i wonder if i'll ever truly make peace with the fact that i'll never be tall. if i live my whole life in america, i'll never even be considered close to average height for a male, i'll always be abnormally short and i'll always stick out because of that even if i pass 100% as male. i'll always have a hard time seeing over most other people at concerts, i'll always have a hard time reaching things and be shorter than most of the guys i date, and i know that there's tons of cis men my height or shorter, but i don't really see those men except very rarely. i see tall, strong men, 5'8, 5'10, 6'2, with large, veiny, powerful hands and burly, muscled arms, and i just burn with envy, i cannot help it. i feel like i am supposed to be tall, and if i was cis, i would be at least a little taller, even though my dad isn't very tall. my heritage mixed with estrogen spelled doom for me in that way. i keep thinking once i transition i'll magically become the typical muscled 6'2 dudebro but that's just not going to happen and i need to be okay with it. i can go to the gym and build as much muscle as i can, i can gain some weight with the right diet and maybe i'll even go up a shoe size and my hands will become thicker on T, if i'm lucky. but unless a complete miracle happens, i will never get any taller. i truly wish i had figured things out sooner so i could've taken puberty blockers. oh well, at least i'm hairy and my voice is already androgynous
