As part of any online dating community, CMB requires that each user fills out a short and sweet profile in the form of answering the questions: "I am...", "I like...", and "I appreciate when my date..." Here are some afternoon delights:
I Am...
Always dreaming big, an intellectual gentleman with the dreams and enthusiasm of an 8 year old, a rocket scientist You're actually unemployed and have no skills, huh?
Optimistic, Dreamer, Not funny at all You're both optimistic and a dreamer, but you're not funny? You must seriously be dull...
Optimal How is one actually 'optimal'...
Outdoorsy but also indoorsy, Mature but not serious You contradict yourself, but also make a lot of sense. Not.
Thinks it's the quirks that determine your individuality This is not how you complete the sentence.
Outgoing and a total Sagittarius You're also gay, right? Even I don't know the traits of a Sagittarius, but that's such a Cancer thing to say...
I Like...
Exploring the question of why? Not just what. Go to the woods, Thoreau, and never come back.
The outdoors, night-time explorations, pirate captains If I ever meet up with this guy and wind up dead in the woods, he's the first guy you turn into the police, ok?
Relaxing, swimming and hiking, Cook I like cook, too.
Conversations that start with sports, move to philosophy, stop by technology, swing by thermodynamics, and end with laughing, looking up at the stars with friends while making up our own constellations Can I get a shortcut? This journey seems exhausting.
Music find out later,...,... Ominous ellipses about nothing are always the way to intrigue women
An intelligent quip, siracha, mysteries It's a mystery why you can't spell Sriracha correctly. It's only one of the most important sauces ever created.
Sharing an amazing meal and drinks with intellegent, fun and positive people, getting lost in foreign countries, the riproaring sounds of a good dj It's ironic that you're spelling "intelligent" incorrectly. It must be due to those riproaring sounds and lost brain cells.
I Appreciate When My Date...
Packs extra snacks for the hike I only pack enough snacks for me. Carry your own damn snacks.
Loves the environment and animals, eats meat, likes home cook meals Something seems weird here...
Eats meat and drinks booze And now I'm sensing a theme.
Is comfortable one-on-one or in groups Are there other options??
Open minded but also opinionated, speaks her mind but plays along This was sadly a different bagel than the one above. Apparently bagels don't know what they want, or they just want everything and nothing at the same time.
And don't forget the ones that at least have a theme:
I am N/A. I like N/A. I appreciate when my date N/A. My response to this wouldn't be applicable either.
I am the remix to ignition, poppin fresh out the kitchen, mommas rollin their bodies got every man in here wishin. I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny I'll meet you in the hotel lobby after the afterparty.
I am wow. I like people who are wow. I appreciate when my date is wow. I'm only whoa. Will you still like me?
I am mostly quiet. I like interesting conversation. I appreciate when my date more chaos than order, but not a complete nut, a free spirit. Am I going to have an interesting, organized, but free-spirited conversation by myself?!
I am Batman, Sarcastic, Male. I like Lamp, Movies, Christian Bale. I appreciate when my date A female, Not a man, Can keep me guessing. You're a male, you like Christian Bale, you want to date a female, not a man, but you want me to keep you guessing? You're looking for a very specific cross section of the LGBT community, aren't you?
I hope you got as many chuckles as I did from these. Thanks to some of my close friends drudging in the bagel trenches with me for these submissions.
