On You're Own, Kid.
Everyone has a moment when they realize the person they looked up to wasn't a hero, they're a normal person. Ahsoka remembers the day she started to see Captain Rex as a person too. TW for death and gore
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Ahsoka Tano was 14. She was 14 and fighting in a war. A bloody war. Identical men bleed into one. She remembered wanting to come along with Rex to look for survivors. He didn't want her to and know she knew why. "-All we found were dead bodies." Ahsoka mumbled. They were in the Med Bay, Rex sat perfectly still as a droid patched his face.
"Yup." Rex's tone was dry. He didn't want the damn kid to come with him but Anakin- he whinced, his rage weakened his composure. Ahsoka frowned, looking over at Rex's blood soaked armor. He dug through body after body, bloody and broken. Ahsoka never wanted to do that again. She could sense Rex's agitation but she was hoping it wasn't her that upset him. She didn't even do anything. She followed him, arms over her chest wanting to hide.
She brought a med kit with her, she remembered soldiers giving her a look that she now understood. They disapproved and she wished someone told her they weren't going out there for survivors, they were going out there for the dead. Rex walked calmly among the bodies, as if their deaths wouldn't haunt him. He only checked vitals for half of them, but for all them, Rex knelt down, whispered something and ripped a chain from their neck. "I shouldn't have gone with you."
"-But you did." Rex didn't look at her and he didn't comfort her. Ahsoka was expecting both. Anakin and Obi-Wan always took their time explaining death to her, they always made sure she was okay, but Rex didn't look at her, he made it clear he didn't give a damn about how she felt.
"Do you do that after every battle?"
"Always."
"Just you?"
"Just me." Rex's face twitched before his hand swung up and gripped the droid's arm, sending it into distress. Ahsoka jumped from Rex's sudden movement, he hadn't move at all before just then. Rex let the droid go before finally turning to Ahsoka. "It's my duty, not just as a Captain, but as a brother. My men, my brothers, died today. All their deaths will go unmourned by the rest of the galaxy, but I know the name of every brother lost today and that is what I carry." His voice was grim, he was gritting his teeth, angry at the world but Ahsoka thought him angry at her.
Ahsoka watched Rex stand up, unbothered by the dry blood that caked his armor. Ahsoka pulled her knees to her chest as she looked at the floor. She wasn't supposed to be doing this, she wasn't supposed to ever be fighting a war. She was a Jedi, she was supposed to be at the temple with her family not on a cruiser in cold space with an equally as cold captain. Rex shouldn't have existed. Every man that died today should never have died because they should never have been made. What was the point of this war?
"... This isn't what I'm supposed to be doing." Ahsoka felt her face become hot. "I'm not supposed to be fighting a war," She started to cry. Rex turned and had to force his disgusted look off his face. Soldiers don't cry. "I'm supposed to have a Master and he's supposed to take me to negotiations and relief missions and, and-"
"Commander- commander." Rex tried to cut her off, he walked towards her, he didn't know what to do. He wasn't supposed to be doing this. He wasn't supposed to be counseling a kid, babysitting her and thinking about her feelings. He wasn't supposed to be clearing a path so a hand didn't fall on her foot and make her more scared than she clearly was. He was a soldier, he wasn't supposed to care about someone's well being because no one ever cared about his.
Ahsoka didn't stop crying and Rex was started to panic. "Kid, kid-" He pleaded, "A-Ahsoka, stop crying." He was at a loss. Ahsoka looked up and wiped her eyes.
"You're covered in blood, and it's not even yours, how does that not make you so sad?" Ahsoka started to bawl and Rex jumped back, he wanted to nope the hell out of this room. "We walked through dead bodies and you didn't even flinch once, you didn't even cry!" She wailed and wailed, frantically wiping her eyes, hating that this was where she was.
"Ahsoka-" Rex took off his gloves, his hands didn't have blood on them, "Kid, look, look, stop crying," He knelt down and looked up at Ahsoka. She wiped her eyes and sniffled, trying her best to listen. Rex let out a sigh, "Look, most of time people look at where they are in life and are dissatisfied with where they are 'cause they don't see it's where they're meant to be." He started to explain, "When I was a cadet, I never understood what I was training for and I never really wanted to do it if I'm honest, but as I grew I found acceptance that this is just how my life is going to go, so I found meaning in it."
He grabbed a tissue and wiped Ahsoka's face, "You're still a kid, and you're being exposed to heavy things way too early for my taste, but maybe there's a reason?" He sighed, "You're a strong kid, Ahsoka, and you're gonna be a great Jedi, you're already a great Commander. So just take it one day at a time, reflect on the pain this war causes you and carry your heart with you in everything you do..." He trailed off, he thought he sounded rather smart just then, he just hoped Ahsoka thought so too.
She looked at him and tried to smile. He'd been so cold but now he sounded like Anakin, trying so hard to help her find her place. "Thank you, Rex." She whispered as she wiped her eyes. Rex half smiled and nodded.
"Of course, 'soka"
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