Shawn clearly has the hots for his assistant. He thought it would be fine, go home to Toronto, look at his view, keep his distance. Clearly he was wrong. He misses seeing her everyday. She changed the feelinging of the room she entered. He’s a bit angry at Andrew for making him take a break before tour, because now he can’t be around her everyday. He had to wait for tour to be surrounded by her again. When he gets a little tipsy, she consumes his thoughts. He tried getting drunk once to forget her. That was bad - the reaction was opposite from the expected. Every song he’s written has been about her. She’s been his muse even when he doesn’t want her to be. His lyrics do nothing but talk about her. It’s late and he’s rereading their texts. They’re simple, about tour prep. But Shawn is still so infatuated with her, an communication is his drug. He’s tried to move on but it’s difficult. He loves talking to her. He needs more. He might as well just tell her, all the strings attached:
I’m LIVING for Ellie and Shawn btw. This is killing meeeeeeeeee I love ittttttttttttttttttttttttt. You did such a fantastic job with the latest part!!!
I’m sorry you’re dying but thank you!! It was a pain to rewrite lots of it this week so I’m glad it still turned out alright. Part nine is definitely gonna be one of my favs I’ve been looking forward to writing it for so long!
a/n: Whoops! I know I haven’t been posting, I’ve been busy! But here’s a quick little somethin somethin. This is supposed to hurt and sting a bit… lemme know if I did a good job and give me some feedback please!
unedited
Warnings: allusion to a medical situation
Word count: 772
“Hey hey hey” You hear his strong but gentle voice coming from behind you. You anticipate that soon you would feel his hands on your body.
“Hey” he coos into your ear. You feel his large hands grab onto your waste, just as you had predicted.
Shawn hates seeing you cry.
“Now why is my favorite person standing in our kitchen crying?” he whispers as he begins to wrap his arms around your waist.
You turn your head to get a look at him. Not realizing just how hard you were crying until you notice that your vision is blurred. You blink causing another set of tears to slide down your face. At least now you can see his general figure.
You can feel Shawn rocking you back and forth as he hugs you tighter.
You let out another sob.
Shawn is completely supporting your weight now. He can tell too. If he were to let go, you’d slump onto the floor, possibly never to get up again.
You can feel your body slowly getting closer to the floor, it takes a moment for your brain to register that Shawn is slowly sitting down on the kitchen floor, gently bringing you with him.
You close your eyes.
You can feel his strong chest against your back. You can feel the lap of his thighs under you. He slowly brings his arms up to completely surround you in the safety of his body.
You can finally breathe.
Shawn notices too. “That’s good, just breathe baby… Then you can tell me what’s bothering you so much.”
His words bring out another sob from you. You can’t control it at this point. You feel your body beginning to shake again, but Shawn keeps holding you tight, whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
It takes a while, but you’re finally breathing at a steady rate again. You turn your upper body so that you face Shawn.
His big doe eyes are staring at you, filled with worry.
Your voice says, barely above a hushed whisper: “It’s worse than we thought.”
You watch him close his eyes in denial. He doesn’t want this just as much as you don’t want this.
“W-what is?” He says.
“I-” your voice cracks midsentence, “I had a doctor’s appointment today.”
You can feel Shawn’s body quickly tense up underneath you. However, just as quickly as he tensed, he relaxes. Almost to the point where you didn’t notice it, but you did. He’s trying to be strong for you. He doesn’t want you to know he’s scared.
“Yeah?” his voice cracks.
“yeah.” You whisper to him, dropping your head to your knees.
He pulls you impossibly closer to him. It’s almost as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear right out of his arms.
He just holds you for a few minutes. It’s a simple act, but it means the world to you.
Honestly, if you weren’t delivering bad news, this would be a nice feeling.
You can feel his chest drop as he lets out a deep breath.
“Okay… so, what’s the next step?” he croaks.
You wait a moment to reply, letting his words hang in the air. You can feel him crumbling beneath you. He can only be so strong for both of you for so long.
He’s breaking.
“I… uh…. We… um…. Well…” You take a breath. “I guess we just wait for the labs to come back. And then I’ll have another appointment? I set one up for later this week. The doctor said she wants to see me back as soon as we get the lab results.”
He lets out another one of his own deep breaths.
“Okay. We’ll just take this step by step then. Okay. Okay, Honey?” He says, giving you a little shake.
You try to give him a smile. It’s a weak excuse of a smile, pitiful really, but it’s the first time you’ve almost smiled in hours.
“okay.”
You lay your head into his shoulder. Your body finally giving into him completely, finally accepting the rest he’s offering you.
You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. But you do know that right now, in Shawn’s arms, you feel safe and supported.
You fall asleep there, on the kitchen floor, with Shawn slowly rocking you and quietly humming your favorite song of his to you, secretly wishing that it was simple. That you could just supply your endless amounts of love to Shawn without all this complication.
But you can’t.
You’re breaking your own heart.
And, although he denies it, you can see it in his eyes.
“Hey babe, whatcha doin?” you whisper as you turn to face boyfriend.
“Oh I’m just drawing a little something for snapchat” Shawn replies, holding his phone at an angle so you can’t see the screen. He looks up and gives you a sly grin.
“OH really?!” You say as you reach across the airplane armrest, playfully snatching his phone out of his hands.
You take a look at what is on the screen and you see a photo of the empty seat that is across from Shawn. He has placed an emoji of a girl and drawn in her purple body.
You look up at him and giggle to yourself. You raise your eyebrows at him, communicating everything to him without even saying a word.
Shawn is blushing. His cheeks are deep red and his smug look has gone sheepish.
“I gotta keep up my “single” appearance!” He says throwing up his hands and making air quotes.
You don’t even say anything in response. Just chuckle and toss his phone back to him. It lands in his lap and he scoops it up quickly, making sure you haven’t ruined his master piece.
“Okay whatever babe, do it for the fans.” You laugh as you lean against him, nuzzling yourself against his shoulder.
He leans into you, resting his cheek against the top of your head. His eyes become heavy and he feels his sleep deprivation overwhelm his body. He quickly hits the blue arrow, sending the picture straight to his story.
“Yup, it’s all for the fans. But this is for just you” he says as he bends his head and kisses where his cheek had been resting. “Love you, babe. Wish I didn’t have to keep you my secret.”
a/n: In honor of my last night here at summer camp, AND hitting my 1st big follower milestone: I present, a summercamp!Shawn AU!!! I’ve been a camp counselor for a creative writing camp all week long and this has been my “big project” I’ve been working on. It’s 5k and honestly was a beast to write. I hope y’all like it because I’m really proud of it. (also it’s 3am on my last night here, so if there’s some blatant gammar/spelling issues, I’m sorry I did my best) ALSO: I tried out a new style so that was exciting.
word count: 5,220
warnings: cursing!!
The italics are flashbacks and ‘thoughts’.
You lock eyes form across the field. He’s playing some stupid game with his campers. The boy campers never followed the rules, so their games always ended up being a little bit crazy.
“That’s a stupid idea.” You said to him.
His face fell slightly, but then ignited again with arrogance.
“Says you! I bet my campers’ll love it” He snipped back to you.
“OKAYYYYY, let’s just calm down for a minute, counselors. I’m sure all the campers will enjoy whatever introductory games you have planned.” Your boss said to you and him.
He shot you a look that told you, if you weren’t sitting in a pre-camp meeting right now, he would have stuck his tongue out at you, like a child.
You roll your eyes and look away. Scoffing at the memory of his stupid game. You didn’t even know who he was then. All you knew was that you didn’t like him.
When you had first arrived at camp, you overheard him making fun of the girls’ camp for being too “frilly”.
“Fuck him” you whisper to yourself.
“Dude. The girls camp is lame” You heard a voice say. It sounded like one of the boys’ counselor.
“Oh come on, they’re not that bad” You had heard another voice say.
“No dude! They’re SO… ugh…frilly!” The original voice said, sounding almost disgusted.
You stopped dead in your tracks. You were about to round the corner to go tell those exact guys that your boss needed them. But NOW, you just wanted to eavesdrop.
The original voice kept talking: “Seriously dude! Did you see that one counselor moving in! She had all those supplies! Like the glitter balls and the pink stuff!! I mean like... This is summer camp! Not a slumber party!!”
That’s when you’d had enough. “That counselor” he was talking about was you.
You violently threw your body around the corner. You cocked your eyebrow and stuck out your hip at the guys in front of you.
You let them take in your angered appearance, squaring your shoulders and folding your arms over your chest.
“OH Shit” you heard the original voice guy whisper. You were quick to direct your look to him.
He starts stumbling over his words. It sounds like he might be trying to apologize but you could tell it was only because he had gotten caught.
You refused to give him any wiggle room, standing your ground, despite the fact that he is drop dead gorgeous. His jaw must have been chiseled by Adonis himself.
You see his eyes flash at your challenge to his authority.
Then he cleared his throat, collected his composure and said, “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
You narrowed your eyes at him.
“Well that’s a shame, because I did. So, I’m glad to know your thoughts on my camp. I’ll be sure to spread the word to the other counselors that you don’t like the girls’ camps.”
He looked stunned. Almost like he had never been stood up to before.
He took a deep breathe before replying “well it’s not my fault that the boys’ music camp is the best camp”
And with that you allowed yourself to break your stance. You leaned forward as you sarcastically laughed before snapping yourself back up to meet his eyes.
“WOW that was funny.” You rolled your eyes. “That was the worst comeback I’ve ever heard… Anyway, the boys’ counselors are needed in the boss’ offices.” You say before you flipped your hair and turned to walk away. You smirked to yourself hearing the stunned silence behind you.
You turn back to your campers, hoping none of them heard your comment about him, to explain the introductory game.
Unfortunately, you see one little girl staring up at you with wide eyes.
Her voice was so small, you almost don’t hear her say, “What did you say?”
You can feel your hands go clammy as you are quick to think up a response.
“OH! I said... ummmmm DUCK HAND! Yes! The game we are about to play is duck hands. I don’t know why! But this game’s name is duck hands!” You go on to explain the game you had originally planned to play, except changing a few small details to include ducks… to sell the lie. The last thing you need is one of your 12 year olds telling your boss that you said, “fuck him,” about another counselor, of all people.
The flames are flickering against the black of the night. As per tradition of camp, it’s the first night bonfire. You’re frantically counting your girls trying to make sure they do not run off too far, as your preparing your marshmallow stick.
You hear someone approaching you from behind and let out a deep sigh, mentally preparing to answer whatever silly question the camper behind you has. You turn to face the small person behind you with a grin on your face, doing your best to fake some happiness in your eyes.
You are worn out and cannot wait for the campers to go to bed, so you can relax. Today has been stressful.
However, you were not met with a camper. When you turn you find yourself smiling at a chest, that is a little too close for your comfort. You look up and see his face and immediately your expression drops into an angry glare.
“What the hell do you want you?” you say, mimicking the disgusted tone he had used a few days ago when talking about your camp. You turn you back on him and go back to your marshmallow
“I just came to ask you what ‘Duck Hands’ is…” He smoothly replies.
You roll your eye, even though you know he can’t see them. He is clearly trying to get under your skin, again.
“It’s the introductory game I played with the girls this morning.” You respond shortly.
“I thought you had some other game planned? Or did Ms. ‘Your Game Is Stupid My Game Is Better’ decide to switch games!?!?” He faked shock.
You spin back around and poke a finger into his chest. “For YOUR information, it was the same game that I had planned on playing. I just changed the name.”
“Well why’d you do that?” He sounded genuinely interested and dipped his head a little to get a better look at you.
You hated that. He needs to just leave you alone. But you can’t help it when your stomach flips a little. You hate that too. He may be beautiful, but he sure is an asshole.
You take in a deep breath to let him know how annoyed you were becoming. You retract your hand, letting it fall to your side as you glare at him.
“I had to change the name because I mayyyy have cursed a little in front of a camper and had to cover it up.”
His eyes go wide as he looks at you. You can see the gears in his head turning.
“Wait… what did you say? And HOW does ‘duck hands’ cover it up?” He says as he scurries to your side so he can prepare a marshmallow stick too.
“I don’t really want to tell you.” You say flatly.
“Oh come on!” He bumps you hip against yours.
You have to focus extra hard to contain the smile that you feel trying to bubble up on your face.
“Are you seriously not going to tell me all that, and then not tell me what you said?” He eggs you on, bumping hips again.
“OKAY fine!” you hush your voice, “I said ‘fuck him,’ and then to fix it, I said ‘Duck Hands.’”
His mouth drops open a little bit. “well fuck” he whispers to you. You can see the gears in his brain turning, again. He’s not very good at having a poker face, but you don’t mind. His thinking face is pretty cute.
You shake your head to get the thought out of your mind.
‘You hate him, remember, Y/N?’
“WAIT!” He suddenly says. “who were you talking about?!”
You look off the side, away from him. “There’s no way I’m fucking going to tell you. Now if you excuse me, I need to go roast this marshmallow.”
You walk away leaving him stunned and speechless, again.
“Did he really say that?” Κatie asked.
“Yes way!” You responded to your roommate.
Katie rolled over on her bed to get a better look at your face.
“I don’t believe you.” You heard her say.
“Well, sorry to break it to you, but Sam, er Shane, or whatever he said his name was, definitely said that. And then had the fucking audacity to be a dick about it.” You said back to her.
You heard her shuffle in her bed and she goes quiet. You make a mental note not to curse around your roommate. She’s younger and this is her first year at this camp as a counselor, you probably shouldn’t make her more uncomfortable then she already is.
You sat in silence for a while, until you heard her speak again.
“I think he said his name was’ Shawn.’” She said.
You rolled your eyes. “I honestly don’t really care, he’s not a very nice person.”
It’s been a few days since you’ve had to interact with ‘Shawn’. However, because you are trying not to curse around Katie, the memory of your conversation with Katie burns in your brain constantly.
Which wouldn’t be a problem, except that you were talking about Shawn.
So, you have thoughts of Shawn constantly invading your brain.
Off in the distance, you see Shawn running up to you. You try to ignore him and turn to walk to the dining hall with Katie.
“Hey!” he calls, sounding a bit annoyed at your blatant attempt to ignore him.
You turn around to see him standing right behind you.
He takes another step closer to you, causing you to take one back.
“What do you want.” You say to him, more of a statement than a question.
“The boss wants to see us.” He says. He seems embarrassed to be talking to you in front of Katie, who looks absolutely terrified. “I don’t know what about... but I think it might have something to do with-”
Your eyes go a little wide. You cut him off, “ugh fine let’s go then.” You say as you start speed walking away from Katie. You turn your head and yell “I’ll see you at breakfast!” to Katie, noticing that Shawn is hot on your tail following you.
Your eyes meet Shawn’s and his annoyingly arrogant look returns to his face.
“Eager to be alone with me, I see?” he says.
You scrunch your nose at him and shoot him daggers with your eyes.
“Shut the fuck up! Katie is young and new. She’s uncomfortable with cursing. I didn’t want you to scare her!” you respond. You are not enjoying having to go anywhere alone with the asshole behind you, so you pick up your pace as you both make your way across camp.
“So now you’re a mama bear?” Shawn calls after you.
You bite your lower lip in frustration, trying to hold back the slew of words you want to say to him. You’re glad that he is behind you and can’t see that he’s successfully getting under your skin.
You finally arrive to the office cabin. But before you go inside, you feel a firm hand wrap all the way around your forearm, pulling you back.
You can feel your heartrate pick up and your breaths becomes short. You don’t want it to, but you can’t help it as Shawn is pulling you closer to his body.
He releases your arm, only to place both hands on your shoulders, holding you steady. He bends his head down a little and looks into your eyes.
You try pull back slightly, only to find that his grip on your shoulders is a lot stronger than you thought it was. You raise an eyebrow at him and give him your best confused look.
For a split moment, you find yourself lost thought,
‘How much muscle is he hiding under that shirt?’
His grip on your shoulders snaps you back to reality as he gives your shoulders a small squeeze.
He takes a breath, “I don’t know what’s going to happen in there, but I just wanted you to know that if you lose your job or something… I’m sorry.”
He releases your shoulders when try you pull out of his grip again.
You make sure your voice is silent, because you’re right outside of your boss’ office.
“Dude, no. I doubt that is going to happen. They probably just want to talk to us about some problematic campers or something.”
Shawn’s glace falls to the ground. You can see his jaw clenching up under his cheek. He eyes pop up to yours and you see his lips turn down into almost a frown, but angrier.
“Sorry, if I offended you, your highness, just thought I should try to be nice to you, in case things go sour”
You can hear the sarcasm dripping from his mouth.
You flip around and walk into the office, steam coming out of your ears.
Your boss is staring at you, waiting for one of you to respond.
“Y’all good?” they say.
Shawn is the first to speak.
“So, you want…” he points to you, “Her…. Camp to work with my camp?... for the upcoming showcase?”
Your boss looks him dead in the eye with no emotion.
“Yes? That is exactly what I just said.”
You feel your stomach tying itself in knots.
‘How the hell am I supposed to work with him? He hates me. I hate him. No fucking way are we going to be able to do this, I can’t even be near him without him doing something stupid.’
“Y/N?” Your boss is waving his hand in front of your face. “you ok with this?”
You shake your thoughts away. “Yeah sure, I guess.”
Your boss’ face lights up with excitement. “OK! Awesome! And just so you know, I will be expecting something from y’all as well! You two could kick off the showcase, be the opener!”
Both yours and Shawn’s mouth drop open as your boss begins pushing you out the door. “Ok! Your camps can start working together today! During their break! I’ll see y’all later”
Unfortunately, the day went quickly. After the regular beans and rice lunch, you find yourself counting your campers on the field.
You notice out of the corner of your eye that Shawn has begun leading his campers over to you. You can see the neck of his guitar case popping up from behind his head.
‘Of course this fucker plays guitar too’
It takes all of your concentration not to gag at the thought of having to work with Shawn.
You feel his hand touch your arm lightly to alert you to his presence. You and Shawn do a quick introduction of the project your boss wants the campers to do and then allow them to pair themselves off.
After seeing that all the campers are have a partner and are beginning to work, you see Shawn move to stand in front of you.
“hey..” Shawn says. There’s almost a hint of nerves in his voice.
You let out the breath you were holding and force yourself to look at him, hiding the annoyance behind your eyes. If you’re going to have to do this, you might as well pretend to be pleasant.
He lifts his hand up behind his neck. “So, um, we can sit over there, under that tree. For shade?” He says as he motions towards a tree off to the side of the field with his head.
“Yeah sure.” You respond, beginning to walk over there.
He follows right behind you and then promptly sits down into the grass.
“Ok so the project I have in mind is that your creative writing camp (motioning to you) and your music camp (motioning to Shawn) can work together to write songs!” Your boss said. “I think it would be good for the creative writers to try to work their skills in a new way, and for Shawn’s campers to learn how to write to someone else’s words. Obviously, it will be very difficult for them, but you both can help them along throughout the process.”
You’re staring down at Shawn now. Watching him, as he pulls his soft guitar case off his back and is pulling out his guitar. He’s lost in his own little world while checking the tuning of each string. Once he’s done he looks over to where you’re standing, suddenly looking confused. He motions to the spot on the ground next to him.
You fight back your instinct you scoff at him. Instead trying for a confused look, but pretty sure your face looks more like RBF.
“You just had to pick the only spot under the tree that is mostly dirt? Why don’t we sit over there? Where the grass is?” You say bluntly.
Shawn’s eyebrows fly up and as is now frantically looking at the ground, letting out a grunt when he seems to understand what you’ve said.
He suddenly starts tugging at his hoody by the neck, pulling it over his head.
“Here-” He says as he lays it out on the ground next to him. You notice that he places it closer to him that you probably would have sat.
“I’m not going to sit on your hoody, Shawn.”
“Oh, come on, Y/N! You need to sit and I don’t want to move.”
“Why did you even have a sweatshirt in the first place? It’s the middle of summer!”
“It’s cold in the dining hall, so I grabbed it before lunch.” He says matter of factly. “Just sit down, we need to get this song done.
“Ok fine whatever.” You say throwing your hands up in defeat.
You plop down next to him. You notice that your legs are only inches apart. You try not to roll your eyes, because you don’t want him to ask why you’re rolling them.
He pulls his guitar onto his lap and starts doing some random strumming. Playing through a couple chord progressions.
He looks up at you and a curl falls into his face. “What type of stuff do you usually write? Like do you have any poems or something we could use?”
You shift uneasily. You love your work and love sharing it, but something about revealing it to Shawn makes you hesitant.
Shawn senses your nerves, “I mean, like, um, if you want to. Well, we’re… supposed to let the writers write the lyrics, but I mean I could always write up something real quick. I write music all the time.”
And it’s when he offers to write it that you snap back. Part of you think that he actually might care about your feelings, but another part, a louder part, is telling you that he’s just trying to steal all the glory. There’s no way you’re going to let him write the music and the lyrics. And then take all the glory.
“Oh no! I have plenty of poetry we can use. Let me just grab my journal…”
You turn your back to Shawn as you dig through your string bag for your beat up old composition notebook. You smile as you pull out your familiar friend. The front is almost completely destroyed from the one time you spilt juice on it, which you’ve tried to fix with multiple layers of mod podge, which has turned into you mod podging your favorite photos and inspirational things onto the front.
You pull it out of your bag absent mindedly. But as soon as you see his eyes on your most prized position, you become anxious. It’s not like you haven’t shown people your writing before, you’ve shown who knows how many people this journal.
But showing it to Shawn? Your camp enemy? The boy that has somehow managed to sneak into your thoughts? You feel your chest tightening up.
Shawn is no longer staring at your journal, but at you. He’s waiting permission.
You shove your journal towards him. No point in stressing about this, you might as well rip off the bandaid.
Your mouth falls open into a ramble, “here look through it, I guess. Tell me if anything sticks out. It’s mostly all poetry, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find something.”
Remaining silent, Shawn reaches out and begins to flip through the pages. You busy yourself by pulling at sparse grass around you.
You notice a good amount of time has gone by, so you look over to Shawn. He is almost at the end of the journal, with various fingers marking pages in the book.
“Have you been reading them all???” you basically gasp, controlling your instinct to snatch your journal from him, because of his marked pages.
“um….. yeah….. I…. yeah….” He says, refusing to lift his eyes to you.
You can see a blush rise up his neck and touch his cheek.
He tries again, “I um… I’ve holding some pages, I wanted to mark them, but I didn’t want to doggy-ear your journal. I think one of these might work to turn into a song. Honestly, it’ll be really hard to choose just one. You’re a really talented writer.”
Now it’s your turn to blush. You’re told all the time that you’re talented, but to hear it from him is different. It’s almost like he’s admitting defeat.
You look off into the distance. But look back at him when you feel him shuffle closer to you, closing the gap between your sides. He leans over and is flipping to the pages he’s bookedmarked with his fingers.
Shawn speaks, “So um.. a lot of my favorites you probably won’t want to perform with me, so I should probably just forget it.”
You frown at him. “Well, let’s not narrow it done just yet, which ones did you like?”
You’re leaning into him now, trying to see your journal.
“Well, the problem is… you seem to write a lot of poetry about love and stuff…. And um I think some of your best stuff is on love….. and….. well…. You probably don’t want to do a love song with me… so, yeah…” Shawn relies.
Your face is now bright red. You hide your eyes from Shawn as you pull away from him, so that you both are no longer touching. You’re practically not even sitting on his hoody anymore.
“forget I said it.” Shawn frantically replies to your actions. “I can pick something else. I think I saw one I liked over here in the back,” he says as he’s flipping towards the back.
You notice that he’s kept one of his fingers between the pages. You also can’t help but notice that his finger bookmark is dangerously near your favorite poem.
‘You know what? Why the fuck not’
You take in breath, “Well, which one did you have in mind, they’re not all that bad. Which one is this?”
You grab the notebook out of his hands, making him completely lose his spot as he flips through the back pages. You’re careful to open the book to where his finger was.
You gasp.
‘Well fuck’
Shawn bookmarked your favorite.
Out of our peripheral, you can see Shawn blushing.
He opens his mouth, “um…. I really like that one…” His blush is becoming an even darker shade of red. “I like its flow… and it’s also just really good, in general”
You can see your own hand writing staring back at you:
FALLING:
Sunrise with you on my chest
No blinds in the place where I live
Daybreak open your eyes
Because this was only ever meant to be for one night
Still, we're changing our minds here
Be yours, be my dear
So close with you on my lips
Touch noses, feeling your breath
Push your heart and pull away
Be my summer in a winter day, love
I can't see one thing wrong
Between the both of us
Fast forward a couple years
Grown up in the place that we live
Make love, then we fight,
Laugh because it was only meant to be for one night
I guess we can't control
What's just not up to us
You sit in silence as you and Shawn both reread it.
Shawn is clearly anxious. He has started fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
You can hear Shawn let out a breath and then start plucking his guitar. You pick up the pattern that he is playing, and you read your poem out loud to his guitar.
“Sunrise. With you on my chest.
No blinds. In the place that I live.”
Shawn begins to harmonize with you, altering the original sound of your poem. He throws some words up high, and elongates some words, to give more of a melody.
Soon, you are all the way through the poem. You force yourself not to be the first to look up.
You can feel the heat on your cheeks. Then, you hear Shawn speak.
“well, that’s amazing. But it’s not quite a song yet, I think we need a chorus and bridge still.”
You look up and see that his face is red. You allow yourself to let out a small smile, knowing that it’s your words that had that effect on him.
“OK then, music boy, what do you suggest?”
“That’s not how it works, I can’t just pull a chorus out of my ass.” He says snarkly back to you.
And just like that, any magic that was built up in those few moments prior, is squashed. He killed them.
The next day you are preparing for another music writing session. Your boss has decided that for now, a part of your camps’ breaks will be used to write your songs.
You bump into Shawn walking out of the dining hall after lunch. The blush still spread over your cheeks and carrying across the top of nose.
“What’s so funny?” Anna had said.
Everyone seated around you was laughing, including Shawn. Shawn was belly laughing, throwing his head back.
You had been sitting at the long table full of camp counselors, as usual. Except this time, you noticed that Shawn was sitting fairly closer to you than normal. Usually, you and he were on complete opposite ends of the table. But this time, he was sitting closer to the middle on the opposite side as you, just close enough that if you spoke loudly, he might hear you.
You gave your attention to your friend that counsels the girls theatre camp. “Oh! Katie just made a really funny side comment! How did you not hear it? Even Shawn heard it, and he’s further down the table than you are!” you giggled.
You made eye contact with Shawn. Anna turned to Shawn. She asked, “What did Katie say?” in hopes that he could enlighten her.
Shawn looked away from Anna and back to you. He held your eye contact as a blush crept up his neck, reaching his ears. He said, “Oh, I didn’t actually hear it. It’s just she has this smile she does. When she’s about to laugh. And it was making me laugh.”
Anna looked disgusted and you dropped your face into your hands.
Katie and the others were still giggling at the previous joke, hadn’t even noticed the small conversation that just took place.
“I’m never smiling around you again.” You mutter to him.
You watch his face shoot red again.
“NOOooooo! I love your smile!” He whines as he bumps your shoulder.
After you get your campers settled, you walk over to the tree you sat under with Shawn.
Shawn is already there, in the same spot as yesterday, plucking his guitar and humming along.
You notice that he’s in the same spot as yesterday, and he has already laid out his hoody for you to sit on. You giggle as you plop down next to him.
His eyes shoot up to you with excitement, “I think I figured something out! I think it’ll make a good chorus!”
He starts plucking and strumming. Then, he looks up at you, staring directly into your eyes:
“You know I've been alone for quite a while
haven't I? I thought I knew it all
Found love but I was wrong
More times than enough
But since you came along
I'm thinking baby
You are bringing out a different kind of me
There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free
Fallin’ all in”
______________________________
A few days pass and eventually the day of the showcase arrives.
You and Shawn have what you both think makes a good final product. You’ve completed the chorus, added harmonies, changed the name from ‘Falling’ to ‘Fallin’ all in’.
You’re very nervous to go on stage and perform. Especially because you will be performing one of your poems, and even more so because you will be SINGING one of your poem’s… with Shawn.
You’re trying not to shake, but you can’t help it. You’re nervous.
You feel Shawn place his arm around your shoulder, “You ready?” he says with a grin plastered across his face.
“No.”
“Oh, come on now. Don’t be nervous! You’re going to be amazing! You wrote the damn thing! And you have an amazing voice. So honestly, I don’t see why you’re worried.”
You lean into Shawn’s side and scoff.
“So, Mr. hotshot, you’re not nervous at all?” you say sarcastically.
“HA are you kidding me??? I’m Τ Ε R R I F I E D.”
You and Shawn are laughing now, while standing just off stage. You can hear your boss giving the final thank you introductions.
And then you hear your names.
“And up first, as our opener, we have our very own Camp Counselor Shawn and Camp Counselor Y/N!”
You can hear the applause but it doesn’t register, because all you can feel is Shawn’s hand grabbing yours, pulling you onto the stage.
Epilogue~~~
You are tearing up, watching your daughter board the bus.
“It’s only 3 weeks” you tell yourself. “she’ll be home in no time. She’ll be fine. She’s 12 years old now.”
You feel his strong arm wrap around your shoulders like it did all those years ago at camp.
You smile up to your husband, fighting back the tears.
As you walked off stage, you couldn’t believe it.
You had just performed your poem, adapted into a song, in front of at least two hundred people.
Mostly 12 year old campers, but still, people.
And they were cheering. Loud.
You had never heard such a loud cheer at a showcase. And you’d been doing the whole “camp” thing for a long time.
You turned around to see Shawn. But as you did, you felt Shawn grab your shoulders like he did the day you were assigned this project by your boss.
Only this time, instead of feeling him squeeze your shoulders, you felt his lips crash against yours.
a/n: Lol I came up with this concept while watching the Tonys a couple days ago (I know... so original *face palm*)
unedited
word count: 1625
warnings: none? Fluff? Lol
You’re walking the red carpet.
It’s not the first time you’ve been here, though. You were lucky enough to gain some minor roles in some big musicals. But this is the first time you’ve had a lead role, and are personally nominated for it.
What makes this awkward is that your boyfriend also works in the music industry. But, you’re in a completely different corner of music. He’s more of the big stadium style pop/rock stuff. And you’re just here in New York City with your little old Broadway.
What makes this even stranger is that, although you’ve been dating for two years, you both aren’t very public with your relationship and have never walked a carpet together. At first, it was because you weren’t quite serious enough, and then he had a PR thing, and then you brought your mom, etc, etc. But the time has finally come. You are up for a big nomination and there is no one you want more by your side than Shawn.
As you step out onto the carpet, the bright flashes blind you. You can hear the crowd of on-lookers “aww” at your dress. But what it is what follows that takes you by surprise.
You and Shawn have kept your relationship fairly private. After all, he had his PR things to do, and Broadway is so niche that only your close friends in your cast know WHO you are dating. They are the ones who get to witness your cute facetimes between acts or your texts before every show.
Everyone else knows you are dating someone famous, but no one really cared who it is. (Something you were thankful for, one of the perks of NYC… EVERYONE knows that one famous SOMEONE, thus making NO ONE special). And if they did ask about him, you simply told them. They were always so shocked by your casualness about it that they usually assumed you were joking or they just dropped the subject then and there.
But this. This is your first big public outing together. Your “debut” as your friends teased. Shawn is listed as your plus one and has a seat reserved next to you as “guest”. The people making the seating for the Tonys didn’t seem to care exactly who were bringing. When asked who your plus one was, you simply said “my boyfriend.” They scribbled it down and moved on.
So, to say the least, you were not expecting what happens when Shawn steps out of the limo behind you.
There is a momentary hush around you, and then the noise. Oh, the noise. A roar of gasps and “oh my God”s fill the air. The flashes seem to get brighter and the calls are louder, screaming both yours and Shawn’s name.
You glance back at Shawn, who smiles as his arm slips around your waist. Shawn has turned on his ‘superstar’ mode, as you call it. His default go-to when he’s on a red carpet. The screams and flashes don’t seem to faze him at all as he leads you further onto the carpet.
You can’t help but release a little giggle.
“What?” He says to you smiling, noticing your laugh.
“I just… *giggle * I’m just laughing at how, if you weren’t here, I probably wouldn’t be getting all this attention!”
He pulls his arm off your waist and flips himself so that he is standing in front of you. What you said knocked him out of his default carpet mode. He is suddenly realizing how all the cameras seem to be focused on him, and he isn’t even a Broadway star!
“Hey, babe. No no no. This is your night! Tonight is about you! YOU are the nominated one!”
You chuckle back at him. “I know that, silly! I just always seem to forget how famous you are!”
Shawn’s eyes are becoming serious but you can’t help but to keep laughing at how concerned he is about you. “Babe…” his voice trails off.
You grab his hand and grin up at him. He gives you a confused smile.
“Come on, bubs! You said it was my night! And I want to be interviewed!” You say as you begin to pull him down the carpet, making it his turn to break into giggles. He follows you hopelessly, realizing that he actually had no idea where he was going before, he’s never been on this red carpet before.
~~
The interviews are hilarious. No one was expecting THE Shawn Mendes to show up to the Tonys. So, naturally, after all the interviewers get over being star struck, their first question to you involves a version of “So, Y/N, who is your date?” Which they all say without taking their eyes off of Shawn.
To which you reply to all of them, “Well, my boyfriend of course!” And Shawn blushes and tries to hide his giant body behind yours, in an attempt to not steal your spotlight.
The whole carpet goes smoothly, besides Shawn being embarrassed every once in a while. He is truly upset that he is taking away from you moment. You can tell after the last interview that Shawn is visibly upset. No one other than you can tell, but because you know him well enough, you can see it in his eyes.
“Hey bubs, what’s up?”
“Oh nothing! I just want to make sure you’re enjoying yourself is all.” He replies.
You poke his side causing him to giggle “Oh come on! You can’t fool me. What’s up?”
He glances to the ground and lets out a sigh, “I just feel kinda bad that everyone just wants to talk about me, and not your musical, or nomination. I think I should have stayed back at your apartment, the paps only care about me, and I really want this to be YOUR night…”
You see the sincerity in his eyes. You lift your hand to his chin, pushing his head upwards, so that he has to look into your eyes. “Hey… babe…. This wouldn’t be MY night without YOU by my side. I don’t care about the paps. I care about you, and me, walking this carpet together.”
You see how Shawn’s eyes change from gloomy to shining with pride. “well then can we give them a show?”
You roll your eyes at him, knowing where he’s going, “These people are here because they love drama, of course we can put on a show…”
And with that Shawn sweeps you into his chest and lifts you off your feet. His lips are crashing down onto yours as he spins you both in a little circle. The rest of the world is forgotten as you share this moment with him.
~~
The night has been progressing slowly. They don’t announce the lead actress category until the end, giving you plenty of time to get your nerves up.
It doesn’t help that Shawn is nervous to. He wants you to win. He supports you so much and knows how hard you’ve been working in your role.
The only times when you can forget your nerves are when Shawn has his little moments of astonishment. You know Shawn took acting/drama in high school, but you didn’t know how much he REALLY enjoys musicals until tonight. He’s always so busy with touring and writing his albums that he doesn’t get to go see a whole lot of musicals. He actually has only seen your musical on Broadway.
But when the performances are happening at the Tonys, you can’t even watch them. You’re watching Shawn. He turns into a giggley boy child with every performance. He is absolutely entranced with each one. His eyes are wide with delight as he watches and you swear he claps and hollers louder with each passing one. He’s so adorable when he’s excited.
~~
Eventually, the night winds down and it’s time for your category. You can see the announcer up on the stage, but you can’t hear anything. You are at the edge of panicking.
Then you feel a warm hand rest itself on your thigh and give you a tight squeeze. You close your eyes and take a deep breathe.
This is why you needed Shawn with you tonight, he always knows exactly what to do to calm you down, even if it is the simplest action. You see the camera man appear in front of you preparing for your name to be called in the list of nominated.
When you hear your name, you smile into the camera, then you look up at the screens to see you colleagues faces appear. Time is speeding up and the room is spinning.
The announcer is now opening the letter. Your breath goes shallow.
Suddenly, everything seems to freeze. A strong hand finds our shoulder and you can feel Shawn’s thumb rubbing circles on your exposed skin. You glance back to give him a thank you smile. Just as your eyes meet with Shawn’s, the announcer calls your name.
Applause erupts around you. Shawn pulls you into a tight hug and whispers something along the lines of “I’m proud of you... I knew you’d get it” into your ear. You can’t feel yourself move, and yet you are standing walking towards the stage. You feel like you are out-side of your body.
They hand you your Tony. You stare out across the sea of people. Your eyes lock onto Shawn’s and he gives you the most encouraging smile you’ve ever seen. You can feel the tears forming in your eyes.
Shawn mouths “go on” to you and gestures towards you to start our speech.
Without breaking eye contact with him, you take a breath and begin:
a/n: So I wrote this about 2 months ago, roughly based in reflection of an event that had happened another 3 months before then, my first panic attack. You might be able to tell by the insane amount of RANDOM details that this wasn’t really intended to be shared. But for some reason I feel very compelled to share it. That night, all I wanted to do was text a friend and ask for help. But I didn’t. Anxious thoughts and fear winning. I was so afraid, it took me along time to open up to anyone about this, and I didn’t start getting better until I did. So, have this little thing. It helped me feel better 2 months ago when I wrote it, and the end still makes me smile now. That’s why I’m sharing it, if it can help just one person, then I’ve done well. I wish that I would have just told someone what I was going through and sought out help, that way someone could have told me what Shawn tell’s Y/N, instead of me taking months to come to that conclusion myself. SO: If you’re going through something, anything, and don’t know who to reach out to, please know that my inbox/chat messaging is always open for you 💖
Warnings: EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING!! PANIC ATTACK!!! I marked the VERY sketchy stuff with *********s. SO it is possible to read around the possibly triggering material and just read the set up and the fluff/message at the end. If you want to avoid ALL possibly triggering material, just skip to the end and start at the second “Y/N’s POV.”
word count: 2035
Y/N’s POV:
It was even finals yet. You still had another month to go. You’re wrapped up in a blanket surrounded by your textbooks. As you sit at your desk, you can’t help but notice that your watch reads 3am.
You’ve been trying to do this Latin homework for 5 hours. It’s only supposed to take about 2 hours.
For some reason you just weren’t in the mood to read Horace’s poetry. No matter how much you stared at the paper, you were still only 5 lines into a 25 line poem.
Your class is at 9am and you know that your Professor is going to kill you if you come into class without your homework done again.
It’s just one of the downfalls of going to a small, private, liberal arts college. Your 9am Latin class only has four students in it. And they ALL stare at you every time you walked into class tired.
You have been consistently getting only about five hours of sleep every night, if you even sleep. But, you can’t help it. Ever since you had caught that really bad flu in February, you haven’t had any motivation.
But tonight was different. You just didn’t feel “right” in any sense. You had already called your boyfriend twice.
Once, when you started your homework at 10pm, and then again at midnight. Both times a groggy Shawn lifted his head off his pillow and squinted into the screen.
The first time you called, he perked up and turned the light on. He did his best to motivate you.
He is usually was always successful at this. He would ask you questions like: “Tell me again why you love Classics” and you’d smile and go into long explanations about linguistics and philology. Then he’d give you that cute grin of his and say “well, go show that to your professor” as he hung up.
But tonight. Tonight it didn’t work. You had no motivation to do anything but sit.
You called him again at midnight. He was less responsive. He was barely able to keep his eyes open. You didn’t mind. You enjoyed just looking at him and watching him fall in and out of sleep. He had the cutest sleeping face, when all his muscles relaxed and his mouth hung open just a smidge.
It had been 3 hours since you talked to Shawn. It’s not that you were clingy, but tonight you just really needed your boyfriend. He’s 45 minutes away though, in his apartment building on his own campus. Shawn goes to the state school nearby. Today, he had a big day with a formal presentation in his business class. He had stayed up the entire previous night trying to prepare for it. You know he is stressed and really don’t want to add to the pressure that’s already on him. This semester has just been so draining for you though.
You catch yourself staring off into nothing, lost in thought again. You blink three times and then look down at your paper.
**************************************
You can feel your chest tightening. But you try to ignore it. You get another half line done.
Suddenly, when you go to take a deep breathe, you can’t. Your breathing becomes quick and shallow. You feel like the walls are caving in around you. Your mind is racing. However, you don’t know what it’s racing about, it just is. You can’t think clearly. Your vision gets fuzzy and you are now seeing spots.
You are scared.
You have this burning desire to get away from your desk. You try to stand up, grabbing your phone off your desk, only to immediately sink onto the floor. You crawl across your bedroom, with your blanket still wrapped around you.
You finally give up trying to move once you are next to your radiator. As you lay there on your floor, in the fetal position, wrapped in your blanket, all you want to do is cry.
You feel the warmth coming off of the radiator and you try to wiggle closer to it, craving its comfort. Tears are gently streaming down your face now.
You aren’t sure why you’re crying. But you are.
You feel hopeless.
In a brief moment of clarity, you have the only thought that has seemed coherent in the last 30 minutes. You text your boyfriend.
To: Mine <3: help me.
To: Mine <3: please.
You know he’s probably sleeping and won’t see your texts till morning. But you feel a little better, despite the fact that you are still silently sobbing to yourself on the floor.
You don’t know how long it’s been, but you haven’t received a message back from Shawn.
Focusing on trying to take study breathes, you let yourself drift into sleep.
*******************************
__
Shawn’s POV:
You feel your phone buzz against the mattress. You really don’t want to check it. It’s probably just Y/N saying she finished her homework. You roll over ignoring the text. It’s been about a half hour. But, no matter how hard you to try to relax, you just can’t sleep. Something is nagging at you.
You decide to check your phone.
From: Baby <3: help me.
From: Baby <3: please.
You laugh to yourself. Y/N knows that you don’t know anything about Latin. There is no way that you can help her with her homework.
You reply.
To: Baby <3: lol wish I could baby. I definitely don’t know anything about Latin. Sorry xx
You wait for a reply. Usually when you text her while she’s doing homework she replies quickly, excited for any form of distraction.
No reply. You wait 10 minutes.
To: Baby <3: Hey, you ok? Did you get it done?
Waiting another 15 minutes and still no reply.
This isn’t like Y/N. You try to tell yourself that it’s fine.
Y/N probably just turned her phone off in an attempt to focus. Or maybe she fell asleep?
But no matter how hard you try, you just can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.
Climbing out of bed you begin looking for a shirt and your car keys.
Your apartment is a good 45 minutes away from her college, but you don’t care. You need to see her, make sure she’s alright.
Throwing the car into park, you notice that you did the drive in only a half hour.
You were really lucky. Someone was exiting her dorm building right as you got to the door. So, you just slipped inside when the door was open, no need to call up.
You are now running up the stairs and down the halls. You can finally see her door come into view. You stop right outside, not sure if you should knock or not.
You know that if she’s in her room it’ll unlocked, but out of curtesy you should probably give her warning.
You decide on a really soft knock, just enough to alert anyone inside that you are there.
You try the knob and it’s unlocked. You then peek your head into the room. And then you see her.
Her small frame curled even smaller into a little ball on her floor. She was wrapped in a blanket but you can see that she is shaking.
Slowly, you enter the room, shutting the door behind you. You try whispering her name. But she does not respond.
You can hear silent whimpers coming from her mouth. As you get closer you see that she is asleep, crying in her sleep.
“oh baby” you coo.
You follow you instinct and reach down to her, resting your big hand on her thin back. She immediately stops whimpering.
You lay down next to her, basically spooning her. You wrap your arms around her blanketed body and pull her tightly into your chest.
She is still shaking, but at least now she is no longer crying.
__
Y/N’s POV:
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
Your alarm is going off.
You open your eyes and you see that your face is almost touching your radiator. Shawn is there, holding you tight.
You had heard him whisper your name when he came into your room last night. You thought it was a dream.
When you felt the strength of his hand against your back, you realized that he was actually there. You still feel like you are crying, but at least now it isn’t as bad as before.
Last night, when you felt his arms wrap around your center and his warm body against your back, you were finally able to breath for the first time.
Now you’re on your floor, reaching for your phone. You feel Shawn nuzzle his face into your neck. His arms tightening.
You flip your body so that you face him.
His eyes flutter open and you can see the green flakes in his hazel eyes. His beautiful eyes are laced concerned.
“How are you?” He says.
“I’ve been better, ever since you got here”
“but, how are you? What happened?”
“I… I don’t know…” You feel your lungs beginning to clinch, almost making you short of breath again. “I was doing my homework and then I couldn’t breathe, or see, or think. And then I was on the floor.”
“Sounds… like you had a panic attack?” He croaks.
“I don’t know…” You say as you fail to meet his eyes. Your gaze dropping low
“Hey” Shawn says, gently touching your chin, lifting your face to his. Your eyes meet. “It’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know it was probably really scary, but it’s over now, you have nothing to be afraid of.”
His eyes are soft and encouraging. You’re blinking back tears.
“I was so afraid, Shawn. I didn’t know what to do.”
“It’s okay. I know you were afraid. I’ve been there” He whispers to you.
“You’ve… You’ve- ?”
“Yeah, I had my first panic attack about 1 year ago, about 8 months before I met you.” He says looking off into the distance. “I was going through some stuff, dealing with some anxiety. It was a pretty dark time for me.”
“How did you get out of it?” you say, realizing that he said first panic attack, meaning that he has experienced others as well.
“Well, I met you. And you inspired me. You were fearless and unstoppable. That’s when I realized that I could be too. It wasn’t in my blood, the anxiety, I could overcome it… It also helps that I called my dad and told him what was going on.”
Shawn’s gaze had momentarily flicked away during his last sentence. But now, Shawn is looking at you with adoration in his eyes. You can feel the pride seething out of him.
You can’t help but give a weak smile up to him.
Shawn continues “mental health is a big thing. It’s important to make sure you’re okay. When was the last time you took a day off?”
“a day off from what?” you question. “There’s no such thing as a day off in school? That’s not how this works.”
You phone is going off again, alerting you that you have 20 minutes until your class starts.
Shawn reaches over and turns it off, handing the phone to you.
“email your professors and tell them what’s going on. Let them know that you won’t be in today, you’re taking a mental health day,”
You stare up at Shawn in simultaneous confusion and awe.
Is it really that easy?
You don’t argue, doing as he said. You know that you desperately need a day off, even if you have to skip your classes.
“done” you say looking back up to Shawn. “now what?”
“Now…” He says pulling you close to him. “we are going to move to your bed, so you can actually rest comfortably. And then after you’ve properly slept in, we’re going to order take out and watch movies all day. Maybe even take a bubble bath?”
“But I have homework...”
“It’s called a day off, Y/N. No homework allowed. Just focus on relaxing. We can deal with the world tomorrow. Today, our only task is helping you start to feel better.”
