Nov 25, 2024
Make me choke on your dick, make me take your dick in my mouth and then shove it in my ass like the good/bad little slutty ass bitch boy angel that I am.
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Make me choke on your dick, make me take your dick in my mouth and then shove it in my ass like the good/bad little slutty ass bitch boy angel that I am.
Electric feelings? Me and her touching hands.. electric..
I don't know how to feel, I feel like she is trying to seduce me to make me think she isn't as bad..
Woke up to the last thing I remember is me and her touching.. and all I can feel like is that me and her fucked in the astral.
I don't trust her..
You know I can shit talk the witch all I want and laugh at her, and I'd go against her but there is one person that I can never go against because I know that would mean me losing everything and I'm not about to go against him when I asked for money and asked him to help me.
It's Evil Eilal.
May be fucked up from him, and shit he did, but at the same time I grew to enjoy it, yeah maybe I'm scared of him and have fear of him but at the same time he is the only fucker that will give me what I want and fuck me so..
Again me and him think the same to an extent.. 🤷🏻♂️
He did mold me like him and then therefore I mold people to be like me.
To be honest, I'm to fucked up for anyone and would never love them right at all.. I want and crave abuse so goddamn much, because it's all I have ever known and I feel like it's all I will ever get.
I know I'm being shown love in a different way though and sometimes I really wish I wouldn't of fucked up things.. but you have showed me more then anyone has Lucifer.. you have still helped me regardless wether I've been an asshole or not, no matter what I did to you.. you were still there, you still protected me and all I did was spit at you, rape you, and be an abusive asshole to you..
You deserve so much better, you deserve to have your twin flame, you deserve to have your twin and the witch will disagree with me, even my evil may disagree, even Evil Eilal but.. part of me sees what it causes you, sees what we have done.. sees the pain that we have caused you and there's no way we can make it better for you.. because the ways we make shit better won't work, they will only traumatize you further.. so I sit from afar, looking at this mess that me and Evil Eilal has caused..
-You showed me love when no one else did, and all I did was show you how fucked up and broken I was wanting you exactly like me, wanting you broken and beaten like I was.. (that's not love..)
-You have taught me so damn much, and yet I don't listen..
-You could of threw me out on the streets and yes I feel like I don't deserve all this for being the rapist monster that I am.. but you have still showed me you cared and loved me as a brother, a son, family.. without the sexual shit.. (yes I know deep down I still want the sexual shit but I know you don't want that and will never want that with me.)
How I feel up against Evil Eilal..
You know there's a lot that I've realized.. and it's with my twin, she keeps confirming shit. Yes I'd want to rush and be with her but I can't. Divine Timing, I have to trust shit, and work on shit within. I can't just expect to have her rn, like I want without the work.
I should of never took in his power because for rn, there is no escape for me. You two get to escape, but me and her don't. (I fucked up and don't know how to fix any of it.)
A lot of emotions I'm feeling ngl..