You never understood much about the war.
You were a woman though, so it wasn’t uncommon. Everyone you asked just tsked at you and assured you that you didn’t need to worry. They would tell you there was no need to worry, the soldiers were fighting the war and such talk wasn’t meant for ladies. But you’d heard enough on the streets to know that things weren’t going so well. The British Forces were outmanned at Dunkirk and there was talk of fleeing. Your man was there. You’d only received one letter from him in all the time he was there on the coastal island and every time you read it, it sent a chill through your bones. Alexander was the love of your life. That was something you were sure of, but you weren’t sure he’d make it home with the way he talked. Every word on the paper seemed like his last and it disturbed you.
Alex had always been such a lighthearted fool. He always made you laugh with his silly jokes and antics. You adored his sense of humor, his positive and lighthearted attitude was one of the reasons you’d fallen so deeply in love with him. But it was clear when he wrote that letter he was fearing for his life. You’d hardly slept since he’d been gone, your heart always yearning and aching for his return home. Your parents were concerned with your attitude change. You’d always been a lovesick girl with Alex and they’d never been fond of the way you were with him, but this was different. You could tell you had them worried the same way that Alex was worrying you.
“You need to get that blasted boy off of your mind,” Your Father was snippy this morning at breakfast, something he never usually was. Your father was a warm man with a big heart. But it seemed he was tired of your worried demeanor. “You haven’t been sleeping, you’re hardly eating, you look like you’re sickly and distracted.”
“I can’t stop thinking about him, Father,” You whispered softly, looking down at your lumpy porridge. Food had become a thing of survival and nothing more than that. There was no flavor or life anywhere anymore. “I love him and I’m… I’m scared he won’t come home.”
“He might not,” Your older sister Peggy sneered. She was always upset that Alex had picked you over her. He’d picked you over every girl in your town and most times you couldn’t understand why. “He’s probably injured beyond recognition, possibly dead.”
“Peggy,” Your Mother sighed, shaking her head as your chin quivered, your eyes watering.
“He’s not dead,” You snapped. “I know he’s not.”
“You don’t know that,” Your Father grumbled that. “None of us do. You need to let the boy go, he won’t be the same after the war.”
“Nothing will be the same!” You cried out. “Shall we give up on our country and our family that fought because it’s not the same? Shall I give up on everything because of the war?”
“Don’t raise your voice,” Your Mother said. “There will be no more talk of this war or that boy.”
“That boy-“ You took a deep breath, your throat thick. “That man has my heart and once he returns home you will all be sorry you didn’t speak more highly of him.” You pushed your chair back, standing abruptly as your Father scowled at you. You tried to keep your tears at bay as you looked at your family in disappointment and disgust. “I don’t see why you can’t support me or the man I love? He’s fighting for our country, he’s fighting to keep us safe.”
“He’s fighting for his pride,” Your Father snapped. “He’s no hero, child.”
“And when you fought Father, what did you fight for?” You asked, smoothing your hands over your dress. “I don’t see how this is any different than that.”
You spun on your heel, walking right out the back door of your small family home. You couldn’t stand to be in there with them a moment longer. You needed reassurance and comfort. There were only a few places in your small town that offered such a thing during a time so bleak and grim. There was Yorks and there was Anne’s. Yorks was a local bakery that had been closed at the start of the war due to the rationing and shortage of food. You and Alex and all of your other school friends spent plenty of time in Yorks eating pastries and laughing over everything. But since Yorks was closed, you didn’t really have anywhere else to go but Anne’s. The Mother of the man you loved.
She hadn’t given up hope of her son coming home either. She spent most nights up worrying just as you did and she was the only one in the town that understood your worry. There were other boys from your town that had gone to war, but it just didn’t seem the same. You, Anne, and Alex’s sister had stood side by side when he was sent off on the train. The three of you watched as he was carted off by the large locomotive, heading down to the coast before he was sent off to Dunkirk. Anne cried into a handkerchief and Alex’s sister wept into her shoulder, but you stood stone faced as he peered out the window back at you. You wouldn’t cry. You wouldn’t show him that you were upset.
Alex trusted you to be strong for his family even if he didn’t say it. He expected you to look after them while he was away…..and if he never made it back. So you smiled softly and waved as Anne sobbed into his handkerchief. When you got home later that evening you cried yourself to sleep, your heart breaking as the memory of him leaving played over and over again. You were so afraid that he’d never come back, that you’d never get your chance to start your lives together like he’d promised the moment you both graduated from school.
He’d proposed so long ago, a little paper ring he’d crafted himself his only means of showing he was serious about his proposal. Months later he’d given you a real ring. He’d saved from the moment he got a job to buy you that ring, to prove to you that he wanted to spend forever with you. You wore it around your neck now to keep it from your parents, but Anne and his family knew. They already thought of you as family and they were thrilled Alex had you in his life. You always had a bit of a safe haven at Harry’s home and you hoped that they’d be home today.
There was a lot of talk floating around the streets of an evacuation. The men at Dunkirk were sitting ducks and the Forces were ready to evacuate what little men they had left of their army. But there was no solid proof of this tale. Until Henry Hardmen’s uncle wrote about his personal fishing boat being sent out from the coast as a part of a rescue mission, that he was being paid a good chunk of money to sail across the channel to save some of the soldiers that were on the shore of Dunkirk.
Alex had to be on the shore. You had half a mind to travel down to the port city Henry’s uncle was leaving from and hop on a boat yourself. But you’d never be guaranteed to see Alex. It was a dumb idea, but it had your skin crawling with hope. You needed him to be home. You needed him to be safe and alive. He’d always been your protector, your best friend, your light. You needed him home and you couldn’t wait any longer. As you walked down the street towards Anne’s, you looked down at your feet, your eyes swimming with fear and frustration. You didn’t understand this war.
Why did so many people have to lose the one’s they loved in a war so gruesome?
Why did your Alexander have to jump at the first chance to leave home?
Why was fate testing you so?
You had so many questions and not a single answer.
//
“You’re leaving?” You whispered softly, looking up at the night sky as Alex’s grip on your hand tightened.
“Yeah,” He whispered. “I have to go.”
“You don’t have to,” You blinked. “We could run away.”
“Yeah?” You could hear the amusement in his voice. “Where would we go?”
“Somewhere peaceful that doesn’t want to go to war with a great evil,” You sniffled, your eyes filling with tears as you thought of him going. “I… I don’t want you to go Alexander.”
“I don’t want to leave you, darlin’, I don’t,” He rolled onto his side, his face just inches from yours as you clenched your eyes shut. “But I have to go. I have to fight for this country, for our home.”
“I know but,” You cried out as his thumb brushed over your cheek. “I can’t lose you, Alexander. You’re my world, you hold my heart in your hands and if you’re gone at war-“
“I’ll keep it tucked away in my armor and I’ll bring it back home to you,” He said softly, his own voice wavering. “I won’t leave you here on your own. I will fight for you until my dying breath and that I swear to you.”
“Alex,” You cried out, opening your eyes as you looked up at his sorrow filled face. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” He whispered as he leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours firmly.
//
The rumors were true.
Ships had been sent from the coast and the dogs were flying high in the sky, defending the small ships that had been sent out. Britain wasn’t the only one sending ships out to save the soldiers. You were amazed to see the unity of several countries, all band together to fight for the greater good. Anne had wept with joy at the news of the evacuation, but you couldn’t show any emotion. You couldn’t be happy until he was right there in front of you. You couldn’t be happy until he was in your arms. There was no timeline for him to come home, but the country had been advised to expect them home within a few days. That was five days ago and a large group of men had come home. There was no way to know if he’d made it home. It was all just a waiting game.
You’d heard of a few men in your town being reunited with their families, but you’d heard nothing of your man’s return. You’d stayed away from Anne’s for the last five days, afraid to visit in fear that your place of comfort would become the beacon of bad news. So you spent the last five days locked in your bedroom, reading and worrying. You’d rather not wander the streets and see the pitying look of people who’d gotten their loved ones back. You didn’t want to hear what your parent’s had to say either. You just wanted to hide away from it all. If he was home, you’d know it in your heart.
Monday afternoon seemed to be a busy afternoon in your home.
There was a lot of chatter in the living room between your siblings and your parents. Most of it was war talk. They’d talked about the casualties and the sunken ships that had been noted so far and it made your stomach churn. They had no reason to be courteous or to respect your feelings it seemed as they talked about it loudly. You sat on your bed, wanting to plug your ears and ignore their morbid talk. They’d said hundreds of thousands were dead and the army was diminishing with each other that past. You couldn’t stand to hear another word of their blasphemy. Thankfully they were interrupted by a knock on the front door, one that rang loud and clear through your home. You heard your Father open the door and greet whoever was on the other side and moments later your Mother poked her head into your room, a concerned look on her face.
“There’s a young boy here by the name of Timothy,” She said softly. “I don’t know what he wants, but he wishes to speak to you.”
“Timothy?” You sat up quickly, tossing your legs off the bed as you stood quickly. You pushed past your mother and rushed towards the front door to see Alex’s next door neighbor standing there with a wide smile. “He’s home.”
“He is home,” Timothy said happily. “He’s home and he brought me some boiled sweets from the city!”
“He’s home!” You cheered out, rushing out the front door, ignoring your parents shouting as you ran down the street.
You were so elated you couldn’t slow down.
Every fiber of your being pushed you harder as you ran down the streets, turning down lanes and small blocks until you were on Alex’s street. He was home. As you ran up the walkway and his steps, you found yourself stopping at the front door. Should you have waited for him to settle in with his family and spend time with them? Should you have waited for him to come to you? You froze in front of the door, afraid to lift your hand up and knock. But your body worked on it’s own, reaching up to knock without your permission. Your brain couldn’t wait any longer.
Anne opened the door, her eyes red and a smile splitting her cheeks as she looked over you.
“Oh you’ve heard!” She cried out, pulling you into a hug. “He’s home, our boy is home!”
“Timothy told me,” You whispered, hugging her back. “I don’t mean to intrude Anne, I shouldn’t have bothered you. He’s just got home and I’m sure you want some time-“
“I want him to be reunited with his love,” She scolded softly, pulling you into her home. “He’s in the kitchen with everyone, talking about his new friends.”
Anne started to guide you towards the kitchen, but your feet were frozen.
“I can’t,” You said softly. “I can’t go in there, Anne, I can’t.”
“Why not?” She asked softly. “He’s finally returned home.”
“I feel sick,” You whispered, looking up at her with wide eyes. “He won’t like my new haircut, it’s too short! I know it’s the style but he’ll hate it! He’s…. I’m not wearing the right dress Anne! I’m not ready, I can’t-“
“Love,” She said softly. “He’s been fighting for his life. I’m sure the last thing on his mind when he sees you for the first time in months is your dress or your hair. He’ll just be happy to see you.”
“I can’t go in there with everyone,” You whispered. “I’m sorry Anne, I can’t-“
“Darlin’,” Your head snapped up, your eyes landing on him standing in the doorway immediately. His cheeks were hollow and his eyes were tired, but he was your Alex. He stood proud in his uniform, his hair brushed back and his honorary pin dangling on his chest. “Hi.”
“Hi,” You whispered, heart pounding loudly in your chest. “Alexander.”
“Is that all you have to say?” He chuckled softly, walking forward as you stood frozen. You watched as Anne retreated towards the kitchen, mumbling about tea. “I’ve just come home from fighting a war and all you have to say is Alexander.”
You looked up at him as he neared you, your throat growing thick and your eyes swimming with tears of relief. Before you knew it you were sobbing, your whole body shaking as you cried out his name. This was the first you’d cried since he’d left. His arms were around you quickly, holding you steady against his chest as you wavered. You felt at peace seeing him, feeling him here.
“I’m here,” He brushed his hand over the back of your head, soothing you. “It’s okay, I’m home.”
“I couldn’t feel you anymore, you know? That little aching in my chest was gone and it felt like you were too. I didn’t think you’d come back,” You cried. “Everyone else was home and you weren’t. I couldn’t-“
“I’m sorry it took me so long love,” He said softly. “Got on a few boats that couldn’t stay afloat on the water.”
“No,” You gasped, pulling back to look up at him. You grasped his cheek. “Please don’t say you got on one of those destroyer’s that sank?”
“Look at you,” He smiled softly. “You’ve been doing some research on things, haven’t yeh?”
“I needed to know, Alex,” You whispered. “You made it off the boat?”
“The first one I jumped from,” He said softly. “The second one almost took me and a few hundred down with it, we had been locked below deck but luckily someone opened the door for us. After that we were washed ashore. Climbed onto another sinking ship then, too.”
“We’re never vacationing on the beach,” You said seriously, a small laugh bubbling from his throat as he tried to blink away his tears. “I won’t ask if you’re okay, I know the answer, but just know I love you and I’m so happy you’re home safe.”
“I promised you I would come home,” He whispered, brushing his thumb over your cheek. “Promised you I’d fight to come back home to you love and I did.”
“Alex,” You said softly, reaching up to grab his hand. “I want to get married. I want to marry you right now.”
“Love,” His smile grew as he looked into your eyes. “I’ve just got home, let’s let the dust settle before you decide-“
“Alexander we’ve been engaged for ages,” You said urgently, excitement bubbling in your veins. “I can’t stand to go another moment without being your wife, Alex. Please, marry me.”
“Alexander if you don’t say yes to that girl,” You both snapped your heads up to see his Mother standing there, clutching her pearls. “Marry her!”
“Mum!” Alex laughed, shaking his head. “Where will we live? How will we survive if I hadn’t got a proper job to support us?”
“You’ll live here,” Anne said seriously. “You’ll live here and the Forces will up your wages because you’ll be married.”
“Alex,” You whispered, squeezing his hand. “Life is too short and I can’t wait. I need you to be my husband. I don’t care about where we live or what we make! I’ll get my own job and everything will be okay because I’ll be your wife.”
“You’ll be my wife?” He whispered, his eyes brimming with tears once more. “My beautiful wife whom I love with my whole being.”
“Yours,” You whispered. “Say yes, Alex. Let’s get married today!”
He waited for a moment, his eyes searching your face as he tried to keep that boyish grin off of his face. You waited, holding your breath as he mulled it over.
“Yes.”
