I really fucking appreciate my friends. They make me feel loved, cared for, and heard; especially when lately I’ve been feeling like the people around me have me on mute.
I say that I don’t feel like celebrating my birthday and would rather pretend it doesn’t exist, because I feel old and like a year was stolen from me due to the pandemic. I wake up on my birthday and my mom walks into my room to tell me happy birthday, had hung up a sign, says happy birthday again and hugs me (which makes me uncomfortable because I haven’t been very close to her since last year before my senior year started) and she makes a post on Facebook.
My mom bothers me about what I want for Christmas, I tell her that I don’t want to celebrate, she keeps bothering me, I cave and give her a list of things I want, cause if she’s going to get me something anyway it might as well be something I’d like.
In August I finally admitted to being depressed, because at that point I lost motivation. I got told by my stepdad that he couldn’t care less and some other hurtful things that I don’t even remember, cause I was just sitting there crying. After wards he acted like nothing even happened. Then last month just before thanksgiving during another lecture(I just said that I want to get a job so that I can save money for college and feel like I’m progressing in life) I have to say it again. He said that I mentioned it one time. I said “it’s not exactly easy to talk about.” As if I’d want to talk about it with him again after the results of the first time. Next day nothing again.
My friends on the other had are like this:
I say “I want to have a big candle collection someday” and over the years they’ve been gifting me candles and now I have a small candles collection.
I tell my friends that I want a ton of hoodies like Carter Howie, one of my best friends brings me a hoodie and some chocolate as a gift. As much as I wanted to feel annoyed that it was a bday gift.
Yesterday one of my friends brought me a My Hero Academia hoodie, a Supernatural necklace, a chef hat pin, and a small box of Yuri On Ice stickers. I felt so known! Last year she gave me an ice skate ornament too. I wanted to hug her so bad, but covid still is a thing so we stayed 6’ apart.
Also yesterday, one of my friends sent me one of those TikToks that is like “send this to your best friend.” That felt really nice. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJg4Dgxk/ this is a link to that video.
One of my friends doesn’t even watch anime, but she will let me be excited and tell her all about whatever one I’m watching at the time.
I feel like I should mention that I’ve been friends with them for 7 years, 6 years, 5 years, and 4 years. I’m glad that I found them. As much as I miss my family and childhood friends, they made moving away from my home town feel worth it. Idk what my life would be like without them.