There they sat on the entryway table, petals wilted— some fallen while others fought. Leaves disintegrated into crunchy nothingness as the water was sucked from the clear glass vase...a sign of the stems that were struggling to keep the roses alive. It was a futile fight for the stems. The roses soon shriveled away, their color muted against the too-bright morning just beyond the window.
You tossed them out and stared at the empty shelf with a disheartened scowl. You'd underestimated how much it would hurt not to see the flowers...to instead be forced to encounter a blank, empty, lonely space rather than one that made you feel adored and wanted.
You never fancied yourself a recluse, but despite the brevity of the relationship, it hurt worse than you had expected. He'd been the first guy in years to penetrate your tough exterior...the first one in years you'd let your guard down for both emotionally and physically, and yet, it hadn't been enough to ensure that there was a future for the two of you.
Days had gone by, and still you were confined to the couch. It had become your bed, your kitchen table, and your sole ship to another world as you read a book you'd been putting off as you hadn't wanted to escape real life in a while. The war in the story had just begun when there was a gentle knock at the door.
"(Y/N)," the familiar voice called, dripping in empathy and disdain for the man who'd hurt you.
You sat up a little, catching his shadow through the curtain that covered the very same window that once fed sunlight. You hoped that if you stayed quiet long enough, he'd go away.
"I know you're home. I have your location, remember?"
"Fuck," you cursed beneath your breath. You forced yourself to stand, ignoring the cracks in your knees and back from how stiff you were, and shuffled towards the front door.
You reluctantly pulled it open to find Chan on the other side with one arm extended to hug you and his other hand carrying a bag of Chinese food, its contents wafting through the front door.
You slid your arms around him, finding comfort in the familiarity of his presence. He kissed the top of your head, and you then pulled away to lead him inside, your stomach growling now that the scent of orange chicken had flooded your home.
"You never eat when you're upset," he complained while shaking his head. Chan had witnessed you undergo the worst of life's offerings. Breakups and near-death car accidents were only the beginning. He'd held you when they found your mother's body in a fire started by your father. He'd sorted through the ashes with you in search of family momentos. They were few and far between on the soot-covered foundation, but even with so little to hold onto, you were glad there'd been something left to find.
Chan set the dish down in front of you before taking a seat in the chair beside you. He knew better than to sit across from you when what you really needed was to lean against him...to let him hold you up when everything felt like it was crashing down.
"You weren't dating him that long, (Y/N)," he reminded you, trying to use logic when your brain was being anything but logical. "What's going on? Hmm?"
You shrugged and snagged the bite off your fork. It was a little too hot, but the scorching of your tongue felt weirdly nice. It reminded you that you were alive.
On the next bite, Chan intervened and snagged it away. You turned to him with a pout as he ate the chicken with a teasing smirk. There was still pity in his eyes, but it was clear he was trying to make you smile, so you fought it with your arms crossed until he returned the utensil.
"You'll find your person one day, (Y/N)," he offered reassuringly as his thumb brushed small circles on your shoulder. "It takes time."
You weren't convinced. "It took me years to find Mr. Sort-of-Right. I just hate the idea that I'll spend 3 more years dating and putting myself out there just to get another letdown."
"Then what makes a guy Mr. 100%-Right for you?" he inquired. His body angled more towards you in the way he unconsciously did as if to help him hear better.
"Well," you began before swallowing the chicken piece. "He has to be smart."
"Smart?" he grinned, amused that intelligence was your main concern in a partner.
"Yes! Smart," you replied definitively as a smile grew on your face while you imagined this theoretical perfect partner. "And they have to be cute and good with kids since I really want a family."
"Mhm," he interjected as if making a list in his head. "What about height?"
"That's not really important to me. I'd rather find someone who can make me laugh than someone who can reach the top shelf," you said.
"That's what ladders are for," he teased, eyes shining in adoration at you for perking up so quickly.
You laughed a little at his joke before continuing, "And I want someone who will take care of me as much as I'll take care of them. I don't want things to feel one-sided."
"Like someone who would bring you orange chicken just to make sure you eat," he said softly.
"Exactly!" you exclaimed, happy that he understood how necessary an equal partnership was.
"Exactly," he muttered, seemingly urging you towards a solution that you weren't able to grasp while gazing at you so intently that your heart fluttered.
"If I found a guy even half as perfect as you, I'd feel lucky," you told him, voice drenched in sorrow at the thought of your perfect future that seemed too out of reach.
"What about one as 100% perfect?" he asked as he inched forward.
"I mean...that's obviously ideal but I doubt I'll find anyone like you," you sighed.
"(Y/N)..." Chan suddenly exhaled in frustration, standing with one hand on his hip while looking at you in confusion. "Are you messing with me?"
"What? No!" you assured him. "Why? What's wrong?"
Chan suddenly sat back down and reached for your hands. His fingers traced yours while he took a deep breath before staring intently and asking, "What about me?"
You weren't sure if you were understanding what he was offering. Did he mean you to use him as a template for your spousal search or was he suggesting you date him?
"You're perfect, Channie," you answered carefully. "I want someone just like you."
Chan laughed now as if he found amusement in your confusion or inability to accept the conversation's point. "(Y/N). What's stopping you from just being with me?"
You blinked in surprise, your chest turning in excitement and wonder about this possibility that you'd never let yourself seriously consider. "You?"
"Yeah," Chan breathed as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "What if you were with me?"
He inched closer, and you closed your eyes for a second to imagine it...a life with someone so accepting of your needs and flaws...a life with someone who saw you even clearer than you saw yourself...a life with someone who had been by your side for so long through all of the good and bad times.
"It would be easy with you," you began, voice shaky from the nerves. It was a big leap to take with Chan. After all, he'd been your friend since middle school, and you didn't want to lose him.
"I would be so good to you," he promised just before pressing his forehead to yours. You'd never heard his voice sound so needy before. It caught you off guard, and you squeezed his hand to relay the shock.
Your breathing hastened more when he cupped your jaw and brushed his thumb across your cheek. It was as though your entire life had been building to this moment, and now that it was here, the room was charged in anticipation.
"I want to be with you," he confessed before finally allowing his lips to press to yours.
The shift was immediate.
You were no longer afraid or worried about losing him. Deep down, it was as if you knew you'd have him forever. "Channie," you whined as you abandoned your seat to straddle him in his. You tangled your fingers in his hair and darted your tongue across his bottom lip to taste his plump bottom lip that you often secretly thought about.
He pulled back with a dimpled smile and sparkling eyes to catch sight of your parted lips and lazy grin. You tried to kiss him again, but he leaned away with a teasing smirk.
"You want me," you reminded him playfully. You couldn't stop touching him. Your fingers danced across his shoulders and neck before squeezing his earlobe and caressing his cheek. Was this always how it should've been?
"Yes, I do," he laughed. You'd never seen him look so freely happy before. Chan was always stressed about something...work, his family, his ancient car he was fixing up... but not now. Now, he was relaxed.
"I want to be yours, too," you muttered shyly. Giving away your heart never came easily, but with Chan, anything felt possible.
When he stood with your legs wrapped around his waist, you squealed and held on to his neck. "Where are we going?"
He didn't answer and instead headed down the hall to your room. You hadn't expected company, so it was a mess thanks to the challenging week you'd had. With anyone else you would've felt ashamed, but Chan ignored it and kissed you as he laid you back on the bed.
You spread your legs for him to lean into, and frowned into the kiss, feeling slightly rejected, when he stayed beside you instead. Was he regretting it already?
"What's wrong, pretty girl?" he asked, when he noticed the change in your temperament.
You looped your leg over his waist and guided him to lean against you. He grunted in surprise, but sank into another kiss, this one soft and vulnerable. He ground himself against you, letting you feel more of him until the whimpers started.
"I didn't want to push you too far so soon," he explained when he moved on to your neck, leaving trails of love bites across your skin.
"I want you Chan," you told him again, as you tugged on the hem of his shirt, pulling it up to his chest and then taking it off completely when he raised his hands to permit you. "I want all of you," you promised as you kissed his chest and shoulders, exploring the parts of him you rarely ever saw.
His kisses turned needier, his body becoming urgent in its desire for you. You wanted him to see just how equally desperate you were and began by taking off your shirt to reveal your torso to him.
Chan abandoned your neck to kiss down your collarbone and shoulder until he reached your chest. You watched as he closed his eyes and took your nipple between his teeth. When you gasped, it only made him more determined to make you feel good. His now-hardened cock ran up and down the length of your clothed core, igniting the fire within you.
"More," you pleaded, body writhing against his.
Chan peeked up through his long, pretty lashes with flushed cheeks to find that you were trying to squirm out of your leggings. He kissed all the way back up your neck leaving goosebumps in his wake before taking your earlobe between his teeth and breathing, "Don't you dare deny me the pleasure of undressing you, baby."
Heat flooded through you not only from the nickname but the tone. Chan was a lot more controlling than you expected...and you loved it. He kissed your now-reddened cheek and began pulling your leggings down, stealing your underwear with them.
He tossed the fabric to the floor and eyed you hungrily before removing the rest of his clothes and letting his body sink against yours. You'd only gotten a glance at his cock, but it was larger than you would've guessed...surprisingly so.
Everywhere Chan touched felt warm. His cock continued riding up and down your slick, and he kissed you as though nothing else in the world mattered.
"You're so beautiful," he groaned while exploring your naked form. He grazed your chest then down your side until he reached your waist. You wanted him to touch you everywhere and pouted when he teased you by dragging his hand along your inner thigh.
"Touch me," you begged. Your voice sounded so strange and unexpected that you wondered if you'd ever truly been turned on before. Everything with Chan felt so new.
"I am touching you," he smirked, knowing he was denying you touch where you craved it most...where the fire was burning for extinguishment.
"Channie," you whined as you tried to wiggle your hips towards his hand.
"God I love how you say my name," he moaned before finally sliding his finger through your core.
You gasped and clutched his shoulders as the fire raged into a raging inferno. He stroked back and forth while being sure to circle your clit whenever he reached it. You kissed and nibbled his shoulder to urge him on, but went limp when the euphoric wave washed over you when he pushed his finger in.
"Channie," you cried as you ground against his finger, seeking more friction than it was capable of.
"Fuck (Y/N)," he sighed as he watched your desperate attempt to get off.
"Need you," you whimpered with a kiss. "Need all of you."
"I don't know if you're ready yet, baby. I think I should work you up more or maybe even..." he began, but you interjected with another kiss as you worked to align his cock with your cunt.
"Please. Please just try, Channie," you begged, again shocked by how unlike yourself you sounded. You were drunk on Chan, and he was doing everything to keep you from sobering up.
"If it hurts just tell me," he muttered softly while gazing down with worry.
"I promise," you whispered before playfully kissing the tip of his nose.
Chan stared at you a moment longer as if capturing the very second everything would change before finally thrusting forward.
Your head flew back in ecstasy as his size was that perfect amount of pain and pleasure. His lips on your neck spurred the high even more, and it wasn't long before he was pulling out and sinking in again.
"Fucking made for me," he groaned as he nipped at your skin, sucking and kissing little marks that you'd wear with pride.
"Feels so good, Channie. So fucking good."
He settled into a pace and pulled your jaw back so he could kiss you. You felt so connected to him, and placed your hand on his chest, certain that your hearts were beating together.
When he blindly guided your ankle over his shoulder you almost couldn't believe it. You were being bent for him like a pretzel...a soaking wet, needy little pretzel that nearly fell apart when he sank even deeper.
"Damn," he groaned when he felt your pussy throbbing around his cock. "Does that feel good?"
You couldn't even speak anymore. You nodded with parted lips as he buried himself inside you as deep as he could go. His waist hit yours, and he stayed there as you tensed around him. If a meteor struck, you'd die happy in this position knowing you were as close as humanly possible to one another.
He began to move faster, to rock the bed back and forth as moans turned to shaky exhales. You tried to reach for him...to pull him in for a kiss, but he pushed your hand back against the bed with threaded fingers. Your chest shook from the force of his thrusts and he glanced down briefly to watch before needing your needy gaze.
"I want to feel you cum," he urged between kisses. You were so close already that the words alone nearly undid you.
"I just need..." you began, though a kiss interrupted the thought.
"What do you need, baby? I'll do anything for you," he vowed in a tone that could only be described as desperate.
"Say it, Channie. I need to hear it or I can't cum," you confessed, watching as the wheels spun in his mind.
His eyes softened once he connected the dots, and he pressed his lips to yours before murmuring, "I love you, (Y/N)."
You kissed him back as you came, as you released years of subconscious thoughts and moments of tension onto him. Chan came when you did with stuttering hips and messy kisses. He squeezed your hand even tighter before letting go to take your ankle off his shoulder. You relaxed beneath him with soft breaths as a warmth flooded from your curled toes all the way to your dizzied mind.
You wrapped your hand around the nape of his neck to make sure he'd keep kissing you. He pulled out and dropped to the bed beside you with mouths still connected as neither of you was ready to part. He pulled you close with a firm hand to your lower back, your words catching in your throat when you finally told him, "I love you, too."
In hindsight, you should've known it was always meant to be Chan. When your family was taken from you, he'd been the only person to support you through the grief. Now, he could see all of the best parts of you—the parts that only existed because he kept your life full of light when it could've gone dark.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear again...a habit you found adorable.
"I feel stupid for not seeing it earlier," you told him. "It was always meant to be you, wasn't it?"
"You're not stupid at all," he corrected. "I didn't let myself believe this could happen either...not until you described me in your list of an ideal man," he grinned proudly, his dimple an indicator of just how pleased he really was.
"Aren't you a little worried?" you asked as you held your hand against his chest. It was a comfort to touch him like this...one you had denied yourself of for far too long.
"Not at all," he assured you. "We've spent the last dozen years together. Why not another 12?" he asked with a kiss to your cheek. "And then another," he hummed before pressing his lips to the tip of your nose. "And another..." he added with a kiss to your jaw. "And another..."
He finally kissed your lips, and in the kiss, you could feel all of the love coursing between you. Any doubt about the sustainability of the relationship vanished. "Until forever," you murmured.
Chan's lips stained your neck in kisses, and his breath was hot against your skin. He was greedily finger fucking you against the bathroom door while warning you to stay quiet with hushed reminders. Your friends were beyond the door just steps away.
"Couldn't wait for the party to end, could you?" he rasped as he nipped at your ear.
"Needed you now," you breathed shakily, chest arching against his.
He yanked your dress up even more so that it was around your waist and shoved your panties to the side again to add a third. You moaned so loudly that he rushed to cover your mouth. You both froze to see if anyone outside had heard.
You could hear your heart thumping in your ears as you both stayed silent. At first there wasn't any noise, but then someone took their turn in drunk Jenga and the tower collapsed causing chaos to erupt as they blamed Changbin for the mess. You sighed in relief and fell forward against his shoulder, biting down just to remain in control of yourself.
"Fuck baby. Are you going to cum for me?" he groaned when he felt you throb around his fingers, when he felt you close in on the seventh orgasm in the last three days.
You nodded breathlessly and clutched his shirt to remain upright. Everything felt so heightened with Chan...especially with the added fun of trying not to get caught.
He began rolling your clit with his thumb as he curled his fingers inside you. He'd learned this particular move would have you finishing in seconds and brought it out often.
When you finally collapsed, he rammed his lips against yours to capture every moan and every whimper, to prolong the perfect high only he could provide even if only for a few extra seconds.
"You're always so fucking needy (Y/N)," he praised while washing his slick hand in the sink and holding your waist against the counter with the other so he could keep kissing you.
"It's your fault," you complained with a lazy smile. "You spoil me by making it feel so good every time."
Chan laughed and let your dress fall to cover your thighs again, before drying off and leaning against the door with a playful glimmer. "See you soon," he grinned before leaving you alone in the bathroom. The plan was always the same...you'd wait four minutes and then return so that nobody would suspect you'd decided to take a sex break together.
You'd left your phone on the game table, so you did the mental math and headed out to the group to find them working hard to rebuild the tower. Nobody seemed to notice a thing except Lee Know who rolled his eyes. He was a germaphobe and less than pleased to know you two had been messing around in his bathroom...again.
You hadn't meant for anyone to find out, but the previous weekend you and Chan had gotten so caught up in each other that you'd forgotten to lock the door. Lee Know had walked right in mid-makeout to find a shirtless Chan pressing against you on the bathroom counter.
You were lucky that was all he saw...
"I'm sorry Lee Know," you told him, apologizing as you washed out the snack dishes he'd laid out. Everyone else had left, but you stayed behind to help him clean up...it was the least you could do.
"I don't get why you don't just tell people you're dating," he complained. "Then you wouldn't have to sneak off to my bathroom, and you could do whatever it is you want to do in the comfort of your own homes."
"We're not dating," you reminded him with an exaggerated huff. "And besides, Han doesn't need to know." Your roommate was part of the reason that you and Chan were forced to sneak around. The other part was his roommate, Jeongin. It would make everything awkward if they found out about your overly friendly hangouts.
"Whoa wait a minute? You two are sleeping together, right?" he asked.
"Right," you answered as you closed the overflowing dishwasher.
"But you're not dating?"
"Exactly," you said, unsure why he was confused.
"This is a recipe for disaster. I hope you know that," Lee Know warned just as Chan rounded the corner with a bucket, gloves, and a spray bottle of bleach.
"Your bathroom is spotless," Chan told him before opening the cabinet beneath the sink to restore his cleaning supplies. You hadn't even made a mess (except on Chan's fingers), but you knew he did it for Lee Know's peace of mind.
"Great," Lee Know answered in a monotone as he watched Chan wrap his arm around your waist and kiss your cheek. With just Lee Know there, he had no reason to hide anymore. "Chan, why aren't you two dating if you're sleeping around?"
"Simple," Chan shrugged as he held you. "We don't want to complicate it."
Lee Know snorted as if it were the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "Right and sneaking behind everyone's backs is super easy."
Chan went to argue but you urged him not to. You didn't want to fight with Lee Know...not about this. "We'll stop using your bathroom as a refuge on game night, okay?" you offered.
Lee Know looked close to taking the deal but eventually shook his head. "No, it's fine. I don't want you guys to stop coming over just because I don't get whatever you're doing. Just...be careful, okay? I don't want to have to pick sides if things end badly."
You nodded, promising to do just that, and let Chan guide you outside to walk home. You were both a little tipsy from Changbin's punch, but it only made the summer night that much more alive. The stars seemed to glow, the grass seemed to sway, and all the while your hands stayed tight as smiles played on your lips.
Chan would glance at you with his adorable dimpled smirk, and you'd giggle shyly before trying to run away from him...unsuccessfully of course, because you never let go of his hand.
"This is me," you announced once in your driveway.
He twirled you into his chest, and you gasped in surprise. You kissed him when he leaned in, both of you smiling at the softness of it all. "Are you going to Hyunjin's tomorrow for movie night?" he asked, fingers tracing the curves of your cheeks.
"Mhm," you informed him. "Save me a seat?" you asked with a flutter of your lashes.
"Always," Chan promised before giving you one last kiss to release you to your home. You walked backwards for a bit, too infatuated to look away, before finally turning and sprinting through your lawn to your porch.
You'd just opened the door when a yelp left your lips. Han was standing there with wide eyes and a bowl of cereal in hand. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.
"Are you okay?" you asked him as you waved your hand in front of his face. He'd yet to move and seemed turned to stone.
One by one his muscles awoke until he was grinning at you like a cheshire cat, teeth exposed from ear to ear. "You're dating Chan?" he asked excitedly, nearly jumping up and down for joy.
"No I'm just..." you began but Han was already squeezing you tight. He'd wanted you to date him forever...even before you'd moved in with him.
"I need to call Lee Know!" he cheered. "And Changbin...Oh! and Jeongin...he owes me $20."
Han ran off before you could stop him, and truthfully you didn't care what he told them. You were too tipsy and feeling too good from your moment in the bathroom and that perfect goodnight kiss to scold Han for being a nosy gossip.
————————————————————————————
You regretted letting Han text everyone the night before, and had asked him to take it back, but he refused. He said it was the best news he'd heard all year and that everyone else agreed.
All eyes were on you and Chan the second you got to movie night. He hadn't even had to save your seat because everyone else was eager to watch the two of you. 7 sets of eyes stared as you took the spot on the couch beside Chan that Felix had announced as 'your special seat'. Seungmin whistled from the next chair over and when Chan put his arm around you, Changbin made a kissy noise.
"So I take it Han saw us?" Chan realized, noticing right away how stressed you were to be observed like a cell under a microscope.
"Yeah," you answered, wiggling a little apart from him and placing your hands over the blanket so that they wouldn't assume you were touching him anywhere.
Chan furrowed his brows and scooted closer again until you were squished between the arm of the couch and his muscled form. Hyunjin winked at you, and that was the last straw. You pulled yourself up and excused yourself to go to the bathroom; a single set of footsteps followed you.
"What are you doing?" you asked Chan when he snuck his way into the bathroom with you.
"I thought that was code for 'Hey Chan, let's make out'. Is it not?" he teased, already trying to go in for a kiss.
You backed away and put your hand on his chest to hold him at an arm's distance.
"What? Not in the mood?" he frowned.
"They're all watching us, Chan," you told him, skin crawling at the idea of them imagining the two of you together.
"So?" Chan chuckled, completely unbothered by their attention.
"So I don't want to deal with the questions and having to overthink how to act in front of them or the jokes," you complained with crossed arms. "I wanted it to stay a secret."
"Me too...but it didn't, and honestly who cares? They're our friends. They're just happy that we're..."
"Dating?" you interjected, your voice like a whip. "They think we're dating Chan."
"Again...who cares?" he asked as he ran his hands down the sides of your folded arms. You were tense, and he was trying to unravel you.
You shrugged him off. "Maybe this was a mistake, Chan. I don't want to screw with the dynamics of our friend group by sleeping with you."
Chan pulled back right away with a pained look. If you didn't know better, you'd thought you punched him straight in the chest.
"Fine," Chan agreed with a clenched jaw. You could tell right away that you'd upset him, but you hadn't meant to. You simply wanted to be his friend again without all of the drama.
"Chan, I'm not trying to push you away, I just..."
"No, I get it. See you out there, friend."
The bathroom door slammed shut, and you followed him out only to find that he'd squeezed in between Lee Know and Han. You sat beside your roommate and stole a handful of popcorn to munch on as your frustration burned.
"Did you break up already?" Han whispered as the movie began.
You pretended not to hear him.
————————————————————————————
Chan skipped the group workout the next day and dinner at Jeongin's the day after that. Even though Chan was meant to be one of the hosts, Jeongin claimed that he had a date, something that made you sick to your stomach to hear.
"A date?" you asked Jeongin again, unwilling to believe it.
"Yeah," he relayed the news gently. "A girl gave him her number at the coffee house a few weeks ago, but he was busy with you I guess."
You shoved a fry into your mouth, biting down on it angrily. The poor little fry never saw it coming.
You texted everyone to confirm attendance for the hangout at your place the next day. This was incredibly uncommon as everyone just assumed that everyone would be there, but you needed to know if Chan was coming. He'd ignored your texts and calls to talk through things for days, and if he was going to skip friend events, you needed to know why.
Han: Duh...I live there
Felix: have I ever missed the chance to beat you in video games? what are we playing tomorrow btw?
Seungmin: when have you ever beat anyone @felix lol
Seungmin: i'm bringing the good chips...han keeps buying store brand
Han: sorry not all of us are rich seungmin
Seungmin: tell that to your $900 sneakers han
Han: they were half off
The rest of them liked the message to confirm intention to show up...all except Chan.
You were busy prepping the breakfast bar that Han had requested for dinner when he shouted that he needed to run out to get blueberry syrup for Hyunjin's pancakes.
He slipped his shoes on and was out the door before you could even suggest that he just have Hyunjin grab some on his way. You'd just finished making the cinnamon batch when the first guest arrived with a knock at the door.
"Come in!" you shouted as you flipped the flapjack over.
"Han just ran out to grab..." you began as you whipped around only to find Chan standing there with a gallon of orange juice in hand.
"Hey," he muttered in a shameful voice.
"Hey," you replied, unsure of what to even say to your ex friends-with-benefits who had kept another girl in his back pocket the whole time.
"Anything I can do to help?" he asked, eyeing the containers of fruit like a godsend.
"You can dice," you permitted, watching as he set the juice down and washed his hands before taking the knife and beginning his task with the utmost seriousness. "Not slice. Dice. They have to fit in the pancake batter," you corrected when he started working on the first strawberry.
He nodded and worked silently as you continued making the pancakes, now onto the chocolate chip ones. You watched the clock on the stove tick by, first ten minutes and then twenty. Nobody else had shown up, and you were about to text Han to see where everyone was when another knock cut through the silence.
It was as though you and Chan had been holding your breath.
He left to get the door and returned a few seconds later with flowers in hand...and no second guest.
"Flowers?" he asked with a pout. "Did you have a date or something?"
You snatched them away with an eye roll and set them on the dining table. "No Chan. I didn't have a date. That was all you."
"I didn't have a date?" Chan scoffed at the mere idea of such a thing.
You were incredibly confused by everything going on and stole the card to see who had sent the roses.
Dear (Y/N) and Chan
You are both being stupid.
I told Chan you had a date, and he cried for like an hour. That's the real reason he skipped dinner.
"You did?" you frowned, turning to see his red face and nonchalant shrug.
I told (Y/N) that Chan had a date, and she nearly chipped a tooth from chewing her fries so hard.
"I did not," you answered out loud as Chan smiled in amusement while imagining it.
You both like each other, but you're both too stupid to say it, so I'm saying it. Be happy. Enjoy your date. Han and I invited everyone over to Lee Know's instead so you have the place to yourself (winky face).
-Jeongin (& Han)
You turned the card over in your hands in disbelief. You felt like you'd been stripped naked and forced to say your biggest fears out loud. You liked Chan...you maybe even loved him and despite doing everything in your power to convince yourself and everyone else that you didn't, they saw right through the act.
"So..." Chan began shyly.
"So..." you trailed off as you flicked the card down to the table.
"That's a lot of pancakes for two people," he teased, eying the mountain of flapjacks that had been meant to feed nine.
"I don't know, I've seen you eat," you joked back, glad that the note had made everything a little more normal between the two of you.
He smiled...he smiled his beautiful dimpled smile because of your ridiculously lame joke and for a second everything was still. You just stood there, staring at him as all the words you'd wanted to say escaped you.
"I'm really glad you didn't have a date," he confessed, the words the first indication that any of the note had been true.
"And I'm glad..." you began just as the fire alarm sounded off.
Chan glanced at the stovetop where chocolate chip pancake number 13 was burning to a crisp and grabbed the pan to carry it outside. He set it on the sidewalk and ran back in to grab a cup of water to toss at it as you watched in shock.
When he returned you burst into a fit of laughter...you couldn't help it. It was relief times a million to know he wasn't with anyone else and that the house hadn't burned down and (most of all) to know your feelings were mutual.
Chan laughed, too. He laughed on the walk from the doorway to the kitchen. He laughed as he lifted you to the counter. And he laughed as he stood between your legs for a smoky, messy kiss.
Jeongin was right...you both had been stupid...too stupid to show the other how stupidly in love you were until your friends forced your hand.
Your heart pounded as you stared at the mirror, examining every inch of yourself that was free to be seen by everyone in these sheer robes. You were sure it was one-way glass, and you kept shifting from heel to heel, too anxious to stand still. The green gossamer fabric clung to your skin and you crossed your arms, trying to keep from exposing too much.
You had wanted to be here more than anything, but now, being so naked in front of them made your stomach churn. It took a while for the guys to do whatever they were doing, and when the red light above the glass finally flickered and came back green, your heart raced in anticipation of what it meant.
It was announced that you were to stand still and wait for your chosen member. You had no say and would be handed whoever wanted you. You only wanted Chan, though, and you had lied on your application to get him. You knew he was the only one who wouldn't be angry once he found out...knew he was the only one who could give you what you so desperately wanted.
Chan walked out first. He'd dressed up for the event in black slacks and a white button-down shirt. It was partially undone and the sleeves were rolled up to show off his muscled forearms and diamond-encrusted watch. He looked beautiful.
Chan nodded politely as he passed each woman, and you averted your eyes nervously, not even able to look at him when he was in front of you. He didn't linger and skipped ahead nodding to the others in line until he'd finished greeting everyone.
"Thank you all for choosing to be here," he appreciated. "You may think it's an honor to be selected, but the honor is ours. We hope to make the next year one that you'll always remember and to make our homes as welcoming as possible."
Some of the girls giggled at how sweet he was, others thanked him. You were busy staring at the ground and trying not to throw up. How would you make it a year here when 30 seconds had you ready to dispel your breakfast?
Suddenly, a delicate finger reached out to touch your chin. Chan raised your head to stand tall and you gazed anxiously at him, worried that you'd disrespected him by not seeming appreciative.
"What's your name?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle.
"(Y/n)," you answered in a hoarse voice. Your throat was dryer than the hottest desert sand.
He smiled when you spoke as if it was the prettiest name he'd ever heard. "I choose you," he claimed, looking so genuinely heartfelt that you wondered if this was what it felt like to be in love. You had no experience in such things.
"Is that okay with you?" he asked, his hand moving from your chin to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
Your mouth opened to speak, but your voice was still gone. Instead, you nodded, unable to process that your wildest fantasies were coming true.
Pleased with the answer, Chan took your hand and stood beside you. You kept looking at him in disbelief that he was real. He'd return your looks with dimpled smiles that put you at ease, and by the time I.N. had chosen, you were leaning against his shoulder, feeling so unbelievably comforted by his presence that you could've fallen asleep.
"Please take the aids to their rooms," the hostess announced.
You furrowed your brows when a door opened, having thought this place was abandoned, and followed the others onto the elevator. Chan must've sensed your confusion because he whispered, "If it looks abandoned, fans leave it alone."
You realized he and the others must've gone through a great deal of effort to keep their homes private. The ride was quiet save the occasional comment from Seungmin.
When the elevator doors opened, you were taken aback. The dorms they filmed in must have been all for show because this was nothing like the drab beige rooms you'd seen in live streams.
It looked like a greenhouse. There were plants everywhere growing out of the ground and a massive skylight to help them grow. There was a waterfall in the corner and an aquarium with colorful fish. It looked like a rainforest except that it was inside.
You were about to ask where the rooms were when you realized on the border of the forest were steps to different doors, all marked with their names.
"Like it?" he asked, his adorable grin knowing the answer before you could even reply.
In awe, you nodded and tried to soak it all in.
"We can't get outside a lot without fans running up to us, so we brought the outside to us," he explained as he squeezed your hand and pulled you to follow him. "Wait until you see my room."
Your heart raced eagerly as Chan brought you to the door marked with his name. You wondered what was inside, wondered what he'd think once he found out you lied to be here.
He opened the door, revealing a very organized room with so much equipment that it mirrored a recording studio.
"I like my job a lot," he shrugged playfully. You stepped in, observing the red carpet floors and dark walls in surprise. His room felt like a cave...somewhere to hide away.
"Let me get you something to drink," he offered. "Is tea okay?"
You nodded, hoping it brought your voice back, and smiled at a picture of Chan with his family on a trophy shelf. You kept your arms crossed over your chest, still feeling too awkward to show off like that, as you gazed upon all of their successes.
"My family flew all the way to America to watch us win that one," he said proudly. "My mom actually gave me something to give to you," he remembered before handing you the mug. You took a sip and waited patiently as he hurried off. He came back right away with a basket—in it, a blanket, slippers, and a book. In his other hand, was a letter.
"For you," he held it out.
You took it, feeling surprised that his mom would have done such a thing for a stranger. You used the paper to cover yourself, and Chan noticed with a slight interested tilt of his head.
"I'll give you a moment," he said before setting the basket down and heading off to his room, or what you assumed to be his room. Once his door closed, you set your mug down and opened the letter.
Hello,
If you're reading this, congratulations! You must be really special to have been chosen by my son. Whether this partnership lasts for a few months or years, I'm grateful for the happiness and security that you will bring to him.
I wanted to offer a few items to make your stay more comfortable. In the basket, you'll find a blanket. I miss hugs from my son every day and should he have to travel and you can't go, this will bring you a bit of comfort. The slippers are for you to wear for Chan...he's a bit of a neat freak and doesn't like shoes worn in his house. The book is his favorite. Even if you don't click right away, it will give you two something to talk about.
I know that he seems like a confident and impressive person on stage, and in many ways he is. But he's soft, and he's kind. Please don't take advantage of that.
I'm sure we'll meet soon, but until then, I hope you enjoy getting to know him.
-Jessica
You couldn't help but feel immensely grateful for how thoughtful the letter was. You slipped on the slippers as she'd recommended and went to find Chan to tell him to thank his mom. In his room, you discovered him waiting patiently, sitting on his bed and hugging a pillow in more comfortable clothes.
"She told me not to read it," he admitted when you walked in. "I hope it was all good things."
Your heart fluttered upon realizing just how true the letter was. He was incredibly gentle and sweet. Chan just wanted to be seen...to be loved.
"It was all very good things. I'll have to thank her when I meet her," you murmured and stepped closer, arms crossed again.
Chan signed in relief and moved the pillow away before reaching for your waist. You stood between his legs and gazed down at him. You instinctively ran your hands through his hair and blushed when he hummed in pleasure. That perfect sound had you plagued with guilt.
"Chan..." you trailed off, your voice shaky. You didn't want to ruin this.
"Mhm?" he asked, eyes still closed from the way your fingers were massaging his scalp. It was easier to touch him when he couldn't see.
"I lied on my application," you confessed.
There was a small pause...one that felt like an eternity where you imagined being sent away and called out. "I know," he said instead of the horrible things you'd imagined, his warm eyes opening to meet your anxious ones.
"You know? How?" you asked, feeling shy when he glanced down briefly, looking at your tits before returning his attention to your face.
"You're a virgin, right?" he checked in a non-judging voice.
Blood rushed through your cheeks as tears stung your eyes. You answered with yet another nod, feeling fearful as Chan reached for your hand and pulled you to sit on his lap.
"It's okay," he whispered. "You were brought here to be my aid...my little wolfie," he murmured sweetly with a hint of playfulness. "You weren't brought here to fuck me," he promised.
"Chan..." you pouted. He was missing the point. "I lied about being a virgin...but I want to have sex. I just wanted...I wanted to lose it to you."
"I knew that, too," he smiled and brushed his thumb across your cheek. "You're not as secretive as you think, wolflie."
He wiped away a tear that escaped and waited for you to calm down. He was so comforting that it only took minutes.
"You're not mad?"
"No," he chuckled. "I'm not mad."
"And you want to...you know..." you trailed off awkwardly.
"You're beautiful (Y/n)," he answered sincerely. "But I want to take this slow...I want to do this right."
"Oh," you frowned. "So you don't..."
"That's not what I said," he interrupted. "We'll have sex once we know each other more. There's no rush. And it's obvious you're uncomfortable right now..." he pointed out your arms which you had subconsciously crossed again. "In fact, I should've gotten you something to wear sooner."
You stood and followed Chan as he sifted through his closet before presenting an oversized hoodie. "Here," he offered before turning around so you could change. He was just as thoughtful as his mom...not even attempting to sneak a peek.
You shrugged off the robe and slipped into the comfortable sweatshirt before tapping his shoulder. You were already feeling more confident, and when he turned around he couldn't help but smile at you when he noticed how much more relaxed you were.
"This is your home, too," he explained as he pulled you close. "You aren't here to serve me but just to exist as someone I can confide in and be around," he added.
"If it's my home..." you began and stood on your toes, desperate to get something from him if sex was off the table. "Can I have a kiss?"
Chan smirked, his eyes shining adoringly at you. "Of course."
You wrapped your arms around his neck, waiting patiently for him to close the gap. You were a feminist when it came to 99% of things, but you still believed the guy should kiss the girl first.
Chan cupped your cheeks and lingered just in front of you, watching your expression for any hesitation. He found none.
"Welcome home," he breathed before sinking into a kiss, letting his plump lips fill yours.
His lips felt better than you could've ever imagined. They were softer...warmer... and cozier. You moaned and arched into him, holding him as close as humanly possible. The kiss, like him, was filled with an unspoken passion. Your heart pounded with every second, and Chan squeezed your sides, unwilling to pull apart.
Your sweatshirt rose up, and Chan's hand slipped, his finger coming in contact with the bare skin of your hip. You whimpered and leaned into him in surprise, your naked bottom half bumping against his cock.
"Fuck," he groaned and pulled away in a daze before realizing what had happened.
You were frozen in shock, body still flush against his as Chan's hand remained on your lower back.
"I should've gotten you some shorts," he apologized.
"I should've asked for some," you laughed shyly, your face growing pink.
He carefully removed himself, trying not to touch you more than he had, and headed off in search of something for you to wear. He returned moments later with a pair of boxers before turning around again.
You stepped into them, trying to ignore the knowledge that Chan would've had his dick against them at some point, and tapped his shoulder again.
"I'm dressed," you told him.
He turned around and pulled you close again, a devious smirk forming. "Where were we?"
"Here," you teased and melted back into him.
He smiled into the kiss, his hands roaming freely over your clothed back. "I've got a closet of things for you across the hall," he shook his head and bit his lip as he took you in. "But I much prefer you in my clothes."
"I think I do too," you agreed and hugged him.
Chan breathed deeply in contentment, but that quiet moment was soon cut off by music playing outside.
"What's that?" you asked, noticing Chan was laughing
"Opening night," he took your hand in his. "A chance to get to know each other."
He pulled you from the room and you noticed others retreating from dorms as well. Everyone had changed since earlier, and Han bounded over to Chan to swing his arm around his neck.
"She's in your clothes," Han teased him with a wink before running off again to Changbin.
"Sorry about him," Chan apologized. "He's not normally like that," he paused and decided that he had been dishonest. "...Actually he is. That's Han."
You laughed shyly and squeezed his hand for something to ground you. Being around so many new people was a lot.
"So this is a tradition at the start of every year, but it's out first time with aids so it might be a little wild," he explained before leading you to a grassy area with little tents. There was one with a wolf engraved on a wooden post, and you knew it was his. He guided you to it where you found two pairs of wolf ears on top of a pair of sleeping bags.
"We like to spend our first night home under the stars," he explained as he picked up his ears. Blindly, he pinned them perfectly before reaching for yours.
"As the leader," he continued. "It's my job to make sure everyone enjoys themselves and likes being here. And as my chosen wolfie," he grinned once he saw the ears fixed to your hair. "Your job will be to let me know if anyone is unhappy."
"I'm a snitch?" you teased.
Chan smirked and shook his head. "Not quite. More like an advisor. But for you to do well..." he took a deep breath and cupped both cheeks as he gazed into your eyes. "I need to know that you're happy, too. Is this arrangement and home okay for you?"
"Chan," you sighed and pressed your hand to his heart. "It's perfect."
"Good because I just want..."
A horn bellowed outside and Chan sucked in a deep breath before sighing in disappointment. "They're not very well-behaved, are they?" he rolled his eyes before heading out to the lounge area. Some people were snacking on picnic benches, and others lying in the grass and stargazing. Standing on top of a table was Han with the horn and his date cheering him on.
"Han, hand it over," Chan ordered. "You know that's mine."
"Thought you might have been...busy," he winked again.
Your cheeks burned when you realized everyone was looking at you now...probably thinking the same thing.
"Please don't talk about Wolfie's sex life in front of everyone..." he instructed as he snatched the horn.
"So you have a sex life?" he gawked only for Lee Know to smack the back of his head
"Ow!" he yelped as Chan took his place on top of the table.
"Hello!" he called out, drawing the attention of all in attendance. From your count, only one couple was missing. "I hope you've had some time to settle in, and that you're enjoying yourselves. This evening is meant to bring us together...to remind us that this is all for the music and the comfort of friendly faces. My ears are always ready to listen if you have any concerns, but I hope you all enjoy living here...and I'm sorry to Han's aid...good luck with that," he added with a laugh.
He rejoined you and guided you to sit in front of the tent in his sleeping bag as others buzzed past with games and drinks. "I'll be back," he said and hurried off to get some dinner.
While he was gone you took in the group that you'd be spending the next year with. They were all smiling and laughing, appearing completely at ease.
"For you," Chan proclaimed as he sat beside you with a pair of sandwiches.
"Thanks," you settled against his shoulder and took a bite.
"It's nice, isn't it?" he asked as he watched the same beautiful scene as you. His arm came around to settle on your shoulder and his thumb brushed back and forth.
"I don't think I'll ever want to leave," you confessed in a playful tone.
Chan said nothing in response but kissed the top of your head which felt like an answer in itself.
The two of you stayed that way long into the night, observing the fun rather than partaking. It was entertaining and made you appreciate the dynamics of everyone there. Some were quiet, others loud. Some kept games going while others broke the rules. Everyone had a purpose.
When the music finally cut off and night befell the dorms, you realized rather quickly that most couples were sleeping in the tents together. Chan didn't want to force that expectation on you, though, and suggested, "You can go sleep in my bed if you'd like. I'll stay here and watch them."
You yawned...a fake one...as you thought over what you wanted, but that answer had always been clear. You wanted Chan.
Instead of answering you crawled into the tent and undid your sleeping bag before fixing it to lie flat in the space. "We can use yours as a blanket," you offered.
Chan was obviously happy to comply and quickly laid down. You settled against his chest, letting him hold you in ways you had only imagined. His heart was pounding, and you realized he was just as nervous as you. To hide it, he pet your hair, calming you down with long strokes that sent shivers down your spine.
"I do have one complaint," you whispered into the darkness.
"Do you?" he asked, somehow sensing it was nothing serious.
"You're almost too perfect," you complained. "It isn't realistic," you teased.
Chan laughed and hugged you closer, wrapping both arms around you. "I swear I'm not perfect at all."
"How?" you argued. So far he had been a perfect gentleman. He seemed to have it all.
"Well..." he thought for a moment, wondering how deep he should go. "I bring work home with me a lot. I forget to eat sometimes. And I rely on people for support because I'm not good at being my own emotional champion, but feel like it's an imposition to let others help..."
"But you offer to help others all the time..." you trailed off with a frown as you sat up to look at him.
Chan sighed, "I don't see myself as worthy of being a priority. I do what I can for them so they never feel like that."
You kissed him and thanked him for sharing such a secret and added bravery to his list of traits. "You're my priority, Chan," you vowed.
"Yeah?" he asked, his voice small and shaky.
"Yes," you assured him. "You can take care of them, and you can even take care of me if you want. But I'll take care of you."
It seemed to be all he needed to hear. Within seconds his lips were on yours again, this time allowing his tongue to dip into your mouth. You moaned...you couldn't help it and straddled him.
"I don't want to move too fast," he reminded you.
"Me either," you agreed. "I want this to happen naturally."
"Well...I'm sorry, wolfie, but something else is about to happen naturally if you stay there," he groaned and shut his eyes, trying to keep control of himself.
"Oh!" you moved off of him, realizing what he meant. "Sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry," he coughed shyly before turning on his side to hold you. "For tonight...let's just stay like this, okay?"
You nodded and kissed him again before cuddling into his chest. "Goodnight Chan."
"Goodnight (Y/n)."
3 months later
You were sitting on the couch, your legs draped over Chan's lap as you read a book. He had his laptop out and was working diligently to select songs for the next album when he cursed under his breath for the third time in a row.
"What is it, Channie?" you asked, taking off your reading glass to see him more clearly.
"Hypnotic," he mumbled before slamming his laptop shut. "The guide track is gone."
You set your book and glasses down and scooted closer, your hand rubbing small circles on his back. "That's okay. You can just redo it, baby."
You kissed his shoulder as you often did when he had these fits of his. He took his work so seriously...and if something wasn't perfect, it drove him mad.
"I need to have it done by tomorrow to make the album cut off," he sighed and sat back, covering his eyes with his hands in frustration and exhaustion.
"Then let's get you ready to go," you said, standing and reaching for his hand.
"I can't..." he shook his head, unwilling to move from the couch. "We have dinner with your family tonight and..."
"Chan..." you put your hand on your hip sternly. "I will call and tell them, and I know they'll understand. We can go for dinner with them this weekend."
"I have the recording days this weekend," he frowned.
"Then we'll find a day next week. It's really not that big of a deal."
"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want them to hate me."
You smiled and cupped his cheek. "They could never hate you."
"They will if I keep canceling on them," he pouted and pulled you into his lap for a kiss, always soft...always emotionally binding despite this all being temporary.
Your hands went flat against his chest, his heartbeat steady under your palm. "They could never hate you. I've hyped you up too much," you smiled when you pulled away.
"Don't make their expectations too high, wolfie. Then they'll really hate me."
"Chan," you frowned, hating when he spoke down about himself. "You live up to everything I've told them. You're perfect."
"Perfect?" he grunted as he stood with you wrapped around his waist. "I'm 5'6"."
You kissed his cheek. "Still perfect."
"I have insomnia," he reminded you.
You kissed his other cheek. "Still perfect."
"And I can't eat spicy food."
"Everything about you is perfect, Channie," you hugged him tight and kissed him playfully one last time so he could get on his shoes.
You pulled out your phone to text your family: Sorry but Chan has a work emergency. Can we take a rain check?
Mom:
Sure honey. Let me know another day that works.
Brother:
I knew he didn't exist lol
Dad:
Google are cargo pants out of style
Brother:
Wrong app dad
"They're fine with it, Chan," you held your phone up to show him.
He breathed a sigh of relief and held out a sweater for you before picking up his laptop.
"What's this?"
"You're coming with me," he motioned again for you to take it.
"Are you sure?"
In the last few months, Chan had never let you see him in that setting. He said he was too intense and too focused and didn't want you to feel left out.
"Of course. You can press the buttons...make sure the song is actually recorded."
"I do love to press a button," you said playfully, though inside you were jumping for joy that he trusted you with something so important. You shrugged on the sweater and put on your shoes to head downstairs.
The recording studio was in the same building but another floor. It required badged access...which you didn't have.
"Will JYP be mad?" you whispered and snuck down the hall as though the cameras were sound-detecting.
Chan shrugged. "It has to get done. It's not like he can fire me."
"No, but he could fire me," you told me worriedly.
Chan stopped and turned around to see your wide eyes and the nervous shake of your hand. "I won't let him," he reached for it, squeezing it tight before finding a room in which he could record.
It wasn't what you expected. The wall was a dark maroon with scuffs in the paint at feet level where they must've kicked the wall in frustration...or played with a soccer ball. The leather couch was peeling a little from years of wear and the recording equipment sat on a basic wooden table that they'd carved their names into.
And while the room was simple, it felt so important to you to be there. This was where they made all of your favorite songs. It's where Lee Know and I.N. found their voice. It's where Changbin learned how to be a leader and where Han kept people's energy up on tough days. It's where Hyunjin and Felix experimented with different sounds and where Seungmin perfected his. And it's where Chan felt more pressure than he did anywhere else...
He was getting the equipment set up, his breathing heavy and frustrated. "So I'll just...sing in here and you'll press this," he pointed to a red button marked with a piece of tape labeled record.
"Okay..." you nodded.
"Then you'll press this blue button so I can hear it back. We'll do it in 3 line increments. If you need to delete something when I mess up, just press this back button here...got it?"
"I think so," you answered, your brows furrowed as you repeated the meanings to yourself.
"Luckily, the instrumental is still there...I already queued it up, so just press record when I give the thumbs up, okay?"
You nodded and watched as he went into the room, the stress so evident it was making your hands shaky.
He gave the sign, and you pressed record.
Chan sang beautifully. He didn't mess up at all, and you pressed the button to talk to him...labeled talk... "That was amazing, Chan!"
"Let me hear it back," he asked, politeness gone with how determined he was to get this over.
You let him and noticed him waving it off right away. "I was off. Redo it."
You did...again and again and again... he hated all of the takes.
"Fuck!" he cursed and slammed his headphones down. "Why am I so bad at this?"
You abandoned the equipment and went right into the room where he'd fallen to the ground, crying into his hands.
"Chan...baby..." You pulled his hands back to look at him.
"You're exhausted. Should I text Changbin? See if he can come down to help?"
"I'm the leader. This is my job," he explained angrily.
"Chan...every single take has sounded fine. This isn't the final product. It's just a rough draft," you reminded him.
"I know what a fucking guide is," he bit back, taking his frustration out on you.
He'd never spoken to you like this before...had never dismissed your help or treated you so coldly. But you'd promised to be there for him. So you sat on the ground, reaching to hold one of his hands in yours until he calmed down.
It took a while...maybe ten minutes before he choked out an apology through tears. "I'm just so fucking angry at myself," he cried as you hugged him. "I deleted it by accident, and now I can't get the guide right, and we won't be able to present the song properly."
"Channie...I know you think everything has to be perfect...but this doesn't have to be. Just knock it out, and let it be what it is. If JYP can't trust your judgement without tearing apart a guide by this point, then he's an idiot."
"JYP can hear you in here," Chan whispered.
"Oh! Fuck! Shit...I...Sorry!" you screamed to the ceiling.
"I'm only kidding, wolfie," Chan kissed your cheek. "And I'm sorry for being an ass. You're only trying to help."
"Make it up to me by getting through the song, okay?"
Chan sighed but nodded. "Just do the whole thing."
You left him inside and closed the door to press record one more time. Chan effortlessly went through the entire song as if it were ready to be released as-is, and when you offered to play it back, he shook his head. "You're right. JYP trusts my judgement. The guide doesn't need to be perfect."
"Sorry, I didn't record that part. You said I'm what?" you teased.
Chan laughed and shouted into the mic, "You're right! My girlfriend is right!"
He was still laughing when he opened the door, but you were frozen, your cheeks burning, your heart scared to believe he meant what he just said.
"What is it?" he fretted as he approached your paralyzed frame.
"You just called me your girlfriend..." you trailed off as you pressed the button to replay his voice.
You're right! My girlfriend is right!
"Shit..." Chan muttered, seeming like he wanted to take it back. His voice began to play again, but he clicked it off. "I'm sorry. I...I shouldn't have said that."
"Oh..." you frowned, your lip quivering as you tried to let go of the hope you'd had just a few seconds ago. "It's okay. I'm just..." You turned away from him to collect his laptop cord, and more importantly, to hide your tears, "I'm just your aid."
"No, wolfie..." Chan crouched down beside you. "You're not just my aid."
You stayed turned away, making the act of pulling a plug from an outlet a grueling seven minute task.
"Baby, can you look at me?" he asked softly.
You listened, but the mask you were trying to prepare to wear fell the second you did, and heavy, painful sobs erupted as you fell to his chest.
"Fuck," he whispered guiltily. "I didn't mean it like that, wolfie." He rubbed your back, trying to calm you down the same way you often did for him. "I'm not sorry I called you my girlfriend."
"W-what?" you sniffed in shock.
"I've been feeling it for weeks. I just...I wanted to ask you after I met your family. After I made sure they liked me."
"Chan? What are you saying?"
He wiped the tears from your cheeks and then the makeup from under your eyes. "I want you to be my girlfriend."
You broke into a smile so wide it hurt. "Really?"
"Yes," he laughed. "I can't deny how I feel...and I think you feel the same way. Right?"
You answered him with a needy, sloppy kiss. Chan smiled into it, laughing so hard he nearly fell backwards to the floor. Luckily, he caught you, and you adjusted to sit with your knees around his waist.
"How were you so sure I felt the same way?" you asked. You'd tried your best to keep him a little bit out of reach in case it led to heartbreak.
"You...may have whispered it in your sleep," he said guiltily.
"Oh god!" You hid in your hands. Of course, he would've heard since he's usually up at night. You'd forgotten about that habit since you lived alone before this. "What did I say?"
Chan smirked, his dimples deep as ever. "That you love me," he teased.
You groaned and fell headfirst to his shoulder, burying yourself out of his eyeline. "It's okay, wolfie," he cooed. "I love you too."
"Chan," you pulled back to cup his face...eyes wet for a happy reason now. "You love me?"
"Of course I do," he answered like it was the easiest thing in the world.
"I love you too," you replied.
"I know..." he tried to say, but you were already attacking him, already tongue deep into his mouth.
His hands squeezed your sides, ran roughly up and down your back in the way that you loved. "We need to get upstairs," he groaned, his voice as desperate as ever.
"Why?" you breathed, heart racing when you met his needy eyes.
"Do you still want to..."
"Yes," you said right away.
"Do you want to...right now?"
"Yes," you smiled, eyes lighting up.
"Good...because I cannot go another day."
Chan collected his laptop, which you noticed he held in front of his crotch the entire walk back to his dorm. Every time he glanced at you, he shook his head in disbelief that he could be so lucky...you felt the same way.
...until you got back to his room and the nerves set in.
"Chan?" you called as he set down the laptop and turned back to you. "I'm a virgin."
He chuckled and took your hands in his before kissing you. "I know."
"And that means...I have no idea what I'm doing," you muttered between kisses while walking backwards to his room.
"That's okay," he said. "I'm pretty good at being in charge."
"True," you kissed him again, your hands making their way to the nape of his neck. "But what if it hurts?"
Chan held your face in his hands, brushing his thumbs gently. "Do you trust me?"
"Always."
"Good," he said before another peck landed on your lips. "Then let me take care of the logistics. You just focus on feeling good, okay?"
You bit your lip nervously but nodded.
Chan didn't pull you toward the bed right away. Instead, he kissed you until your lips tingled, until something you did all the time felt even more special. Your hands clutched his hoodie like it was the only thing keeping you upright.
"Tell me if anything doesn't feel right. Okay?" he whispered into your mouth.
"Okay."
He kissed you again, this time longer, taking his time. You could feel him slowing you down, calming your nerves by letting each kiss linger. His hands cradled your waist, never rushing for more until he was sure you were ready. His fingers made slow, grounding passes up and down your sides, over the sweater he'd given you earlier. When he slipped his hands beneath the hem, he paused.
"Can I take this off?" he asked, his forehead still resting against yours.
You nodded and raised your arms to assist him.
Chan peeled the sweater off gently. His hands brushed your skin only briefly, but the contact sparked something deep in your core. You were left in just your bra and boxers...his, of course...and your cheeks flushed at the realization. You moved to cross your arms as he hadn't seen you this naked since the first day with the sheer robes, but he caught them.
"Hey," he said, voice low. "You're allowed to look nervous, but don't hide from me, okay? Unless you changed your mind..."
"I didn't," you promised him before kissing him again.
He walked you back slowly until the backs of your knees hit the bed. You sat without thinking, and he followed, kneeling on the floor in front of you.
"You're so beautiful," he said, his hands coming to rest on your thighs, to very slightly pull them apart. His thumbs rubbed back and forth slowly, grounding you again. "Can I kiss you here?"
You nodded again, and he leaned in to press a kiss to your knee. Then another, just a few inches higher. He was so careful about it. You could feel yourself trembling, not from fear but from the unfamiliarity. The sensitivity. Every inch of skin felt magnified by his plump, perfect lips.
"Still good?" he asked.
"Yeah," you breathed. "It's just a lot."
"I know," he said, smiling softly. "We'll go slow."
He kissed his way up your thighs, never rushing, never pushing. When he reached the waistband of the boxers, he looked up as if he wanted to ask something.
"Take them off," you permitted, your voice quieter than before.
Chan inhaled sharply before tugging them down slowly, letting his fingers trail along your hips and thighs as he did so. You gasped softly when the cool air hit you, instinctively pulling your legs together, but he reached up to hold your hand.
"You're doing so good for me, wolfie," he whispered, kissing the inside of your knee again. "You're perfect."
You nodded, heart in your throat at the sight of him.
He stood then, only to undress in front of you. He began by peeling off his hoodie, followed by his sweats, until he was just in his boxers. You couldn't stop looking at him. The firmness of his abs. The width of his shoulders. The way his hair stuck slightly to his forehead.
"You can touch me too, if you want," he offered with a gentle laugh, and you realized your hands were clenched in your lap. You reached for him then, and he stepped closer so your fingers could brush across his stomach. He shivered at the contact.
"Okay?" he asked.
"Mhm," you replied. "You?"
"I'm great," he said, leaning down to kiss you again. As he did so, he laid you back on the bed. Every movement was careful, every shift accompanied by another kiss. When he climbed over you, he didn't press his weight down... just rested his forehead against yours, and whispered, "How are we feeling so far?"
"Good," you hummed and ran your hands across his chest.
His lips drifted down, eager to explore your throat, your collarbone, and your chest. When he reached behind you to unclasp your bra, he paused again.
"May I?"
"Yes," you breathed nervously.
He undid it in one try, letting the straps fall away. You started to cover yourself, but his hands were already there, holding you gently, thumbs brushing under your breasts.
"You're so beautiful, wolfie," he murmured. "Let me make you feel good."
He leaned in to kiss your chest, his lips soft and warm around your nipple. The sensation made you flinch...your whole body arching slightly in shock.
"Too much?" he asked, immediately backing off.
"No," you panted. "Just...new."
He smiled and kissed lower, more gently this time, giving you space to adjust.
Then his hand moved lower. He kissed you as his fingers drifted down your belly, then down to your thigh. His touch didn't go anywhere private right away. He just kept kissing you and letting his hand learn your body like it was a song he was memorizing while letting you adapt to the ways a hand could feel so good somewhere so simple.
But it began to drive you mad after a few minutes of him skirting around where you wanted him most. "Channie," you pleaded, your hips trying to catch his fingers.
"Did you want me to touch you?" he teased with a dimpled smirk.
"Obviously," you said, your voice cracking a little in desperation.
His fingers finally grazed your folds so carefully that they made you jolt. You grabbed his wrist instinctively, not to stop him...but to steady yourself from the surprising way it felt.
"Too much?" he asked again, not moving until you nodded or spoke.
"No...just...please don't stop talking to me," you whispered.
"I won't," he promised, leaning forward to kiss your cheek, then your jaw. "I've got you."
One finger traced between your folds again, this time a little more confidently. He found your clit almost immediately and didn't do anything more than circle it softly using barely any pressure at all.
Your hips twitched, and you gasped, your hand flying to his forearm this time.
"That's okay," he murmured, kissing your temple. "That's normal. You're doing so well."
You nodded, lips parting, eyes fluttering shut.
"I'm going to go a little lower," he warned, and you hummed in acknowledgement.
When his finger pressed gently to your entrance, your breath hitched again, but you didn't stop him. He didn't even push in... just traced the rim, getting you used to the sensation.
"Still okay?" he asked.
"Y-yeah," you answered, your hips twitching upward again.
He kept kissing your neck as his finger eased in just a little. It didn't hurt, but it was a slight stretch, and you weren't used to it. He didn't move until he saw your body relax again. Then, he added more... until his whole finger was inside.
"You're gripping me so tight," he whispered, voice thick with adoration. "Feels so good already."
You gasped as he curled it, making your thighs twitch around him. You'd fingered yourself, but you didn't even know curling was an option. Holy fuck you'd been missing out.
You could feel him watching your every breath, every shift, every moan. He didn't add a second finger right away. He just let you ride the first, let you get used to it. Let your body open.
"Can I give you more?"
"P-please," you whimpered.
Chan leaned in and kissed your cheek again, murmuring against your skin, "Being such a good girl, using your manners like that, wolfie."
"Oh fuck," you whined at his words just as he eased a second finger in beside the first, the subtle fullness making your breath hitch. Your hand tightened on his forearm again, and he stilled right away.
"Need me to stop?" he asked, his thumb still brushing soft circles against your thigh.
You nodded quickly, forcing out a breath. "No. You're just... so good at this."
He chuckled, and his fingers moved again, just the slightest push forward, then back.
At first, you couldn't tell what you were feeling. It wasn't sharp or painful...it was heat. Deep and low, like your stomach had been set alight from the inside. You couldn't quite process it until Chan's thumb slid up and found your clit again, circling it in time with the movement of his fingers.
You cried out, your hips jolting up into his hand. He pressed his forehead to yours, smiling softly through his own heavy breathing.
"That's it, baby," he encouraged.
Your thighs convulsed, and your head rolled back against the pillow. Your lips parted with moans you didn't even know your body could make. He watched your every reaction, adjusting as needed and pressing deeper when your hips rose to meet him, easing off when you gasped too sharply.
"So good for me," he praised. "So perfect. I love seeing you like this."
"Chan..." Your voice broke on his name. "I think..."
He slowed immediately. "You think you're close?"
You nodded, unable to say more.
"Do you want to cum like this?" he asked, eyes searching yours for consent to keep going.
You blinked up at him, chest rising and falling with uneven breaths. "No... I want you."
"Are you sure?"
"Please, Channie. I've waited so long."
His eyes searched yours one more time before he shifted back onto his knees. You watched as he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers and paused.
"Do you want to see me?" he asked softly. "If not, I can turn the lights down..."
"No," you interrupted. "I want to see you. I want... all of it."
He nodded, then slid his boxers down to free himself. You couldn't stop the way your eyes widened.
"Oh," you gasped, sitting up slightly, your thighs pressing together with nerves.
"What is it?" he asked quickly. "Too much?"
"No...I mean maybe...I just... I've never seen one in person before," you admitted, heat rushing to your cheeks. "At least not outside of health class diagrams or porn."
Chan smiled, his eyes crinkling at the edges, but it wasn't teasing. It was full of something warmer. Something safe and deeply affectionate.
"You're adorable," he smiled. "Want to touch it first?"
You hesitated.
"Only if you want to," he added immediately.
You reached out slowly, your fingers brushing across his length. He hissed softly at the contact, and your hand froze.
"Good?" you asked quickly.
"God, yes," he moaned. "You're doing perfect."
You explored carefully, feeling the softness of his skin, the weight of him. It was fascinating and overwhelming and a little surreal, realizing this thing that barely fit in your fist was about to be inside of you.
You looked up at him. "How is that supposed to... fit?"
Chan leaned forward, cupping your face and kissing you again. "We'll go slow," he whispered. "I'll keep checking in."
"Okay," you nodded.
He kissed you again, then gently pressed you back into the pillows. As he settled between your thighs, he reached between you and guided his cock to your entrance. He didn't push in...just let the tip rest there, warming you to the idea.
"If it hurts just tell me," he reminded you as he drove his cock up and down your slit.
"I will."
"I love you so much, wolfie," he murmured
"I love you too," you breathed nervously as his tip pushed in for the very first time.
He shifted slightly, one hand guiding himself, the other still cradling your cheek and watching you as if he still wasn't sure. "I want you," you repeated, your voice trembling. "Just... go slow."
The head of his cock pressed to your entrance, and your body tensed without meaning to.
"Relax, wolfie," he whispered, lips brushing your cheek. "Breathe with me, okay?"
You nodded, and together you exhaled.
When he started to push in, it felt like... pressure...a full, slow, agonizing stretch. It didn't hurt, not exactly, but it was overwhelming. He barely got the tip in before you gasped and flinched.
Chan stopped instantly, both hands coming to your hips to still you. "Okay. That's it for now," he soothed. "Let me know when you're ready."
"I didn't know it would feel like that," you admitted, voice shaking. "I've never... I never even used a toy like this."
Chan smiled, breath catching at your honesty. "Yeah?" he whispered. "Well, baby...I can tell." He laughed and kissed your forehead while letting you adjust.
You wrapped your legs a little tighter around him for a better angle. "I think I'm okay," you whispered after a few moments.
He moved again, sinking in another inch. This time, you whined and gripped his back. He groaned, barely holding himself still.
"F-fuck," he gasped. "You feel so warm already."
You held onto him tightly. The stretch burned this time, like your body was figuring out how someone his size could even exist.
"You want me to keep going?" he checked.
You swallowed and nodded. "All the way."
He kissed you again as he pushed the rest of the way in...inch by inch, watching your face for any sign of discomfort. Your jaw fell open in a soundless gasp when his hips finally met yours. You didn't even realize you'd been holding your breath until you exhaled shakily against his shoulder.
"I'm in," he whispered, voice wrecked. "You okay?"
"It's... a lot," you breathed as you held him tightly.
"Too much?"
You shook your head. "No. I just... can't believe it."
"I know," he smiled and gave you a peck. "Me neither."
He stayed there, fully buried, and kissed you again, deeper this time. His hand rubbed gently up and down your side. He didn't move until your hips began rolling slightly, inviting him in.
"There you go," he whispered, eyes darkening as he pulled out slightly, then back in. "Fuck, you're so needy, aren't you, wolfie?" His voice changed then, just slightly. Still gentle... but more praise-heavy now. More focused. "I knew you'd take me so well."
Your thighs trembled as his hips found a slow, shallow rhythm, each thrust sending a warm ripple up your spine.
"Tell me how it feels," he murmured, lips dragging along your neck where he left little nibbles.
"Feels full...so full," you whimpered. "It's so much, but...don't stop, Chan."
"I won't, wolfie."
His hips rocked more confidently now, each stroke dragging across something deep inside you that made you gasp and cling to his shoulders.
"Fuck! Right there," you choked out, nails biting his back.
"Oh?" he smirked against your cheek. "You like when I fuck you there?"
You nodded wildly, too breathless to speak. The pressure was building again, tighter this time, like everything inside you was clenching up, getting hotter.
"I can feel you, baby," he grunted. "Your pussy's getting so greedy for me."
"Chan...oh god!"
"You gonna cum for me like this?" he asked. "Gonna let me feel you while I'm inside you?"
You moaned and nodded, words failing. His pace grew more confident. Every thrust sent sparks through you, and when his thumb found your clit again, your whole body jolted.
"Channie! I'm gonna..." you cried out, body shaking with need.
"Cum for me, wolfie," he begged, voice tight. "Please."
You did...stars bursting behind your eyes as your body clenched around him, orgasm ripping through you like a wave. You cried out his name as he kissed you, kissing through every moan, every whimper, until you collapsed against the sheets.
He barely held out after that.
"Can I..." he grunted. "Fuck, can I finish inside?"
"Yes," you whined, overstimulated and on a euphoric high like nothing you'd ever experienced.
His thrusts turned desperate, hips stuttering, and just a few moments later, he buried himself deep and moaned your name as he came.
You both lay there for a moment, unmoving, hearts pounding in sync.
Chan kissed your forehead first, then your nose, then the corner of your mouth. "Are you okay?" he whispered.
You nodded, dazed and glowing. "Better than okay."
He smiled and stayed close. "You're mine now, you know that right?"
"I've always been yours, Channie," you hummed and hugged him close.
It was a new city, a new club, and a new you. After moving across the world to London, the last thing you wanted to do was stay in and hide away.
You put on your favorite little black dress and a pair of Adidas (as that was the trend here) and made your way to the club across the street. Koko was a three-story fantasy land with cheap drinks and fun songs.
The lights flashed overhead and you had just begun to make your way to the bar when a hand snaked around your waist.
“Don’t tell me someone as sexy as yourself is here alone,” they muttered with a kiss to your neck.
You spun around to find yourself faced with an attractive guy just a few inches taller than you. His cheeks were flushed so you knew he must’ve been dancing for a while.
“Not anymore,” you grinned as you tugged him to the bar.
“What are you drinking?” he asked.
“Something strong,” you laughed before turning to watch the crowd dance to the music. You loved clubs. You loved the way the people moved in unison, and how your brain was quiet of all responsibilities and focused only on the song blasting around you. You loved being approached and getting an ego boost.
“Rum and Coke with a little extra,” the man winked as he handed you the cup.
You downed it in seconds and pulled him to the dance floor. He laughed when you spun him around, and you giggled when he pressed you against him. You looped your arm around his neck as you swayed your hips against him, already feeling a little dizzy.
He started kissing your neck, and you threw your head back to look up at the lights while he worked. His lips felt nice and warm.
“I never got your name,” you realized.
“Connor,” he moaned against your ear. His hands moved down your waist to grope your ass, and you weakly leaned against him while clutching your jaw that felt tense for some reason.
“I’m (Y/N),” you slurred, suddenly a little nauseous. “I need to pee,” you shouted over the music before pulling away.
Connor followed you to the bathroom and promised to wait in the hallway. You nodded and rushed inside where you promptly splashed some cold water on your face. You’d never felt so drunk after one drink before…even if that drink was a double.
Another girl walked in to fix her makeup and glanced at you briefly before asking in a low voice, “Where’d you get the MDMA?”
You furrowed your brows. “I don’t know what that is?”
“I’m not a cop or anything,” she laughed, obviously not believing you. “But your pupils are huge so I know you took some. I want some too.”
You turned to your reflection and eyed yourself in shock. You could barely see your irises from how big your pupils were. “Fuck,” you gasped. “I think I was drugged.”
She screwed on the top of her lipgloss and shook her head. “Lucky,” she sighed before making her way back to the party.
The more you looked at yourself, the softer everything looked. You touched your cheek and hummed at the velvet feeling. You didn’t feel afraid since the girl had been jealous, and instead felt warm. You wanted to dance.
You left the bathroom to seek out Connor, but he was nowhere to be found. You must’ve been in the bathroom a long time but realized he may have gone to the men’s room.
You burst through the door and immediately forgot what you were looking for. Another guy turned around in confusion at your presence, and you approached him and wrapped your arms around his neck.
“Hi,” you smiled.
“Did Lee Know send you in here?” he asked as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.
You shook your head with a giggle, the world shaking when you did so. It blurred together so prettily that you didn’t want to stop. “I was with a guy named Connor, and he put something in my drink I think.”
The man looked concerned and held your face in his hands to examine you before whispering a soft, “Shit. He gave you MDMA.”
You held his face too, and poked his dimple with a laugh. “Pretty.”
“Are any of your friends here?” he fretted. “I can help you find them.”
You shrugged and shook your head again. “No friends. I just moved here. I live over there!” you told him while pointing at the wall.
“Okay,” he bit his lip in thought as he considered what to do. It was clear you weren’t thinking clearly as you’d just told a stranger where you lived.
“Is your name also Connor?” you asked as you brushed your fingers across his cheek again. His skin felt so silky and nice.
“No,” he chuckled, loosening up a bit. “It’s Chan.”
“Chan, Chan, Chan, Chan, Chan,” you sang to the beat of the song just beyond the door.
A stall opened and a guy shook his head at the sight of you. “Man, you can’t have her in here.”
“I know bro. She wandered in here. Some guy gave her some E,” Chan told him.
The guy suddenly tilted his head with a smirk. “Want me to take care of her?”
Chan protectively squeezed your hand, “I’ve got her.”
He let out a breathy laugh as he pushed open the door. “I bet you do.”
You turned with a grin as you melted against his chest. “Everyone is so nice here. So many people want to take care of me.”
Chan nodded with a clenched jaw. “Why don’t you show me where you live, hmm? That way we can be friends.”
“Okay!” you sang as you pulled him from the bathroom and towards the exit.
“I bet your roommates will be excited to see you,” he said as you waited for the crosswalk light to change.
“Silly Chan,” you giggled. “I live alone.”
The light changed, and you squealed excitedly as you pulled him to your building. Chan looked around worriedly, but you couldn’t understand why. The night was beautiful and the stars glowed like fireflies.
“What’s your name?” Chan asked once you reached your building. You’d been so distracted by the sky that you hadn’t even pulled out your key.
“(Y/N),” you answered before wrapping your arms around his waist.
Chan’s hands stayed firmly on your hips, but you wished he’d touch you everywhere. “Where’s your key?” he asked.
You smirked and shimmied your chest against him before leaning in to whisper, “In my bra.” Chan’s lashes fluttered shut as his cheeks burned pink. You reached for his hand and dragged it up to your chest, sighing prettily when he ran over your nipple. “Grab the key, Channie,” you begged.
Chan pulled his hand back and ran it through his hair. “I think you’d do a better job at finding it,” he conceded.
“Because I’m so smart,” you questioned as you fished out the key.
“Exactly,” Chan murmured before taking it from you to unlock your building.
You led him down the hall to the stairs and looked up at them with an exasperated sigh.
“What floor are you on?” he asked.
“Two,” you grumbled before taking the first step with a loud complaint. “I hate stairs!”
Chan laughed and pulled you close before looping his arm around your back and beneath your legs. You yelped in shock and cuddled against his feverish chest as he walked up the steps.
“Are you a superhero?” you giggled as he carried you.
“Nope. Just trying to get you home safely,” he said.
You hummed and tossed your head back to look up at the pretty fluorescent lights. When he made it to the second floor you weakly pointed down the hall and slurred, “212,” so he’d know what room you were.
Chan was still holding your keys so he unlocked your door while holding you and stepped right into your apartment. Boxes littered the floor as you’d yet to fully unpack, and he stepped carefully around them before finding your bedroom where he set you down gently onto your bed.
It had never felt so cozy before and you fell back with your arms flung about before wrapping your fuzziest blanket around your shoulders.
You kicked off your shoes and climbed up to the pillows to snuggle into more blankets when you realized Chan was now standing in the doorway.
“Come here,” you complained with a pout.
“I think I should get back to the club. I just wanted to get you home,” he explained gently.
“I’ll go back with you!” you suggested, already jumping out of the bed to find your discarded shoes.
“You should sleep,” he said. “And drink a lot of water.”
“No,” you shook your head rapidly from side to side. “I don’t wanna be alone. If you won’t stay with me I’ll go find someone who will.”
“Fuck,” Chan cursed in a low voice. “Okay, okay. Get back in bed and I’ll go stay on the couch.”
“No,” you crossed your arms with a pout. “Stay here!” you demanded while slapping the mattress.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said gently.
“Do you think I’m ugly?” you cried as you squeezed your legs to your chest. Connor had kissed you and held you. Chan seemed repulsed.
“No, no of course not,” he assured you. “I just don’t want to cross a boundary when it’s clear you’re not sober.”
“Oh…” you sighed as you jumped out of bed again to press against his chest. “So you think I’m pretty?”
Chan inhaled through his teeth and shook his head. “Of course I do.”
“So you’ll get in bed with me?”
Chan seemed hesitant, but he nodded and decided to prove it by sitting at the edge of your bed. You stood between his legs and wrapped your arms around his shoulders where you promptly realized he couldn’t wear his club clothes to bed.
“Up!”
“Didn’t you just…” he began as you started to tug him off the bed.
“Shirt off, pants off,” you instructed as you pulled your dress over your head.
“Whoa…whoa what are you doing?” Chan asked as he tried to keep your dress down.
“Can’t wear club clothes in bed,” you told him as you successfully managed to get the dress off.
You headed into your closet where you unclasped your bra and dug through box after box until finding a t-shirt.
You grabbed another for Chan and returned to your room to find him standing in his boxers with his hand over his crotch. “Is that for me?” he asked as he held his hand out to receive the shirt.
Your jaw opened as you took him in. His abs were almost too defined and his thighs were thick and muscled. His shoulder and bicep flexed as he extended his hand, but you pulled the shirt away and reached your hand out instead to touch his defined abs.
“So pretty,” you groaned.
“I think I should put that shirt on,” he offered again. You tossed it back to the closet and squeezed yourself to him. “You’re so warm,” you hummed.
Chan’s hand, which was on his cock brushed your center, and you gasped in shock and looked down. He pulled his hips away apologetically, but you reached for his hand, curious as to what he was hiding.
Chan didn’t put up a fight, and your eyes went wide upon seeing his hardened cock through his underwear. “You do think I’m pretty,” you realized.
“Mhm,” he sighed. “But right now we just need to get in bed, okay? I’ll go get you some water and then we can sleep.”
“You promise to cuddle me?” you frowned, worried that he’d try to take the couch.
“Promise,” he assured you before making his way to your living room. You cuddled into the sheets and saved him space to sleep, too.
Chan made you drink the entire glass before he refilled it and placed it on your nightstand. When he got into bed, you immediately melted against him with a pleasured buzz. Chan’s hand stroked up and down your spine adoringly, and you wrapped your legs around his waist before sighing, “Channie?”
“Yeah?” he asked in a low voice.
“Can I at least have a good night kiss?”
Chan inhaled deeply but nodded. You tilted your head to meet his gaze and fluttered your finger over his pretty, rosy lips before leaning in.
Chan hummed, and you pressed your hands against his chest with a happy sigh. His lips were as soft as a cloud and moved so carefully against yours. You brushed your tongue over his lips and pulled back to watch him glow. His lips were still puckered and his cheeks were red. You kissed his chest and laid against it comfortably.
If you were honest with yourself, it had been a rough year. Your fiancée had cheated on you at the New Year's Eve party promoting a very expensive break up in which you suffered not only heart break but the financial strain of lost deposits for the wedding.
In hindsight, he hadn't been a good partner. He'd buy gifts for himself for Christmas disguised as things for you and gaslight you if you called him out. The espresso machine he got you last year (when he knows you don't drink coffee) was his faux attempt at 'introducing you to caffeine' and it mysteriously disappeared when he packed all of his things. He never remembered your birthday and barely listened when you spoke. Honestly, you were sure you were just with him out of convenience and fear. Convenience because it was nice to have someone to tell people about when they asked if you had a partner...a fear that being alone would be permanent.
All of those fears went away when you met Chris.
After the divorce, you didn't date at all. You spent your time falling in love with books again...especially romances. The tales of fated lovers and romantic gestures gave you hope that not everyone would end up like your infamous ex. When you saw your favorite author was having a book signing just a short drive away, you knew you had to go.
When the day came, you waited eagerly in line with dozens of other women. Some eagerly chatted about their favorite stories while others were quietly waiting for their chance to meet the author. You noticed a man in line a few people ahead of you and wondered if you'd be so lucky as to have a partner who'd wake up to hold your spot in line one day. You hoped so.
As the line moved along, you were surprised to see the man was actually there to get a book signed for himself. You were curious what he would see in these books as most men would find them too girly. You didn't have time to think on it for long, though as you were up next.
The author smiled warmly and asked for your name.
"(Y/N)," you answered in a shaky voice. You had rehearsed all day what you wanted to say and hurriedly stumbled through it, "I had a horrible breakup earlier this year and your books really helped me. They gave me something positive to focus on."
She placed her hand on yours as if she could sense your nerves. "The greatest way to distance yourself from heartache is to find love," she said. "I'm glad you found love even if it's in these pages."
You didn't know how to reply to that. Her words were too perfect and true. You took the book and stared at her words, running your fingers over them to internalize their message.
Love is closer than you think, she'd written along with her signature.
You tucked the book safely into your tote bag and decided to stop at the coffee shop next door before heading home. There, you found the man who had been in line with you earlier.
With her message still ringing in your ears, you marched forward, hoping to ask what his favorite book was or perhaps even his name. Instead, you nervously went around him and ordered a peppermint mocha instead.
"They're really good at making those here," a voice suddenly said behind you.
You were blushing before you even turned around as you often were nervous around guys as pretty as him.
"Do you come here often?" you asked, wishing you hadn't. You'd meant it genuinely but it sounded like a cheap and tacky pick up line.
"I'd say so," he laughed a little. "I'm Chris."
It took a second to click but you suddenly realized that the coffee shop was called Chris's Cafe. "Oh! Sorry! I had no idea," you replied anxiously. You hadn't meant to offend him.
"How would you?" he tilted his head in amusement. "Anna," he suddenly called out behind him. "Hers is on the house."
"Oh you really don't have to do that. I was just grabbing something for the drive home," you rushed to interject, but Chris was already pulling two cookies out of the display shelf.
"Care to join me?" he asked.
Normally, you would have rejected such an offer from nerves, but the author had said love was close...and the coffee shop was literally next door. It felt like a sign that you should stay, so you nodded and followed him to a table by the window.
"So...what's your name?"
Before you could answer, the barista called out your drink. You were just about to stand to collect it when Chris beat you to it. He offered it to you with gentle smile before taking his seat. You noticed he had dimples when he smiled, just like all your favorite book characters.
"I saw you," you blurted out. "At the book signing."
"I saw you too," he confessed. And for some reason, even though your just admitted to paying attention to him, the fact he'd noticed you too made your heart flutter. You weren't used to being seen. "What book did you get signed?" he asked.
"Happy Accidents," you told him as you pulled out the copy for him to look at.
Chris had on a funny smirk when he retrieved his book from his backpack and set it on the table.
"I got that book signed too!" a woman nearby chimed in. "Look what she wrote inside!"
Love makes everything worth it, you read.
"Anyone who went to the book signing gets a free cookie," Chris told her. “Just let your barista know the old man in the corner sent you.”
She squealed out a thank you and rushed off to retrieve her treat. Chris turned back to you, his eyes boring into you as if he were reading your soul.
It made you anxious...and you tended to ramble when anxious.
"I got into this author just this year after a pretty bad breakup. I think I read all of her books in the span of like a month. But I reread this one a few times. I liked the scene on the elevator when it jammed and the way he remembered her favorite ice cream flavor months later even though she only mentioned it once."
"You don't have to rush," Chris said when he noticed you hurrying to get the words out as if his attention were on a time limit. You weren't used to being heard.
"I never told you my name," you realized.
"No, you didn't," Chris smiled as he reached for your book.
He stared at it, seemingly in shock, before handing over his own. You cracked it open and couldn't stop the thumping of your heart when you saw it read, Love is closer than you think.
"Either that's a happy accident or..." you began, suddenly breathless.
"Dinner was amazing Channie!" you smile as you wipe your mouth and set the napkin down. He'd spent all day hand-making chicken piccata after finding out it was your favorite. He'd even set the table with a dozen red roses and a few candles lit to make the atmosphere more romantic.
"I'm glad you liked it," he grins his dimpliest smile, eyes shining with every flicker of fire.
It had been a week to the day since he'd walked in on you reading fan fiction about him. And those 7 days had been the happiest of your life. You want to repay him for cooking and collect the dishes and put them in the sink to wash them. You're just about to get started when Chan comes up behind you and wraps his arms across your stomach while leaning into your neck with slow and sensual kisses.
Your heart flutters as your breathing becomes erratic. It's still so new and shocking when he holds you like this...and so sexy.
"Remember when I said we'd do this my way next?" he moans as his hands squeeze you tighter, pulling you away from the dishes and into his arms.
"Yes," you hum, head lolling back against his shoulder, submitting to him just before he turns you to face him. He backs you against the door, the same door where all of this began just last week.
"No CNC tonight, pretty girl," he tells you with more kisses to your neck and jaw, more touches to your waist and back where he holds you still.
"What do you want tonight, Channie?" you ask in a needy voice as you thread your fingers through his hair, ready to give him anything.
"To make love to you," he whispers, his hands gripping you tighter, his lips becoming more fervent.
You feel warm at the idea of that. It sounds so adorable and comforting. Making love feels like being wrapped in a blanket that's just come out do the dryer, or so you've heard. And for Chan, you want to try.
"I can be romantic for you," you promise.
Chan chuckles with the same amused look in his eye that you'd given him last week. "Can you, pretty girl? I think that's my area of expertise."
"I can," you assure him with a playful pout.
Chan steps back to evaluate you, to judge if you truly were up to the challenge. You stand tall in front of him, ready to make him believe it.
"You look stunning tonight (y/n)," he praises as he twirls you around, taking it all in. You had chosen a red dress for him, the same red as the lingerie from last week.
"Thanks," you reply shyly. You aren't that great at accepting compliments...or giving them.
"Say something about me now," Chan encourages.
He has on a suit that fits him perfectly with a black, partially unbuttoned shirt underneath. His hair is done in such a way that it looks like a 60s greaser, brushed up with a few strays falling onto his forehead. He looks incredibly beautiful, and yet, you can't figure out how to say it without cringing at yourself.
"You look good, too," you say simply, though it isn't at all close to what you really think about him.
He smirks and cups your cheek lovingly. "You can do better than that, pretty girl. Don't be shy."
"I..." you squeak out, your brain incapable of saying the compliments running through your mind. The idea of telling him that he would best James Bond in suit tailoring sounds gross; but telling him that he's the most handsome man you've ever seen up close gives you the ick.
"I..." you begin again, hoping the first word will draw more with it, but nothing follows.
"You can do it, pretty girl," he murmurs as he steps closer.
His body encompasses yours, and you loop your wrists around his neck, bringing him closer and hoping a kiss will inspire something to come to mind that's neither cringy nor stupid.
He concedes to your cravings, his plump bottom lip finding its place between yours. You moan into him, trying to prolong it, but he backs away, eyes dark with lust as he rests his forehead against yours, gazing at you in anticipation.
"What do you think, pretty girl?" he hums, his hands running up and down your sides now, making your heart race for him. All you want is more of him. You want his kisses and his praise. You want more time and endless nights wrapped in his arms.
"I...I think that I love you," you confess, the words gone before you can pull them back.
Chan sucks in a sharp and surprised breath. He had obviously not expected such an admission, but once he processes it, his face lights up and his lips find yours again. This time they're eager and he's smiling while kissing you.
You laugh at him, feeling a little vulnerable but excited by his response. Then he pulls back for a moment, eyes shining as he places a playful kiss on your nose before answering, "I love you, too."
Those four words become a wrecking ball. They crumble the wall that has been inside you, the same one that prevented you from giving yourself over to him fully. Now, nothing is stopping you.
You cup his cheeks and kiss him slowly, passionately. Every ounce of affection is focused on the kiss. And though you aren't sure how, it feels different than the others, like there's a secret tunnel between your hearts now where love flows freely.
"Show me what it's like to be loved, Channie," you beg with so much conviction that a flicker of awe passes across Chan's face. He's never seen you like this...so openly emotional and honest.
He doesn't even know what to say and decides to show you instead. He loops an arm under your calves and lifts you bridal style to carry you into the room. You're surprised but you're so sure he won't drop you that you melt into another kiss, your hand rubbing along his chest and jaw.
When he gets to the bed, he sets you down gently before kissing down your calf while looking up at you. You'd both opted not to wear shoes at dinner since it was your place, but your slippers are on. He removes them while running his hands up and down your legs in such a way that your insides tingle. Your thighs squeeze shut, and he smirks in amusement when he notices.
"Get comfy, pretty girl," he instructs once your feet are bare.
You scoot higher on the bed, maintaining eye contact with Chan as he removes his jacket, hanging it on your desk chair, before crawling towards you with a hungry look in his eyes.
You instinctively spread your legs for him to lie between, but Chan's crawling stops once he reaches your waist. He lays his head on your lap, looking up lovingly at you while palming your thigh.
"Wanna let me have a taste, pretty girl?" he hums as his fingers trail dangerously close to your cunt, but he never dares to touch, not without permission.
"Please," you whine and raise your hips just as he reaches his other hand up your dress along your thigh. Slowly, he drags the panties down and tosses them aside.
"Let me see," he urges as he spreads your legs open. Your heart is pounding as you watch him watch you. You can't imagine a situation that's sexier than the way Chan licks his lips while staring at your cunt. It's so desperately sinful.
"May I?" he asks again, finger trailing along your bikini line, but still keeping a respectfully annoying distance from where you want him most.
You nod eagerly, and he glances up just as his finger sinks into you. You whimper, not from the stretch or because it hurts, but because you're already so turned on that you're afraid you'll cum.
That desire grows ten times worse when Chan's eyes close just before leaning in to suck on your clit. You whine and writhe against him so much that he removes his finger to hold your waist down. His tongue slides from your clit to your center where he glides it in and out, licking and tasting you with pleasured moans that vibrate your core.
He's so into it. His cheeks turn pink while his tongue fucks you, and all you can do is helplessly surrender. Your hands entwine in his hair and you try...you really do...to hold still but from how amazing it feels you end up grinding against his mouth.
"So good, Channie," you praise, eyes pinched shut as you attempt to hold back. But it's no use.
It's not too long before you're gasping for breath beneath him and a dripping, shaking mess. Chan finds your hand and holds it while he cleans you up. His thumb brushes the back of your hand and that little sign of love in the midst of all of the pleasure brings tears to your eyes.
When Chan finally finishes, his eyes open and meet yours right away. He looks worried at first, but when you pull him in for a kiss, that fear vanishes into relief. He kisses you back, letting your tongue swipe away all remnants of your release before gazing down at you adoringly.
"It feels different, doesn't it, pretty girl?" he coos.
"Feels better," you agree. Love making is so different. It's better than a blanket, it's a fucking pillow fort.
He inhales deeply with a knowing nod just as you begin to unbutton his shirt. He sits patiently while your shaky hands fumble the buttons. When you're finally done, he tugs it off, exposing his bare, lean, and perfect torso underneath.
Immediately you move in to kiss him, leaving soft, needy kisses across his chest and collarbone.
"Can I take off your dress?" he asks. You would've been fine had he ripped it right down the middle, but hearing him ask so sweetly makes your heart race nervously.
"Yes," you permit, and sit up to allow him access to the zipper.
Chan moves your hair to one shoulder and kisses the back of your neck before slowly drawing the zipper down. With every inch that becomes exposed, he trails a kiss that has your breathing an unsteady mess. He hasn't even fucked you yet and you're already falling apart.
"Raise your hands for me," he hums once the zipper is down. You listen, and with butterflies in your stomach allow him to pull the dress over your head and throw it to the floor.
"Bra too?" he checks, his fingers patiently waiting on the clasp.
"Undress me, Channie," you plead.
Before he does, he presses against you. You're both on your knees on the bed, and his chest is to your back and his hands come around to glide up and down your stomach. "You're so beautiful," he moans when he squeezes areas of you that you are usually insecure about.
"Channie," you whine as you fall back against his shoulder.
"I'll take your bra off in one second, pretty girl. I just want a moment to appreciate that you got all dressed up for me," he kisses your neck and squeezes the black lace that covers your tits, the bra you had chosen just for him.
"Do you like it?" you smile, happy that the act had not gone unnoticed.
"Love it," he praises while flicking his thumb over your hard nipples and earning more whimpers of pleasure. "Love you," he says again.
Your mind is so dizzy from how perfect this entire moment feels, but somehow, your heart speaks it for you. "Love you too, Channie."
He smiles against your neck, and finally drags his hand back to unclasp your bra, to let it fall off the side of the bed with all of your other clothes. He silently guides you to lie back down, and he can't help but bite his lip as he takes you in.
"Your turn to undress, Channie," you remind him.
With a playful smirk, he removes himself from the bed to stand. He stretches his arms over his head while flexing his abs, really making a show of it and driving you mad. His pants fall lower on his waist to where you can just see the beginning of his happy trail, and at this point, you're nearly drooling.
"You're so pretty Channie," you compliment him, the words flowing easily from your lips.
Chan smiles so widely that you can't help but copy it. All he wants is to be loved, so you crawl over to the side of the bed to show him how much you love him.
"I love your eyes," you tell him, noticing the way he's watching you so intently, so curious to see what you'll do. "And your hands," you confess as you hold his, smiling when his thumb brushes the back again.
"I love that you're sharing things with me now," he mutters sweetly while tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Life's too short not to share things that could make each other happy," he adds.
You watch him, hoping he means it. "Do I make you happy, Channie?"
Chan can't help but be honest, "Ever since I met you," he begins and clarifies, "Not just since we were dating, but from that very first day...I'd find myself lying awake at night. Do you know what I was thinking of?" he asks.
You shake your head, wondering what could've possibly distracted him from sleep.
"I was thinking, 'How lucky am I to have found someone who makes everything worth it,' and now I can't help but feel grateful, that you feel even a tiny bit the same way," he admits, the words falling from his lips like little secrets that he'd kept hidden for so long.
He never told you that before. You can't stop the tears from welling in your eyes any more than you can stop yourself from wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.
Chan embraces you back with a soft kiss on your forehead. "You're so loved (y/n)," he promises. "Even if you only just found out."
You feel warm all over like you just stepped out into the sun on the first day of spring. You wish there was something you could say that could come anywhere close to reciprocating to him the way he's just made you feel. But with a quivering lip and shiny eyes from crying, all you can say is, "I liked you first."
Chan laughs so loud that it makes you cry harder. It wasn't wrong what you'd said. You had seen him perform and had a crush on him long before you met and became friends. Until last week, you had let him believe the crush was long gone. But now, you know it hadn't been one-sided, and that for him it was always serious.
"Let me show you what it's like to be loved," he pleads as he undoes the top button of his pants. "Can I do that for you?"
"I'm a little nervous," you tell him, right as his pants fall to the floor.
"What about, pretty girl?" he asks, concern marking his expression from his slight frown to his furrowed brow.
He obviously knows you're not worried about sex. That part has gone great the last time. Explaining what you mean makes you so shy that your insides twist and you hide behind your hands.
"What if I can't be with anyone else after this? What if it's too perfect?"
You can't see him, but you hear Chan take a deep breath before pulling your hands away and kissing each one lovingly. "Don't imagine us broken up before we've even gotten started, my love."
Your heart is pounding at the new name. It's reaching for him, and clawing its way out. "My love?"
Chan smiles and kisses your hands again before teasing, "My love, let me love you before you decide it's over."
You sit up again and kiss him. You kiss him as if there are a thousand tiny lights inside of you and each kiss illuminates just one. You need the entire string to shine.
You pull at his boxers, and mutter between kisses, "Make love to me Chan," before pulling them down.
Chan groans now that he's free, and doesn't separate for even a moment as he gently guides you back to the bed.
You should feel cold naked and exposed to the room like this, but you're hot with desire for him. You pull him closer in any way you can, your legs wrap around his waist and your arms around his neck while your hands claw at his back. You need him in ways you cannot fathom.
"Are you ready for me?" he asks as he reaches down to align himself.
"I think so," you whisper, still unsure if he's going to ruin you in the best or worst way.
"(Y/n)?" Chan says, forcing you to tear your gaze away from his cock in his hand and up to his face. He's so gentle with you, so sure about how to best take care of you. "I need you to be sure."
"I'm sure I want to Channie," you promise. "I'm still just worried about..."
"My love, you're such a thinker," he smiles though his eyes are sad as he says it. "Just feel for me today, okay?"
You nod and he kisses you deeply. It is a kiss that ignites hundreds of lights inside you and they scurry about, guiding you forward without fear.
"Please Channie," you beg. "Love me."
Chan takes your hand in his and presses it down to the bed beside your head just as he enters you. You whimper at his size like last time and he brushes the back of your hand to reassure you that everything is okay.
When he first snaps his hips forward, you gasp in surprise and open your eyes to see his soft ones staring back at you.
"How are you feeling, my love?" he checks in a deep, raspy voice.
"Feels so good, Channie," you reply as you try to squirm your way off and back on him.
He smirks and pulls back before thrusting forward again, your body hugging his in every way it can. He moves so slowly, savoring each insertion and every second. You are writing beneath him in a mess of drawn-out moans and gasps for breath. Your eyes are pinched shut, finding it impossible to use all of your senses when you're feeling so much.
He strokes your thumb again and picks up his pace. It's sharper now, and you're already on the edge, jaw perpetually dropped in surprise at him.
"You look so beautiful," he hums with soft kisses to your neck. "Can you open your eyes for me?"
You listen and gaze into his loving eyes. Chan is looking not at you, but into you as if he can see your soul. "Breathe with me," he whines. His voice is desperate for you.
You slow your breaths to match his and he pushes in just as you exhale and pulls out with every inhale. You're so in sync with him that you even reach for a kiss at the same time. But the kiss is sloppy with whimpers, both yours and his. It's all too much.
His thumb brushes your hand again and you brace for him to move quicker. Instead, he stills inside you as deep as he can possibly go. You're squirming around him, grinding against him as much as you can.
"Keep breathing with me, my love," he reminds you as he presses his forehead to yours, eyes glued to your lips as you inhale, only to yelp in surprise at how deep he pushes back into you. You're overwhelmed by him, both physically and mentally.
He's so watchful of your needs and kisses you again, this time sucking your bottom lip when he pulls back. You're close now, so close that your legs try to shut around his body. When he thrusts again, you arch into him with a desperate cry of his name and claw at his back.
"Channie," you whine and kiss his neck and shoulder and everywhere you can find.
He moves to support himself on his forearm, his bicep bulging when he does, all so that he can cup your cheek. "I love you," he whispers again, this time like an oath that he's bound to never break.
"I love you too," you promise with the same level of conviction.
And for the last time, Chan picks up pace, pounding more harshly in the way he knows you like while staring down at you, observing every bite of your lip, every jiggle of your breasts, and every breath that's caught in your throat, until finally it's too much.
You crash into him from the strength of it all, hugging him as close as you can just as he spills into you. It's an exchange of so much more than sexual pleasure. You press your lips to his, unable to find words to describe what you're feeling, and squeeze his hand tightly while rubbing the back of it.
You feel so happy. Truly happy for maybe the first time in your life. You're sure you're glowing from the inside out.
And yet, despite that, it's in this kiss that you begin to cry. You cry for the former you who never knew such care, and the future you who is thoroughly screwed should Chan decide to leave. But most importantly you cry for your present self, who has just experienced something so magical that the second the tears stop crying, you'll cry again because the moment is over.
Chan gazes down at you with similarly teary eyes, and pulls out only to let you cuddle against him where he can truly hold you. He cradles your head to his chest and promises to stay and always love while you listen to his heartbeat. You kiss his pec just as it thumps for you, and let him hold you until the tears stop and start again because now that the moment is over, everything has officially begun.
"Chan," I cried, tears streaming down my face as I gripped his hand for dear life, squishing his fingers in my palm. "I can't do this. I can't..."
He interrupted my doubts with a kiss. His lips against mine had always been the best feeling in the whole world, making everything else fade away, and right now, I needed that more than anything.
"You've got this baby," he murmured sweetly as he moved the sweaty hair from my forehead. "You're the strongest person I know."
"It hurts so much," I sobbed. At the same time, another contraction hit, and I bit down on the towel they'd given me so I wouldn't hurt my teeth.
"Why isn't the medicine working?" Chan asked frantically. "Can't you help her?"
I looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to take it all the pain away somehow. It felt like I was being ripped open.
"It is working," the doctor promised. "It's just not affecting her very much. It happens," he shrugged as if to say I needed to get over it.
Chan looked ready to bite his head off, but before he could, I let out a screech of distress, gripping his hands as I screamed and pushed instinctively.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I gasped when the pain briefly halted.
"Don't forget to breathe," the doctor reminded me.
I glared at him and his smug fucking face. "I don't need to be reminded to do the only thing I've known how to do since fucking birth. I need medicine that actually works and an ounce of fucking empathy," I bit.
My normal doctor, Dr. Hemmings, was amazing. He'd taken me through every appointment, every possibility. He was kind and helpful...but on vacation. I'd gone into labor three weeks early.
This asshole, Dr. Cognac, was cocky and rude. He didn't know me. He didn't know how much I feared giving birth despite wanting a child. He didn't know that I didn't want anyone in the room except for Chan and had tried to force me to allow our moms in (who were in the waiting room) more than once already.
The doctor ignored my complaints. "Let's get this baby out of you, alright? Women have been having kids since the beginning of time with and without drugs. And if it tears you open... well, that's what stitches are for."
The words themselves were too blunt...too descriptive for what I was going through. The visual of it made me gag, made me more afraid.
But when he winked at Chan and added, "Maybe I'll throw in an extra stitch for you, Dad," that was it.
I released Chan's hand, permitting him to do what he needed to do, and he was on him in a second. In one moment he was looking up my crotch for a baby and in another Chan had him lifted by the collar and was dragging him out of the room, tossing him down to the white tile floor before slamming the door shut and coming back to my side.
He pressed the button to call someone else in to explain how shitty that doctor was so that I could get a new one...preferably one who wasn't a sexist piece of shit.
Moments later, a nurse walked in. She looked around in shock that no doctor was present despite how far along I was until Chan explained.
"He had to go...said he was going to husband-stitch her," he shook his head, still frustrated.
"I'll make sure that's reported," she promised.
Suddenly another contraction hit, this one worse than the last, and I gripped the bed rail with one hand and Chan with the other, arching off the bed through cries of agony.
"Let me go find another doctor," the nurse quipped and took off into the hall.
"Chan," I grunted. "Baby, I need you to look. I think..."
I pushed again, my face growing red as I found myself incapable of speaking through the torment.
Chan abandoned my side to raise my dress. His eyes went wide and then flickered to mine in excitement. "I can see the head," he informed me, his voice trembling in mix of fear and awe. "Keep pushing, baby," he encouraged.
I shook my head, a wave of exhaustion wiping me out. "I can't," I panted. "Hurts so much, baby."
"I know, Ella," he left my front to kiss me again. "I know it hurts, and I wish I could take it away. But don't you want to see baby Jennie?" he asked as he stroked my head gently.
I nodded through tears.
"She'll be so happy to see her mommy. So lucky to be your baby," he hummed.
"She'll be lucky to have you too," I cried.
Chan kissed me sweetly, his lips absorbing another cry. "Let's push again, okay? You've got this, baby."
I nodded, feeling energized from his pep talk and grounded my feet into the bed as I pushed with all my might.
"Take a deep breath and one more big one," he encouraged, reaching down under my dress.
I knew Jennie must be almost out with how eager his expression was. I knew that Chan was going to be the best dad. I knew that he'd make sure everything was okay. It was that reminder that kept me going through the searing pain, until the shoulders were out, and Jennie slipped into his waiting hands.
I fell back to the bed feeling exhausted as I watched Chan. He looked confused, and I waited anxiously...worried that three weeks early was too early...
But then he carefully lifted baby Jennie, keeping the attached umbilical cord away from her tiny hands as he didn't want to mess anything up.
When her first cries filled the room, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Chan rocked her as he carefully walked towards me, giving me just enough time to undo the top of my hospital gown and pull it off. I had read about how important skin on skin was for a baby and had told Chan how much I wanted this time with her.
"Hey little love," Chan hummed through tears. "I'm your daddy. I love you so so much. And your mommy is the strongest person in the whole world. Do you want to meet her?"
Chan slowly placed Jennie on my chest, allowing her to nuzzle close to the body she'd just been in.
"She's so beautiful," I cried as I held her, holding her little back that was no bigger than my hand.
"Just like her mom," Chan replied through tears of joy.
The doors suddenly opened and a woman walked in eyeing the three of us...
three of us...
I smiled at the realization that it was the first time I'd ever thought those words. We weren't just Chan and me. We were three now.
"Well I was told I'd be delivering a baby, but it seems you two already did the hard part," she smiled. "How are you doing, mom?" she asked, analyzing my vitals.
"Good. Tired but good," I grinned down proudly at Jennie.
"Ella was so strong," Chan praised as he kissed my forehead. "My girls are both so strong."
