Battle of the femboys
In which Raiden battles Monsoon. Highly cursed.
Raiden (or I should say Jack) had just woken up and was disappointed that there were no beyblades that "he could let rip". He had just listened to some bionicle looking ass mother fucker go on about the importance of memes. "To hell with this!" he thought. "I'll be damned before I let Jack jr. have a tiktok account and start watching skibidi toilet videos!" Then the next thing he knew, an officer had plunged a weapon into his chest. He let out a small moan. CupcakkeI'mHorny.mp4 starts playing.
"Doktor. Turn off my pain inhibitors." Soon a codec window popped up showing a very confused, elderly german man. He begged Raiden not to go through with the decision but in the end relented. If he disobeys the cyborg than he can kiss those left hands goodbye and that just wouldn't be acceptable. He had already moved once and had reconstructive surgery due to his peculiar "interests". If he turned off the pain inhibitors then he could still live a quiet life.
Jack began to moan ahego girl style like in one of his good friend Hal's japanese animes. Since the patriots had taken away most of his body, the doktor thought that it would be best to use the lack of a crotch area to his advantage. No one knew how the cyborg became aroused without a dick but soon he had a soda stream bottle protruding from his nether regions.
He unscrewed the lid and slid in some mentos and diet coke. After tightening the lid back on, he jerked himself like he was using a shake weight and aimed himself at the remaining officers. Within seconds the cap lifted and shot one of them right in the forehead. "Bullseye!" Jack cried. Then the coke began to drown the rest of them like some sort of bizarre bukkake that Pepsiman would be jealous of. Monsoon could only stare in horror. "You've lost your mind."
They had forgotten Sam was there when they heard "Yeah, I'm sitting this one out sorry." He then double jumped to god knows where. Probably to go get more injections for his gluteus maximus. Jack had forgotten that he still had a sword plunged in his chest. He took it out and licked off some blood. "Mmm. Cherry flavoured."
"I've misjudged you. You are like us after all." said Monsoon. Like Raiden, he also had no dick. He then opened up his crotch plate but instead of a soda streamer it was just a juice pitcher. To be more specific, it was the kool aid man. It then came running into Jack and began to wash him away in the warm and soothing sugary liquid. "OH YEAH!" screamed Monsoon. "AND IT WILL CUM LIKE A FLOOD OF PAIN!"
Raiden managed to grab onto a chunk of a building and fling himself back to World Marshal headquarters. "Man, I haven't seen that much red since the time I forgot to go get Rose her tampons." He sighed. A perfectly good couch had been ruined. Oh well. It's not like he hadn't come home before drenched in blood. They would just tell their son that they were replacing their couch again because of his father's work injuries. At the very least it was better than having to deal with his wife's awful cooking.
Monsoon waited for his return only to stab him with his sais. "Does it hurt?" Perhaps he should have thought about the consequentions of his actions. "HARDER!" Jack cried in ecstasy. The cyborg did a double take (which was an achievement of modern medical science since the man had no eyes) and jumped into the air and did the naruto run until there was a good distance between them.
"Look" he said, "I somehow survived during the reign of the Khamer Rouge and then decided that it would be a good idea to join the mafia, and even I think you need therapy!" Jack glared at him with his one eye. "DON'T KINK SHAME ME! AT LEAST I'M NOT A GIANT, WALKING REFRIGERATOR MAGNET!"
Suddenly Sundowner walked outside of the building. "What in tarnation? Christ, what's takin' yeh so long?" Jack was now walking towards his direction. "Well look if it isn't foghorn leghorn. Stop stealing my trench coat look by the way, you can't pull it off." He then began to rub the cyborgs bald head for good luck. "The fuck!?"
Jack then threw an EMP grenade in Monsoon's direction and began to slash at him while Sundowner watched with morbid curiosity. He then pieced all of him together in the wrong places like some sort of child when you ask them to solve a rubix cube. "HEY! STOP IT! SUNDOWNER WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE!?" His partner let out a chuckle. "Now what was that thing yer always sayin'? Something about exquisite memes? I think I'll go get my camera!"
Sundowner then came back and gave a smartphone to Jack. "Now be sure to get it just right!" The man had positioned himself so that Moonsoon's body was now a human chair that he was sitting in while he held his comrades head out like he was reenacting Shakespeare. Jack couldn't believe he was doing this. He groaned and then tapped what he thought was the picture button but unbeknownst to him, it was the record option.
"Are we done yet!?" asked an irritated Monsoon. Jack then threw the phone at his head, causing the man to fall out of Sundowner's grip. The Alabama war criminal began to holler. "Damn, I think you could be a good pitcher. You know what? I'm so impressed that I think I'll let you keep em damn brains." Wow. That had been easier than he had expected.
"Thanks baldy!" Raiden then used his ninja run to make it to the top floor. Now it was just the other two cyborgs left alone together. "What did he mean by bald?" Sundowner eyed his parter like he was blind. In fact, he was blind. "Are you telling me yeh can't see my head?" Monsoon rolled his eyes (if he could have). Am I supposed to? Most of my body is artificial you idiot!
Sundowner scratched his head as a realization came upon him. "Wait. Are you telling me... that yer not in fact a girl!?" Now Monsoon was the one that was confused. "What? No! Why would you think that?" His partners jaw was left wide open. "But what about that dainty hair and slim build!" Monsoon cringed. "So a man can't take care of his looks?" He would have been offended had the situation not been so bizarre.
"No, it's just... uhhh... excuse me, I gotta delete some pictures off my desktop..." Monsoon began to scream at the man. "SUNDOWNER! HEY, YOU GET BACK OVER HERE!"
