❛❛ I wish it could have gone differently. I wish it had been me. ❜❜ 4 one ghosty boy
haunted starters .// (meme)
It had a different kind of look on Steve than anyone else. Most people seemed to become a little lighter once their remorse was spoken, like the rocks and boulders that had been resting on their necks and shoulders rolled off slowly, relieving them of their burden. Steve, though… Luke could almost see the thick chains growing in size around his older brother’s neck, almost locking onto the dark floorboards and pulling him down, down, down. Even if emotions were no more, Luke still felt something pain him watching him, listening to him lay down his remorse, his wishes, his sorrow.
Touching was off limits. That’s what Luke had learned before he died here, that’s what mom and Nell told him later. Touching means torment, means trauma. He couldn’t traumatize anyone further than what he already had, over the years. It was hard, though, not just reaching out to hug his brother right then.
He shakes his head no, “don’t say that,” hands push into pockets, the white shirt stained with black mold crinkling a little like dry leaves even if it had no tactile sensation or form any longer. “You’d hate it here… so many ghosts, you’d be arguing with them about their existence like some crazy solipsism philosopher,” he chuckles, rubs his neck a little nervously. From the stairs, Nell, mom and dad are watching, giving them their space. As though they understood the tension and grief they both felt, for having lost each other, and never mended their bonds properly before the end.
“It’s… you know. I-I– I wish I had come to you earlier. Y’know? Or–or told you to listen a bit more. Remember that time, I was like… fifteen or something, and you were moving to LA with Leigh and– and I came to you, wanting to talk that one night?” Shoulders bunching, foot idly kicking at nothing. “And you were.. I don’t know, stressed or something because you told me – ‘not now, Luke!’… You know I.. uh, I wanted to tell you that I thought.. that I needed help with uh-, with my drinking problem. But… you know. I- I didn’t wanna.. Anyway-”
Wow, way to make it worse than better! He glanced over his shoulder to get a sympathetic little smile from mom, dad looking like dad. Not much help to get.
“I– I’m sorry, look, Steve – it’s okay. It’s better like this anyway. You know? A— at least we.. get to see each other sometimes. And you can- y-you can get on with your life and you don’t have to worry about me or Nell anymore. Right? It’s better. I promise.”