You know you're being unreasonable. Bradley's been the best thing that's ever happened to the kids - endlessly patient, full of energy, always down to play. He's shouldered things you wouldn't expect from a close relative, much less a distant family friend.
When there was a problem with the house insurance, Bradley spent three hours on the phone to agents, working out a plan that worked best for you.
Every Saturday, when another week passes and your parents slip further from your grasp, he turns up at 7pm on the dot, armed with casserole and ice cream. He takes Olivia from your arms, and soothes them all to bed with his stories and tales, allowing you the briefest moment of reprieve.
For the first month, he'd end each night holding you while you cried, pressing soft butterfly kisses to your forehead as he promised better things. Promised that things would get easier, that he'd be there for whatever you needed.
But it can't last forever. Made starkly obvious by the woman in the park today.
You understand the thought process. She saw an attractive guy, with a cute kid, and no ring. You'd have taken those odds with Bradley if you were her.
And when he turned her down, you had no idea what to think. The last thing you want to do is hold him back. Keep him from any kind of happiness.
Even if it killed you a little, you'd be thrilled for him. Even if it meant you became relegated to his past, meant only for occasional visits and cards at Christmas.
Maybe you'd find someone else too. Someone that liked kids, didn't mind some baggage. Maybe this ache in your chest won't last forever.
You can tell he knows something's up when he slips into bed wordlessly, clicking the light off as he goes. You've been lying on the edge for the past twenty minutes, cheek turned out to the window as you try and quell the awful guilt festering low in your stomach.
Bradley's freshly twenty-six. The last thing he wants is to be tied down to three kids. To you.
You're being selfish with him. And it breaks your heart.
But he's in your bed tonight, and maybe that's enough for now.
When you shuffle over towards the midline, far closer to him than you've ever dared before, he finally speaks. "You alright?"
"Can't sleep," Is all you can muster.
"C'mere," He murmurs, voice gravelly as he reaches out for you. You let him loop a hand round your wrist, pulling you across the bed until you're settled against his chest. It feels so terribly right that you want to bawl. Instead, you press your face into the crook of his shoulder and let out a shaky breath.
His arm is draped across your waist, and you're almost chest-to-chest. It's the closest you've ever been.
"Better?"
"Better."
coming for my upcoming 1k followers celebration! let me know if you'd like to be tagged <3
A/N: This is one of my favourite fics that I’ve written, and I really wanted to continue it. So here’s James’ take on his and Lily’s silence. Please enjoy, and let me know what y’all think! <3
Read it on Fanfic.net
September 1, 1980
The sound of crashing thunder woke James Potter up from his fitful sleep on the couch. He sat up quickly, wand, which he now always slept with, out. When he discovered it was the thunder that woke him, he lowered his arm and proceed to rub the sleep from his eyes. With a sigh, his hand instinctively went to comb through his mess of hair, as his eyes looked down toward his other hand to glance at the time on his watch: 3 am. Huh. He thought. This was usually around the time when Harry woke up, and with the thunderstorm wreaking havoc outside, James was concerned that his son’s crying was not the sound to wake him up.
He quickly stood up, and proceeded to walk upstairs to Harry’s nursery all the while remembering the argument he had with his wife last night. He sighed again, too tired to dwell on it further. Once he reached Harry’s door, he carefully turned the knob, and walked in the room to be greeted with the image of his wife seated in the rocking chair next to the crib with their son nestled against her naked breast as the sounds of his suckling permeated the room. He also noticed that Harry’s sucking were the only noises to be heard. He realized Lily must’ve put a charm on the room to make sure Harry wouldn’t be woken up by the storm.
Lily looked up at him as he entered the room. Usually, this would be the moment that she would lovingly smile at him, but the emotional traces of their fight were evident on her face similar to how he was sure they showed up on his. Her eyes held the tell-tale sign of tears that were shed not too long ago and exhaustion. Last time he saw her, she had stormed away from him in tears and had slammed their bedroom door shut with a clear unsaid message—sleep on the couch. Lily’s red-rimmed eyes just looked up at him tiredly, and then returned her gaze to their son with whom she was physically incapable of looking at with anything but pure unadulterated love. While James was still upset with his wife, he found the leftover anger from last night dissipate at the sight of Lily’s love for their son. There was no better mother out there. James, understanding that he had to make the first move here, extended an olive branch, “I can rock him back to sleep once he’s done,” he whispered to her across the room.
Lily’s tired eyes glanced up at him, her head gave a single nod of agreement, and the slightest of smiles that had started to mend the broken pieces of James’ heart from last night’s fight. He returned her small smile with one of his own.
James then leaned against the door and continued to watch mother and son at work. After a few more minutes of Harry’s desperate suckling, he separated from his mother with a pop. James took this as his cue to grab one of Harry’s many stag-patterned blankets, drape it over his shoulder and carefully take the baby into his own arms, lay his little head over his blanket covered shoulder and gently rub his back as he slowly walked around the room. Still seated in the rocking chair, James could hear Lily sorting out her pajamas to cover herself back up. The creaking sound signalled to him that she had stood up, and so he glanced up at her to see her walking towards them as she secured her dressing gown around her waist. Approaching them, she lovingly put her hand to the tufts of black hair that stuck up in every direction from Harry’s small head and placed a gentle kiss to his little nose. Her green eyes then pierced James’, “meet me back in our bedroom when he’s down, okay?”
He nodded, his heart continuing to mend at their progress, and because he couldn’t help it with her green eyes looking up at him, he leaned in and touched his lips gently to hers and whispered, “I love you.”
Their foreheads still connected, eyes still closed, and their young son nestled between them, Lily whispered back, “I love you too.” After giving her son one more peck, and James another small smile, she headed off toward their bedroom beside Harry’s.
James carried on with patting his son lightly on the back as he slowly walked around the room, once he heard the healthy belching sound he’d been waiting for, he gently shifted Harry so that his head was no longer resting against his shoulder, but nestled against the crook of James’ arm, his favorite position to fall asleep.
After a few minutes of slowly pacing around the nursery, Harry had drifted off with his tiny hands grasped around James’ ring finger on his left hand. The finger where his wedding band sat. For some reason Harry had a particular affinity to this finger on both James and Lily. Lily claimed it was because he liked shiny things, which was true. Harry had a particular gift of staring at and reaching out for shiny things no matter the distance. This only brought further confirmation to James’ suspicion, and secret hope, that he was raising a seeker. However, he liked to think that Harry loving their ring fingers was proof that Harry knew his parents not only loved him, but each other as well.
Carefully lifting the baby closer to his lips, so that like Lily before him, he could kiss his hairy head that looked so much like his own. He then softly placed him in his crib, gave his soft head one more stroke because he couldn’t help it, and quietly turned to leave the nursery.
Once he was out of the room, the sounds of the thunderstorm outside assaulted his ears with full force. Lily’s charm was clearly working, well, like a charm. He then walked over to his and Lily’s bedroom door, placed his hand on the knob, took a deep breath, and prepared himself to walk into a room where he had no idea what sort of weather would be waiting for him.
As he carefully opened the door, he was greeted with the sight of Lily lying on her back on the bed, with her head facing the window, and her eyes wide open following the lightning in the distance. Much like Harry’s room, this one was silent as well. Other than the view from their window, it was if the storm wasn’t currently happening.
James walked across the room to his side of the bed, set his glasses down on his night stand, and slid under the covers facing Lily. Lily’s eyes left the window to look at him. Without his glasses, James couldn’t see much, but that shade of green was bright enough for even the blindest of men to be able to see clearly enough.
They just laid there for a while in silence, eyes open and on each other. Their fight, still unresolved, was on both of their minds, but neither had the energy to continue it at the moment, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable despite that. His silences with Lily were always easy—even back at Hogwarts when she hated him in their earlier years. They could be in the common room or library together alone for hours, sitting silence, just being in each other’s presence. Neither of them ever felt the need to break it. Their silences were peaceful. Besides, those few hours sleeping alone on the couch made James realized just how dependent he was on Lily to not only sleep peacefully, but also to feel safe whilst sleeping. She and Harry were the most important things in his world, and waking up to the sound of a baby’s cry and to the sight of fiery red hair immediately reassured him that all was well with his world. There was no better way to start the day.
“James?” Lily breathed so quietly that James almost didn’t hear her.
“Yeah?” James breathed back just as quietly.
“You know how people say that married couples should never go to bed angry?”
James heart-rate started racing. He really didn’t want to continue their fight just yet; he just wanted to continue lying here with her in the quiet, soaking up each other’s presence. “Yeah.”
“Well that’s shit advice.” James chuckled lightly, “I mean, who the fuck can resolve an argument right before bed. It’s too exhausting.”
“I agree,” replied James still chuckling lightly.
Lily smiled back, “So tomorrow? After a nap maybe?”
James just nodded and scooted closer to her so her could gently caress her cheek and lightly kiss her, “I love you, Lily.”
“I love you too.”
It took a while for either of them to fall asleep. Not because they were worried about continuing their fight tomorrow, but because both were caught up in the easy silence of just being with each other.
The world has been cruel to them lately, and that cruelty has made their marriage harder than it needed to be. Nonetheless, they’re love for each other still knows no bounds and because of that, even when that cruelty tries to turn them against each other, they still hold on to one another. The world may be trying to make it hard for them to continue to hold on, but for them, it’s still the easiest thing to do. They have the ability to drown out the world to each other so that the only thing each of them feels and knows is the love they have for on another and they’re son. When they’re together, it’s easy, peaceful and quiet. The world is at bay.
I loved this song! It’s so sweet! This is “Easy Silence” by The Dixie Chicks as I see it because of synesthesia, a condition which causes me to see music visually!
Children lose their youth too soon,
watching war made us immune,
and I got all the world to lose.
So I just want to hold on to
the easy silence that you make for me.
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me,
and the peaceful quiet you create for me,
and the way you keep the world at bay for me.
Dixie Chicks
Thinking about writing a Jily fic based on this song...I think it would be great for an angsty wartime one-shot
