Finding You In Every Lifetime & Taking Chances
C This one is for you. It has been so long since we've seen each other, or spoke really. Things are getting better. I want you to know that I don't live in fear anymore. There are things that are have been wretched. No one is to blame. Everyone tried, including me. Sometimes things just get away from us. I am still trying to not live in fear. And, I think I am making progress. It's feeling like the sun is coming up again. I am doing more than surviving. And I am realizing that I don't have to make the mistakes that I've made throughout my life over and over again. And that some things perhaps aren't mistakes, and I need to not ruminate so much on life. I've also come to understand that there are parts of me that are just a little different than others. I don't know if it was always that way, but I think back to the times when I chose myself over you and realized that the times that I did that were often over things I considered very small, but may have been large in your eyes. I am working on being more polite, well mannered, and most importantly - interested in the lives of the people who live in the world around me. I've found that often they do not have the same interest, and that's OK. I have apologized a lot to you. And I have a lot of guilt. You've told me you have healed, but over the year did not give me a lot to work with. I suppose that was intentional. Maybe healing is done alone. I still think the world of you. I won't be writing on this blog anymore. I've decided to journal privately instead. This outlet has not always been healing, but it was there. Give Winston and Ramsey all they need. B
