Children of Wolves
Sundered under the coifed cloud bank, the moon never made an appearance. But one could still feel its luminant presence, faintly pressing against the stained-glass windows. Afterall it was still in its rightful place high up in the sky. Not too dissimilar to how Leliana had described my predicament. Rightful place. I hugged my knees, seated in my overwhelming armchair by the churning fire. This is what my rightful place looked like. Tormented in all this grandeur, all to preserve the façade that I never left to give birth to a bastard.
I was a mother, but I couldn’t be. Not today, not yesterday, not three years down the line. Not Andraste’s Chosen, she could be afforded no blemish, for she was devoid of mortal temptations. I saw it in their faces, the measured disappointment, barely concealed by the shadows of their veils, for the sisters of the small chantry down the mountain knew of my mistake. They pulled her out of me screaming and kicking. The Herald was undeserving of the title, of Andraste’s blessing, for the beloved Herald was more mortal than divine.
Three days later Leliana dragged me back to Skyhold, to my Rightful Place.
To dry up, slim down and act like nothing was amiss.
Two weeks later I had hardly moved from this spot. I allowed the weight of my head to descend to my knees and tightened my grip around my legs. The binding around my stomach pinching and digging into my organs. I didn’t care. I felt so empty.
Reports stacked on my desk untouched, requests for help overflowed from my drawer, summons from Divine Victoria were delivered to me over and over unread, but I just didn’t care.
I should be with her, nursing her myself, holding her, bathing her. Instead, I languished here with achy leaking breasts and suffocating bindings, while Leliana and Josephine devised a plan for damage control.
Leliana wasn’t sure I should keep her. She suggested I let a small chantry in the ass-end of Orlais take her in. Then no one could prove her likeness to me. We argued, we fought, we debated, we both begged. But I couldn’t give up the last piece of Solas I could still cling to.