My Experience with The Beginner’s Guide
I'm a year late, but I just finished Davey Wreden's The Beginner's Guide. I'm glad I finally got around to it.
It's a game that makes me a little uncomfortable to talk about or try to interpret. I think it was a bold move for Wreden to share his email and invite interpretations, in a game that seems to warn of the dangers of trying to read too deeply into the mental state of the creator. I still want to say something about one particular piece of the game, though. I hope that's allowed. If not, then I guess I hope he doesn’t see this. It’ll be as if I didn’t say anything.
I think what affected me the most was the housecleaning game, and, more importantly, Wreden's line during The Tower game: “Like the housecleaning game, you know that one used to actually loop the cleaning chores and you just cleaned a house forever”. I always had difficulty suspending disbelief enough to believe that Coda was a real person, and yet in that moment I still felt a flash of sympathetic anger.
I often fall into a mental trap where I look at all the chores and tasks I have to do every day and start to feel unhappy. It's not that I have to do the dishes today, or laundry tomorrow, or meet a friend for lunch the next day, or go to work this weekend, or any of the other millions of monotonous tasks. It's that I have to keep on doing those things, over and over, until I eventually am too old and frail to do so.
That's what most of my life has been. Repeatedly doing mundane tasks. My way of dealing with it has alternated between hiding from responsibilities, and constant pursuit of growth and change... as if someday I could reach some height that those mundane tasks could all be left behind. Maybe if I collected enough money, or enough friends, or enough fans, maybe if I reached towards perfection, somehow that could take away all the sad and boring parts of life. More, more, more. No manner of cautionary tale seems sufficient to dissuade me. The only way to be happy is to escape.
Here's where I start making assumptions about Wreden's work: it seems to me like Coda managed to do the impossible. He found some way to find happiness and peace in just focusing on the task at hand, rather than striving for some kind of goal. It's a state of mind that I have managed to find for moments, or days, or even weeks at a time.
But like Wreden says... it has to end. I can only be happy with where I am for so long, before I have to focus once again on where I'm going. I can forget about it for a while, but sooner or later something will remind me that it still feels like something is missing in my life. Like maybe asking myself ‘Is this fun to you?’, and not being able to summon the strength to answer.
As mentioned, I had difficulty viewing The Beginner’s Guide literally. Maybe that’s to protect myself from the thought that a talented game developer could also be a shitty person at times. But whether it’s a dramatized tale of someone Wreden truly accidentally wronged or a story of self sabotage, it’s really hard to not be upset by Wreden’s unwillingness to let anyone, himself or otherwise, stay in the peaceful space. Because maybe there really is a way to be happy without a lamppost, and if someone finds it, I think we should let them stay there for as long as possible, even if we can’t understand how they could be happy without something to work towards.
But as we know, that says more about me than him.
Thank you for the beautiful game.