Hooray! Thanks team, I appreciate you! Glad you dig what I'm serving up, y'know?
I'm pretty focused on writing Raw Nerve (probably... 8 chapters to go? Yikes), and will be back at university next month, so I'm not going to do anything specific to celebrate. BUT my asks are always open, and I'm totally up for sharing headcanons, drabbles or extra info/what happens next for my existing fics, if that's the sort of thing you'd like to see! The quality will completely depend on how drained I am from churning out angst like it's my full time job.
I was trying to come up with more Dad!Whitney ideas and started thinking about the time I got pregnant so here's me oversharing harder than I've ever overshared before.
TW: abortion (not graphic)
Imagining a world where I found out I was pregnant and couldn't become unpregnant is so horrifying to me. I am so lucky to live in a place where I have a choice, and it makes me so angry to think not everyone has that. I think kids are awesome and they should never be anything less that 1000% wanted and loved.
I had an abortion when I was around 19. I'd always been a person who just let things to happen to me. When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend at the time was doing his final exams in another city. I kept it secret and shouldered it entirely until his exams and the procedure were over. A nurse at the clinic was pretty judgemental about that, but my boyfriend was grateful because he just barely passed his exams and agreed he'd have probably failed if he'd known. I can't remember if we'd ever discussed what'd happen if I got pregnant, but it didn't matter to me - I was willing to risk it to ensure I didn't have a kid, even though it was the first time I'd felt happy in a relationship.
Luckily, he agreed with my decision. We'd only been together for about 6 months. Oh, and we were using condoms - properly, I thought. Don't trust them. I'm on very effective BC now but I still take tests often.
I don't think I cried at all in the 2 weeks between finding out and getting the procedure done - I was so focused. Weirdly, I cried almost every night for a year after, though.
I had to have a few phonecalls, which I answered in the woods because I didn't want anyone to know. My phone connection was bad there and I remember them struggling to hear me. I also had a scan which dated it at 7 weeks - I don't really remember that.
On the day, I snuck out of the house super early to get to my appointment - my family thought that was really weird because I usually slept in late. The person that gave me the medication (pills next to the cervix) said it was "really easy to get them up there" and I still laugh about how they basically said I have a massive, roomy vagina.
I lied to a friend and got them to pick me up after because it wasn't recommended to leave alone. When I got home, I ordered pizza and wore new pyjamas while the medicine took affect. For me, it was just like a very heavy period - no dramas. I don't really remember it. I kept my 'abortion pyjamas' until they no longer fit.
Only my boyfriend at the time knows the full story. I've never told my best friend because they had fertility issues a while ago - how could I tell them I got rid of a kid when they wanted one so badly?
It was the first time I took charge of my life, and it was a wholly positive thing. When I cried, it wasn't because I regretted it. I was just sad it happened, and that I'd gone through it alone. But weirdly proud of myself, too? I was brave as fuck - I still am.
Why am I telling you this? Dunno, just feels good to get it out of my system - I'm pretty hormonal/emotional today. I don't think about it often at all.
I remember following a game dev at the time, and his wife talked about her abortion on her blog. I emailed her to say how thankful I was to read about her experience, and how it made me feel seen. If I can do that for one other person, I'll die happy. (I've still got her reply, she was so lovely!)
Messages, asks or abuse always welcome - I regret a lot of things, but I'll never regret my abortion in a million years. I dare anyone to try and make me feel bad about it, because I sure do love to get bullied :] (jk I expect the majority of people to be lovely. I don't need support - just support and love yourselves fiercely and anyone in your life that needs it <3)
Right, 16 DoL fics in less than three months... time to take my foot off the gas a bit! So blessed to be in a place where people read my stuff - love my little group of moots, followers, rebloggers and enjoyers :) thanks for giving this fragile shell of a human some confidence in her abilities, it means more than you'll ever know.
That said... next, I'm going to attempt my first chapter fic! Hoping it might teach me to take my time. So expect a little less output, but the wait will hopefully be worth it. Jeez, I hope I have not jinxed myself by saying this out loud...
Fuckin insane to me that people give any kind of shit about what write. Gets me a bit emotional. My thoughts and idea have some value to people? What's up with that?
Authors rambles about my Dad!Whitney fic Waiting - spoilers below the cut.
If you wanna hear me overshare and ramble, you've come to the right place :)
THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE. I feared I had flown too close to the sun. I feared I had been too cocky, thinking I can write any kinda fanfiction I want... I thought I was wrong.
If I'd not made the poll, I would have 100% sacked it off when it got hard. But I'm really glad I kept at it! I think I learned a lot about storytelling.
I wanted to write some cute, fluffy fanservice inspired by posts I'd seen here... but the final result is NOT THAT.
First version was too fluffy, it made me feel a bit sick. It just felt really untrue to Whitney's character, I guess? It was so difficult to write him being totally happy about fatherhood, cuz we know he doesn't really want kids (despite being one of the best parents outta the Lis). So I wanted to capture that in my redraft.
Second version was too angsty though - I felt sad. I don't want kids, and it was pretty uncomfortable wrestling with those feelings, because I really can relate. I got way too bogged down in it, and the pacing was all wrong (just a massive depressing section in the middle of the fic...) So I realised I needed to space the angst out a bit.
Final version is posted. It's effectively a complete rewrite from what I started with. I tried hard to make the pacing more comfortable and not bombard the audience with too much sad in one go.
OH, and I wrote the kid as GN to begin with, and Riley felt like a GN name that fit. I've grown pretty attached after working on it for so long ;)
I am both scared and interested to get feedback on this, because it's so out of my comfort zone. Who know what I'll write next?
