#energy low

[athomewithmrse]

Men & Hormones: What’s Really Going On With Testosterone, Stress & Ageing?

If you’ve hit your 40s and feel like your energy’s lower, your drive’s inconsistent, or your recovery’s slower — you’re not imagining it. Yes, testosterone plays a role.But it’s not the only hormone shifting with age. In this week’s article, we break down what’s happening behind the scenes with testosterone, cortisol, insulin, and more — and how you can support healthy hormonal balance with…

Men & Hormones: What’s Really Going On With Testosterone, Stress & Ageing?

[jayparked]

i’ll be honest i am not feelin like cinderella naega byeonhae

[jed-the-newspaperguy]

Santa and the helping elfs (@ask-the-dweets , @the-entity-child and @ask-the-ghostface) are packing christmas gifts.

[durchlauferhitzr]

[durchlauferhitzr]

[dannobfg]

I'm exhausted.

Energy is low low low today.

I'm tired of fighting the thoughts in my head.

"You are worthless. You are stupid. You are evil. You are going to hell. Kill yourself and save the world from you. You will never be good enough. You are a worthless piece of shit. I hate you".

That voice is loud. So loud. Always playing somewhere in my mind. Tormenting me.

I know it's not true.

I know that I am not worthless. I know I am not stupid. I know I'm not evil. And I know that the world doesn't need saving from me.

I distract myself from those words. I try to tell myself the opposite is true. But my voice is so low in comparison. I'm a tiny mouse squeaking in the dark being chased by lions.

I try to be active. To get shit done. But I'm not very good at it, especially on days like today where the voices are loud and my energy is low.

Sometimes I don't want to fight them anymore. Sometimes I just let them say their piece. And then I dissociate for the entire day until my conscienceness returns and somehow with it the will to keep going.

I'm going to die one day. Hopefully not by my own hand though.

I wanted 2021 to be the year of change. The year I start to try to fix this mess that I am. The year the suffering and existential dread would cease to be.

I started off well, I think. I cut out some toxic people, I came out to a few more, I started to talk to a counselor, I had a boyfriend for a while. It was pretty good at first. But then it all inevitably went to shit.

Insecurities, man. Like never before. The voices just got louder. And he never loved me, so he was no help at all. But I guess that's my fault. It wasn't his job to deal with my problems. I don't think anyone is not self-centred enough to be able to deal with this me that I am. And besides, it's only my responsibility, no?

See, right there. I'm saying I don't believe myself worthy of love, right? How fucked up is that?! But also, is that actually love? Seeing how messed up someone is and still deciding to stay and help? How is that fair? How is that equitative? How can I expect someone to care so much, enough, to stay? It's not fair because I hardly have enough energy to keep myself alive, how am I supposed to give to someone else? All I do is take take take. No one wants to be drained. No one has that much to give. My glass is cracked and always leaking.

So yeah, it's the single life for me for a while. He moved on by finding someone new. My plan remains the same as that new years resolution, though. Be better, enough is enough.

Someone once said it gets lonely when you're working on yourself. And it's so true.

I want to believe in that future where everything is alright. But I guess the tunnel in my tunnel vision just seems to get longer and longer.

Focus on the present moment, they say. Right now is all we have. Tomorrow isn't promised. Stop trying to live as if it were.

But I'm not, I say. I've been trying not to live at all. Just keeping to exist. Há, and you expect to be okay? The world may end tomorrow and your last day will be spent disassociated, somewhere far away from here. Is that what you want? No.

I am my own worst enemy, and it sucks.

I find it harder and harder to imagine a future where I am not this way that I am. And as I grow older, and adult responsibilities play a bigger and bigger role in my life, I find myself just wanting it all to stop. But it's like I'm trapped. I will never intentionally physically hurt myself to put an end to this misery. No, I'm not that person. I refuse to be that person. But I'm also not able to be the person I need to be to get myself out of this place I'm in.

In that new years resolution were the words "help isn't coming, you have to save yourself". But for all the strong willpower and stubbornness that I have, my batteries still run low a lot of the time.

It takes time to recharge. Time that this life and the system don't account for. Hence why I wish everything could just stop, so that I could have the time to get better.

I believe it to be possible, I just don't know how to get there. Oh future self that is watching me through my memories! I wish you could tell me how it ends. I'm sorry it is like this at the moment. I dream of you telling me everything will be okay.

[swan-orpheus]

Two-hundred thirty-two 🎻🌙🗡☕️