I’ve been calm, strangely calm since my episode. This coming from someone that cannot turn off the ‘what ifs’ of an anxious mind. Someone who is constantly overthinking and overanalyzing every detail to the point of exhaustion.
I suppose my body and mind finally divorced, removing the possibility of a boil over. Or perhaps that was my boil over saving me from a meltdown. Whichever the case, it has brought me more present. I feel like I float through the days instead of my usual drowning sensation. It honestly feels as though my thoughts can’t reach the highest point of my head any longer and therefore turn around before creating too much of a fuss within me. It’s nice but also intriguing.
What happened that day? Why do I feel different and more importantly what does that mean? I’m going to take it positively. Like my body and mind are forcing me to act a certain way away from my self-destructive thinking and acting. Never intentional, of course. I just couldn’t help but be that way and now I have a chance to be different. I can use this as a means to recreate myself. Perhaps that’s what this was always about. I’m being reborn and I’m in the cocoon phase as mentioned earlier. Perhaps that episode was the wrapping of the cocoon around me and now I’m rewiring. I wonder how long this phase lasts? Likely different for everyone. I’m very excited for the final product.
