𝜗𝜚 welcome to the dream fraternity! seven dreamy boys, seven absolutely cheesy love stories where you’re the main character! warning: you might hate yourself during the process…but what’s love without a little chaos?
contains 18+ content
I. STUPID CUPID
pairing: fuckboy! na jaemin x secret identity! reader
synopsis -> mr. cupid — anonymous radio host. running the #1 most popular radio show on campus. famous for his thoughtful advice and classified as a true hopeless romantic. na jaemin — photography major, the sweet fuck-boy. described to be affectionate and gentle…but don’t fall for his tactics! once he’s done with you, he’s gone with the wind. your best friend unfortunately happened to be on the receiving end of this. what happens when you find out that the anonymous radio host is none other than na jaemin himself? sweet revenge.
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II. FLYING KISS
pairing: childhood best friend! lee jeno x nerd! reader
synopsis -> you and lee jeno go way back, as in diapers and all that. before he was known as the chill fuckboy, he was an all time nerd! just like you! tired of being a loser who can’t even get the guy you wanted, you badly needed tips and a makeover. who’s better to ask for help than your childhood best friend, who has proven that a nerd can be sexy?
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III. SORRY, HEART
pairing: friends with benefits! mark lee x tutor! reader
synopsis -> sex helps him focus. focus he needs for your tutoring sessions. it was a win-win for mark lee when you proposed to add a stress-relief session to the schedule. the favorite fuckboy and the girl who doesn’t believe in love equals the ultimate friends with benefits set-up. it’s the perfect dream team! but uh oh…it seems like mark has been shot by cupid’s arrow. will mark survive all of your attempts at pushing him away?
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IV. IRREPLACEABLE
pairing: enemy! lee haechan x ex bff! reader
synopsis -> lee haechan, theatre major, absolutely hated your guts. you felt the same exact way. the only girl in this whole university that hasn’t fallen for the most popular fuckboy’s charms. which is why it sucks that you have both landed the main roles in the theater’s upcoming play, romeo and juliet. what was that saying about love and hate being a thin line?
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V. MY FIRST AND LAST
pairing: bff! zhong chenle x fake gf! reader
synopsis -> zhong chenle, the lowkey fuckboy, captain of the basketball team, doesn’t believe in romance. flowers? chocolates? handwritten letters? ew. too cheesy. but he can’t seem to shake this crazy girl off of him so he goes to you, his best friend, cheerleading captain, for help. will you be his fake girlfriend? sure. the catch? it has to be believable so for the first time in his life he buys the flowers and the chocolate and writes the handwritten letters.
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VI. BREATHING
pairing: fuckboy! jisung x convenient gf! reader
synopsis -> park jisung has sworn off love after being cheated on. he’s been doing a really great job breaking hearts and not looking back. the boys are worried that they’ve taken fuckboy101 too seriously and have now created the ultimate fuckboy. this conversation was heard by your group of friends who never backs away from a challenge. and so the bets are on: get the ultimate fuckboy to fall in love with you and you’ll get $125 from each friend. deal?
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VII. I HATE FRUITS
pairing: fake bf! renjun x best friend’s gf! reader
synopsis -> huang renjun, the fuckboy by association, couldn’t care less about romantic relationships. he’s perfectly fine with being single — prefers it, actually. when he accidentally drops a box on your head and you wake up with temporary amnesia, he’s forced to finally take care of a person other than his own self. what’s worse? you think he’s your boyfriend.
authors note: this is a work of fiction only and should not be taken seriously. the way the dream boys are portrayed in these stories are obviously not a representation of who they are in real life. thank you and have fun reading!
⏦ﾟ♡︎ likes, reblogs and comments are not required but is very appreciated ⏦ﾟ♡︎
if you enjoyed this series and would like to show extra love and support, my ko-fi is open <3
in the depths of the city’s hidden fight scene, seven boys rise as kings of the underground. their fists speak louder than their fears, and their hearts get them into more trouble than their enemies ever could. step inside the circle if you dare, because every punch has a story, and every champion has a girl worth bleeding for. pick your fighter, keep your secrets, and whatever you do… don’t look away.
i. rookie fighter [in progress]
synopsis ⌲ mark lee is an up-and-coming boxer with a strict rule: no distractions before a fight. but when you slip past the ropes in hopes to finish an already decided match, you realize a tad too late that you're now in a ring… with him. when unwanted eyes begin to get a glimpse of the girl who is slowing him down, you step back into the ring, this time not to stop a fight, but to knowingly fight him.
ii. maze of alleys [in progress]
synopsis ⌲ you’re wandering through the city, trying to track down the speakeasy your friend swore was the best spot in town. instead, you push open the wrong door, and the sharp smell of iron and the roar of a cheering crowd hits you all at once. your eyes lock on the center of the room… and is that huang renjun? don't let his doll like face fool you! because he grew up fighting - first on the streets, then in the ring.
iii. probability and risk [in progress]
synopsis ⌲ on the rise, cocky, and the face of every white collar fighter who avoids his gaze—fight club's favorite prodigy. when you watch two men fight at the gym, you don't notice how loudly you declare that based on his patterns, the boy with the blonde hair has a 73% chance of losing the upcoming round. now lee jeno is making his way to you, demanding how the hell you're breaking down his career in numbers.
iv. please no questions [in progress]
synopsis ⌲ no celebration, no locker-room talk, no attachments. he's the underground fighter with a reputation for vanishing the second the match ends. no one knows where he goes, and he likes it that way. you're the night-shift student worker at the campus library, the only place open late enough for lee haechan to slip in unnoticed. you're not supposed to ask questions; and he’s not supposed to answer them. but one night, when he collapses between the shelves, you become the only person he physically can’t push away.
v. i'll fix it myself [in progress]
synopsis ⌲ na jaemin is an underground boxer with a reputation for physically never going down. one night you find him at a campus party, bloodied and bruised from a fight no one else knows about. he’s tried to patch himself up, but his self-stitching is messy and dangerous. hesitant at first, you carefully redo his wounds, and for the first time, he lets someone touch him gently, and you realize he’s the first patient whose blood doesn't make you flinch when you see it.
vi. guinea pig [in progress]
synopsis ⌲ the undergrounds championship fighter with a spotless record- zhong chenle is the daredevil that knows no limits. you're just someone who is never satisfied with the taste of your creations and can't seem to pinpoint what's missing. you're worlds collide—literally—when he crashes his body into you one night trying to outrun an officer. he hates people, hates fussing, hates slowing down, but something about the flour on your hands and the way you don't treat him like a criminal throws him off balance.
vii. obsession [completed]
synopsis ⌲ park jisung is the nation’s (secret) newest boxing obsession. hushed whispers, feared stares and his forgotten bloodied bandages left in the ring after every match. you're the girl living in the apartment next door because you can barely afford anything better while finishing your degree, and you can't help but notice the boy who comes home bloody and bruised every night. so what do you do? you follow him.
a/n: aaa first series (and first fic that im posting), im excited to share this considering how stoked i am with the comeback. i've listened to the entire album and tricky alone was going platinum in my room. i hope those who do end up reading this, you guys enjoy and do let me know what u think!!
im going to do my best to be uploading this on a weekly basis starting next week, so this series list will be updating as i write. if theres a title that you guys want to be tagged for specifically, lmk! enjoy! ᕦ( ◡̀﹏◡́)ᕤ
haechan. it was the worst place to treat a wound. the pulsing throb in your arm was a cruel reminder of the gash hidden beneath the thick knit of your sweater. the cramped closet was absolute grimy but options were… limited. it's not like you were expecting them to make you fall on purpose in front of the whole party.
panic nipped at the edges of your composure. infection was a far greater threat than social awkwardness. all you could do was wait for a scab to form and get the hell out of there, at once.
the last thing you'd expect is for someone to find your hiding place. and that someone was him. haechan lee. he's supposed to have a line of girls following him around, and seeing him without a trace of any makes you feel nervous. because you are alone with him.
“did i take your place for casual sex, sweetheart?” you pronounce as you watch from below his imposing silhouette cutting off the light. but you see him smile, above it all, before he takes a look at the wound.
he kneels, and by reaction, you move out of his way. “want me to treat it for you?” he asks with an inviting tone, putting a small first aid kit on the floor.
and just because you feel that agreeing is a better punishment than asking him to leave, you nod, “please.” a perverse sense of self-punishment warred with the throbbing pain.
that is until you realize that while treating your wound he can hurt you even more. that is until he begins to work on cleaning it and see that he does it carefully. brown doe eyes and big pupils focused on the strokes with alcohol around it and not on the exposed flesh. stripped of cruelty, softened with care.
your lips press together, in disbelief. maybe this is what he's scheming, making you look dumb for a kind act. that's his punishment. “you're doing great, sweetheart. i'm almost done,” his voice stays calm and soft, and as he pronounces it, you don't know what to believe.
his gaze remains tending your wound, and you feel relieved; because yours, yours always ends on him.
jeno. it felt worse than it looked. or so you thought since your eyes stays closely shut as you bite your fist. the pain comes in waves and you're gritting your teeth and seeing stars from the impact, still disoriented and on the ground. and you haven't opened your eyes for a few long minutes, trying to muster up the strength to see the wound that was surely bleeding badly because it hurt badly.
it's been a terrible week for you, you admit it. much worse than last week and the week before that. your back was marked with an X from the moment the famous lacrosse player, lee jeno, started taking an interest in you.
no matter how hard you tried to avoid him, deny it, and not run into him so as not to make things worse or make enemies, they always ended up finding you.
you tried to put up with it, but the abuse escalated as jeno began to pry into your bruises or why you were hiding in the lunch breaks.
he couldn't understand that it was because of him. because of him, this was happening to you. because of him, now your whole body hurts like hell and nothing but laughter comforts you. until all shut up.
that is why it is in contrast and you get startled, when you feel his hands gently pass under your legs and take you in his arms. jeno's touch on the injured leg causes you to choke a groan, feeling like he squeezes you a little against his chest. “shh, it's alright...”
you keep your eyes closed as you feel him take you with him, and little by little it feels less aching, the way he holds you is soft, just like his calm and deep voice soothes you. “i'll take care of it.”
jisung. you get startled again, a small, involuntary jump that made his cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink. “sorry. sorry,” he mumbles, tumbling words out as he continues to clean the wound with surprisingly delicate hands.
he seems oblivious to the fact that his long hand, resting against the inside of your calf, was the real reason for your flustered reaction. it’s warm, loose, and… comforting in a way that made your breath ragged. “i could've taken care of it alone,” you manage to say, trying to ignore the distracting warmth against your skin and the way your heart had suddenly decided to pick up its pace.
you catch when he smiles, a boyish, disarming grin that forms two crescents of his eyes . “sure you could, pretty,” he replies, nonchalant even though you sense amusement dancing in his brown gaze. “but,” he looks at you, meeting your attentive eyes. “i just wanted to do it myself.”
if only he knew… you thought. the reason you flinched wasn't from the sting of the antiseptic, but because it was him, jisung. jisung in his leather jacket and a cigarette tucked behind his ear. the epitome of cool nonchalance. so different from the kind, gentle projection tending to your injury with such focused care.
“why?” you ask, genuinely curious.
the question hangs in the air for some time where you weigh on who was the real him, hoping it meant something. that his expression open and sincere, were real, just like his words, “i don't like to see you hurt,” he says, his voice quiet.
his attention was focused on your face, his brow furrowed in concern. he seemed completely unaware that his thumb, while he spoke, was tracing lazy, distracting patterns on your skin, each touch sending tiny electric shocks through you. he was so close, you could see the faint stubble along his jawline, the way his lashes framed his eyes.
you startle when his touch falters. “sorry, love,” he murmurs once again, returning to your wound, all while you get lost in your thoughts.
jisung is used to have little nicknames like that all the time; it shouldn't have affected you. you'd heard him call other girls that, and it had never bothered you before. but coming from him, directed at you… it was different. it made your stomach flutter in a way you couldn't quite explain. and maybe… maybe he did know his hand was on your leg, and that every so often you startled because his thumb caressed you absentmindedly. maybe he wasn't as oblivious as he seemed. he was certainly good at playing it off, just like he was with all the girls.
jaemin. your hand drowns out the panting you're trying to suppress when he places the cotton ball to stop the bleeding. nevertheless, your face gives you away “i know, i know.” he's gentle, and calm, even though every so often you take your hand out of his reach when it's too unbearable. his voice always comes softly to you. “i know it hurts.” he looks at you, and for a second you forget that it does, because his brown eyes convey tranquility, and more important, don't reveal resentment.
you snort, stressed. “i said horrible things to you.”
he seems pretty unfazed, “you did.”
“then why are you being gentle?” you inquire, troubled and dismayed. “i've never been good to you.”
“should i leave you here? shouldn’t i check on you?” his voice is tint with layers and layers of emotions, emotions you're not able to pick up faster than you'd like.
“the right thing to do would be for you to be mean to me.”
the latter generates a reaction from him. he looks up as if he was slapped, but then soon returns to a calm ocean. “i would never be mean to you.” so deep and complex, he does their job so well, that it is almost imperceptible that he's also good for hiding things.
“take off your jacket.”
he blinks, a flicker of surprise crossing his face, but he complies without a word, shrugging it off to reveal the long-sleeved shirt he wore beneath. that’s when you see it. in his arm, in his chest, the space that extends to reach his wrists, the visible part that you'd seen and ignored in your stupidity.
your breath hitches. reaching out, his eyes flickers to yours, a mixture of resignation tint his cheeks, yet he doesn't pull away, he lets you touch it. the cut on his side was slightly deeper than yours, the edges rough and uneven.
it was true that jaemin had gotten into worse fights. he was always hooking up with ramen girls; he was the perfect definition of treacherous, self-centered, and a compulsive liar. you hadn't taken his silence as anything more than pretentiousness. no one was as good as the girls he hooked up with and discarded, but now he comes along, saves you, and gets hurt in the process.
“you're patching me up for a scratch, and you've got this…”
he shrugged, almost sheepishly. “it's nothing,” he mumbles, avoiding your gaze.
“jaemin,” you says with disbelief. “when were you going to tell me?”
all this time you thought that's how he wins them over, how he has planned to take you to bed (the only girl who has rejected him).
but maybe all this time you've been misinterpreting it. you've been judging him wrongly.
your grip on his hand tightens, your fingers hurt but what he says hurts more. “once i finished making sure you were okay.”
chenle. the silence somehow hurt more than the puncture wound on your lip, or your cheekbone, or your broken nose. and having him this close doesn't help at all, it just made you feel more distant. you wanted him to say something, but you were afraid that what he had to say wasn't going to do any good. so you bit your tongue, and it burned less.
he's angry, of course, and maybe a little at you, especially. you've hidden in the bathroom to treat your wounds, and somehow he's come here with you and started doing it himself. the boy who supposedly hates you, who can't stand being this close to you, and who has cared so little about your existence that he has been ignoring you all night. suddenly, he starts to worry about whether you're okay while everyone else laughs at you? it's nothing more than another way to humiliate you.
you wanted to tell him that you weren't forcing him to do anything. yet your eyes tend to linger and follow his gaze until he finally looks at you.
a smile spreads across his lips, and you would find it attractive if it weren't for the fact that he's clearly making fun of you, right to your face, just as he had surely planned all along.
“you’re happy?” you fight so that humiliation does not cloud your gaze, and it’s probably the hardest thing you’ve done after trying so hard to not fall in love with him and still failing.
his fingers brush your chin and his eyes fall on your lips, but you're sure it's nothing to do with the wound. “mmm.” not when his gaze baches you with something that makes you think maybe he wasn't angry with you, maybe he was worried... maybe he does care about you. “nice punch,” he praises you, looking at you before finishing his work and heading for the door.
not leaving without first saying something so quietly that you think you imagined it. “that’s my girl.”
without saying anything, you lean feeling less helpless; cause even though he'd probably keep ignoring you after this, his eyes will always tell you what you need to know.
he's not mad. and he cares.
renjun. your lips tighten in a fine line as the burning in your hand spreads and hurt like hell before your eyes shoot at him, looking like it was on purpose. “you're good?”
you glare at him. it had been just a silly cut that could've been rinsed with water, but renjun saw it first —of course he sees everything first, and alerted the professor. it turned out that the shot had backfired, and he wasn't going to get rid of you that easily, so now you're here being taken care of by him, giving you some victory in your defeat.
the know-it-all renjun wasn't going to get away with it after drawing everyone's attention and making you look like a crybaby. especially not now that you've scared off every girl he's tried to pick up over the last week by asking if he would mind taking care of your wound, like some kind of silent battle that he started.
you had foolishly lost when you realized that now he was revealing himself, making you suffer because he couldn't stop hurting you while he healed you. you weren't going to give him the satisfaction so easily by begging him to be gentler until he filled your cup of patience and tolerance for pain.
“what?”
he must've felt the long, deadly look on him to pronounce “mhm, i don't know let me think,” you say, shrugging, “there's a hole in my hand and i think you want to fill it with alcohol.”
you see him genuinely out of place, before snorting. “you should've told me,” he says, “i thought i was being careful enough.” he takes your hand and brings it to his mouth to blow into the wound so that it burns less, and the most horrible, worst thing, is that you believe him.
mark. you often wonder why everyone wants to be friends with mark lee.
until it hits you.
you and mark get along with each other. it's a coincidence that he's always where you are, stuck headfirst in his notebook, and staring at his phone from time to time, as if expecting to receive a message that never arrives. when he's not alone at the next table, he's always surrounded by people. they can't help it; he has become a sun.
“i’m almost done.” he's focused on the scratch on your knee; the pe teacher has asked someone to take you to the nurse's office even though you could have walked there yourself, and mark has volunteered. not only that, he's taken you piggyback all the way there.
so, yes, you think you know why everyone wants to be his friend.
“does it sting?” he asks, pulling apart from you to read the precautions of the bottle with his mouth slightly half-open in concentration when your senses mess up and you gasp accidently.
“uh…”
the worst part was over, of course. it had hurt at first, with alcohol, now that it was done, it shouldn't hurt..., you should have told him that you were feeling better and that you'd had enough alcohol for one year, but you think you got a little carried away, and stopping now would be embarrassing… right?
“you must still have a concussion, because of the fall. here.” you let him help you get off the infirmary chair but along the way, and because you’re nervous all of a sudden by the way his eyebrows gather in concern, and his tongue poke the inside of his cheeks, you end up giving each other a forehead bump.
your head spins and so does his laughter, in your mind. and you're not sure about what you said before. not everyone wants to be his friend. when he smiles like that, maybe some people want to be something more.
' if i'm gonna learn how to love you, i need to unlearn how to love too . . . '
in which for once, you decide to let go of your fears and ghosts, for your best friend.
pairing ! friend!dreamies x fem!reader.
genre ! fluff, a little angst maybe, friends to ??, mutual pining, scenarios.
note ! do i have to say i love gracie? i do, i love her music, anyway here’s a little something ! i was listening to the song nonstop and i got the idea and yes is whatever i guess, i decided to post it en because it’s been weeks since my last fic so yea. i appreciate feedback since i wrote the other members and not just haechan who you can tell it’s my baby i love him im missing him.
mark 。everyone could probably see it in your eyes, in the way you look at him, in your smile every time you hear his name, in the way your face lit up when you see him, you are in love with him. and the way his voice changes when he says your name, how he brings your name in every conversation, how he cares about your opinion the most, everyone could see he is in love with you, except you.
well no, you could see it, in his handwritten notes with doodling hearts at the bottom, in the photos he sends you throughout the day, every single day, photos of him, of things that reminded him of you, of things he found funny, in the way he includes you in his day every time he’s away, in the way he understand how important is for you to spend time together and invites you to be with him while he makes music, you could see it.
but you were scared, he knows you better than anyone else, he’s your best friend after all and you can’t bear the thought of losing him. so, you were worried because once he gets to see the real, messy, version of you, will he still love you? you are a clingy, needy, anxious lover and maybe once he gets to deal with it, he won’t want to be with you anymore.
when you are with mark, you feel at ease, every time he’s around you feel safe. even though he has a crazy life, an insane schedule, barely any time to rest, he makes time for you, he’s always there when you need him, and you don’t want to ruin that.
you were currently wearing the hoodie he gave you a few nights ago when you were hanging out at his apartment, with mark showing you something over facetime, but you were just staring at your phone screen lost in your own thoughts, ‘ynie. . .’ his voice gets your attention.
blinking a few times before actually looking at him, ‘umm?’ you hope he hadn’t noticed you weren’t listening to him.
“what’s in that pretty head of yours, baby?” there he is, toeing over that dangerous line, again.
you bite your cheek, ‘mark. . .’ you say before you can stop yourself, you hear him make a sound to let you know he is listening, ‘you are my best friend.’
he stares at the screen with his head tilted, pausing whatever he was doing, ‘i know,’ he said after a few seconds.
it was already past midnight, he is probably tired but you really hope he understands what you were trying to say, ‘i don’t wanna lose you. . . and-’
‘you won’t, yn,’ he smiles at you.
he seems to be sure that it won’t happen but your own mind has already played one hundred scenarios where it does, ‘you could get bored or tired of-. . . maybe i’ll be too much and i. . . overthink, yo-. . .’
he interrupts you, ‘baby,’ the way his voice sounds when he’s saying that petname to you makes your brain short-circuit, ‘i’m never getting bored, we could do nothing all day and i’ll be happy. . . too much? hell yea, be too much, be everything, i want all. . . you overthink? whatever i’ll over explain then-. . . wait, i don’t want to do this over the phone. . . can i come over?’
to learn how to love mark, you need to unlearn how to imagine every good thing with a bad ending.
renjun 。‘he’s my person’ and he has been for quite a long time now, he knows every part of you, your vulnerable side, your annoying side, your angry side. . . even the side of you that you dislike. he is the only person with whom you have totally opened your heart.
everyone knew in the way you talk about each other, that there was something more, something there waiting to be explored. everyone would laugh and shake their heads when they heard the ‘we are just friends’ leaving past his lips, his answer for every time someone would ask about the two of you.
were you really ‘just friends’? it was hard to believe because friends don’t steal ‘secret’ glances at each other, friends don’t get jealous when the other talks about someone else, friends' hugs don’t last a little longer than they should, and friends don’t have a customised bracelet with their carved initials intertwined.
a small, tiny, part of you believes that maybe he’s too good for you, making you feel like you don’t deserve his love. you fear that your relationship with him is not going to change, that the both of you are just going to be ‘secretly’ in love with each other, pretend that neither of you know, and just leave it like that.
one of the many things you love about him, is how he’s the best listener you know, how he’s always interested in everything you say, even if you are saying the most stupid thing he has ever heard of. he is your person, you don’t have to be afraid of disagreeing with him in something, you can always share what you think without the fear of being humiliated, wrong, or ignored.
when you are feeling upset about something you feel is ridiculous for some reason, you tend to avoid any serious talk about it, mostly because you aren’t exactly someone who understands your own emotions. you sigh as you send the ‘good night’ message, you wish he could read your mind, he could understand how much the ‘we are just friends’ affected you this time.
you know being upset over something neither of you have talk about is dumb, as you wiped away a tear that escaped your eye, you read his immediate response, ‘no, we don’t do that’ you stared at his message for few seconds, frowning, as your finger moved over the screen, typing a ‘do what.’
you didn’t close his chat, seeing as there were those three dots on the screen, ‘we don’t go to bed upset’ you took a deep breath, debating if was time to finally address the elephant in the room, ‘tell me what i did so i can apologise’ you shook your head, staring a the last message a little longer.
‘it’s nothing, never mind’ you were confused, he could answer with an ‘okay’ or something, instead he was leaving you on seen, you frowned at the screen, waiting to see those three dots but no.
you put your phone on your nightstand, standing from your bed to wash your face before actually going to sleep, when a gentle knock on your door startled you. it was already late at night, so to open the door to a very out of breath, in his practice clothes, standing in front of your door, was indeed a surprise, ‘it’s not nothing if you are upset with me, yn.’
to learn how to love renjun, you need to unlearn how to shut down everything when you are hurt.
jeno 。jeno’s eyes are the definition of ‘they say a look is worth a thousand words’ everyone saw it in the way his eyes would linger a little more on you than in the other people in the room, how his pupils dilate when you look back at him, the way he looks at you it’s like you are the best thing that’s ever happened to him.
and they could probably see it in your eyes too, along with a tiny bit of fear, you were actually terrified by the thought of seeing him walk away at any moment.
you are used to being alone, it’s been quite a long time now, and you feel like it’s very comfortable to be on your own. every time someone tries to get closer to you, or tries to form some kind of meaningful connection with you, you tend to withdraw.
but for some reason with him, it was different, he has been scaling the high walls you have built around your heart for too long now.
you hate when someone takes a candid picture of you, you never look good on those, except in the ones that he takes, you hate when someone else plays with your hair, but you don’t seem to have a problem when it’s him, you hate to rely on others or even have others rely on you, when it’s him, it’s okay.
hugs, you are fine with hugs, pats on the back, touching your hand, as long as it's him and no one else. still, you decided to never act on those feelings, he’s your friend, and you are scared he will end up hating you.
that’s what you are used to, that’s what you have been told you do, and that’s exactly what you want to prevent, you don’t want him to hate you for being ‘too independent’, for preferring to manage things on your own without asking for help, tolerate things just because you can deal with it, for not letting him protect you.
a part of you disagrees with that, you shouldn’t be thinking that low of him, he’s always been patient with you, why should a relationship be any different than a friendship?
‘let’s go out together, just you and me’ he had texted you earlier today, it wasn’t weird for him to invite you to hang out, on the other hand ‘go out’ was. he could be recognised anywhere, and you weren’t going to let him risk like that, that’s why you were sitting by his side on the rooftop of your apartment building, you were sitting by his side, fiddling with the paper flowers he had given you, while fighting the urge to shiver.
his voice makes you turn to look at him, ‘are you cold? here take m-. . .’ before he could finish his sentence, your hand already flew to his shoulder, stopping him from taking his jacket off.
‘it’s okay,’ you say, shaking your head with a smile on your face.
you hear him huff, ‘but-. . . why you never take my jacket?’
you let a breathy laugh escape past your lips as you see his are in an adorable pout, ‘jeno, if you are wearing a jacket it is because you are cold.’
‘no,’ he shakes his head, taking off his jacket, ‘i wear it, just in case you need it,’ you open you mouth to say something as he puts the jacket around your shoulders, ‘you know. . .’ he mutters while making you face him, fixing the jacket properly so i can actually cover you, ‘it’s okay to accept it, if i’m offering-. . . it’s be-. . . i know you can deal with everything on your own but. . . i als- want to let you know i’m here for you.’
to learn how to love jeno, you need to unlearn how to put on a mask and pretend you can do everything alone.
haechan 。with your brow furrowed, tilted head and a huff leaving past your lips, that’s your reaction every time anyone insinuates there is something more than a friendship between the two of you.
you believe that your friendship with him is very normal, you treat him like any other friend, every time you are together you would tease each other, you would play hit each other, call each other names, you would bully him for being too clingy, too loud, too sweet.
and yes, on the surface it was very normal, but everyone noticed the little things you try to ignore, how you let him be clingy with you, touching you, hugging you, holding your hand, kissing your cheeks, you don’t let your other friends do that. how it is harder for you to let anyone know you, but it took him least than a year to be closer to you despite you being so opposed to the idea.
it was easier for him, or so they think, because the second you felt that he was making your heartbeat go faster, you knew it was the moment to leave. missing him while he was away, thinking about what he was doing, feeling, thinking, all the time, wanting to talk to him every day. but it wasn’t until you started to notice small things like him being more attentive lately, how he was doing his best to spend more time with you before leaving for months, trying to do anything in your company, or just talking, he was happy either way, and you knew he feels the same as you.
but the second he started to send you ‘i miss you’ ‘wish you were here’ ‘if you were here we would. . .’ every day, more than once a day, and also started to show his jealousy when you asked about his friends, and using every petname existing not to bother you like you used to do, yes the second you noticed that, you decided it was time to leave.
you couldn’t understand why was he having those feelings towards you, does he like emotionally unavailable pretty smart girls or there is something wrong with him. you are having a hard time wrapping your head around it, you don’t think you deserve to be loved at all, and by him? that’s song impossible.
maybe he liked the gifts you have given him too much, like the bracelet he wears everyday since you gave it to him, or maybe it was the cookies you bake for him every time you know he’s having a bad day, and that sounds reasonable, you are going to stop doing that.
you walk to the door, your eyes half opened, as you rubbed your face, another gently knocking could be heard as you got closer to open it. ‘hi,’ the sound of his voice, makes you stop completely, blinking a couple of times, ‘i know you missed me, no need to anymore,’ he pats your head, as you take in the scene in front of you.
he’s standing there, wearing his airport clothes, his black glasses, his suitcases, and his smile, his sight in front of you make your heart sink, ‘what are you doing here?’
he steps closer, squeezing your cheeks, ‘i wanted to see you,’ he says softly as he moves you so he can enter your house, ‘i-. . . know it’s three in the morning and you were asleep but it’s been five long months and. . . i wanted to see you.’
‘well, you did. . . now, go to your house,’ you say, pointing to the door.
he tilts his head, taking a deep breath, ‘are you mad because i woke you up? sorry-. . .’
you shake your hand, interrupting him, ‘yea, whatever, donghyuck, i’m tired, go home.’
‘yea whatever no, you have been treating me like that for the past two weeks. . . somethings wrong? did i do something? i thought it was because you- maybe you where having some sort of bad days or whatever,’ he was talking fast, but he was still keeping his soft voice tone, ‘but you are like pushing me away an-. . .’
you interrupt him quickly, ‘yes, i know, i push people away, it’s just how i am, and you know that too.’
he shakes his head, stepping in front of you, ‘oh hell no, you can reject my feelings if you want to,’ he says pointing at you, ‘but we are friends, there won’t be pushing me away, i’ll glue myself to you, we are in this together.’
to learn how to love donghyuck, you need to unlearn how to run when it feels right.
jaemin 。for you, he is the living definition of the ‘sun’, only one second in his company is enough to brighten your day significantly.
he’s perfect, or well, the closest a person can be to ‘perfect’, his eyes and how they look at you, your smile and how it's radiant when it’s for you, how he’s smart and doesn’t need it to rub it on other’s faces, how he’s so funny without even trying, and you could go on for hours talking about how good he is.
everyone can tell, he’s the happiest when you are around, and that he might be in love with you. he doesn’t even try to deny it, he’s always talking about you, making something for you or being with you.
and, you are so different when he’s present, being genuinely happy without any worry in your mind, always laughing at his jokes (even if they are not funny), feeling the safest around him, allowing yourself to be you without the fear of being judged.
you really wanted to be more than friends, you really did, but you were also really scared of becoming too needy. he’s your best friend, he already knows how clingy and needy you are, and you know he will always say the right words when you need to hear them, but it was different.
you turn around, looking for a comfortable position to fall asleep, it didn’t matter though, your own mind was the one keeping you awake, ‘jaem. . . are you awake?’ you whisper, scared you might wake him up.
‘yes,’ he answers, whispering too, ‘something wrong, princess?’ your lips turned into a smile the second he said that nickname.
you shake your head, as if to push the thoughts out of your mind, ‘you. . . ever think i’m too needy?’
he sits up from his spot on the floor, ‘what makes you think that?’ he looks to the bed, only for you to be lying down looking at the ceiling, ‘everyone it’s needy, yn.’
you sigh, ‘but i’m too needy?’ you were scared that a small part of him thought so too, that he was tired of you always asking him things like am i pretty, am i smart, am i talented, am i enough, you were scared that one day he will stop liking you, and that would make you stop liking yourself too.
‘no,’ he quickly said, ‘you are not too needy. . . it’s normal to think that though. . .’
‘but like. . . you came here at one in the morning just because. . . i was scared and didn’t want to sleep alone,’ you let out a breathy laugh, ‘and you are sleeping on the floor, and i always ask you things and. . . sorry, it’s just that i got anxious. . . i needed validation and-. . .’
he interrupts you, ‘no, i am here, because i wanted to be here,’ he says as he lays down again, ‘i always want to be with you. . . and it’s okay, i can answer every single one of your questions but-. . . you need to believe it and. . . say it yourself, not just. . . hear it from me‘
to learn how to love jaemin, you need to unlearn how to only see yourself from someone else’s eyes.
chenle 。being friends with him is the easiest thing in the world, how could you not be friends with someone so reliable, you feel comfortable with him, trust him, love him.
you love him in a way you shouldn’t, you are supposed to be just ‘best friends’ and having other feelings towards him doesn’t feel right. he’s caring, supportive, loving, and losing him would be the biggest mistake you could ever make, you would never forgive yourself for that.
but it was impossible for you to not fall in love with him, when he was always attentive, knows everything you want, gets you everything you want even when you told him it’s not necessary, takes care of you all the time, is always there when you need him. the ‘text me when you get home’ texts, opening doors for you, giving you thoughtful gifts, making an effort to be with you even when he’s busy, who wouldn’t fall for that?
and the fact that he’s your best friend, makes all of this even more scary, you would miss him all the time not only as your lover, but as your friend, and what if it doesn’t work out? you can’t hate him because he’s your best friend.
there’s also something that bothers you even more, how do you make the same mistake over and over again in every relationship, even friendships. you want to be in a relationship with him, to be even closer than you are, but old habits die hard, and to be able to trust someone else completely to the point of letting them know when you are having a bad moment, it’s hard.
you sigh as you sit on the sofa, giving him a smile, ‘what wrong?’ you hear him say as he scoots closer to you.
you frown, ‘wrong?’ a nervous laugh escapes your lips, ‘nothing? i’m fine, what are you on about,’ you shake your head, giving him another smile.
‘don’t lie to me,’ he sounded very serious, ‘your fake ass smile don’t work,’ the moment your eyes met, you can see the worry in them, ‘talk to me,’ you blink a couple of times before looking away, ‘if. . . you don’t want to talk is okay, i won’t. . . just remember you can tell me anything,’ he reach out for your hand, holding it for a moment, ‘i can- if you want to, hug you, maybe you’ll feel better or. . .’ he squeezes your hand, not letting it go, ‘i’ll just be here with you. . . for when you want to talk’
to learn how to love chenle, you need to unlearn how to keep things to yourself, scared that the other person will be annoyed by you.
jisung 。when he started spending more time on his phone, always texting someone, the smile on his face while doing so, having plans that didn't include them after practice, being ‘busy’ on his day off, no one knew it was you, his best friend, the one for whom he has heart eyes.
and you, to be honest, you are not used to falling for someone, or at least not this serious. blushing over some stupid compliment that he says, shouldn’t happen, your heart racing every time someone brings him up, shouldn't happen, being nervous around him, shouldn’t happen. the ‘him’ making you feel all those feelings being your best friend, makes you want to disappear and never be found, it makes you feel bad.
he has a face that was probably made with so much love, his personality makes him stand out even when he’s quiet, he’s so talented with such a pretty voice, and he’s also loved by everybody. that makes everything worse, everyone wants him, there’s no way he can want you.
you know it’s weird, but you don’t want your best friend to like you in that way, you don’t deserve to be loved in a romantic way by him. you fear you might not be exactly what he needs, a calm, good, patient person, who understands the things he’s been through, the life he lives. you don’t even know what type of person you are in a relationship, what if you are too demanding? too anxious, too fearful? too insecure?
spending time with him made you realise, how much you actually need him in your life, it may sound exaggerated but it's not, he’s the only person you think would understand you need to share time with others, talking, doing activities together, doing nothing but being together.
as of right now, sitting in your bed with him by your side, the tv on but it’s just being used as background noise, ‘so yes, i believe that me falling down the stairs when i was two years old is the reason we met-. . . invisible string,’ you say as you turn to look at him, scrolling through his phone, ‘i. . . i talk a lot, i should go back to watc-. . .’
he laughs, making you stop talking and frown at him, ‘it’s nice,’ he looks at you, making you look away the second you feel a little warm inside, ‘i like hearing your thoughts. . .’ he pats your head, ‘i like you- the. . . invisible string,’ the whispers, but you can hear it and you heart skips a beat.
what were you thinking when deciding to bring up the invisible string, ‘sung. . . you deserve someone better, someone good,’ you whisper back, trying to put all your attention to the tv.
‘yn,’ his voice barely could be heard, ‘you are good. . . even if you don’t believe it,’ he pats your head again, making you look at him, ‘would yo- you let me. . . say it to you until you believe it?’
to learn how to love jisung, you need to unlearn how to only see the worst in you.
summary: in which you felt fed up with chenle and walked out after a fight, but you were uncertain whether he’d make an effort to save your relationship.
pairing: chenle x fem!reader
genre: angst, fluff
word count: 2.1k
you were having an argument with chenle. you tried to tell him that you felt a little uneasy about one of his female friends, but he downplayed your emotions and it irked you.
"don't you think you're being unfair?" you asked, frustration evident in your voice. "you're allowed to be jealous of every single person you think is hitting on me, but i'm not even allowed to feel upset that you have a close friend who obviously likes you?"
chenle responded dismissively. "it doesn't matter if someone likes me. all my friends know i'm head over heels for you. besides, none of my friends have openly told me they like me. i can't say the same to you and your so-called guy friends."
"i already rejected him," you countered, your voice rising. "how many times do i have to tell you that?"
"it doesn't look like you did because he's obviously still expecting something from you." he retorted, crossing his arms.
"i don't know how else to convince you. why do you always do this? every time i try to tell you how i feel, you always find a way to somehow turn it around on me, and it ends with you feeling more upset than i am."
"look, you don't need to worry about me. i couldn't care less about anyone who might like me. but you? you're too soft with that friend of yours. you might not see it, but it's obvious to everyone else how he hangs all over you. and you're not doing enough to stop it."
"but i don't like him, i never did and i never will. you also have nothing to worry about. why can't you let it go?"
chenle sighed, his eyes narrowing. "the same reason you can't let go of your concerns about my friend. no matter what i say, you're still upset and you're still jealous. that's exactly how i feel."
"so what do you want me to do?" you asked, exasperated.
"nothing. you can't do what i want."
"you want me to stop being friends with him? is that it?" you asked, incredulous. "will you do it for me if i ask you the same thing?" you challenged him. but chenle didn't respond; he just rolled his eyes and turned his back on you.
you felt so pissed off. chenle was always so unfair to you whenever you had a fight. you almost screamed at him to get out, but then you remembered you were at his house. you grabbed your things and turned to the door. you were about to leave when you heard chenle's voice.
"you're leaving because of something so petty? seriously?" he said with a scoff.
you gave him a dirty look, your hand on the doorknob. "you were about to storm off to your room and shut me out anyway. we obviously don't want to see each other right now, so what's the point of me staying?" you didn't wait for him to respond. you immediately left, slamming the door behind you.
you knew you were being immature, but so was chenle. you weren't about to let him slam the door on you again, making you feel shitty and guilty, when he clearly didn't feel the same remorse. somehow, even when the fight was his fault, you always ended up being the first one to apologize. that made your stomach churn with resentment.
you weren't always like this. during the first few months of your relationship, you and chenle rarely fought. even when you did, they were just small arguments and you would always make up immediately. but now, almost two years into the relationship, after the honeymoon phase had worn off, things had changed dramatically. you started getting into more frequent and intense fights, and the tolerance and understanding that you had at the start had also faded.
honestly, part of the reason why you're always the first one to give in is that, no matter how angry you get at your boyfriend, you can never stay mad at him for long. you fear that if both of you remain stubborn and no one's going to swallow their pride, the fight would escalate and break the two of you apart. chenle, on the other hand, always seems to have no problem ignoring you for a long time. it only intensifies your frustration and hurt, making you feel even more upset with him than you already are.
you've decided you won't give in this time, no matter what. you're scared that he might do the same, matching your stubbornness with his own. but if he can't even swallow his pride for you, the person he claims to love most, then maybe you're better off apart.
you don't want that though — not really. your relationship, despite its flaws, means too much to you. you just hope he does things differently this time.
after leaving chenle's house, you returned to your own place. you tried to sleep, but your anger and frustration had morphed into a gnawing worry that made your stomach tied up in knots. deep down, you weren't confident that he would do right by you this time. the realization made you feel conflicted. is it really worth staying with him if this is how he consistently makes you feel?
the thought sent a wave of sadness through you. despite everything, you loved him deeply. the idea of your relationship ending made your chest tighten with fear. you didn't want this to be the final straw.
tears welled up in your eyes, spilling over onto your pillow. as you cried silently in your room, a mix of emotions washed over you; love, frustration, hope and disappointment all tangled together. eventually, exhaustion took over, and you drifted off into a fitful sleep.
your last conscious thought was a small hope that when you woke up in the morning, you'd see his name on the screen accompanied by an apology you'd been waiting for.
chenle sat by the sofa, his eyes fixed on his phone, waiting for your call. since you had walked out after your fight the night before, you still hadn't come knocking on his door. this was the first time you hadn't talked for this long after an argument. fear started creeping up because of the prolonged silence from you. his chest tightened at the thought that you might have finally decided you'd had enough of him and realized you deserved better. he couldn't bear the thought of losing you. as the day was coming to an end, the setting sun cast long shadows across his room, signaling the passage of time and deepening his anxiety.
he could no longer sit still and wait for you to come to him. what was stopping him from coming after you anyway? he didn't know. but he realized he had been selfish for always waiting for you to mend things all this time. chenle felt like he could lose you easily to other people; you were surrounded by many who liked you and wanted to be with you. because of that, he always felt threatened. letting you come to him first after a fight somehow gave him a sense of security that you loved him enough not to let others steal you away from him.
but he realized now how dumb that was. instead, he could end up losing you because of his inaction. he snapped out of his reverie and grabbed his car keys, walking hastily through the door.
you heard someone ring your doorbell, and you checked to see who it was. your heart leaped in both happiness and relief at the sight of chenle standing outside your door.
if you weren't in a fight with him, you would laugh at how ridiculous he looked wearing sunglasses. you were pretty sure the sun had already set and it was dark outside.
you were feeling different kinds of emotions as you stood there. relief that he had come, nervousness about what he might say, and a stubborn remnant of hurt from your fight. you took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for whatever was to come as you opened the door, finally seeing him up close.
"can i come in?" chenle asked quietly. you didn't respond verbally, but opened the door wider, allowing him to enter.
you closed the door slowly before turning around to face him. chenle stood in the middle of your living room, looking uncharacteristically uncertain.
you leaned back against the door, arms crossed protectively over your chest, waiting expectantly for him to speak.
"i'm sorry," he said, his voice was soft and sounded a bit tired. "i'm sorry about everything. i was only thinking about myself and took your words lightly. i kept dismissing your feelings because i was blinded by my own jealousy. i didn't realize i was hurting you." he stepped closer, gently cradling your face in his hands. "please, forgive me. i don't want to lose you over some stupid fight. i know i haven't been the best at showing it, but i love you so much."
his words caused tears to well up in your eyes. for the past 24 hours, you had felt an uncomfortable tightness in your chest, each second away from him making you fear you were closer to losing him. you knew you both had much to discuss, and the way you communicated with each other needed improvement. but at that moment, you felt a surge of relief knowing that despite all the fights, chenle still loved you.
"thank you for coming to me, and i'm sorry too," you said, holding the hand that was caressing your face. "i have so many things to say... but first, can i take off your sunglasses? they're distracting." as you removed them, you felt your heart clenched at the sight. chenle's eyes were red and puffy, evidence of hours spent crying. the thought of him crying by himself made your sadness deepen, triggering your own tears as you immediately embraced him. "i'm so sorry for leaving you alone last night."
you didn't usually walk out during your fights, and your departure likely made chenle realize that this argument was unlike any other. he must have thought you had reached your limit. you now understood the depth of his fear of losing you, mirroring your own fear of losing him.
chenle encircled you in his arms, resting his head on your shoulder and burying his face in the crook of your neck. his embrace conveyed how much he had missed you.
"no, i am sorry. i deserved it," he murmured against your skin. "if you hadn't left, i probably would've done the same thing as before and not realized what i'd done wrong. you've been patient with me all this time. i'm sorry for all the times i ignored how you feel. i'll be better for you, i promise." he said, pressing a tender kiss on your forehead.
as you stood there in each other's arms, you both silently acknowledged the work ahead to strengthen your relationship. the warmth of your reconciliation filled the room, replacing the tension that had hung between you just moments before.
you and chenle were now cuddling on your bed. your chin rested on top of his head while gently running your fingers through his hair. the simple gesture made his heart flutter. his arm draped comfortably around your waist as he nestled against you, closing his eyes and basking in the peaceful aftermath.
as you lay there, feeling warm and loved, you felt so relieved. the tension from your fight completely melted away, and you felt even more in love.
chenle shifted slightly, tilting his head to look up at you. "i think i've figured out the secret to never fighting again."
you raised an eyebrow. "huh? what's that?"
"we just stay like this forever." he replied with a grin. "can't argue if we're too busy cuddling."
"tempting offer, but we'll get hungry eventually." chenle pretended to consider this seriously.
"then we take turns getting snacks while the other one guards the cuddle spot."
"guard it from what exactly?" he shrugged, snuggling closer.
"i don't know. cuddle thieves? it's a very coveted position, you know." you rolled your eyes in amusement.
"you're ridiculous."
"yeah," he leaned up to place a gentle kiss on your lips. "but you love me." he whispered against your mouth. you couldn't help but smile and steal another kiss from him.
as you snuggled back together, you felt calm and happy. in that moment, holding each other close, you both silently promised to stick together. you knew your love hadn't just survived, it had grown even stronger.
► toxic dreamies, some sad scenes, jeno being a meanie per usual
►a/n pleasee enjoy. i'm not the best at writing for the other members so I'm sorry if some are better than the other. let me know if you enjoy 😜
MARK is the busiest man you know. As his girlfriend, you were perfectly aware of his failure to properly manage all his activities. To him what mattered was staying afloat. Even though your time together was limited due to his schedule, you didn’t mind waiting for him to come home at the end of the day. He had made a huge effort to carve out time from his hectic lifestyle to make space for you and this was the most you could ask for. Because of this, time with Mark is valuable. Every second spent with him is thought out with love.
Your birthday is the most overloaded season regarding Mark’s schedule. With the demand for new music, constant touring, and endless practices, you didn’t expect much for him to surprise you. All that you wished for was at least some time to be spent with your loving boyfriend. But as you sat on the couch the whole day – ignoring requests to hang out with your friends in hopes Mark would pull through, expecting him to come home with a surprise straight from practice – the time was ticking closer to midnight and he was still nowhere to be seen.
He was out of the house before he could even wish you a happy birthday. No note was left, breakfast wasn’t made, and all the chores were still left unfinished. As far as you knew, Mark hadn’t even come home from the previous night. As you sit on the sofa, envious of his bandmates who got to spend the fleeting days with him, you begin to regret waiting for you to matter enough to him. You could’ve spent the whole day catching up with friends, instead, you waited for your boyfriend who didn’t even care to send a simple “happy birthday” text.
Waiting got tiring and you only became more pissed. Just as you were about to reach your bed with your tears flowing down your face, you hear Mark enter, sounding exhausted from the day’s workload.
“Baby, I’m home,” he called across the apartment, only loud enough to hear from the room you were in.
A sliver of you still had hope that he would surprise you with some form of greeting, but as his footsteps clicked closer to your shared bedroom and he had nothing in hand, all the hope had left your body.
He sighed as he approached your tired figure, “Falling asleep already?”
It was obvious he didn’t even remember what was so special about today. A part of you wanted to slice at his throat for forgetting such an important date. Instead, you opted for peace, already feeling more tears threatened to spill.
“Yeah, had a long day.” you uttered, trying not to sound heartbroken. You couldn’t gain the courage to confront Mark. All you could do was tuck yourself under the covers and cry yourself to sleep while your loved one went about clueless.
RENJUN wasn’t one to open up to others about his feelings. You were the only one that he felt was worthy of sharing his deepest thoughts with. One of his being the fact he always felt distant from his friends. When he moved away from home he had broken a lot of his relationships and had difficulty rebuilding them. When Renjun told you he would be going out this weekend with his friends, you didn’t think much of it – other than the fact it was your birthday.
You knew not to become too hopeful when it came to surprises. You weren’t a little kid and you were aware that you’ll most likely get what you want by just asking. Although you knew this, you still thought that Renjun might possibly surprise you. However, you should’ve known better.
When Renjun arrived home with nothing in his hands but shopping bags and a filled stomach, you knew he had forgotten a date that was so important to you. “Renjun, how was it?” you asked him excitedly, to the best of your abilities.
He smiled as he walked over to your spot on the couch, setting down his bags beside you on the coffee table. “We had a lot of fun. Had to catch up on lots though, who would’ve known how much my boys have grown.”
You knew it was wrong to ruin his joy, but you had to get straight to the point. “Did you get anything while you were there?” You didn’t acknowledge his rambling about his friends, instead wanted to know if the bags held something for you to make up for his actions.
“Yeah, just some new clothes for the summer. They said they wanted to match-”
Before he could even finish his sentence you walked yourself to your room. Getting mad at him would only make matters worse so you did what your best at and removed yourself from the situation.
“Where are you going?” he asked as he tried to see what you were doing.
You continued to change and gather your belongings, clear what your intentions were. “Going out. Not wasting my special day waiting for you.” Before he could even process your words, you slammed the door in his face. Renjun knew he fucked up.
JENO is your homebody boyfriend – he loves spending time with you and cozying up in bed. It is rare he got to do so, though, as a lot of hours are filled with his idol lifestyle. He was expected to stay on top of his numerous schedules and manage time with his girlfriend. This is a lot of responsibility for a man like Jeno.
You quite honestly didn’t expect much from him considering how busy he would be on your birthday. The date happened to fall on a Saturday when they were holding a concert. You were aware he would be extremely tired and might even not have time to hang out with you afterward. The least you expected with for him to send you a birthday greeting but you had received nothing and the concert had already begun.
Being the loving girlfriend you were, you had arrived at the concert to support your boyfriend. When the other boys saw you they even made the effort to wish you a happy birthday. All of them but your own boyfriend, the reason you were even hear right now.
The stadium was filled to the brim with adolescent teens to elderly couples. This was most definitely not your scene but you wanted to spend your birthday with the one you loved. You had brought your friends along as they also wanted to hang out. Even though you had so many people around you celebrating your life, you couldn’t help but feel worthless for not meaning anything to the one you loved most.
When the concert ended you had excused yourself from your friends for the night to meet up with Jeno. Pushing yourself backstage was a difficult task after trying to scooch past all the fans and security. As soon as you had managed to locate Jeno backstage, you were told to wait outside by his managers, Jeno making no effort to halt their actions.
You waited hours for him to finally exit the dressing room but to no avail, he never came out.
“Y/n, what are you doing out here?” Jaemin saw you sitting on the bench you had positioned yourself on for the time being.
It was silly he was asking such a question, he had to of known why you were here in the first place. “Just waiting for Jeno. Is he almost done?”
Jaemin had a shift of energy as if something had clicked in his mind upon your words. “He left a while out the back. I can go find him, he probably is still in here. I’m sorry he didn’t come to see you he probably forgot.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it Nana. Thanks for telling me.” You quickly gathered your belongings before he could even have a chance to comfort you. There was a time and a place for everything and crying in front of him on your birthday was definitely not something you had wished for.
You refused to wait for Jeno any longer, he obviously never did the same for you. As you left the stadium all your emotions exited your body. How could someone you love break your heart so terribly?
HAECHAN is a family man at heart. He never failed to mention his siblings in a conversation and made sure to keep up with them when time allowed. This was something that drew you towards your boyfriend. Seeing his love for domesticity made you feel like you had found the man who would lead you in the future.
Funny enough, you had managed to be birthed the same day as his sister he loved so dearly. Obviously, it wasn't a coincidence that he would constantly mention his sister’s birthday and what he was planning on gifting her. What you did begin to question was his lack of mention of your own special date.
It wasn’t uncommon for couples to not do much on each other’s birthdays, but your relationship was Haechan was not typical dating. He cared for you deeply, at least to the extent you thought. Each date was carved to cater to your liking and surprise you each time. You knew your birthday would be an even more special day for him which is why you weren’t surprised when you came home on the date with party streamers covering the house and an entourage of his family.
“Baby your home,” Haechan noticed your entrance and shocked face.
You smiled as you embraced him into a tight hug, “Thanks for doing this all for me. I love you.”
He laughed at your response, slight confusing you. “It’s my sister’s birthday, you know how much these days mean to us.”
Even though you were confused by Haechan's response, you did know you were happy he didn’t let you down in the end. He never wished you a happy birthday but you were sure a surprise party would make up for it.
As the party ensued and time for cake came, the lights were turned off and Haechan appeared out of the corridor with the candle lit sweet. You were standing next to his sister as you were greeting her a happy birthday. As he approached you with the cake you couldn’t help but notice your name was spelt wrong on the cake. Oh wait. It wasn’t even your name at all. He had never even remembered your birthday to begin with.
JAEMIN had mentioned your birthday to you on numerous occasions. He loved planning time with you and never failed to make sure each date was tailored to your liking. When he had asked you where you had wanted to dine in on your birthday, you weren’t surprised in the slightest by his actions to make sure the day was perfect for you. He had even made sure to pick an outfit for you to match and he already knew what gifts you wanted without asking.
As the days ticked down to the date, Jaemin didn’t seem to get any more excited. Typically, he would be all over you explaining the details of how excited he was to spend time with his loving girlfriend. When the day finally turned to be your birthday, you noticed he still was not making an effort to mention your planned date.
“Good morning my love,” Jaemin had greeted as soon as your eyes fluttered awake.
You smiled, awaiting the day ahead of you, “What have you got on your mind today?” You knew Jaemin would have the whole day planned and wouldn’t be able to contain his joy.
“Just happy I get to spend time at home with my love this morning. I got to go to practice later, though,” he replied as he pulled you closer under the covers.
You knew Jaemin had mentioned going out so you were surprised by his words. Jaemin wasn’t the type to cancel all your plans for work, he was adamant about making time for you. The last thing you had expected was for him to postpone your birthday for something so small.
“Can’t you just miss practice today?” You questioned slightly agitated. As much as you know work is important to him, it felt right to at least be somewhat selfish of your time with him.
“No can do. You know these are a non-negotiable.”
You could tell he was taken aback by your response. He had just wanted to make the most of his day with you before he had gone to practice, and who were you to avoid wishes. You could accept his business for at least an effort to make time for you.
As you spent the fleeting moments with Jaemin, you couldn’t help but notice nothing about your day was going as planned. No presents were awaiting you at the table, not a single of your favorite meals was dished up by your favorite chef, and no greeting was uttered out of his mouth.
The day had continued on as normal until he left for practice. Maybe he would bring you the gifts and dinner when he got back? Much to your dismay, he arrived home in the same state he was in before, just much more tired.
As he tucked himself into bed next to you, you couldn’t help but feel the need to ask him about the change in his attitude. But before you could even question him, he gave you the answer you were searching for. “I feel like I forgot about something today.”
Damn right, you had forgotten something Na Jaemin.
CHENLE was never one to back down from an argument. He always made sure he was right even if it meant hurting others along the way, including his own girlfriend. Because of his ungodly ego, you two got into numerous fights. It was a red flag but he always managed to earn your forgiveness. His love language was gift giving and he never failed to surprise you with the most extravagant items.
Most of your fights would end within a few hours, but this was different. You two had been arguing about his lack of care regarding setting aside time for you. He was busy, but so was everyone else in the world – he is perfectly capable of putting in the extra effort yet he lacks to do so.
With your birthday on the rise, you had expected him to forgive you relatively quickly. Instead, you two had still not spoken a word since the day of your fight into your birthday. You were aware Chenle was stubborn, but you couldn’t believe he was this difficult.
You should’ve taken the warning from others about your toxic habits. Even though time was running out you still felt like Chenle would end up pulling through. He always refused to bite the bullet and message you first, so this time you wanted to see how long it would take him to come crawling back. When it took multiple days, you knew he wouldn’t be speaking to you anytime soon.
Y/n: what the fuck is your problem
Y/n: do you even know what today is?
Chenle: was waiting for you to finally apologize
Chenle: what’s so special about today
Y/n: it’s my birthday
You couldn’t believe that Chenle would be so adamant about his stance he would even forget your own birthday. When you saw the bubbles appear indicating him typing his response, you didn’t pay any mind to it. Protecting your peace, you powered off your phone and chose silence to celebrate the remaining of your day.
When you heard a knock on your door no longer than 30 minutes after texting Chenle, you knew it had to be him. But you had no room left in you to listen to his excuses. If he wanted to prove himself, he should’ve done so before.
JISUNG was never the type to put his best friend over you. He always ensured you were his number one priority and his numerous date nights made you guarantee this. His best friend since childhood happened to be extremely possessive of him. Her intentions were clear, but your boyfriend was always too oblivious to notice.
There were multiple occasions where she had uttered the most absurd comments to your face. Time and time again, Jisung had never stood up for you. You should have taken this as a red flag but you knew your boyfriend loved you dearly – who were you to let a random girl get in your way?
Your birthday was around the corner and Jisung had not yet mentioned any plans regarding the day. He had mentioned a couple of things in the past but nothing that stuck out recently. When the day of your birthday arrived, the atmosphere remained the same.
You had mentioned to him you were going to spend the day out with your friends and he didn’t question it. Before you could leave the house, he was already out for the day, not giving you a chance to even greet him good morning. It was odd for him to be out so early but you knew better than to think so deeply into it.
When you arrived home you had noticed another car in the driveway – his best friend’s car. You were never one to be selfish but spending time with her on your birthday was the last thing you would ever wish for.
You had still not received any messages from Jisung and you were starting to grow more concerned. Before you could enter your shared apartment, you were immediately greeted by the girl you wished to avoid.
“About time you showed up,” she eyed you head to toe, shutting the door behind you.
Her attitude never failed to surprise you. Nevertheless, you still played into her tricks, “I’m just getting back from the mall. You know, celebrating my birthday.”
She laughed at your comment, “Oh, poor Jisung must have forgotten. He hasn’t mentioned you all day.” She didn’t even offer any explanation as she pushed past you to exit the building, smirking on her way out.
You were aware she was a snarky bitch but you couldn’t believe she had the courage to make up such a lie. A part of you wanted to push past the door and confront your boyfriend and the other wanted to go after her like she was your prey.
Even though anger fumed your vision, you couldn’t confront Jisung in such a way. Instead, you left and opted to spend a girl's night out. Little did you know Jisung was waiting on the other side of the door with your cake in hand.
Pairing: Chenle x reader
Description: You'd be lying if you said feelings weren't caught within the thirteen years of friendship you had with Chenle, but even when you both wanted to be more, you agreed to shut any idea of it down - his future marriage was already arranged as part of a business deal, there was no point setting your hearts up for breaking. So, why is he on your doorstep begging for a chance just three months before he has to go back to China?
Content warnings: Arranged marriage au but not with each other; rich kid Chenle; swearing; they have sex, and while no actual smut is written, it’s not exactly glossed over, either; fluff; angst; there is no happy ending to this part but there is in the second one
Word count: 16,362
A/n: If you knew how long I’ve been working on this idea, you wouldn’t believe me…but now that this first part is out I’m actually really happy with how it’s come together. Posting this today to celebrate @fullsunstrawberry's last day of class for the semester!!…though this ends in angst so it’s not the best gift I’ve ever come up with 🫠 Anyways, please enjoy, though who am I to tell you what to do…as always, feedback would be greatly appreciated. Take care of yourselves, I love you
Read part two here!
Your childhood went by too fast. Though, you assume that’s the only way it could feel when it’s the sole marker of the time you were able to have with Chenle. The two of you grew up together, but through conversations you felt you were too young to be involved in, you both knew that you wouldn’t be able to continue with said friendship in adulthood. The thing about Chenle was, he’s lived with his aunt, right across the street from your parents, in a small Korean suburb since he was five years old. However, where he spent the first four years of his life, and where he would eventually be summoned back to, was with his parents in Shanghai.
There was nothing wrong about his parents. In fact, for most of childhood, Chenle only had positive things to say about them, a wide smile adorning his face whenever he thought of seeing them again. The entire reason he was living with his aunt was because his parents wanted him to experience a normal childhood, so really, they had his best interest at heart. That being said, they did not care about whether or not Chenle would have a normal adulthood. Instead, they were waiting for him to fall in line, learn how to eventually take over their multimillion dollar company, and with that, play his part…and accept the fact that his future marriage, to the daughter of one of their business partners, has been arranged for him since the moment he was born. Finding this out, Chenle no longer had loads of nice things to say about his parents. He lived with a constant resentment towards them since the start of high school, but you were always his one beacon of comfort, where the weight of his future could fall off his shoulders and he could just be a kid again for a little while longer.
It was the summer before freshman year of high school when your parents and his aunt sat the two of you down at the dinner table and explained how Chenle’s future was going to pan out. You were just fourteen years old, having Chenle suddenly upset and arguing about who he’d be marrying felt so wrong, the problem seemingly so far away. You were kids, but because of that moment, you both grew up too quickly - Chenle by force, and you because you refused to let him go through it alone. The real world, outside of school and pickup basketball games in someone’s driveway, now weighed heavily on the two of you, and the only thing you could promise was that you’d navigate as much of it as you could together.
The one thing his parents agreed to compromise on was that, rather than having Chenle fly back immediately after high school graduation, he could stick through that last summer with you, and eventually head back to China when you left for university. That’s the exact period of time that the two of you were in now - almost a full three months where the plans that have been talked about for years were now facing you head on. Stupidly, you try to forget about it, pretend it was just some normal summer, like your best friend wasn’t being ripped away from you at the end of it. You were setting yourself up to be blindsided by the inevitable passage of time, but it was all you could think to do if you wanted to hold onto any chance at smiling this summer.
It was the day right after graduation when Chenle hopped across the street and rang your doorbell. It was the middle of the day, your parents still at work, so you had to be the one to slide off the couch and check who was at the door. Normally, Chenle would text you before he came over, and you would have the door already unlocked for his arrival so that he could just barge in and join you on the couch…or immediately grab your wrist, drag you through the kitchen for two glasses of lemonade, and then out the back door for another basketball match. The last thing you expected him to do was ring the doorbell out of nowhere, but more confusingly, when you open the front door to face him, he’s pacing back and forth. His mind seemed to be going a hundred miles a minute, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look this distraught before.
“Chenle?” You prompt, tilting your head at him still making circles in your front walkway. He snaps his head up and stops moving, seeming not to have heard you actually open the door yet and instead leaving him to get surprised by your voice. As he takes in your bewildered state, he does his best to calm himself, correctly assuming he was the reason for it.
Now, his body faces you full-on, but he still can’t meet your eyes, instead looking towards the ground and sucking on his bottom lip as he figures out what he wants to say. Eventually, he gives up, shaking his head and bringing his gaze up to you with an agitated sigh. “Any way I put this, I come off as an asshole, so please forgive me,” he finally says all at once.
You furrow your brows at him in confusion, your return question bearing a much lighter tone than his own. “What’s up, Chenle?”
He darts his gaze off to the side, biting on his bottom lip again. Though, this contemplation period hardly lasted a second before he’s dropping his head and spitting out his words through one rushed exhale. “Can I be selfish for one summer? Before you go to college? Before I move back to my parents' house? I know we both agreed to be smart enough not to get involved…but before I have to be someone else’s, I want to be yours - even if it’s just for one summer.”
To say you were thrown off was an understatement, but not necessarily because of his confession. It was no secret the two of you developed feelings for each other. Your parents knew it, his aunt knew it, you knew it, he knew it - there was no use in pretending said feelings didn’t exist. However, being sixteen with those feelings and knowing what you had since you were fourteen made the situation less than average.
You and Chenle decided the best thing you could do was flesh everything out. So, one random day of sophomore year, you did. An entire evening kicking yourselves for catching feelings, laughing at the fact that it seemed inevitable, and then deciding that the best course of action now was to try and forget about it. You were not the daughter of his wealthy parents’ wealthy business partner, and the two of you quickly learned that there was no changing his parents’ minds on the arranged marriage. There was no reason to try and pretend an outcome could exist where the two of you could work, where you wouldn’t get hurt. It was both, a pro and a con of being forced to grow up - dumb decisions that your childhood was waiting for you to make were never made, and it was so hard to tell which dumb decisions you actually missed out on.
Chenle was right, the two of you agreed to be smart enough to not get involved, but a part of you was mad that you never took the chance to be a stupid high school kid. It seemed entirely out of left field for Chenle to address the situation again just three months before the beginning of the rest of your lives kicked in, but you’re glad he did.
“One summer for us to make some stupid decisions and break our own hearts?” You echo back, and any trace of hope on Chenle’s face fades away. That is, until you look back at him with a smirk, leaning against your doorframe casually. “Yeah, what the hell. Let’s do it,” you say, and when Chenle whips his head back up to face you in surprise, you can’t stop your smirk from turning into a full smile.
Chenle shakes his head quickly, as though to get rid of all the thoughts on how to respond to a refusal that never came, and instead an easy smile reaches his own face as he looks back at you. “Great! So, can I take you on a date?”
He’s completely serious as he replies and this is where you’re most taken aback. “Oh, starting off with a date?” You only had three months to be together, and to be quite honest, you thought Chenle was going to skip past all the initial dates and dive right in, knowing that you wouldn’t have given it a second thought if he immediately had you pinned against a wall. You seemed to have greatly underestimated the character of your best friend though, because he shoots back with a sure nod, genuinity filling his next words.
“Well, yeah. I don’t want this to just be a physical thing. I want to be able to say that you were my first love. You were always meant to have that title. I want to remember you that way, not as some no-strings-attached summer fling.”
You immediately drop your head to face the floor. Chenle must have grown up some more when you weren’t looking. All at once, you don’t know what happened to the loser you grew up with, who learned to shut off his feelings and fill all that space with basketball instead; but now, here he stood, making his intentions very clear in that he planned to spend the summer falling in love with you, and outside of the shock you’ve felt throughout this entire conversation, a new feeling erupts in your stomach - butterflies.
You look back up at him, regardless of how embarrassingly red you could tell your cheeks were, and a smile reaches your face as soon as the two of you lock eyes. “A date it is,” you say with a nod before stepping back into your house some more and actually letting him inside for a bit. “I’ll have to actually get out of my pajamas,” you say with a laugh. “Any idea of where you want to go?”
Chenle bites on the inside of his cheek before shaking his head. “Well, you know I can take you out on a really fancy date, and if that’s what you want, we can do that. I mean, that’s sure as hell what you deserve…but I was thinking maybe we could just go out to our favorite ice cream shop and then play some basketball.”
Your cheeks puff out in a smile. “So, you wanna hang out?” You tease, and Chenle is quick to shake his head.
“No! I wanna go on a date with you! I know we get ice cream and play basketball a lot, but now I want to do so while also knowing I can go up and kiss you whenever I want.”
You raise an eyebrow playfully. “Oh, now we’re kissing on the first date?”
Chenle just stares at you in disinterest. “Three months, y/n. That’s all I get. I’m not exactly looking to take things super slow. Besides,” he continues, throwing a sly smirk your way as his own brows raise. “You’re the one who’s been wanting to kiss me for the past two years.”
Your mouth drops into a gape as you swat at him, only succeeding in making him laugh like a dolphin, and while you made fun of his laugh whenever you could, it was also your favorite thing in the world. A certain warmth fills your chest at the sound of it as you simply shake your head. “Whatever. You’ve been wanting to kiss me for the past two years as well. Don’t even pretend otherwise.” He’s still getting over his laughing fit as you finish your sentence, leaving you to just roll your eyes at him as you turn and walk upstairs to your room to change, the front door still hanging open for him to eventually follow you through.
When you come back downstairs after getting ready, Chenle looks you up and down with a smile. “I’ve always liked that skirt on you,” he says casually. You let out a light laugh.
“I know. You weren’t very secretive about it,” you reply playfully, causing a light dusting of pink to cover Chenle’s cheeks.
“Is dating you just going to be a nonstop period of you teasing me?” He finally asks in return. His words make you freeze, though. You only had three months but he was serious about it, serious about you, and you couldn’t help thinking about how great the hurt would be for both of you once it was over.
You shake out of it, you had to, and instead send a wink his way as you rush out the door without him. “I guess you’ll have to just wait and see,” you banter back, and Chenle rolls his eyes before following you out and doing your part in locking up behind him.
While you were exchanging greetings with the worker on the other side of the ice cream parlor’s bar, Chenle was just continuously poking at your arm. “What?” You finally snap as you turn to him, though no one would ever be able to pick up even the slightest bit of irritation with his antics based off the smile on your face as you looked at him.
Chenle draws in a deep breath as a confidence booster before spitting out his words all at once. “I know we normally get our own milkshakes and finish them, but if you wanted to do that thing where we get one milkshake and put two straws in it, we could.” He was completely serious as he spoke, and you bite your lip to stop the wide smile from coming onto your face at his attempt to truly make this feel like a date.
Instead of letting him know how cute he was, you resort back to messing with him. “Hmm…less ice cream for me, though,” you say, pretending to contemplate his offer.
“I can buy us another one after that!” He quickly responds, and you can see the typical energy begin to flow back through his body as he relaxes some more. “We can just keep ordering milkshakes to share! I mean, what’s a couple of $5 transactions on a black card?” He continues rambling but you break out into a laugh, immediately getting him to stop and stare at you in bewilderment because nothing he just said was a joke.
“Breaking out the black card for our first date?” You ask, looking over at Chenle as though you were something like impressed. He does not see what the big deal is.
“Of course, anything for you-” That’s where he breaks himself off, his head falling into his hands on the counter as he finally cracks. “God, I feel like a loser,” he groans, but a fond smile paints its way across your face in response.
“You’re not a loser,” you reply calmly, but Chenle shakes his head in his hands, his next words coming out covered in defeat.
“But my face is red and I’m saying stupid stuff.”
“It’s cute,” you reassure him gently, but he is quick to quip back.
“You’re cute.” The statement rolls off his tongue effortlessly and you jump back a little in your seat, eyes wide.
“Woah, lele. I didn’t know you could actually be sweet to me,” you say back, feigning astonishment.
Chenle finally lifts his head up out of his hands to drag his troubled gaze over to you. “Do you see what I’m talking about? I’m a loser! I didn’t mean to say that,” he groans.
You just furrow your brows. “So, you don’t think I’m cute?” You ask playfully. Chenle squeezes his eyes shut, taking an extra long breath before peeking one eye open to look at you and practically whisper his response.
“Yes, I do.”
An easy smile spreads across your face as you take in the fact that Chenle genuinely complimented you, though you were glad to see it pained him to admit it because that meant this was still your Chenle after all. You immediately turn your gaze back over to the worker, who pretended to be super invested in cleaning the counter as your conversation with Chenle drew out, and then you order just one milkshake with two straws. After, you move your gaze back over to your best friend.
“You can just be yourself, you know? I’ve liked you for years already, you don’t have to try and win me over now.”
Chenle sucks on his bottom lip, sighing. “I know but…you deserve to feel romanced and loved, and I want to do that, I just- it’s not my strong suit. My parents just bought me things and then shipped me overseas. A pretty weird love language if you ask me.” He ends with a small laugh, and you’re relieved to see the tension in his shoulders fall as he does.
You shoot a fond smile his way in response. “I know, and that’s okay. Look, these three months for us to be together is just a change in the title of our relationship. There’s not much else that has to change. I won't hate you for struggling with how to express love. I know you like me, that’s enough.”
“Stop being so good at making me feel better,” he says with a weak grin. “I already feel like I’m not good enough for you.”
You roll your eyes, placing one hand on top of his at the counter, getting him to meet your serious gaze. “Lele, you make me happy - that’s more than enough. Plus, you’re rich,” you add, and Chenle lets out his own laugh as he rips his hand away from under yours.
“Oh, whatever,” he replies with a scoff, but the atmosphere is instantly lighter as your laughter is only broken up by the milkshake being slid in between the two of you, immediately redirecting your attention to the shared directive of sucking that down as fast as you could.
As Chenle got his card back after paying for all your rounds of milkshakes, he turned to you with a hopeful grin. “Do you wanna go back and play basketball in our street?” He asks, causing a similar smirk to spread across your own features.
“You know I do, but can you take it easy on me now that we’re dating?” You suggest playfully, though surprise was the last feeling that came to mind when Chenle’s eyebrows furrow in response.
“Absolutely not,” he replies quickly, causing you to sigh. “If anything, I gotta go harder on you now that we’re dating. I don’t date amateurs. You gotta keep up with me.” Your face falls into shock as you lightly hit the back of your hand against his forearm and the two of you break out into laughter again.
“Hey! Thirteen years of pickup basketball does not equate to me being an amateur. I’m a seasoned pro,” you try to say seriously. Chenle raises his eyebrows at you in a taunt.
“Yeah? We’ll see about that. What do you say, loser has to buy-” He cuts himself off from going over the terms of the bet as he turns his attention towards the countertop in disbelief. “I guess I just bought all our ice cream. What are we supposed to use as a bet now?” He speaks as though his hopes and dreams were ruined. You just shake your head fondly at him, sucking on your bottom lip to try and hold back a smile.
“Come on,” you say, moving to grab his hand in yours and pull him away from the counter. “We’ll figure something out. Let’s go before it gets dark.”
Chenle shoots you a look as though you were crazy. “Y/n, it’s summer. We have like- at least five more hours before it gets dark.”
You stop in your tracks, turning back to him with a smirk. “Well, my bad. I just wanted to spend as much time with my boyfriend as possible,” you reply, and Chenle ducks his head as blush covers his face. Though, with one gentle squeeze of your hand, he’s the one now pulling you out of the ice cream parlor and towards the car to go back home.
As always, the two of you started off with a game of horse. It’s typically how you would decide who gets first possession, though you’ve stopped seeing a point to it because Chenle wins every time. At least, that’s how it normally goes. Today, standing in Chenle’s driveway, it was you who was crushing Chenle in horse. With you still at ‘h’ and Chenle just tacking on an ‘s,’ you let out a laugh. “I thought you weren’t taking it easy on me,” you taunt, and Chenle whips his head in your direction seriously.
“I’m not!”
You raise your eyebrows at him as you move to take the ball from his hands and shoot your next shot. “Okay well then, whoever you are, can you go get Chenle back for me?” You ask, turning back to him after successfully making it. “I miss him. He’s your height, looks kinda like you, is good at basketball-” You tease, and Chenle cuts you off as he turns fire red, grabbing the basketball and readying himself to shoot from where you just did.
“I’m good at basketball!” He argues before taking his next shot…and missing. He turns around to meet your raised eyebrows and groans. “A game of horse doesn’t even matter! All it means is that you start off our actual game.”
You shake your head at his antics as he picks up the basketball and passes it to you because somehow, you had first possession today. These ‘actual’ games were where you tended to perform better, but it was the same for Chenle of course, so you still typically only took one out of every twenty games from him.
Though, it seemed Chenle’s poor performance in horse did nothing to actually warm him up, because his game performance was no better - possibly worse. You watched as the famed Lele Curry missed every shot he took, acting as though nothing happened every time he retrieved the ball for you. You wait until he misses an easy layup before finally shaking your head at him from the other side of the driveway.
“Lele, come kiss me,” you say plainly, and Chenle immediately stops in his tracks as he turns towards you.
“WHAT? Wh- wha- why?” He fumbles out through something of a shocked yell, getting you to just roll your eyes at him playfully.
“Cause I have a feeling it’s gonna get you your basketball skills back,” you reply with raised eyebrows, greatly contrasting Chenle’s furrowed ones as he looks back at you in question.
“Huh?” He gets out, causing your shoulders to bounce up and down lightly with a small chuckle.
You look up to face him fondly, the teasing lilt out of your tone. “Look, we’re dating now, we just talked about affection, it’s on your mind and messing with your game, so you should come kiss me and get it over with,” you state as though it were no big thing. It was a big thing to Chenle though, because he just learned you could read his mind. Of course he was thinking about kissing you, it was all he could think about - you were you, after all, and Chenle really really liked you.
You watch as his adam’s apple bobs up and down with a hesitant swallow, but as he looks back up at you, the tension in his shoulders falls. He crosses the driveway to end up directly in front of you. Slowly, his right hand comes up to cup the side of your face, an action that you easily smile into, and Chenle takes a moment to run his thumb over your puffed out cheek as his nervous gaze runs over every inch of your face. “I don’t know how to kiss but- but I promise I’ll do it just right if you let me.”
“Chenle…”
“May I?” He asks quietly once his eyes finally fall to your lips.
You nod your head, caught off guard for a breathless moment at the recognition of this softer, shyer side of Chenle. You had kissed a few guys throughout high school, but you knew he hadn’t kissed anyone before. Once the two of you found out his marriage was arranged, he gave up completely on high school relationships or flings, and meanwhile you tried to kiss as many guys as possible in an attempt to get your mind off of it. None of them ever meant anything, but this one did, and Chenle knew it, too. He wanted to do everything right, but he didn’t even know what ‘right’ was, and any time he didn’t know what he was doing, he fell shyer, more hesitant, always so uncomfortable with unknowns that he tried to just slip away instead. He hardly let you see this side of him because he always wanted to present his best self; but he was soft with you now, because he cared enough about you to admit he was clueless - that the thought of kissing you made his head spin but it wasn’t even something he could truly picture.
“You may,” you answer softly, and Chenle slowly leans into you.
It started out as the lightest kiss in the world, a kind of gentleness almost uncharacteristic of your best friend if you didn’t know all his layers already. You can’t help the smile that spreads across your lips, but you refuse to break so quickly; so instead, you pin your focus on deepening the kiss - pressing back into him, establishing a healthy rhythm sucking on his bottom lip. Chenle’s hand that wasn’t cupping your face soon flies to your waist as he begins to match your pace. As he got more comfortable with the feeling of his lips against yours, he got more desperate for it. You figure standing in the driveway of his house is not where you should teach him how to use his tongue, so with one last soft kiss, you break away.
Your gaze instantly falls to the ground beneath your feet, a cheesy grin across your face that you try to cover up. “See, now you’ve kissed me. Nothing else is going to be as scary as that,” you say playfully. “Now you’re good. You can kiss me whenever you want. Alternatively, you never have to kiss me again if that’s what you want-” You immediately cut off your words as you finally bring your gaze up to make eye contact with Chenle, only to realize he’s staring at you with wide eyes, his mouth hanging slightly open. “What’s that look for?” You ask, suddenly worried you did something wrong.
Chenle shakes his head in an attempt to gather his thoughts, mouth opening and closing in hesitation as he looks you up and down. “Um, I like you…a lot. Like, a lot,” he says as though he were out of breath. The wide grin comes back to your face as you let out a fond laugh.
“Ha! That’s for another time,” you promise, instead bending down to pick the basketball up from the ground and place it in his hands. “Now turn around and shoot,” you continue, nodding your head towards the basket behind him. He does as asked, turning around and not even taking a moment to regain his footing before shooting and immediately making a nothing-but-net basket. You drop your face back to the pavement with a knowing nod. Then, you walk the one step back to meet him again and place a soft kiss on his cheek. “There’s my Chenle,” you claim softly, and watch as his ears turn a deep shade of red.
Biting on his bottom lip, he shakes his head, unable to say anything in response. Instead, he moves to grab the basketball again, passing it to you since he just scored, and you know you’re about to get your ass kicked in pickup basketball.
That was, in fact, exactly what happened. The only difference between this and the games that occurred before you started dating, is that now throughout the game, Chenle would sometimes turn around after making a basket and tell you a play that good deserved a kiss. You would roll your eyes every time but you always obliged - each soft, casual, ‘proud of you’ peck leaving Chenle with the biggest grin on his face.
Your pickup game finally ended when his aunt got back from work, forcing you both out of the driveway but more importantly, breaking the two of you apart from your quick kiss as you scramble into the grass. As she pulls into the garage and turns off the car, she steps out to meet you two still on the side of the driveway. “Well, something’s certainly changed in the time I’ve been at work, hasn’t it?” She says with a playful smirk. You and Chenle drop your heads in unison, but his aunt just lets out a warm laugh, nodding her head towards the door. “Come on, kids. I’ll make us dinner.”
Matching smiles spread across your faces as you rush to follow her inside. As she started cooking, you and Chenle did whatever you could to help around the house where needed, but eventually you were told to just sit and rest a while as opposed to crowding the kitchen and making things more difficult. So, TV remote now in hand, you leaned into Chenle on the couch and he hooked both arms over you instantaneously.
Chenle’s arms around you, the smell of home-cooked dinner, and a basketball game on the TV, there was something so natural about it - as though Chenle’s arms have been around you your entire life, as though you’d have them around you, to come home to, for the rest of time. You knew the idea of it would never be true in the long run, but right now it was as real as it could get - and the second you could convince yourself to simply exist in the present, that fact was enough to make everything okay. You’re sure Chenle could feel it, because at the very same time that peace crashed over your body, Chenle squeezed you slightly tighter to him, placing a small kiss to the top of your head before resuming his task of acting super nonchalant about having you in his arms.
The two of you explained everything to his aunt over dinner, and any disheartening thought she may have had about the situation, she kept to herself. You all had collectively gone through that song and dance all those years prior when the news of Chenle’s arranged marriage first broke. She knew you didn’t need to hear that speech again. Instead, she smiled warmly, claiming that if any two people deserved to be happy together, even for just a little while, it was you guys.
You excused yourself after dinner, figuring it was probably time for you to head home since you haven’t seen your parents all day. Chenle immediately stood from the table with you, gently lacing his fingers with yours and leading you to the door. “I’ll walk you home,” he says casually, but you just shake your head at him.
“Lele, I live right across the street. It doesn’t even take twenty seconds for me to get home,” you reply playfully. Chenle just squeezes your hand in his slightly tighter, and when he speaks again, it’s much more somber in tone.
“Three months, y/n. I’ll take a few more seconds anywhere I can get them,” he states quietly, and his words seem to have hollowed you out so that all you can do is nod your head. Chenle smiles at your acceptance before getting hit with another thought and immediately pausing. “Oh, wait!” He exclaims as you take the first step out his front door.
You turn back around to face him in question, watching as he runs through the house before coming back into view with a hoodie in his arms. “For you,” he says with a bright smile as he holds out the hoodie for you to take. You just raise your brows at him with a smirk.
“Chenle, it’s summer. What am I gonna need a hoodie for?” You ask playfully in return, though your traces of banter didn’t reach Chenle, and instead every feature on his face falls into a pout. You let out a fond laugh at the sight of it, moving towards him to take the hoodie from his arms with a light kiss on his cheek. You immediately slip it over your head, and the sheer comfort of it answered your question of what you were gonna do with a hoodie in the summer - wear it any chance you got. You look back at Chenle, who was stuck staring at you in his hoodie as though you were a goddess. You just pray your face doesn’t show too flustered in the moonlight and grab his hand to actually start on the walk across the street.
As you get to your front door, Chenle tightens his grip on your hand to pull you back some more, now just standing idly on your front porch. You study his figure curiously, watching as he tosses around thoughts in his head so loud you could almost hear them. His gaze eventually falls to the ground but he finally finds his voice.
“I don’t think I’m gonna be great at ever telling you how I feel. It’s hard for me to articulate anything even closely related to feelings. There’s so much in my head but I don’t know how to tell you everything…how much you mean to me. But if today taught me anything, I’m much more comfortable with showing you how I feel. That doesn’t seem as foreign to me for some reason. I can show you how I feel - I want to. I hope it gets across, though. I hope you know every time we kiss…” He drags off, and his eyebrows immediately furrow in irritation that this was just another example of him struggling to put his feelings into words.
You give a fond shake of your head as you stare back at him. “Chenle,” you let out softly, rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand, still intertwined with yours.
He finally looks back up at you with resolve. “What I’m trying to say is that if one day, you get fed up with all my emotions being expressed physically rather than verbally, I can stop. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t have to kiss you all the time. I can try- I can try to…I can-” This time, he’s cut off by your lips on his, and he melts right into the kiss.
When you finally pull back, you place a hand on his cheek, nodding your head lightly. “It gets across, lele. Everything you’re feeling, it gets across. It’s never gonna be too much; we have a lot of time to make up for, I know. So, whenever you want to kiss me, I want to kiss you.”
In return, Chenle gives the most bashful smile you’ve ever seen. He moves a hand up to guide your own back down from his cheek before studying the way your two hands fit with each other so naturally. All hands were meant to be interlaced with another, he thought, but his were specifically made for yours. You look at his soft features with a grin, squeezing his hand gently in yours and getting him to train his eyes back on you in a rush. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says surely, causing you to laugh some before nodding your head.
“See you tomorrow,” you softly return as he takes the first few steps back towards his house. You stand and watch until he finally reaches his own front door; turning back around to see you still outside, he gives an exaggerated wave in your direction, and you didn’t need to see the huge smile on his face to know it was there. You move your hand up slightly to wave back to him, hoping the yellow street light wasn’t enough to illuminate the clarity that had immediately washed over you as you clocked that you only had three months left of his exaggerated waves and huge smiles - the butterflies that had occupied your stomach all day were no match for the void that made its presence known now. A heavy breath escapes you as he finally turns the knob and enters his house, leaving you with nothing left to do but the same.
As soon as you opened the door, the change in atmosphere was striking. The warmth of your parents’ laughter filled the kitchen as they were cleaning up from their own dinner, your dog entirely too wound up as he jumped around waiting for teased scraps from your father’s plate. The pit in your stomach didn’t go away, but instead became more pronounced as another strange feeling added to it. Your parents had much longer than three months to be together; you wondered if they could fathom it - if they could ever wrap their heads around the amount of love shared between the two of them throughout all these years. You wondered if you would ever be able to wrap your head around the idea of loving someone that many years, knowing it wouldn’t be Chenle on the receiving end of it. You hated remembering why the two of you originally promised not to get involved with each other - you hated that those reasons made more sense than ever.
You didn’t realize the door practically slammed shut behind you until the rest of the house fell quiet in response. Your mom makes eye contact with you in the front entryway before smiling brightly and returning to the dishes. “Hey, sweetie! Were you over at Chenle’s?”
Her question is coated with a smile and all you can do is start rambling to try and fight off the nauseous feeling that arose in response. “Guys, I made a really stupid decision and I know it’s stupid so I don’t need you to tell me again and I really don’t need you to be pessimistic about it because it won’t help.” You speed through your words in an instant and the look on your parents’ faces completely flip as they drop what they’re doing to go meet you still by the front door.
“Y/n, what happened?” Your dad asks in a panic, and you figure the vagueness of your statement meant they were currently assuming a lot worse than it was. You shake your head, but it doesn’t do much to dismiss their worry until you follow it up with words.
“Chenle asked me to be his girlfriend,” you spit out, and the tension in their shoulders drops at once.
“And you said ‘yes,’” your mom softly finishes in your place. You shoot your gaze up to her, bringing their notice to the tears in your eyes as you respond weakly.
“I couldn’t say ‘no.’”
Your mom lets out a fond sigh, nodding her head as she throws an understanding smile in your direction. “I know,” she replies, coming up to wrap you in a hug where you finally let yourself bawl your eyes out.
“We only have three months to be together but- but we wanted to be together,” you explain as firmly as you could through tears. “And we should’ve just pressed on these three months like we have our whole lives, I know it’s stupid-”
“Y/n, it’s not stupid,” your mom cuts in seriously. You lean slightly out of the hug to make shaky eye contact with her, then darting your gaze off to meet the encouraging look your dad bore and only getting more confused. You pull back from the hug entirely, now doing your best to collect yourself again so you could have a real conversation.
“I’m gonna be really hurt three months from now, and it’s not Chenle’s fault, it’s mine-” You could only be mad at yourself for so long before your mom cuts you off again.
“It’s not your fault. Sometimes, what makes a decision seem stupid is that there’s no one to blame for its consequences. It’s not gonna be your fault, nor Chenle’s…and it’s weird when you don’t have someone to blame.” Your mom was always the voice of reason, but you figure this time she was taking the same approach that Chenle’s aunt did. The inevitability of you and Chenle was the least of her worries. Her main goal was to keep you from jumping off the ledge before you could even enjoy it.
“I think Chenle blames his parents,” you rebuttal thoughtfully, and your dad just lets out a laugh before he responds more sincerely.
“Yes, but I think he hates his parents enough for the all of us, so we shouldn’t add to it.” Chenle’s disdain for his parents was more than evident, and your own parents never had the nicest things to say about them either - even though they kept their thoughts to themselves, you knew it. There wasn’t a single person in the suburb who understood where Chenle’s parents were coming from; with the quality of life being so starkly different, you figure no one ever would. The sucky thing was, you knew Chenle’s parents were thinking the same thing about you all, and it’s why everyone but Chenle has kept their opinion to themselves - it wasn’t worth it to do otherwise, an understanding could never be made between two different worlds.
You take in his words with a flash of your eyebrows but eventually let out a heavy sigh. “...he shouldn’t hate his parents,” you admit solemnly, thinking of your own family and wondering how heartbreaking it would be for both sides if you viewed them the way Chenle views his.
Your father ducks his head, his thoughts running parallel to yours. “No, but that’s not for us to worry about. I’m just glad you don’t hate yours,” he says with a smile, and you finally move your gaze back up towards your parents, three pairs of uncertain eyes exchanging thousands of emotions between them.
“Is everything gonna be okay?” You finally ask, your voice much weaker than you would have liked. Your mom shakes her head in mystery, a thin-lipped smile giving its best attempt at comfort.
“I don’t know, but was today okay?” She asks in return.
“Yes,” you answer immediately, but then your face turns more contemplative and you shake your head. “No- it was so much better than ‘okay’ you wouldn’t even understand.” Your words come out coated in fondness. You figured it was the first step towards realizing how bittersweet these next three months with Chenle were going to be, how nostalgic you would soon feel for memories you were in the middle of making.
Your mom’s smile widens at your words as she moves to brush over your cheek with her hand, ensuring the two of you make eye contact as she gives the only advice she thinks she can at this point. “Then let’s try not to worry about if everything’s gonna be okay in the future, and focus on the fact that everything is so much better than okay right now,” she says softly, leaving you nodding your head against her hold. It eventually falls into a tight hug before you get embarrassed and excuse yourself to make your way to your room for the night.
It was a few hours later when your parents walked in to say goodnight. Your dad went first and then waited at the doorway as your mom took her moment to kiss the top of your head and bid you goodnight. Before she could take a full step away, though, you caught her hand in yours. Her face whipped back around to meet your soft, wavering gaze. “He kissed me today.” Your tone made it sound as though you had a million thoughts in your mind, but it was clear not even one would manifest itself into more words right away. Your parents both give a warm grin, and as your dad leaves from your doorframe to let the two of you have a moment, your mom joins you sitting on top of your bed.
“Yeah?” She encourages softly. All you can do is nod before frustration reaches the surface and you end up shaking your head decidedly.
“Mom, I don’t want to kiss another guy ever again,” you say, looking up to make sincere eye contact with her. “I want it to always be Chenle,” you continue firmly, and your mom just lets out a defeated sigh.
“For three months, it will be,” she says with a weak smile, trying her best to bring any sense of hope to the situation.
You pull your bottom lip in between your teeth, both coming to terms with the situation and not being able to believe it all at once. “And that has to be enough. How do I make that be enough?” You ask helplessly, the sight of you torn up like this chipping away at your mom’s heart.
“I don’t know, but you’ll figure it out,” she replies, and you figure that’s all anyone would be able to say to that. These are your circumstances, and regardless of if it feels unfair, all you can do is the best you can do; spending these three months trying to resolve a grief that hasn’t even hit you yet was definitely not your best course of action. With the smallest of laughs that still comes across as jarring in the fragile moment, your mom speaks up again. “I would say you could kiss him like every time will be the last, but I can’t have you sucking his face off…his parents would not be thrilled about that,” she teases, and you’re finally able to crack a smile as well.
With one last kiss to the top of your head, your mom gets up and heads towards your door again. “Remember,” she says, turning back over her shoulder to look at you. “Today was really really good. Tomorrow will be, too; and the day after that…and the day after that. So, no stress for at least the next three days, okay?”
Your smile widens on your lips at the silly promise, but it did its job in removing what felt like the entire weight of the world from your shoulders. “Okay.” Then, with one last smile, your mom was out the door.
The next week was spent with you and Chenle not seeing more than an hour of separation from each other unless you were sleeping. Though you couldn’t say this for anyone else you hang out with, you never got tired of Chenle, never oversaturated from his energy; so, spending all this time together was hardly a task - it was just how you were meant to be. You think Chenle held the secret to it all along, the reason you never got tired of each other - though you doubted he was even aware of it, every time he looked your way, it seemed to be with a fresh set of eyes, like it was the first time he’d ever laid eyes on you. You could see it in the glaze of softness that took over his stare for a millisecond. How could you ever tire of each other when every glance gave the illusion of no time having passed at all. The only problem you could anticipate is how shocking it would be when these three months were up, if each passing day still consisted of the butterflies from the first.
It was at the end of this first week when your mom lingered in your room while saying goodnight to you again. You eyed her curiously as she sat down on your bed rather than the typical lean-over to kiss the top of your head. She gives a small laugh as she meets your gaze, then starts her words with a light sigh.
“Y/n, your dad and I have been talking,” she begins, and the color drains from your face.
“Uh oh,” you reply, unsure of whatever it is they came up with but knowing it typically never boded well for you.
At this, she laughs again, shaking her head with a grin. “No, it’s nothing bad. It’s just-” she breaks off, looking as though she couldn’t believe what she was about to say, and once you heard her words, you understood the look on her face completely. “We know how this is gonna go. You guys are eighteen year olds who like each other a lot, the situation only made more dire because there’s a strict end date. We figure you’re gonna want each other as your first time, right? So, just please be safe about it, okay?” She moves to make eye contact with you again, seemingly proud with how she articulated everything, meaning she’s completely surprised to see your jaw dropped.
“Wait, what?!” The volume of your voice jars even you, but you could not believe her words. “Are you telling me you and dad came to the decision that Chenle and I could have sex?! Me?” You question, pointing up at yourself as though your mom didn’t know who she was addressing. “Your daughter? Permission to have sex with Chenle?” At your crazed tone, your mom just lets out another small laugh and a shrug, morphing the atmosphere into something much more chill than you could imagine.
“I mean, you’re eighteen,” she replies nonchalantly, only getting you to gawk at her some more.
“I’m like- still a kid to you guys!” You shoot back, remembering how many times the idea of that played into their many rules for you - curfew during high school is 10:00 but hey, that first summer once you’ve graduated, go crazy, it seems!
Your mom tosses the concept of you being a kid around in her head before returning her gaze to you with a slight smirk teasing at her features. “Eh, I lost mine at, uh- well...younger than you, so eighteen’s honestly looking pretty good.”
“What?!” You exclaim again, this piece of lore about your mom baffling you more than anything else you’ve heard tonight.
You watch as she winces, reliving the truth of what she just said, but her eyebrows eventually raise as she turns to you with a cheeky grin to contrast her serious gaze. “Yeah, don’t tell your father about that one. I’m pretty sure he thinks I lost it at nineteen…” She drags off, and you let out your first laugh of the night.
“I can’t believe this,” you say, and your mom’s smile meets your own as she shakes her head and continues with her actual point.
“Look, some people see being eighteen and an ‘adult’ as a reason to never need their parents’ permission for anything ever again. So, I’m glad that you still want our approval for certain things but, here it is. Just be safe and we’re good,” she says casually, and you just drop your head with a laugh of disbelief.
“Okay-” you begin with a nod, but your words are cut off as your mom seems to light up with another thought.
“Oh! Just please do all that when we aren’t home. Your father and I do not need to-” She cuts herself off abruptly but continues to open and close her mouth as if searching for words to describe exactly what her and your dad don’t need to be around to hear, but you just nod your head with another laugh.
“Okay, okay, I got it. Don’t worry,” you conclude, finally motioning for her to let it go and actually bid you goodnight. With a laugh, she relents, walking out of your room and leaving you completely bewildered…and with news to tell Chenle when you see him tomorrow.
However, when you did see Chenle the next day, the conversation with your mom was the last thing on your mind because your little romantic surprised you with a date to the zoo, saying that you had to go right away before it gets too hot and all the animals hide in the shade of their habitats.
The first hour of the zoo experience was completely normal - snow cones that turned your hands into a sticky mess, which Chenle refused to let you wash off right away because he kept sticking your hands together and pulling them apart again with the biggest smile on his face; and then walking around the entire place actually holding hands, splitting your conversation between genuine facts about the animals and trying to see who could get the other to believe the craziest lie they could come up with at the time.
It was when you were at the prairie dog habitat that things took a turn. You and Chenle were reading the fact sheet when you heard the little girl next to you ask her mom what was happening with the animals. You whip your head back up to see the prairie dogs in a compromising position and immediately hit Chenle on the shoulder to get him to whip his head up as well. The two of you try your best to hold in laughter as the parents with younger children rushed to find another animal habitat to keep their child entertained with. That was when memories of last night came flooding back to you and you turn to face Chenle in an instant.
“Oh, hey! You know my parents said they’re chill with us having sex,” you say quietly enough so that just Chenle could pick up on your words. Expecting a reaction similar to yours when first hearing the news, you were stunned to see that when Chenle turned his head over towards you, his face was completely flat aside from his raised brows.
“So, what are ya thinking? You wanna drop down right here and do it?” He asks neutrally, beginning to eye the floor before scrunching his nose and looking around for a better spot.
“Chenle!” You gawk, and all it takes is one look at your exasperated face before he finally falls into a bout of laughter.
“I’m kidding, princess. God, who do you take me for?” He jokes with a disappointed shake of his head. Though, as you calm down with your own dramatic eye roll, he slips his hand into yours again, bringing them up to kiss the back of yours before dragging you off towards another habitat.
Hand-in-hand, the two of you walked around the rest of the zoo before heading out for a casual dinner. It wasn’t until Chenle was dropping you off at your front door that, in an effort to keep you in front of him a little longer, he remembered the topic he probably shouldn’t have just dismissed earlier in the day. “Oh, hey, before you go,” he starts, and you instantly remove your hand from the door knob to turn back around towards him. He makes serious eye contact with you as he continues. “About what you said at the zoo-”
You raise your brows with a grin but he shakes his head as soon as he spots your smile. “Not the part about all elephants being recognized as ordained ministers,” he clarifies, and you can’t help the small laugh as you remember your attempts at animal facts today. “But about us,” he continues seriously. “If I want anyone to be my first, it’s you, but I don’t wanna rush into it just because we’ve been told we can. I mean- I just got used to being able to kiss you and hold your hand-”
“And call me princess,” you add with a smirk, not letting him get away with the new pet name that easily. Chenle drops his head bashfully.
“Yeah, and call you princess…” he echos, falling more thoughtful with each word. “And I wanna be able to relish that a bit more before- well.” He shakes his head, getting frustrated at how poorly he was able to articulate everything on his mind. “I wanna be able to be there,” he finally says with resolve, looking back up to make eye contact with you again before continuing. “Be present…and if I still can’t fathom the fact that I get to kiss you right now, I don’t want to try and wrap my head around even more,” he finally concludes with something of an embarrassed laugh to try and lighten the atmosphere that only he thought needed lightening. You just smile sweetly back at him.
“I get it, lele. Hey, I wasn’t the one suggesting we drop to the floor and do it in front of the prairie dog habitat,” you remind him, causing him to face the ground again as he lets out an actual laugh at his own past actions. When you pick your words back up, it’s with sincerity. “If one of us isn’t ready, then nothing’s happening. I’m good to take it slow. We wanted to do this right, yeah?”
Chenle nods his head as he lets out a sigh of relief, as though he expected the two of you to not be on the same page for the first time in thirteen years. Though, when he looks back up at you, it’s with a firm smile. “Yeah.”
You shake your head at it all, your smile alone revealing how endearing you found him despite your best efforts to keep it hidden. You press up on your tip-toes and lightly kiss the top of his nose before moving down to catch his lips easily with yours. “Goodnight, Chenle,” you say once you finally pull back. Chenle’s face is as red as ever, and you knew he wasn’t kidding when he said he still can’t fathom the fact that he gets to kiss you.
“Goodnight, princess,” he replies in kind, getting your own face to flush as he turns to walk the few steps across the street to his house.
A few more dates and countless pickup basketball games later, and it was already the one month anniversary of the day Chenle paced around your front porch and begged you to forget about what’s happening in just two months now. Knowing Chenle, and how much he loved spending his parents’ money while he wasn’t under their rule, you were half expecting him to greet you today in a suit and take you out to the fanciest restaurant he could find. Instead, Chenle barged in through your front door that afternoon with something much less proper on his mind. “Y/n, it’s been a month,” he points out, and you turn your head to face him from where you sat on the couch.
“Yeah?” You acknowledged, waiting to see where he was going with this.
“I think we should have sex,” he states plainly, and you throw your head back with a laugh before you can even think about it.
“Just like that, huh?” You tease, looking over at him once again with a huge grin, not at all as serious about this proposal as he was.
He puts his hands out awkwardly, as if making sure you stayed put and would hear him out. “Look, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the subject-” he begins, and you cut him off with another laugh of disbelief.
“Oh, I’m sure you have,” you joke, finally up on your feet and rounding the couch so you could stand face-to-face with him.
He shakes his head in the meantime, a look of annoyance on his face, all overwritten by a huge grin because it was you he was annoyed at. “Shut up,” he quipped with his own small laugh before continuing with as much seriousness as he could. “What I’m saying is, I think I could make it the best day of your life.”
Your eyebrows shoot up immediately, and it’s hard to keep the tease in your voice when the rest of your face betrays you with a huge smile. “Oh, yeah? Well, I’m sure with all your nerdy research, you’re practically a pro by now.” Chenle opens his mouth to bark out some confirmative response, or more likely beg you to stop with the teasing. Though, before he can do any of that, you just shake your head, grabbing his hand in yours and, with the knowledge that both of your parents were still at work for the next few hours, easily guiding him to your bedroom without a second thought. “Come on, big head.”
Chenle smiled brightly at the back of your head as he followed you up the stairs. “I’m so lucky,” he responds, the sarcasm not doing any good at covering up how much he genuinely meant that statement…if only Chenle knew how lucky he made you feel.
Ever since then, it became clear that sex with you was going to consistently stay at the forefront of Chenle’s mind. He was absolutely obsessed with the opportunity to know you more than he already did after the first thirteen years of memorizing you as his best friend. Each curve of your body was something sacred for him, and he took every chance he could get to indulge in it some more. Two weeks after your first time, Chenle met you at your front door with the same gleam in his eyes as ever.
“Hey, baby,” you say, leaning in to quickly kiss him before moving back so he could actually step inside your house. “What do you wanna do today?”
“Sex!” He immediately answers, his tone as though he were a kid asking for candy. You drop your head with a small laugh.
“Not today, lele,” you reply, and Chenle’s brows shoot up in question, though the playfulness is still coating his every move.
“Was my approach wrong? Let’s go from the top, I’ll make my words more sophisticated,” he jokes with a smirk.
You finally give a solemn shake of your head. “No, Chenle.”
His demeanor immediately shifts as he falls into concern. “Okay, what’s wrong?” He asks, placing his hand softly on your cheek so he can guide your eyes back to his own. You meet his worried eyes and immediately dart your gaze away again, laughing softly in embarrassment.
“Nothing. I just started my period today,” you explain, and Chenle immediately lets out a sigh of relief as you watch understanding wash over his figure. You pick up at the end of his sigh and continue with your answer. “My cramps are always the worst on day one.”
Once sure you weren’t breaking up with him nor banning him from ever fucking you again, he easily slips back into his usual manner with you; in this case, instantly getting on your ass. “Why didn’t you tell me?! I would’ve brought over your favorite snacks and your microwavable stuffed animal you always keep at my place and-”
You cut him off, shaking your head with a small smile. “I don’t need all that, though. I just wanna be with you.”
Chenle renders completely still for a moment. For a man who seemed to struggle with words, yours always ended up hitting him right on. He moves to instead wrap you in a tight hug, a contrasting gentle kiss placed on the top of your head as he just held you there for a moment. He finally moves to instead kiss your cheek and pull back a bit. “Movie night, then?” He suggests lightly.
You flash a soft grin in his direction, eyebrows raising as you stare back at him. “Will you hold me the whole time?” You ask seriously in return. Chenle rolls his lips inwards to hide his smile, though he can’t hide the light dusting of pink now covering his cheeks and tips of his ears.
“Is that even a question?” His banter back is ruined by the sheer softness of it. Your grin widens as you grab his hand and lead him towards the couch in the living room. You lean into him easily and he doesn’t think twice before pulling you even closer, holding you even tighter, as your favorite movie begins playing in front of you. “We’re watching the Steph Curry documentary after this, just so you know,” Chenle suddenly speaks up, a faint laugh in his tone - a strange vocalic considering he was completely serious, but you realize it’s his attempt to be softer with you right now, figuring you had it bad enough with your cramps that you didn’t need his bluntness on top of it.
“I’m pretty sure we can both quote the entire documentary by now,” you banter back with a disinterested groan. Chenle looks over at you by his side with a playful gleam in his eyes.
“Exactly! Which means we have to watch it one more time to really make sure.”
You roll your eyes at him but relent without another word; you still had an hour and a half of the first movie anyways.
It was a little over two hours later when your parents got home from work to find the two of you seemingly in conversation, only to realize the movie in front of you had no sound and it was just you and Chenle switching back and forth quoting each line - neither of you cutting the other a break should there be a moment of hesitation…so half of the script was recounted in between laughs and over the other’s teasing. Needless to say, once the Curry documentary started, there had been significantly less cuddles than before, but your cramps, however painful they may have been, were the last thing on your mind. It was only when you sat down for dinner that reality came flooding back over you, suddenly making it hard to sit down again. Trying not to focus on the pain, you instead thought about how pain-free the past few hours have been. You hated that Chenle knew what would work so well…you hated that he wouldn’t always be here to make it work again.
After dinner, your parents made their way out back to enjoy the firepit and calm night. You and Chenle found yourselves back on the couch, this time old cartoons you used to watch during childhood taking up space on the TV rather than movies. You cuddled into him easily, and he did his best to love on you enough to make the pain go away again.
When your parents finally came back inside, the TV was still running but you and Chenle were asleep against each other, his arms wrapped around you protectively as the two of you shifted so that you were laying down on top of his figure rather than just leaning against his shoulder. Your parents just let out light sighs, sad smiles covering their faces as your dad turned off the TV and your mom laid a blanket over the two of you before texting Chenle’s aunt and letting her know that Chenle wouldn’t be making his way back across the street tonight. They weren’t sure if they were feeding the beast by letting the two of you spend the night together, but it was too hard on their hearts to impose a future reality when you guys were so at home living in the present.
The morning sun eventually made its way through the windows to disrupt the darkness of your unconscious state. Still refusing to open your eyes, you just turn your head so that you're facing away from the window. Though, that’s when a hand lightly trails through your hair to move it away from your face, and you realize you’re still against Chenle’s chest. At once, you blink awake, and when you move your gaze to look at Chenle, you can hear the snap of silence as his breath gets caught in his throat. He shakes out of it with a smile, once again running his fingers through your hair as he begins to speak softly. “God, I wanna wake up next to you for the rest of my life.”
Your face goes fire red and you immediately rush to bury it back in his chest. “Shut up,” you chide. “Why would you say something like that?”
“Because I need you to know that,” he responds in sincerity, kissing the top of your head since your face was still hidden. “I’ll always want it to be you.” His soft confession served to be one of the most reassuring and sweetest things you’ve ever heard, and you knew he meant it wholeheartedly. However, while warmth took over 98% of your body, there was the other 2% overcome with a certain uneasiness. With Chenle claiming that he would always want it to be you he wakes up next to, it was the first time you felt a sense of pity for the girl on the other end of this arranged marriage with Chenle, because while you could never be her, she would never be you.
You push the thought to the back of your mind, sure anyone around you would call you crazy for feeling pity for his future wife. Instead, you pick your head back up and press a light kiss to his lips, and just like that, 75% of the rest of summer nights and early mornings saw you and Chenle asleep against each other.
All too soon, Chenle was accompanying your family as you moved into your college dorm. There was a week left before the first day of classes, and in between now and then, Chenle would have his fateful flight back to Shanghai. You had spent the past few nights crying yourself to sleep - well, if it wasn’t a night you and Chenle were spending together. All you wanted to do was be strong for him, your mind a constant loop of how sorry he looked as he asked to be selfish for the summer and indulge in his feelings. The last thing you wanted was for him to actually feel bad about it, to know how painful it truly was for you, when you knew he was going through the same thing himself. You didn’t need to add to the heavy weight on his shoulders imposed by almost every other figure in his life. So, you kept your tears to yourself. It wasn’t that hard anyways, being in Chenle’s presence meant a constant smile was on your face without ever having to think about it.
Once all your things were put away and you could pass as ‘moved in,’ you stood opposite your parents in the doorway to your dorm as Chenle used the bathroom. With a few words and quite a bit more unspoken ones, your parents made themselves conscious of the time on their watch and then bid you goodbye for a bit.
When Chenle came back out from the bathroom, he looked around for your parents, but his shoulders instantly fell once he failed to lay eyes on them. Instead, he turned to you in complete seriousness, pointing a thumb out to the side towards where your bed was as he looked at you with raised brows. “Can I be the first to fuck you on your dorm bed?” He asks plainly, and despite yourself, a loud laugh erupts from your chest.
“Chenle!” You chide, and the familiar big grin makes its way back across his lips.
“What? Isn’t that a thing?” He laughs off in question as though nothing were amiss. He quickly shakes his head, regaining his serious composure as he begins in his attempts at convincing you. “Regardless, I won’t get to experience it for myself so you should take pity on me. And I want this bed to be able to know me before any other college boy toy,” he states plainly, making you drop your head to hide the smile conjured up by his words.
“So glad you think that after you go back to China, I’ll resort to boy toys,” you shoot back monotonously. Chenle finally fumbles as he rushes to steer your mindset in a different direction.
“Okay, it came out wrong. That’s not what I meant,” he assures, but you stare back at him with raised, uninterested brows.
“Yes it was,” you reply immediately, but with the smallest peek of a smile from you, Chenle loses his tension again, ducking his head into his shoulders with a dumb laugh.
“I know.”
You shake your head at him to accompany the eye roll. “I hate you,” you say through a laugh, much to your dismay because you could not sell the bit to save your life. Chenle knew it, too, as he pops back up to look in your eyes with nothing but a tease behind his own.
“So, that’s a no to fucking on your dorm bed?” He questions, making it seem as though that were your least desired possibility rather than his own. His mind games didn’t need to work, though, as you shake your head with a fond smile this time, taking a step towards him to kiss his lips softly.
“I already told my parents to explore the campus,” you admit, and Chenle’s kissed lips turn into a childish grin that he had to calm down from before he could even think about kissing you again.
“Hmm…I think I like my bed better,” Chenle finally says, tossing your shirt back over to you as you both now sit up in your bed. You can’t help the laugh that escapes you at his words.
“Well, I would hope so,” you tease. “Yours is a King as opposed to this Twin.”
Chenle shakes his head, dismissing your banter as he responds with more contemplation than the situation called for. “No, I mean, the bigger bed is nice but I don’t think that’s it. I think this one is just a little too squeaky,” he concludes with resolve. All you can do is laugh, leaning over to place a fond kiss on his cheek.
“You had high standards for plastic-covered springs,” you joke as you pull back. Chenle looks over at you with raised brows.
“I have high standards in general. That’s why I like you,” he responds, and instead of letting yourself get embarrassed by how flustered that statement was about to make you, you nudge him in the side with a roll of your eyes.
“Whatever. We both know I was too low maintenance for you to originally fathom,” you reply, and Chenle finally lets a huge smile break across his face.
“We were kids in a suburb and I came from money…there was a lot I couldn’t fathom,” he recounts seriously. You move your head to look over at him by your side, a soft smile on your lips as the playfulness behind your eyes begins fading to match it.
“I’m glad you finally came around,” you start with sincerity. “The suburb will be sad to see you go.”
Chenle lets out a heavy breath at your words, the weight of reality seeming to hit you both at the same time. He finally nods his head a little, not in agreement but something like contemplation. “Speaking of, I guess we should get back to it. Now that we moved you in, we have to move me out.” The words are bitter on his tongue. The two of you did an immensely good job at sticking to the present throughout this past summer, but now that the present involved the first steps of the dreaded future, it was hard to stay lighthearted. You did your best, though, responding with a faint laugh.
“Yeah, I’m sure my parents have just about exhausted every way they can keep themselves busy anyways,” you point out playfully, and Chenle finally seems to remember he’s still sitting shirtless in your bed. He looks over at you, realizing he’s the only one to have fallen behind on getting dressed again, and with a matching laugh, he begins to remedy that.
“I can’t believe how chill your parents are,” he replies with a bit of awe as he pulls his t-shirt over his body.
You shake your head at him, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth in thought. “They’re not, they just like you.” Your reply is more serious again and Chenle swings his gaze your way with raised brows. You pull up your own to match, and a small smile plays on your lips as you continue. “If it was anyone else, they would’ve had me by the throat.”
Chenle takes in your cautious figure and furrows his brows, not at all seeing the consequences in the same light you were. “You like that, though,” he replies, nudging you in the side and getting the both of you to laugh. You shake your head, dropping it to cover your face with your hands in embarrassment.
“Sometimes, I wish you had a filter,” you banter back, but when you uncover your face again to look over at Chenle, his demeanor had completely shifted, as though your laugh had reminded him that he didn’t know how many more times he would be able to hear it.
“I’m sorry for having to leave,” he says miserably. “Your family has been so nice to me, all throughout childhood and now trusting me with you…” He drags off, his gaze moving across the bed beneath him and over to you, hair messy and lips slightly swollen from his kisses. He shakes his head. “Like this, and I’m just up and leaving.” You can tell he’s getting pissed at himself with every new word, but he doesn’t give you time to jump in right away. “I put you in a position where I knew you’d get hurt. I feel like an asshole.”
Gently, you bring both of your hands to cover over his own against his lap, and he turns his gaze your way at the contact, allowing you to see him physically break from his reverie and instead soften in your presence. “Chenle, you aren’t an asshole,” you reassure. “I knew what I was signing up for at the beginning of summer, and I told my parents exactly how this was going to go, too. No one blames you for having familial obligations. Not me and not my parents. They aren’t mad that you’re the reason my heart is gonna break in a few days, they’re just really really grateful you’ve been the reason behind the happiest three months of my life.” Your words carry enough weight, it was obvious that that’s truly how you viewed the situation. If possible, Chenle felt worse. He was the bad guy here, and you were reframing it for his benefit. He never felt like he deserved you, and had no clue how you managed to think otherwise for the past three months.
“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. You whip your head towards his face once you hear his shattered tone, and your lips part in disbelief. You always figured Chenle would be the strong one, but today’s proved to you that’s not the case.
“Hey,” you start, rubbing a thumb beneath his eyes before his tears could fully roll down his cheeks, an accompanying fond laugh to cover over your own heartache. “Don’t get all sad on me now, we still have four days until you leave.”
Chenle gives a weak smile, catching your hand with his own and bringing it from his eyes down to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to the back of your hand before shifting grips and giving it a tight squeeze. “Let’s go find your parents.” His voice cracks again as he speaks, and he’s finally able to let out an embarrassed laugh in response. You just nod your head, leaning over to grab your phone and find a well-timed text informing you they were waiting at a café on University Boulevard. So, with a onceover in the mirror to make sure the general public wouldn’t be able to tell you and Chenle just fucked, you led him out the door.
Once you got back home, you and Chenle hardly ever left each other’s sides…even less than normal. There was a shift ever since you moved most of your things to university, and everything started to feel a little more real as opposed to the way the rest of this summer felt like an escape from that reality. You both were running out of time, and you couldn’t do anything but be conscious of the fact. It affected Chenle the most, and you could tell from his first touch once the two of you got back.
Up to now, sex with Chenle was a full-on activity. It was rough, hot, and passionate to say the least - he would fuck you. However, the last four days, the air had completely changed. Now all his movements were softer, slower. He was trying to memorize you.
His eyes would become distant sometimes, and only he knew that it meant he was replaying the first day he met you - five-year-old him staring judgementally on the sidewalk out front of his aunt’s house as he watched you play with the water hose, getting messy for no reason and having the audacity to laugh with joy because of it. When you met his gaze, you motioned for him to come join you, to which he adamantly shook his head and decided he was never making friends with the kids on the block. However, as he turned around to go back inside, figuring some basketball could wait until all the messy kids were gone, cold water hit his back in a sensation that had him whipping around again. His first thought was to start spouting Chinese words that he heard his parents say sometimes after they got off business calls with ‘imbeciles of clients,’ but instead as he laid eyes on you, just a few feet away now, with a water gun in your hands and the brightest of joys in your eyes, he forgot all his words. All he knew was that he wanted to be friends with the kids on the block. Though, not even that, he just wanted to be friends with you. He swore in that moment you outshone the sun, and he wanted in on your warmth.
If Chenle knew then what he did at fourteen, he’s not sure he would’ve ever allowed himself to get close to you. However, if he knew then what he did now at eighteen, closer to you than he’s ever been, he’s positive he’d go through this heartbreak a thousand times if it meant he got to love you even once, and he wouldn’t have waited so damn long to love you in the first place.
The last day - the last time, the distant look in Chenle’s eyes wasn’t there at all. Instead, it was filled with non-stop whispered words of how much you meant to him, how much he adored you; his voice occasionally catching in his throat when he got too sentimental, and you’d be reminded of how hard it was for him to articulate his thoughts at all; so all you could think to do was pull him down for a kiss and swallow his words instead.
Then you blinked and it was already the day of Chenle’s departure. Your parents had been outside most of the morning helping Chenle and his aunt load the car up with his things. You took no part in it. Instead, you sat in your room, hugging your knees and staring blankly. The only tell that you weren’t frozen was the fact that you were chewing on your bottom lip, truthfully destroying it, but it was the only thing you could think to do to ground yourself at the time.
With a light knock on the door, your mom enters your bedroom and you move your head up to meet her gaze. “Chenle’s sitting outside. We got him all packed up and everything.”
You swallow harshly and your eyes immediately find your knees again. “I know,” you reply shortly, your voice hardly above a whisper.
A sad smile crossed your mom’s face, but when she saw you making no effort to move in response to her words, she let out a sigh. “Sitting in your room doesn’t stop time.” Her words come out flat, like a lecture, and you knew she was trying to juggle how to be both, a ray of comfort and an authority figure. “You still have to say goodbye.”
You shake your head to dismiss the bit of worry held in her tone as she gave you orders. She didn’t have to walk on eggshells around you, it was that you were the one mentally walking on eggshells around your heart. “I’m just trying to keep my emotions from running high,” you say monotonously, finally looking up at her. You watch her eyes widen as she notices the glaze of tears over your own, and shake your head again in frustration before dropping it back down to your lap. “The last thing he needs is to have to leave while I’m in tears. He’ll never want to go.”
Your mom rolls her lips inward, and suddenly she understands why you’ve taken solace in tearing up your own bottom lip before she walked in. Though, with a sigh, she speaks again with her best attempt at unbiased advice. “He already doesn’t want to go - but the fact of the matter is that when you look back on this moment days, months, years later, you’ll want to have said ‘goodbye.’” You shake your head immediately, she was wrong.
“No. I don’t ever want to say ‘goodbye’ to Chenle,” you claim with more force than you thought yourself capable of in such a fragile moment. You glance up to watch the outsider persona she tried to create instead fall away, and she just went back to being your mom.
She fumbled with her thoughts for a few moments, mouth opening and closing again as she shook away everything she didn’t want to say. Finally, she presses her lips to form a thin line, and then is immediately turning around to walk back out of your door. “You can wish him luck, then, but you need to go see him.” As her words come out, straightforward and not open for debate, you realize why she started walking away as she delivered them, because she wouldn’t have been able to face you and give such orders. Her words were still not what you needed to hear, and you both knew that, but she had to exert some authority and get you to at least do what seemed best in the long run; you figure that’s why it was hard for you to take in…you and Chenle didn’t have a long run. The concept of it hurt enough to pull you up from bed and out the front door.
Without a word, you sit down next to Chenle on the sidewalk, making a chair out of the step in the pathway leading up to his aunt’s house. He moves his head to look over at you, registering that you were next to him. With a breath, you turn to face him as well, a smile on your lips that didn’t quite reach your eyes, though the tears once occupying them were successfully blinked back.
He ignores your smile of reassurance, instead just looking over you once and nodding his head minimally before facing the front again and leaning his head on your shoulder. That’s how the two of you stayed for a good five minutes. No words exchanged, just your light breaths and his heavy exhales as you run through every thought in your mind. You weren’t sure which ones to say, which ones would make things worse, or if any of them would make things better.
“Oh!” You startle as the first practical, rather than emotional, thought crosses your mind. “I still have your hoodie, oh my god let me go get-” Your move to get up and run back into your house is ruined by Chenle’s calm words.
“Keep it,” he says immediately, and you whip your head towards him in shock.
“What? Chenle, if I keep it, it’s almost guaranteed you’re never getting it back. We won’t have contact after this.” That was always the deal, he was getting a new phone and his parents were taking any trace of you out of it, blocking your number, the whole nine yards. However, admitting that you weren’t going to have contact after this present moment was incredibly bitter on your tongue. The words make Chenle tense up, too, but he just as quickly continues with a head nod.
“I know. So, keep it. It can be your hoodie, just please don’t forget that it’s mine.” He stops talking once he notices the sorrow in his tone, and you watch as he swallows it back before speaking again, this time with a touch of playfulness. “And even after you stop wearing it, you can give it to your first-born, Chenle, and then it’s Chenle’s hoodie again.” He concludes as though the entire thing made perfect sense, and you didn’t know how to feel with the fact that his banter made this conversation seem so normal. On the one hand, you were grateful when the familiarity fought off any last question of tears, but on the other hand, you hated knowing this was the last time you would get to have a normal conversation with him.
You settle with rolling your eyes rather than figuring out how to feel. “I’m not naming my first-born ‘Chenle,’” you reply, looking at him with raised eyebrows. You watch as a small smile overtakes his face, but it quickly settles into a grimace and then it’s gone.
“It was worth a shot.” He pauses for a beat before turning to face you, his new tone coming off as desperate, helpless. “Don’t ever forget me, okay?”
You shake your head rapidly as you reassure him. “I couldn’t.”
The two of you stare at each other again in silence for a moment. The time to say goodbye was upon you, which is why the conversation died, which is why you remember what your mom had said in your room, and thus you start with your wishes of luck. “You’re gonna do great, you know? Learning how to run a company and everything. No one’s more capable than you. I’m already incredibly proud of you, not because you’re gonna be a crazy successful business man, but because you’re you. So, when you set foot in your dad’s company, don’t lose that, okay? Everything that makes you Chenle. I’d be sad to see that go just for some bottom line.”
Chenle’s shoulders sink as he turns to face the pavement. “I’ll do my best for you,” he assures with a nod. You want to fill the silence again but hardly have a clue what to say. However, that’s when you see Chenle’s lips twitching and you know he’s in the midst of trying to articulate more of his own thoughts. When he does speak up again, his voice is surprisingly steady. “You know, I’ve been thinking lately. That’s all I could ever seem to do these past few weeks. You know I always struggled finding the right words to say, to let you know how much you mean to me. But lately I’ve found my words. And it’s stupid because it’s so easy,” he says with a scoff, and a wave of uneasiness washes over you as you see the smile he’s able to conjure up. “I’ve been saying it over and over again in my head and it’s so natural. I could’ve been telling you this entire time.”
That’s when clarity hits you and you jump to stop him from saying his next words - you couldn’t handle them. “Chenle, don’t-” You speak up in a rush, but he does, too.
“I love you,” he says firmly, finally bringing his head back up to look at you. His eyes are wide in sincerity, making sure you could see every emotion behind them, how much he meant it. “I love you, y/n l/n. I really do.”
Every last bit of strength you had vanished in milliseconds, and instead you bawled your eyes out sitting on that pavement. “You stupid kid,” you cry out, ramming your head into his shoulder. Underneath you, Chenle froze, and you realize he has no clue if you’re sad or genuinely mad at him. “I’m gonna miss you so much,” you add weakly, a hand coming up to clutch at his shirt. Chenle immediately softens, placing both of his arms around you as best he can. All this time, you had been mentally preparing to comfort him, to be so incredibly strong for him so that he could take his next steps and not feel incredibly guilty for doing so…but now he was the one comforting you as you sobbed in his arms. Chenle could figure out how to articulate his feelings but you couldn’t even get this right - he was stronger than you.
No more words were exchanged between the two of you. He held you in his arms as you tried to rid yourself of tears, but you couldn’t even accomplish that before his aunt gave the first gentle warning that they had to get on the road. Chenle felt you freeze in his arms, and he hated knowing that, regardless of how you wanted to frame it, he was the reason you were crying and torn up like this. If it was up to him, he would’ve never left you; but it wasn’t up to him, so all he could do was leave you with something - his hoodie, and the softest of kisses on the top of your head, getting you to finally pick your head up again so he could place more kisses across the span of your face, slowly but surely kissing your tears away until he made his way down to your lips…and there he finally faltered, letting out a heavy breath against your skin. A last kiss sounded horrible, did he even want one so clearly defined, or was it better for your last kiss to have been yesterday, being able to remember it as basked in love rather than tears. His inner debate was more like a war as his eyes roamed over every inch of your face - what to do? What’s best? Tears were still running down your face but he can't shake how beautiful you look right now…he loves you. How does he kiss you goodbye? How could he ever say goodbye? Does he not do anything at all? He loves you. Is a final goodbye best left unspoken? Unkissed?
His state of drowning in his thoughts gets cut off as you make the decision for him, leaning in to kiss him softly, and instead he’s drowning in you…and your last kiss. It was delicate and innocent, with the audience you had, it probably would have been weird for it to be any other way. Regardless, he still chases your lips after you pull back - that couldn’t have been it; but then the car starts and his eyes shoot open as they dart over to where his aunt was getting situated in the driver’s seat. Chenle whipped back around to face you and looked terrified, but the roar of the engine was a constant reminder of where he needed to be - he couldn’t put it off any longer. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out, instead it was just quick, heavy breaths and a scared shake of his head. None of that meant that he wasn’t in the act of standing up from the pavement, making his way to the car…leaving you.
Every step you watched him take as he left was another drop of poison in your bloodstream, a poison you should’ve built up tolerance for already given how many small doses it seemed like you were taking throughout the last three months. Though, you must be kidding yourself - goodnight kisses under the porch light before watching him walk the few steps to the other side of the road were nothing even close to poison; an antidote, maybe, to last you throughout the night and fight off the poison of when you were apart, but there were no more goodnight kisses to keep you going now. It was a different sting, your muscles tightened, you couldn’t move, couldn’t look away. Though, you refused to watch him go, leaving it up to your tears to blur the sight of it. The scene in front of you was nothing other than a tragedy, an ending no one was satisfied with, not because it could’ve ended differently, but because it was always going to end this way. There was no crazy plot twist or invocation of Deus Ex Machina to change the narrative. No, just the same, sad, memorized ending of a story you forgot was your own. You played yourselves for fools, believing you could outrun a truth that only ever gained on you with each stride - that, together, the only thing the two of you needed was what you would never be able to have…more time.
