Nov 18, 2014
found our blog from two years ago
vee used to front a lot more. not that she isn't around a lot still now, but... (some could have also been me or salt pretending to be vee. but i see some obvious salt posts too)
shrug
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from China
seen from Belarus
seen from Russia
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seen from United States
seen from United States
found our blog from two years ago
vee used to front a lot more. not that she isn't around a lot still now, but... (some could have also been me or salt pretending to be vee. but i see some obvious salt posts too)
shrug
anyway, i'm really good at working myself up tonight, as always. whenever there's drama on my dash i obsessively read it. i don't even know the people involved really - i mean, i follow them but we've never talked, but i read it because i feel compelled to?? i dont know why i do this to myself, it makes me upset and uncomfy to see people fight, but i can't stop reading it and watching it unless someone else fronts & tells me not to & i haven't made myself upset enough yet for anyone to force me out. i'll be going to bed soon anyway so there's no reason to, i guess
my therapist (i say mine because i'm the one really doing the sessions, explaining plurality is hard) asked me to practice feeling things without analyzing them, but that's so hard. if i dont analyze i won't know what to do. i might miss an important fact about my emotions, or look ignorant of my personality...
what would Mama say? i'm supposed to be gathering information for her. i'm here on earth to do that. i'm already so bad at judging other people, i should at least give her this bit of information, what i learned about my psyche... what i learned about me.... i should do more research on things, anything, something i can give to her
i'm starting to think salt is the autopilot who runs us when no one else is in, or at least holds that capability. would explain why they come in as soon as one of us leaves unless someone else is lined up
i'm putting vee back out. we're all depressed (other than salt who i cant tell because they hasn't figured out he@dspace yet)but she's more cheerful than me right now
i'm trying so fucking hard, i'm even applying for food stamps like a good adult. i am trying so fucking hard, so it'll be fine, right? we'll make it
daily fears: if i go on the school website to do my work the teacher see me online and IM me somehow to tell me i'm failing and how much she hates me + is disappointed with me
i'm honest and earnest, or at least i'm trying. i'm authentic as i can be as someone who steals bits like a magpie, who weaves their identity from scraps - i'm trying, damnit