#famelia.

[mindofamontgomery-blog]

Then he asked. Now I’ve got him, my real life boyfriend. My knight, my best friend, my beautiful soul. It’s been less than a month and a half we admitted our feelings but what a weird five weeks it’s been. From Valentine’s Day to today, just wow.

Josh said he’s not the guy for me. He’s not wrong, that guy for me is Taylor. I’m just not the brightest bulb in the box and it took me a bit to realize. Yesterday before he asked, I brought back that post about how wonderful I thought he was that made half our friends realize I even liked him.

It seems like there’s a lot falling into place. Speaking of friends, though, I still haven’t talked to Amelia or Tay. I told Ari, though. She was just the first person I thought to tell. After Juliet, but that isn’t actually possible. Maybe I’ll go to her grave today. I wonder if it’s morbid to ask T to come.

I need to talk to my friends. I can’t be the hypocrite I am now.

[mindofamontgomery-blog]

And I know I shouldn’t care. I have Taylor. But you can’t tell me you’re not ready to date and I deserve better, and then go on a date with my best friend from when I was a kid. So, what? She doesn’t deserve better? Or was all that just your excuse to tell me you weren’t interested even though you kissed me back and wanted me.

And Amelia… I don’t get it. To go from hating him to a date? When she’s the one who listened to me talk about him for years. The whole time all she did was tell me he was an ass. Whatever. I’m done with trying to make sense of everything.

I’m just so sick of never being enough for anyone. Taylor hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend and he’s staying with my parents. I can’t help feeling he’s holding out for something better just like everyone else always does.

[mindofamontgomery-blog]

I actually hate being back in Vancouver. I hate being in my childhood home without my sister here. (Also, apparently the dog died. Thanks, guys, for not telling me.) I hate the way my parents keep calling Taylor, “your friend, Taylor,” as if the idea of me settling down is so foreign to them and if they don’t say all three words, I’ll forget who they’re talking about. “Is your friend, Taylor, comfortable?” “Does your friend, Taylor, have any allergies we should know about?" “It’s so nice of your friend, Taylor, to come stay with you since the guys can’t leave tour.”

As if I didn’t know what that last one implied, Mom.

Though I do hate them not being here. I feel like an outsider in my own hometown, watching on a screen as they play the song I asked them to, as Matt makes an idiot of himself trying to flirt with their new merch girl, as they’re just...them and I’m in this town with basically none of the people who made it worthwhile.

I left a lot behind when I took to the road, but. There’s one person here that I still haven’t caught up with. I don’t know how. I literally ran into both Matt and Josh, and those were decently emotional reunions. In different ways. Mike, it was easy to go back into our flow. Maybe since he’s the one I was actually simply platonic with to begin with.

But my old friend. My old best friend. I don’t know how to even say hi.

Matt said he never blamed me for driving off and leaving them all behind. I’m not so sure his sister feels the same. I shouldn’t have changed my number, I don’t even know if she tried to ever reach me...