Dad Egbert x Mom Lalonde?
i gave him hair because he looked strange without hair
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Dad Egbert x Mom Lalonde?
i gave him hair because he looked strange without hair
Mmm okayyyyyyy!! Rambling post on John and freedom and how we see this start to play out way back in Act 1!!
When we first peek into John’s room, we see a lot of black and white with pops greens from the Sburb stuff and yellow from his magic chest. Most striking of all is the view from his window, which is entirely illustrated in color. By highlighting Sburb’s green, readers instantly know that this game is at the forefront of John’s mind—which is to say that we as the reader know this is very important. However, I think there’s more that can be read into this though, in what we can learn about John’s behavior. Color isn’t just being used to highlight his interests, but also his inner desire for independence and freedom. Sburb offers an escape from the monotony of his life, along with whatever his outside his immediate neighborhood.
Note that all the houses are gray, too.
This desire is made most explicit on page 82 in one of the most defining moments of Act 1, “the streets are empty” et al. monologue. Written from John’s perspective, he all but says that he feels isolated and detached. Desolation is synonym for emptiness—very strong language is being used here!! Here, he’s projecting his feelings of isolation onto his neighborhood. He picks up on the emptiness of the streets, the spaces between houses, the utter absence of others. Everyone around is most likely tucked away in their houses, in the orderly lines of his neighborhood. From this, we can infer that John not only feels disconnected from community, but that he’s stifled by whatever is present here.
The tragedy is that John doesn’t quite know how to express this, so he’s left feeling like something is missing.
And we see this disconnect for ourselves as he sneaks around his house, avoiding being seen. Some notes and disclaimers on this though--John and Dad don’t have a BAD relationship any means; out of all the Beta Kids, the relationship he has with his guardian is by far the healthiest. To call their relationship dysfunctional undercuts the tragedy of John’s character imo. But as he turns one year older, as he grows into his own person, it’s clear that there’s some disconnect at play. Maybe it’s due to Dad’s insistence of indulging in all of John’s “interests”, clowns and cake? Too much attention from a person can become claustrophobic, especially when you’re at an age where you’re rapidly changing, anyway. These are interests that aren’t true to John’s identity, which increases the tension. Again, this isn’t to call Dad a bad parent—he’s a good parent! He's doing his best based on what he knows! There’s affection between him and John! This tension is pretty normal for someone at John’s current stage of development, but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t an impact on his life.
So what’s the opposite of being stuck? Movement. Freedom. Agency. All things associated with John’s aspect: Breath.
Even if he doesn’t have the words to to explicitly say this, Sburb offers freedom from the monotony of his life. Games are a popular form of escapism for a reason, due to how all-encompassing they are. But the twist here is that while Sburb offers a literal escape, it’s an escape that, ironically enough, makes the anxiety, abuse, trauma, and whatever else utterly inescapable for the player since the actual game constructs itself around such things. John’s struggle for freedom is about to made literal (more on this later).
We see this start in Act 2, when John’s fear of heights manifest as various game constructs, such as as the placement of his house on his planet. This suggests that though he desires he things, he’s afraid of what will happen if he steps too far outward and “fall.”
Little does he know that he’s already “fallen” when he entered the Medium. Like Adam and Eve (and yes I feel ridiculous bringing them up in a post about Homestuck lmao), he’s no longer sheltered from the protection of his father and suburban neighborhood. But isn’t this what he wanted, anyway?
theres this one piece of art where dave was getting fucked by dad egbert while drinking a brewski, and while i dislike that art for various reasons, i gotta admit the position they were in and some of the situation would go hard. like. dad egbert was doing all of the work and dave was acting unaffected and come on, sitting on someone while they desperately rail your ass? peak. also hey not even gonna lie dave needs more art where hes getting ass fucked by human dick
-☢️👽
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Dad Egbert beating asses stimboard
do you like pipes
do I look like I do?
(the answer is yes)
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Round 1 Part 9
Dad Egbert (Homestuck)
Silent Salt Cookie (Cookie Run)
DAD EGBERT