you locked your legs around him, trying to pull him deeper.
He groaned, stopping instantly.
“Fucking slow.”
He pinned both your wrists above your head with one hand and began moving slowly, gentle thrusts. He didn’t want to hurt you. Not now.
Your walls clenched so tightly around him he felt like dying from the effort of holding back. But he couldn’t risk finishing inside you recklessly. He wasn’t that careless.
“Please, Ryu—”
Akutagawa saw your begging expression and his breath grew ragged. He thrust deeper, finding a steady rhythm. He lifted your legs slightly for better leverage, releasing your hands so you could clutch at the sheets.
“More, more. I can take it—I swear, Ryu! I fucking love it—”
He groaned, fucking into you harder, deeper, over and over.
“So good. You feel so fucking good.”
You whimpered a breathless, “Yeah?”, grinding up to meet him. He seized your wrists again, locking them behind you, and leaned down, driving even deeper.
“Yeah.” His breath was erratic, and it only made you fall harder for him. He wouldn’t last. That much was certain.
Akutagawa’s gaze made you cry; it was like he poured everything into you through those dark, widened eyes. He wanted to pull out. He really did. But you stopped him.
“I have an IUD. Don’t! Don’t! Cum in me. Please, Akutagawa—I need to feel it!”
What the hell is that? he wondered—but he trusted you. You were more responsible than him. He gave two final, brutal thrusts before releasing inside you. As he came, his mouth found yours and you swallowed his moans and then some.
“I love you so much.”
He cupped your cheek again as the words slipped free, his climax fading in shaking limbs. His eyes stayed on yours, even as tears streamed down your cheeks. He tried to steady his heartbeat, his breath.
“Please don’t leave me again. Please, please.”
He shook his head and licked his dry lips. His mouth stayed parted, his breath warm against you.
Akutagawa leaned in and kissed your tear away, then your lips—softly, again. The kiss was languid, almost reverent. He was still inside you, and the intimacy of the moment made your chest ache. He kissed your face again and again—until you curled into him, burying your face in his neck.
Eventually, he pulled out gently, steadying your shaking legs as you instinctively tried to hide yourself. Your glassy eyes made him speak, even though his voice nearly failed.
“Wait a second, okay?”
You couldn’t speak either.
Then he came back with a towel and cleaned you—entirely unaware he was still naked. Somehow, it felt too natural now. The moment was too real, too tender for his mind to shatter it.
You watched him, trembling with love and fear—enough to scare you. Especially when he lay behind you, avoiding your gaze, but still letting his fingers trace your skin.
Akutagawa was terrible at this part. He wanted to leave right then and there—but he couldn’t. So instead, he hid his vulnerable eyes when he whispered, barely audible.
“I love you too.”
You felt your heart split open. You couldn’t stop yourself from wrapping your arms around him, seeing him finally say what you never thought you’d hear. You felt bad that he hadn’t said it sooner but you’d never expected him to in the first place.
You draped your leg over his, pulling him close. Your naked bodies now fully pressed together. Both your heads tucked into each other’s necks.
After a while, reality set in. You knew it had hit him too, your bodies were tenser now than they were before. Eyes staring into the void, even if you weren’t looking at each other.
“Ryu… what are we going to do?”
Your voice was muffled in his neck. So was his.
“I don’t know,” he whispered, voice rough. “But we’ll figure it out. Just like we always do.”
You smiled at that.
You were so glad you met him. And for the first time in his life, Akutagawa felt something close to hope.
Maybe the world wasn’t as cruel as he’d once believed.
