Title: Why Are There Condoms in the Fish Tank
Characters: Zoissette Vauban, Mathye Bishop
Rating: Teen
Summary: Zoissette and Mathye go on a date. Sort of.
Notes: This is a rewrite of an RP scene that happened.
Zoissette sat on the couch in the special suite and fidgeted.
She was not going to screw this up.
She heard a knock at the door, and jumped slightly, turning and waving enthusiastically at the door to greet -
"Come in! Should be unlocked!" she called out, quickly tucking her hands back into her lap. "...it is unlocked, right?"
The door opened, and Mathye Bishop walked in. She quickly glanced him over, making quick mental notes. He was nervous, she was certain, but so was she, but that was not important, what was important was getting him to his ease as fast as possible. He was wearing a lovely blue jacket, and she was glad to have guessed correctly at that color for the gift she had sent him earlier in the season. Sensible slacks. Polished shoes. Bouquet of flowers.
He had cleaned up quite well. She wondered if Riven had had a hand in that.
"Yeah, it..." he began to say, and then his voice trailed off.
She stood up, as was proper now that he had entered the room, and offered him a deep bow.
"Master Bishop. Thank you for - ah," she managed. His face was starting to turn red, she could see that, and she lost track of what she was supposed to say here, so she stared off at the wall for a bit, mouthing the words that were supposed to come up.
"Zoissete. You... look stunning," he said, snapping out of her reverie. She took a step back, surprised.
"I - uhm - yes! Yes I do. I mean, I meant to. I mean - thank you. Can I - get you anything? Wait. No. Hang on. Let me start over."
She shuffled her feet a bit stiffly, and bowed courteously to him, and gave herself time to think, and by the time she had stood up, the script was in her mind once more.
"Master Bishop," she said, "thank you for attending. Are those flowers?"
"No, no," he said. "You don't have to!"
"... wait. What? Do not have to what?"
Mathye's mouth opened and shut a few times before he held the flowers out to her, his face still pink. "You... don't have to call me Master Bishop," he said. "Just... Mathye."
She smiled warmly at him, and took the flowers, carefully.
"Oh, right. Of - of course. Thank you. Ah. I have made, uhm, arrangements for the evening. It is not the same as lunch, but - uhm. Would you accompany me for dinner?"
Mathye rubbed the back of his neck. He felt out of practice in the whole affair. Hells, he thought to himself. He was not good at this. Rather, he felt he WAS good at this, but it had been years since, well, he rather hoped his manwhore years would not be coming up in later conversation.
"Dinner! Sure. You... you look really pretty... but wait. Where are your glasses?"
She was never seen without her glasses, always tapping at the rims or playing her fingers along their ear pieces. She was very pretty, but she looked a bit odd without them. She looked past him at the question.
He frowned, feeling a mix of concern and confusion.
"Are you-" he began to say.
"Uhm, it is alright, do not worry about that," she said. "I do not need them to see, you see. My vision is actually quite good!"
She focused back on his face, and he was about to offer her a reassuring smile or perhaps a kind word. Whichever it was, he was never to get it out, because she suddenly did something with her face that he was not quite certain was meant to be a smile.
He blinked. Something about that was just not right.
"Yes, let's!" he said, perhaps a touch too quickly.
But then she clasped her hands together and did that little bounce that she did when she was pleased with something, so it must've been alright, he decided. She then nodded, and began the spell works necessary for teleportation.
He followed suit, and shortly, they were both just outside of Gage Acquisition's headquarters. As he set his feet back on the ground, he turned to Zoissette.
Though he had, of course, seen her back in the suite, they had mostly exchanged pleasantries and he had focused on her face. Now that they were outside, however, and she was brushing a hand through her hair to smooth it down after the teleport, he felt he was really seeing her, head to toe, for the first time.
The dress was a lovely purple item. Its skirts had a wide cut to them that showed that she was wearing a pair of thigh high black leather boots that certainly went up. All the way up. Way, way, all the way up. Zoissette certainly had legs, and he felt this was the first time he had really had the opportunity to appreciate that.
He felt his face warm and snapped his gaze up to be above her waist. This was the first date he had had in a while. He was going to be well behaved! He was.
She was saying something, and waving a hand at somewhere up the walkway. "I reserved spots for us at that nice place we went to last time. You recall, of course."
"Yes!" he said, quickly. "I do. Recall."
He coughed, and pulled at his tie a bit, before beginning to offer his arm to her. "Shall... we, Lady Vauban?" he asked.
She looked at him curiously, and he wondered if he had misstepped somewhere, when she reached out and adjusted his tie for him. "Sure. Just one moment... there!"
She made that pleased gesture of hers again, with the hands clasped and a little bounce, and he was pointedly not looking at her breasts and what that corseted top was doing to them as she did so, oh no, and she offered him her arm.
Oh, why the hell not. He took her arm and put into his mind thoughts of Halone, of freezing cold, of the morons, and not about that chest in that corset.
He gathered himself together, as she stood there, looking at him, waiting for him to get his bearings.
Or at least that is what he thought she was doing. He was quickly proven wrong as she began to head forward, practically dragging him along. At first, it was all he could do to keep up with her, surprised as he was, but he found his footing soon enough, and maybe she slowed down just a touch along the way, it was hard to tell.
Fortunately they were soon at the restaurant and made their way inside, Zoissette leading the two of them to the same table that they had had such a pleasant lunch at not all that long ago.
"Same place as last time!" she said, moving to the other side of the table and taking her seat. Mathye, still a bit bewildered by the whole affair, sank down into his own.
"Yes, same place," he said, agreeably, beginning to smile at her - when he noticed that her face was attempting another terrifying feat of showing her teeth.
"Zoissette? Is everything alright? You... you're grimacing. Do you need medical attention?"
She was settling into her chair, sitting up tall, shifting her weight, putting her hands in her lap, when she froze at his question.
"...grimacing? Uh, no, everything is fine, I am fine. Uhm. How are you?"
Ryssthota walked into the lab, and looked over at Klynt, who was sitting down at the workbench, tweaking with something.
"Hey Klynt," she said amiably. "Whatcha got there?"
Klynt grinned up at Ryssthota. "Snuck a linkpearl into Zoissette's hairpiece when she asked me to check it. Trick I learned from a sky pirate. Want to hear how our odd little swan is doing?"
"...you're spying on our friend!?"
Klynt shrugged. "You wanna listen in or not?" she asked.
Ryssthota considered, then sighed, and sat down.
"Probably better," she said.
Zoissette watched Mathye carefully. He seemed concerned.
"I've been alright," he said. "Did you have a good Heavensturn? Oh! And Starlight, did you have a good Starlight as well? I sent a present."
He was babbling, but that was okay. He had also asked several questions, and that was more than okay. It meant she could pick which one to answer, and not have to give any uncomfortable answers.
"Oh yes! And thank you, it was very thoughtful, Halone's blessings upon you," she said. And the book he had given her, a very recent one, was in fact extremely thoughtful. "I sent you one as well, how did you like it? I hope the colour suited you."
"I used it quite a bit," he said. "It was very warm."
Surreptitiously, at a table nearby, close enough to watch and overhear how the evening might go but not so close as to give away their position, four pairs of eyes peeked up over their menus, very very interested in the goings on.
Riven exchanged looks with Sebastian and Reinhardt, while Augustine just grimaced.
"...what is this bullshit?" muttered one of them.
Mathye coughed into a hand, and looked around "Ah, we should order," he said, moving to gesture to a waitress.
"Oh!" said Zoissette, brightly. "I hope it was not too presumptuous of me, Master Bishop, but I did make some discrete inquiries and have arranged for a several course meal that should be suitable to your tastes."
Mathye blinked. He was fair certain he hiccoughed. With his brain.
"You... ordered for me?" he asked.
"Bullshite," said Augustine. "She linked me three-quarters of a bell ago asking what did Mathye like to eat."
"But of course," said Zoissette. "As the person who extended the invitation, I have a responsibility to ensure that you are well taken care of, and that your needs are met, with nary a bit of exertion."
Mathye blinked, again. He was certain this was not how this was supposed to be going.
"I... what?" he managed to get out.
"I... my needs? What about your needs?"
He looked at her, incredulous, and watched as she winced her eyes shut for just a moment.
Riven stared at the four men who were with her, wondering if she could injure one of them bad enough to force a medical emergency in a desperate attempt to get the two loons back on the same page.
"Hold still, Augustine," she said, retrieving one of the steak knives.
"Uhm, I mean, I - well, of course, I will be... that is to say, I am - one moment," she stammered.
"...I'm confused," admitted Mathye. Which was reasonable. This was a confusing situation.
Zoissette's face split in two and she was once more showing off entirely too many teeth and he was fair certain her head was going to snap off at her neck while those teeth chased after him.
"And you're grimacing again," he said.
"...I will be -right- back." she said.
"Is the corset too tight?" he began to ask, but she was already in motion. "Zoissette!" he called after her.
He'd better give chase, he decided after a moment, and stood up to follow her as she disappeared around a corner.
Ryssthota was already moving from the lab and making quick time. When Zoissette had stopped by the lab earlier and spoken about her upcoming date, Ryssthota had been cautiously optimistic.
Listening in on how the evening was going through Klynt's little hidden linkpearl, however, had dashed that optimism. She knew she ought to say something to Klynt about her surreptitious surveillance, but for now, Zoissette clearly needed someone to look after her, and, well, Ryssthota was somebody.
She was going to take matters into her own hands, and so she made her way into the restaurant, looking for Zoissette.
As Mathye approached her, he could see her patting herself down and hear her muttering to herself.
"I -just- put this outfit together, I have -no- idea where the journal pouches ar-," she said before noticing and turning around to face him. "oh! Master Bishop!"
Mathye carefully held his hands up in the air where she could see them, and approached slowly, as though she were a rabid patient or a spitting angry dragoon. "Zoissette? I I think the corset is affecting you."
"Ah, pardon me, that -was- rude of me. I just needed to step away for a quick moment - oh, the corset?"
He nodded, slowly. "If you're not getting enough air, you can feel strange and pass out..."
Zoissette looked down at herself, and reached down around the corset's ribbing, sticking a few fingers between it and her as she felt around.
Mathye found himself suddenly frozen, and staring at where the fingers were. Shite.
Zoissette gave no indication that she had noticed, or even that she was paying too much attention to him. "No, it is within specification. Possibly a bit loose, really, but I -am- a knight. I wanted to be able to move freely."
She hummed thoughtfully, and then frowned.
"Wait. Why are we talking about this!?"
Mathye forced his eyes away from her fingers, to look at her face. "Then why do you keep grimacing!?" he exclaimed, trying to keep the conversation from shifting too far off into the drifts.
"I am not! ... am I?" Zoissette looked like she was thinking for a moment, but then she looked back down at herself. "What did I come back here for in the first place..." she began muttering.
"You have been. Are you sure you're feeling well? If this is too much, we can go back to the company house and give you a look-over."
"I am quite well! Here, just head back to the table, I will be there shortly, I promise," she said.
"...if you're sure," he said, feeling not at all certain, but deciding to make his way back to the table anyroad.
As he went, he was certain he heard the sound of someone very large moving very quickly, and a loud whuff noise from where he had been just a moment ago. He turned around quickly.
He glanced around a bit, before slowly, reluctantly, returning to his seat, and waiting patiently for Zoissette to come back.
"Ryss!" said Zoissette, more startled than anything, once they had gotten outside. "Put me down! What has gotten into you!"
Ryssthota had the woman over her shoulder. Zoissette may have been large, especially for an Elezen, but Ryssthota was a Limsan Roegadyn, and found carrying her to be like carrying an exceptionally large bag of popotoes. She found a clear spot on the lawn, and set Zoissette down gingerly, before clamping her hands down on her shoulders.
"What are you DOING in there!?" exclaimed Ryssthota. "Zoissette, look at me. Are you doing that thing that you think is a smile?"
"What am I doing in there, what are you-" began Zoissette.
"Focus up! Show me your smile!"
Zoissette looked around, and she could see Bylti at a table nearby, who raised a hand in a simple greeting.
"I assume it's going well, then?" asked Bylti.
Zoissette frowned, and then focused back up at Ryssthota. After a moment, she drew deep in, and forced up one of her more enthusiastic smiles.
Ryssthota's eyes went wide.
Bylti, at least, for their part, returned the smile from where they were sitting.
"Oh honey no..." said Ryss.
"What?" asked Zoissette, feeling a bit defensive.
"That...whatever that is?" said Ryssthota. "Don't. It's bad. Do not do that."
Out of the corner of her eye, Zoissette saw Bylti return to their reading. Well, at least someone was treating this evening normally, she thought.
"...but I am -supposed- to smile," protested Zoissette. "It puts people at ease."
"That does not put people at ease, that makes people think they're about to watch you peel off your skin and reveal the vilekin that's wearing it."
Mathye, back at the table, was wondering less about what was taking Zoissette so long, and more about how he could possibly get control of the date back.
For starters, he was the man. He was supposed to be the one paying, if nothing else.
He stuck his hand in his coat pocket to see how much Gil he had on hand, and frowned when he felt a large number of small, squishy packages.
He closed his fist and pulled his hand back, and blinked at the handful of fucking condoms that were, apparently, in a coat pocket.
Nearby, from their table, Reinhardt began to make a thumbs-up gesture at Mathye, before being elbowed hard by Sebastian.
Zoissette stared at Ryssthota, more than a bit taken aback.
"Okay, smile, smile is easy. Remember when we unfroze Erick and he was ranting and raving but we didn't unfreeze his legs right so he fell down and it was hilarious?"
Zoissette bit her lower lip and looked off to one side, trying not to laugh.
"We both laughed, and you smiled beautifully. Smile like you're laughing at wobby-legs Erick."
"Aw, but that was kind-of mean. Though... also funny," said Zoissette, letting loose into laughter at the memory.
"See! That's a smile!" said Ryssthota. "Not, not the other thing. Okay, next up: he's not a noble."
"...he was a member of the Knights Dragoon, and I shall pay my respects accordingly due his role. To do less would be... dishonorable."
"I don't know what this etiquette crap you're doing is but he is NOT GETTING IT. You need to -relax-, sweetie!"
Bylti spoke up from where they were sitting, apparently keeping up with the conversation. "It's only a fair game with both players understand the rules," they supplied.
Ryssthota patted Zoissette's shoulders reassuringly while Zoissette looked around as though she were lost.
"...wouldn't he?" she asked.
"Is that safe to assume?" asked Bylti.
Mathye stared down at the condoms in his hand, and he looked up just in time to see a waitress stop and look at him, glancing between his face and his hand, clearly befuddled.
Uncertain of what better to do, he found himself staring back at her.
She broke her gaze away quickly, and continued about her business.
Mathye looked back down at the condoms, and wondered how to get rid of them. Preferably before Zoissette got back.
"I can tell by looking at you that you're carrying more tension than a ballista," said Ryssthota.
Zoissette went a touch stiffer. Impressive, considering how tightly she had already been wound up.
"I must needs get this right. He deserves that much," she said.
"Take a moment and breathe for me, honey," said Ryssthota. "You're so focused on the pageantry that you're missing the goal. You, and he, are supposed to have -fun-"
Bylti turned a page in their book. "What would that look like? 'Getting it right'?"
"Relax, tell some funny stories, listen to his, and stop worrying about filling out a checklist made by some bishop in Ishgard three hundred years ago," said Ryssthota. "I am telling you this because I love you and I want this to go well for you. Now gimme a smile."
Zoissette looked down at the ground, and shook her arms free a bit. Okay. So the big enthusiastic smile was not working, apparently. She decided to approach this from the angle of Ishgardian politeness... and maybe a bit of watching Erick flail as he went to the floor that one time. After a moment, she lifted her head up, and gave Ryssthota a weak smile.
Well, Ryssthota decided, it was an improvement and she would take it.
"There's my girl. Alright, back in you go, you can do this, just have fun."
Ryssthota planted her shoulder in Zoissette's midsection, and hoisted her up in the air once more. Zoissette, resigned, just went along with it. As she was carried back into the restaurant, Bylti waved from behind their book, and Zoissette wiggled her fingers at them to wave back.
Mathye was sitting in his seat trying to figure out what to do with the condoms when he saw Ryssthota stride into the restaurant, Zoissette unceremoniously over one shoulder.
Quickly, he threw the condoms into the nearest fish tank. He had no choice, really. He composed himself as the two approached, trying not to pay too much attention to the condoms as they floated down among the fishes in said fish tank, as Ryssthota strode up and put Zoissette back down neatly in her seat.
"There, sorry about that, I needed to ask her a very time-sensitive question, have fun," said Ryssthota as she walked back off with a wave.
Zoissette looked mildly affronted. Rather like a put out coeurl, perhaps.
"...are you alright?" ventured Mathye.
Zoissette looked as though she was going to say something, as her gaze swept around, taking in the details of the restaurant once more, and Mathye swore he could slowly feel his blood thinning as she turned her gaze to the fish tank and frowned.
"...what are those in the fish tank? I am certain that is not normal."
"...maybe they're a fish toy!" he said hurriedly. "Let's eat, huh?"
The fish tank already had most of her attention, though, as she stood, pressing her hands and nose against the fish tank to try and get a better look.
"Someone should tell the staff," she said. "Nyx tells me fish can be very sensitive to their environment."
He could feel himself blanching as he quickly stood up with a menu, trying to push it up where Zoissette could see it. Better if he could get it between her face and the almost certain dawning of realization that she would have once she understood what she was looking at.
"Here, why don't we look at the special..." he offered.
She stepped away and looked down curiously at the menu in his hands, then quizzically back up at him.
"I already made arrangements, remember?"
He offered a weak smile. And hoped that his outfit was at least doing him some favors, now that she was looking at him. "I... oh. Yeah. You did."
"Oh right!" said Zoissette. "That was what I went to try and do, but then Ryss - and then - ... how did Ryssthota know to show up?"
Mathye was certain he heard a commotion behind him, even as Zoissette got a deeply thoughtful look on her face.
"And why was Bylti outside?" she wondered.
He frowned, and narrowed his eyes. He held up a hand.
"I need a moment," he said, turning around.
"Oh, of course, I think I might as well..." mused Zoissette.
Mathye studied the environs of the restaurant. If he was a pack of loons, such as Riven and his sworn brothers - and one actual honest-to-Halone brother - where would he hide?
Riven glanced over, then pulled back suddenly. "I think he knows we're here."
Reinhardt swore as Augustine quickly stood up and tried to usher them in a different direction.
"Move quickly, move quickly, he'll be coming this way," he said.
Mathye rounded the corner where he suspected trouble would be, and spotted - nothing. Not a thing. He looked around, and heard the front door just as it shut, but just before it did so, he swore he had caught just the barest glimpse of-
He buried his face in his hands.
"I'm going to fucking kill them," he said.
He could feel his temper rising. This night was going abominably so far, and now that he knew they were around, he was certain he had targets to blame for why there were so many condoms in his thrice-damned jacket pocket. Of all the nights for them to get up to tomfoolery, on this night of all nights-
He froze as he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"I... am certain they mean the best," said Zoissette, kindly. "I -think-."
His mind replayed the last half-bell of events through his head. Had he yelled about condoms while Zoissette, in this outfit, was in this room?
"...how about I tell the wait staff to start bringing the food out, and we try again?" she said, kindly.
"Sure..." he said, dejectedly.
"Come on," she said, and he could not help but let himself be led back over, slinking back towards and into his seat. How in the hell could he salvage this, he wondered.
This was it. This was Halone's hand, punishing him for all the manwhoring he got up to as a young man, he was certain.
As she sat down, Zoissette gave the weird squares in the fish tank another odd look. They reminded her of something, but she could not quite place what. She decided to ignore that for now. Mathye needed her attention, and so did this evening if she was to have any hope of rescuing it. She waved to the kitchen, and the hostess noticed and waved back before gesturing to the staff to start bringing food out.
As she looked over, she could just see Ryssthota, having found her own table, and tucking into her own food.
Well, at least she had a chaperone to watch over her, Zoissette assumed.
She -was- going to find out how Ryssthota knew to be around later, though, she promised herself. She reached up to tap the rim of her glasses to make a note, and wound up nudging her nose instead.
Behind Mathye, Riven and the others snuck back in, making their way quickly to a table upstairs and above Mathye and Zoissette before either of them could notice.
"I-I should apologise," said Mathye, as the wait staff came by with several plates of food.
"Oh, please do not!" said Zoissette. "If there is any fault to be had tonight, I - well. I think it is on me. Ryss had some words for me, and Bylti was kind enough to point out that my approach may be... deficient."
Mathye started to speak, but then looked down as the food was placed in front of him. A very rich sort of steak. Onion soup. Some kind of popotoes in sauce. Chysahl with, was that okeanis? Tea, well of course tea, but at least it looked like Ishgardian tea and not something he'd not be familiar with. And more besides.
She had made arrangements for a Halone-take-him FOUR COURSE MEAL?
He found his tongue once more, shaking off the dazzlement.
There was new movement in the fish tank next to him. He glanced over, and then made a mental note to pointedly ignore that there was now a Lalafell fishing out his condoms.
"Well, seeing as you are a Knight Dragoon, and I am a Lady, I, uhm, well. There are guidelines, after all."
She now noticed the Lalafell herself, and after staring at it for a moment, her gaze locked stiffly onto his face.
"Oh," he said, slowly. "Guidelines."
Shite, he'd done this all wrong. He had completely forgotten that Zoissette was, technically, Elezen nobility.
What in the hells was he doing?
"Yes, well, it has been... some time, I must admit, since I have done this, and I have no holdings, of course, but your station does come with expectations," said Zoissette. "Also, I thought it would be a nice thing to do?"
"I... see," said Mathye. "I ... don't really bother too much with my station..." he said, his voice trailing off.
She was doing the thing with her face and the teeth and the scary again.
"Are you sure you're feeling well?" he asked, genuinely concerned. He did not know anybody who grimaced that much unless they were being prepped for a truly unpleasant procedure.
"Wait, sorry, uhm," she said, ducking her head down. He watched, worried, until she slowly raised her head again, and thank Halone, she was smiling. It was a soft smile, a very small smile, but at least she didn't look like she was about to leap across the table and start gleefully stabbing him.
He barely caught her next words.
"...maybe Ryss was right," she said.
He wasn't sure what she meant by that, so he pressed on. "I...you didn't have to go to all this fuss, Zoissette. I'm not what you would call...well, civilized. Or gentlemanly... I'm not used to fancy...bits. I just wanted to spend some time with you, and maybe... We could get to know each other a little better. No...high fancy hoopla about it."
He took a deep breath in, and let it out slow. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stress you out--and if I came on too strong, I apologize."
He was pointedly ignoring the Lalafell in the fish tank beside him. Who appeared to be pointedly glaring at him.
"No, no, not at all! I just - well, there's protocol," said Zoissette. "And - I thought I knew what I was doing. It is supposed to be simple. I mean, there is some difficulty since we are not in Ishgard, but, you know."
"Well, I'm not exactly...familiar with that sort of protocol," said Mathye. "I'm not looking for like..."
A thought occurred to him and he blinked rapidly at Zoissette in disbelief.
"Wait, were you wondering if I was going to -propose- or something?!"
If she was shocked by the outburst, she gave no indication of it that he could see. "Well, no, clearly it is far too soon for that. I just assumed you would either announce your intention to court or, if you wished to know more, offer an invitation to a future event."
Mathye felt his face go warm again, and pulled at his tie.
"Well...more so the latter. I...know I'm not very...I'm not much of anything partner wise."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Lalafell finally exit the fish tank. One problem down, the entire rest of the evening to go. He turned his attention back to Zoissette just in time to see her smiling a little sadly at him.
And also reaching across the table to fix his tie. He somehow managed to find a way to turn even redder as he began to speak quickly.
"I mean...you're...lovely, Zoissette. Pretty, and beautiful, and graceful."
"I'm going down there to beat some sense into him," said Riven, starting to stand.
Three pairs of hands yanked her back down as Sebastian said "Don't."
"I do not know who told you you would be a bad partner," said Zoissete. "But... I think I understand, a little bit. My brother is also an injured veteran. He's told me stories."
"Your brother?" asked Mathye.
"Ement. Knight-Captain, before I took his post. Dragon bit him during the height of the Calamity. He also needs a prosthetic, now. His helps him breathe."
"Wait, he has the rebreather? I remember hearing about that when I was being prepared for my leg."
Zoissette nodded. "Of course you would know of it! Yes, that is him."
Mathye exhaled. "Bloody hells, I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"It's alright. He's the one who has to live with it, and he's made his peace with it. But, uhm, what I was trying to say is... I understand. Not directly, but I get it. Some people look and just see... what did he say? Damaged goods."
Mathye offered a wry smile, and looked down at the food he'd been eating. "I... know that quite well," he said. Understatement, really. He had been living that reality for so long. Dragging it along behind him, really.
"But that is not what you are. You are hurt and you are wounded and you have a prosthetic. But you are also an excellent medic. And despite what everyone says, quite nice."
She looked thoughtful. "...why do people keep saying you are such a grump, anyroad."
"I'm not exactly what you would call a happy healer..." he said, with a cough. He decided to change the subject. And perhaps, to dare a little.
"That color looks very good on you," he said.
Zoissette brightened. "Oh, right? Meya suggested it! And it went well with the highlights I was using back when I first started trying to look like an adventurer."
"It's nice to see you in clothing that isn't your normal armor," he said, and he could feel his chest tighten a bit, hoping it would be taken as a compliment. That was a proper compliment, he thought to himself.
"And your shoulders and back are very graceful," he continued.
"Oh! Uhm. Thank you? You... also look very nice. Blue really suits y-," Zoissette began. But then she froze.
Mathye began to curse inwardly. Was he allowed to comment on skin? Was that some other weird noble thing? FUCK.
The flesh rending grimace of doom that threatened to split her head and half and swallow him whole was back, and just as he'd managed to stop being red in the face, too. He stopped eating for a moment, grabbing his water, and beginning to chug it, stopping long enough to check in.
"Are you hurt?" It was a genuine concern, the way she did that.
"Uhm, no, not at all, uhm, thank you, you are very kind," she said.
He nodded, and began to shovel mouthfuls of popotoe into his mouth. Right. No commenting on her body.
"Um... is your food good?" he asked diplomatically.
"...I did the smile again," she said.
"That's a smile?" he blurted. "I thought you were about to go out and skin somebody while they were alive."
"Ryss -was- right. I really should work on that."
He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"Oh, Fury, Mathye. What -are- we doing. I thought this would be a nice after Heavensturn sort of thing."
"I have no fucking clue and I have four suspects on who put fucking condoms in my pockets..."
Zoissette looked like she suddenly realized something.
"... is that what was in the fish tank!?"
"... well, I couldn't have you see me with a handful of condoms!"
"Better to have them than not! I am not unfamiliar with condoms, Mathye!"
"...wait you would want me to use them with you?"
Mathye found himself staring at her. This night was twistier than reassembling a patient's guts.
"No, but I certainly would not have minded knowing that you had them on you!"
"Well I felt it would be rude, it's only the second date and I didn't want you thinking I was only in it for a lay!" he spluttered.
"I would almost expect you to have them, really. You are a -doctor-. And the heavens know I am familiar with the reputations of the Knights Dragoon."
Mathye deflated, and slowly, gently, put his head down on the table.
Zoissette had been eating primly and properly up until now, but apparently propriety was no longer in attendance, and she started to just attack her steak like any knight might.
"I was trying to be a gentleman," said Mathye.
She paused in the middle of stabbing her steak.
"You deserve to have a gentleman," he said.
He could hear her starting to laugh, and he just looked up at her from where he was on the table.
"Zoissette, the majority of my female relationships have been one night stands and then it all went to the hells after I got my leg."
"And I," said Zoissette, "was trying to be a lady!"
He stared at her for a long moment. Then a smile, a real one, began to creep over his features, and then, he found himself laughing as well.
"Gods we're just shite at this, aren't we."
"They will not let me out of the lab after this, I do not think," said Zoissette, still giggling.
Mathye shook his head. "Riven is going to skin me."
"...as for the one night stands, that is what I expected, yes. I was in charge of a fort, you know. I know what happens. Certainly had enough requests for leave due to unexpected pregnancies."
Mathye perked up at that, and for the first time in the evening, felt that this was finally a topic he could get a grasp on.
"I do not know what it is called these days. Was the Vauban Waypoint when I was in charge. Few malms behind the front, between the Dusk and Stone vigils. Logistics."
Zoissette seemed to have relaxed with the topic change as well. She was no longer attacking her food, nor daintily going at it, but seemed to just be ... eating.
"I used to have a string that ran through the one we called 'Lost in The Woods'," he said, as he decided to follow her example.
"Oh, that one. Good name for it. Had to let them borrow people for search parties all the time..." offered Zoissette.
The two finally settled into an easy conversation, as they began to trade tales of their time in service.
Riven and her group upstairs at last took their leave, once certain that no more disasters would be forthcoming, and Ryssthota was there along with them, hands in her pockets, also satisfied at last that there would be no further incidents.
And there were not, as the two were left to their conversation, not as lord and lady, nor as coworkers, not even as two not-so-young idiots courting. Instead it was just two soldiers, recounting their shared history of Ishgard and dragons, war and cold, and of service to the realm.