Just Close Your Eyes and Enjoy the Rollercoaster That Is 2015
In the near five years I have dedicated to the rabbit hole that is One Direction, 2015 has been – without a shadow of a doubt – the most emotionally compromising year. Of course I’m not negating the fact that every year there seems to be some intensely draining and fulfilling moments, because who could forget the Elounor get together and the Illuminati-esque theories of Gretchen and Tina? And who doesn’t fondly look back upon the rumor of Niall “violently masturbating” in Japan? Or how about when Ben Winston produced arguably the worst and most boring music video for “You and I” and ripped off the Clubfeet “Everything You Wanted” video in the process? What about the “Always in my heart” tweet??? However, it is undeniable that 2015 has been the year with the majority of extreme highs and lows, making it the most exhausting – yet most satisfactory – year to date.
I believe I speak for the majority of the fandom when I say that we all began 2015 on a hopeful and enthusiastic note. Personally, I began the year still running off of the high from November’s “Fourplay” interview with Harry’s unforgettable “Not that important” statement, and the Elounor breakup in March only added fuel to my fire. I was resolute that 2015 would be the year in which good things would happen, and I staunchly believed that 2015 would be a new era for One Direction… but Zayn leaving the band was a far cry from what I had in mind. Like a typical college student, I was procrastinating on a research paper by perusing Tumblr when I first read about Zayn’s departure. It was about two or three in the morning, and I was convinced that this was either a terrible, terrible rumor created by unreliable tabloids to stir up some drama, or that I was experiencing a delirious fever dream induced by the stress of midterms, countless papers, and too many sleepless nights. I couldn’t find any posts truly confirming or denying the news, so I channeled all my effort into things I could control – I anxiously finished my paper, slept for a few hours, and attended lectures. When I finally logged back into Tumblr later that day, the news had been confirmed: Zayn truly was leaving One Direction. A part of me had known something bad was imminent, with Zayn’s break and all of the “Zayn cheating on Perrie with mystery girl!” stories, but I hadn't expected this. Looking back now, I realize Zayn’s leaving was simply a ticking time bomb, but at the time, I felt blindsided. The empathetic and adult part of me was happy Zayn was leaving, because leaving would mean that he could focus on himself, reunite with his family, get away from the negative press about him, and quit the shitshow of drama that One Direction had become… but the same time, I was angry with Zayn. How could he leave his brothers, his fans? How could One Direction truly be One Direction without him? For four years I had somewhat naively believed that One Direction would never break up, and I felt Zayn's departure on a deeply personal level. Honestly, I'm a bit ashamed of how I handled myself – having a hysterical meltdown in a Starbucks before going to work and then continuing said meltdown later that evening during dinner does not exactly scream mature adult behavior, but still. My pain and sadness ran deep in my soul, and needed to be released. My feelings about Zayn leaving only grew more conflicted with the whole Naughty Boy debacle, and I cannot express the elation I felt when Zayn and Naughty Boy “broke up” and Zayn continued on his merry way. Although Zayn leaving One Direction put me through an emotional wringer, I’m at peace with it now. Zayn did what was right for him, and I respect that.
In the aftermath of Zayn leaving, it felt as though the entire fandom was in shambles. I saw innumerable amounts of posts that either praised or berated Zayn for leaving, and it was if the fandom was more divided than usual... and Project No Control was exactly what we needed to bring a sense of unanimity back. With Project No Control, it wasn’t about whether or not you liked or accepted or agreed with Zayn’s decision to leave, it was about supporting the boys – especially Louis – and promoting “No Control”. I can’t even begin to put into words how proud I was of our fandom when we were able to promote and garner attention for “No Control” better than Modest Management did. And I can’t even begin to put into words the happiness I felt every time I saw tweets or videos of concerts where Louis acknowledged Project No Control, and expressed his happiness of our dedication and support. What I'm most proud of, though, is how Project No Control brought about a new level of confidence and happiness in Louis' stage presence. During and after Project No Control, Louis' classic “move the mic slightly away from my mouth” move disappeared. He began to seriously own his solos and allowed his voice to shine through even more, and what's amazing is that we were behind that new-found confidence. I’m not completely sure who started Project No Control, but honestly, kudos to whoever it was. You are absolutely wonderful.
While there have been plenty of highs and lows in 2015, I think the most frustrating event has been Louis’ “Babygate” Scandal ™ . Personally, I think the whole mess stinks of a ridiculous publicity stunt, and I’d sooner believe in the birth of the Loch Ness and Bigfoot’s lovechild than Louis and Briana’s baby. Regardless of the legitimacy of Louis’ impending fatherhood, however, I hate how Modest and the media are playing up the situation. I absolutely despise how the entire scandal is based off of ever changing dates that make stories and timelines unpredictable. It angers me that the scandal allowed the media to create stories that questioned Louis’ ability to be a father, and I am even further incensed that they drew “parallels” between him and his less-than-stellar biological father, Troy. For all the stupidity going on right now, I think that the worst thing about Babygate is that nobody is going to emerge unscathed. All possible foreseeable ends – whether it is the baby being fake or miscarried or determined to be another man’s or determined to be Louis’ – someone will be painted in a negative light. Unless the final story is delicately manipulated and carefully constructed (which would demand skills that seem to be missing from Modest’s repertoire), I fear Babygate will end the way it started – in shambles.
Even though there have been many low points in 2015, it hasn't been all bad. Harry dancing with the “Always in my heart” tweet blanket in Sweden, the suspicious outfits and stickers of Rainbow Bondage Bear and Sugar Bear, the Lilo antics on stage, Harry versus SeaWorld, and the emergence of – for lack of a better phrase – Larry AF meet-and-greet photos are only a small taste of the fun and happy events that have happened in 2015. However, my personal favorite moment for 2015 was definitely going to the One Direction concert in Santa Clara. Not only did I get to see one of my favorite bands with my best friend, I also got to meet the wonderful creator of this book and my concert soulmate, Joely. After discovering through various Tumblr posts and messages that we had been to the same One Direction concert in Oakland back in 2013 and were going to the Santa Clara concert in July (thus determining our concert soulmate status), our friendship was solidified. We met up and hung out for a bit at the concert, which was absolutely amazing, because how often do you get to meet up with your online friends in real life? Seeing One Direction and meeting Joely was utterly magical, and was definitely a once in a lifetime experience.
When taking into consideration the sheer amount of drama and issues surrounding them, it is surprising that my descent into the One Direction rabbit hole almost five years ago began rather innocuously. Who would have known that listening to “Cry Me A River” covers would lead to me clicking on the video of Liam auditioning for the X-Factor the second time? How could I have known that watching “One Direction Funny Moments” nearly a year later would officially place the seal on my One Direction grave? And how could my fifteen year old self ever have predicted that she would still be One Direction trash well into her adulthood? Even though the events that have occurred this year have often made me bemoan and regret my dedication to this band and the choices of my fifteen year old self, if I could go back in time to prevent myself getting into One Direction, I wouldn't. Despite all the ups and downs and the anxiety and stress, One Direction has given me a myriad of happiness, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
