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Journal Entry

Unknown time, unknown date:

He says he's busy writing some kind of book, but he should just be writing for fun. As a therapeutic activity, a way to pass the time. I'm starting to look at things, "life" in general, or any isolated individual moment of time as part of a process.

It's amazing / incredible all the fun you can have with a couple pens and paper.

But what does that mean? "A process" What exactly does a process involve?

*Note to self that I or no one else will probably ever read: Add cricket bit to the curse story I'm working on.*

Apprehension. Comprehension. Reaction? A series of moments. . . .

I think of these individuals that confront me on a daily basis, under Capitalism, I could care less about them, whether they go to prison, live or die, it doesn't make a difference to me. I'm only concerned with my own existence and survival. Under Capitalism, their lives are so incidental. So transient. They come and go. They are all so concerned / busy getting theirs, that they don't have time to pay attention to others. Why even bother?

At least I always have pen and paper. Yes, ma’am, I think I have enough paper and ink to last me a lifetime. Or do I? How long is a lifetime?

Let's just say that I don't view the modes of existence "offered" to me by the capitalist system as desirable, as having anything to offer me but the uncertain promise of a monetary reward. And the idea of making a career out of this, writing, is absolutely ludicrous.

I don't, however, let this seeming apparent lack of ability to capitalize my actions define my efforts as a failure, because I don't look at success and failure on a typical materialist capitalist basis. The sciences can only deal with the individual on a purely materialist basis, his rough nutritional / biological needs are accounted for, yet this simple characterization of the individual reduces him to the status of no more than a draught animal; it robs him of his truly human character, but what of Man's intellectual and philosophical needs?

For better or for worse, I still have my "freedom."

"Oh, you got a ticket for speeding... 073mph in a 055mph zone back in may of 2001, that's unfortunate, but you can never run for president or hold any position of prominence, too bad. Looks like you got the short end of the stick."

--I think regardless of the fact that there is already a large volume of literature in existence, there is a demand for things that are written in the moment, if only to capture a fleeting essence of time and space (this is a privilege that was not afforded to our ancestors, to record such seemingly fleeting useless thoughts completely uncensored for all posterity to read)--I recommend we all make blogs. Form alternative socio-economic structures. As the means of production have been altered, it would be foolish to go about things as would be done in an industrial society, because the industrial era is over.

We are now living in the digital Era, experiencing a new technological revolution first hand, perhaps one even more fast moving and far reaching than the industrial revolution, and we must adapt and secure our means of subsistence on a digital medium rather than in an actual in-person medium. Those who stubbornly cling to the old ways of doing things will soon find themselves frustrated and, increasingly, consumers and producers will move to a digital marketplace. But, for a change of pace, Let us instead imagine, for once, a digital marketplace (but for the arts!) owned by society as a whole via the state,--with it’s own means of production-- in which the artist receives the whole of his labor rather than the Capitalist (!), paid for by democratic consent of the people. Such a website would be free for all to use, regardless of class or location. . . .

I suppose true freedom in a positive sense (the anarchists hold us Marxists to have such great positive definitions of freedom) is being able to use and dispose of my time and energies however I choose. In this moment, a portrait of Hegel screams out "I want. I want." Yes, even Hegel's great philosophic treatises are susceptible to criticism on the basis that they are the product of capitalist exploitation:

"In a letter to Schelling, in which Hegel promises to send him a copy of the book, Hegel asks indulgence for the unsatisfactory character of the last parts of the work, and says, as if by way of explanation, that the 'composition of the book was concluded at midnight before the battle of Jena.' . . . The real explanation was much more commonplace. Hegel had made an unfortunate arrangement with his publisher. . . . Hegel, being much in need of the money, appealed in despair to his friend . . . and asked his good offices to urge the publisher to forward the money” (The Phenomenology of Mind, Dover Publications, translation by J. B. Baillie).

I wonder what his (Hegel's) soft spot was. What bare sensation had his life been reduced to? As the clock strikes 4:43am, the answer to that question becomes evident. He needs, if anything, his daily meal. How will he, today, secure his means of subsistence? On the contrary, I seek to create a piece of literature that exists completely independent of the Capitalist process. This is indeed a revolutionary undertaking. And I'm in no rush to sell my freedom to the capitalist for $7.25 / hr. (Minimum wage in Virginia).—Virginia, hardest place in The world to publish a book.

So, as the Capitalist world awakens, I go to sleep (not really), to further ponder these questions of consciousness.

Source: Ashleymarx.blogspot.com

P.S. this post has since been edited several times, see Ashleymarx.blogspot.com for the full post.