#goblin logic

[threegoblinsandarobot]

Goblin Barbarian: I use my Slippers of Spiderclimb to run up the dragon's body so I can attack it in the face! Goblin Rogue: This might be the end! You gotta use your beloved stilts! Goblin Barbarian: C'mon, I'm wearing the Slippers on the stilts! That obviously goes without saying.

[threegoblinsandarobot]

"...We know those are udon noodles."

- Mind flayer, about the goblins' attempt to disguise as illithid

[threegoblinsandarobot]

Goblin Cleric: Do we have a peephole in our door? Goblin Barbarian: Gimme a sec... We do now.

[threegoblinsandarobot]

Goblin Barbarian: I buy a babydoll tee. Goblin Cleric: Is that babydoll sized for a goblin, or babydoll sized for a human so that it fits a goblin like a dress? Goblin Barbarian: No, it's a tee sized for a babydoll. I'm a little guy!

[threegoblinsandarobot]

"Feet are the shoes of the body!"

- Goblin Barbarian, delivering mind-blowing insights

[threegoblinsandarobot]

"I mean who doesn't have a weirdly-shiny cousin??"

- Goblin Rogue, speaking truths

[threegoblinsandarobot]

Goblin Rogue: How are those boards supposed to be good weapons?? They're too light. Don't they float in water? Goblin Barbarian: Yeah. But ducks float in water too. And they make great weapons! Goblin Rogue: Oh yeah, good point.

[threegoblinsandarobot]

[after being hit with an acid attack] Goblin Barbarian: Wow, I feel so exfoliated now! Goblin Rogue: You're as pink as a newborn baby goblin… well, you're as seafoam-green as a newborn baby goblin.