hit me! — lohen x reader, NSFW, oneshot
Ი𐑼 with related artwork by @/mojalichan! >w<
summary — lohen wants you to hit him, but you're a lover, not a fighter. he wracks his mind for a solution to his conundrum, only to settle on the best possible one: if he wants you to roundhouse him into next week, he'll just have to make you mad.
themes — established relationship, librarian!reader, humor, silly fire emblem references, playfighting, floor sex, light teasing, insufferable!lohen, inspired by various lohen memes/tumblr postings, they're in love your honor ♡
WC: 3k | ao3 ⭐ chai's readers' favs + tumblr's fav | 🩵 chai's personal favs
You really weren’t sure you could follow this tutorial of his.
“So you step back with one foot like this,” Lohen said, tilting his body with the backward movement of his leg. “Then you hold your hands like this. One by your chin, one in front of you. And when you go to throw a punch, you just—.” He pivoted on his right foot, launching the fist by his chin straight forward as his body snapped with the motion.
“Wham! Like that.” He grinned, placing his hand on his hip. “Easy enough, yeah?”
You felt a nervous sweat dot your brow. Wringing your fingers before yourself, you said, “Um, show me again?”
“Sure, sure. Step back like this…one fist to your chin, the other in front…then wham!”
The way Lohen’s fist punched through the air was already giving you a heart attack. You gawked at him when he started to bounce back and forth on his heels, explaining to you, “You can even throw a jab like this! Then a straight! Then a good old uppercut!”
His lithe body moved through the steps as your mind struggled to come to terms with them. Massaging your hands together, you winced when Lohen let out an excited laugh. His crimson eyes twinkled as they stared at you, a smirk pushing one corner of his lips higher than the other.
“Oh, don’t look so scared. It kinda turns me on.”
“Shut up,” you said, heat pooling in your cheeks. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“What? That’s, like, kinda the whole point.” He grinned, popping his eyebrows at you. “Come on, you know you wanna try it. Give it a go. Hit me!”
He spanned his arms out like he was waiting for a hug, but you knew Lohen better than to assume that. You probably would have preferred if he was in a snuggling mood, though, because you weren’t even sure how to approach the act of punching your boyfriend in the face.
“I don’t know,” you stammered. “It doesn’t really feel natural. Like…I don’t think I’d be able to hit you just because you asked me to.”
“Bun, you’re overthinking it.” He flapped his fingers inwards, towards himself. The smug grin on his face persisted when he said, “Just do it. Will it help if I tell you I want it?”
Not really, because you could already tell that’s what he wanted.
“Hm.” Lohen crossed one arm over his chest, the other coming up with his pensive fist. He rubbed his chin, observing you with a raised eyebrow as he continued to let out thoughtful hums. He raised one eyebrow, let it fall, then raised the other eyebrow, and let that one fall too.
“Stop doing that,” you mumbled. “It makes me uncomfortable.”
“Oh yeah?” Lohen asked, shifting his brows across his forehead again. “Does it make you mad?”
“Not mad, just uncomfortable—.”
“What if I burned down the library?” he asked chipperly. “Would that make you mad?”
“What?! I’d be devastated!” you shot back. “Lisa and I have spent so long arranging every text in that library! There’s centuries of knowledge in there! You can’t just go and burn it down!”
“Mm,” Lohen said, his teeth biting into his grinning lower lip. “I like it when you yell at me…but I’m afraid that won’t stop me from burning your precious books to the ground, sweetheart.”
“You’re not actually going to do something like that. I know you’re just saying that. R-right?!”
The words left your lips, but your brain was already fixated on an image of chaos. Lohen, sneaking into the Knights of Favonius library with a match in his hand, waiting for you to organize every last book return and label each new addition before casually setting the place ablaze.
Oh, that was definitely a possible outcome. Knowing him, he’d be so covert about it that you wouldn’t even notice until the whole place was nothing but ashes.
“You’re maaad,” he said in a sing-song voice. “So mad you could punch me. Right?”
“Are you trying to threaten me into beating you?!”
“Pft! Oh, come on, you know I’d never do that! It’s just a bit of light coercion.”
Was he bluffing or was he serious? Did you really want to wait around and find out?
“Hey, what was the name of that porn book you’ve been reading?” Lohen asked, tapping his chin. “The one from that series you’ve been waiting on for the past two years?”
Your cheeks smoldered into flames. Indignantly, you snapped, “Fate’s Glimmer is not a porn book! It’s a romantic tragedy that analyzes the conflicts between conquest and birthright—!”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Lohen waved his hand dismissively, his smirk growing wider. “I’m pretty sure you left your porn book on my nightstand. Wouldn’t you just hate if something were to happen to it? I mean, you went and got the collector’s edition and all…” He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Waste of money if you ask me. Why read porn when you could just fuck me—!”
—WHAP!
Lohen’s head whirled from the impact of your fist against his cheek, his words struck dead on his tongue. Your knuckles protested with throbbing pain, but by the Archons if it didn’t feel good to wipe that smug smile off his face. It was one thing for him to burn down the library, but to incinerate Fate’s Glimmer: Collector’s Edition Vol. 24? He had gone too far!
“It’s a romantic tragedy!” you barked. “It's a brilliant analysis on how war impacts families and intimate relationships! Any explicit content is solely for the purpose of accompanying the plot, but you wouldn’t understand that, you…! You…! Ugh!”
Lohen’s mouth hung open, his eyes wide during your whole tirade. As you came down from your moment of fury, you quickly snapped back to your senses.
You had just punched Lohen in the face. Over a book. You assaulted your boyfriend; over a novel.
You winced. “I’m sorry—.”
“—fuck,” Lohen said over you, red seeping into his face. He tongued at the inside of his cheek, moaning. “Good job, Bun. Now do it again.”
“You are just so—!” Your hands curled up into fists before you let out a ragged sigh. “No, I’m not going to hit you again!”
His eyes turned half-lidded, a perverse smile settling across his lips. Slowly, he drawled, “Then I guess I’m gonna piss in your porn book.”
Before you could stop yourself, your body was launching across the room, barreling straight into his.
Lohen liked playfighting a bit too much. Maybe it was because you’d stand no chance against him in a real fight—and you wouldn’t ever be foolish enough to try. Since he couldn’t spar with you, he spent most of his time finding other ways to force you into a tussle.
His face loomed over yours, cackling.
“Hey, Bun! Remind me what the characters in your ‘romantic tragedy’ were doing in that last chapter you told me about?!”
You let out an anguished groan, heat bathing your cheeks as you stared into his mocking red eyes. Lohen laughed, his hands pinning your shoulders to the ground, and in a teasing voice asked, “Why the hesitation, sweetheart? I thought it was an analysis on war!”
“Ugh, screw you!” you spat, pushing up into his chest with the flat of your palms. “Corina and Zand finally reunited after a whole year! It’s only natural for there to be tension!”
“And what did they do during their glorious reunion? What’d they do with all that tension—huh, Bun? Enlighten me!”
You shoved your body weight forward, and even though he was far stronger than you, he pretended to flip onto the ground anyway. He grinned from ear-to-ear as you sat atop of him, your hands curled into the collar of his shirt.
“They’re in love!” you sputtered, the burning sensation in your face intensifying. “They haven’t seen each other in a year! It’s only logical they would…!”
“It’s only logical they would…!” he mocked in a high-pitched, girly voice. “Logical they would what, Bun? Do a little bit of this?!”
You yelped when he bucked his hips underneath you, sending you bouncing atop his lap as his laughter filled your ears. You pressed your hand to his mouth, trying to suffocate those uncontrolled chortles under your palm, but Lohen only moaned and bit you.
“Ow!”
“You like that, bunny?” he asked, his grin splitting his face in two. “You wanna bounce on me just like Corina bounced on Zand?”
“Stop!” you whined, stuck between a strange cross of irritated and horny. “You’re so annoying!”
“That didn’t sound like a no to me!”
His hips popped up into yours again, the bulge in his trousers meeting the skirt of your dress. Glaring at him, you snapped, “You can’t seriously be horny right now!”
“Oh, yeah,” he groaned exaggeratedly. “Yell at me some more, won’t you, babe? I might just bust.”
“Why are you like this?!”
“Oh, I can be worse! Wanna hear my best impression of you when you’re bouncing on my dick?”
“No, of course I don’t—!”
“Ah, ah, ah!” he mimicked, rutting up against you all the while. “Lohen, slow down! I’m gonna cuuum!”
With a furious scream, you lifted him by his collar—which he let you do—before thrusting him back into the ground. His laugh was borderline-maniacal, tears budding at the corners of his eyes as he play-struggled beneath you. But before you could think to move, your world was spinning, and with your back pressed solidly into the ground, Lohen was on top of you again. He rutted against you with sharp, sporadic thrusts, mimicking, “Lohen, Lohen, Lohen!”
“Fucking stop it!” you blurted.
“Oh, but you’re wet, aren’t you? I don’t even have to touch you to feel it.”
No you were not wet for Lohen while he dryhumped you across the floor of your living room and imitated the way you moaned for him when he fucked the living soul out of you—.
“I’m wet,” you mumbled, your heart pounding against your ears.
“Of course you are,” he purred. “Your brain’s all addled from that porn book of yours. You don’t even notice how horny you get when you read it, do you?”
“Stop,” you complained, pressing your eyes closed. “I most definitely do not get horny while reading it.”
“You do,” he purred, hips rocking, hands rising to your face. “I sit and watch you read sometimes. When you start biting your lip, that’s how I know you’re at the smut part.”
“I don’t do that,” you protested.
“Yeah you do, Bun. And you start looking around too, trying to make sure I can’t see those filthy little pages of yours.”
Of course Lohen would notice something like that, even when you thought you were being covert about it. There wasn’t much you could hold over his head in the surprise variety—you even stopped trying to hide his birthday presents after the third foiled attempt. After you got together, he suggested that next time you cut the gimmicks and show up with a bow taped to your tits and a dagger in your hand.
Lohen’s laughter drove the scene from your mind. He leaned down to press a chaste kiss to your mouth, after which he said, “Want me to fuck you?”
You closed your eyes and whimpered, “Yes.”
Your fingers curled into Lohen’s shoulders as he moved atop of you. Legs tucked over his back, you encouraged the forward motion of his hips with each of his hard thrusts. Lohen nibbled at your chin, his nails scratching against the hardwood floor beside your head.
“You’re so embarrassed,” Lohen said, laughing against your jaw. “How adorable.”
Your cunt throbbed in response to his provocation, squeezing around his girth. Lohen’s tongue plopped onto your chin, and with a lazy drag upwards, smeared his wet saliva all over your face. When he reached your mouth, you stubbornly kept your lips pressed closed.
“Huh?” he asked. “You don’t want your kisses? When you’re the one who always whines about them?”
He snapped his hips forward again, making you release a strained moan into the air. The way Lohen fucked into you mashed against the sweet bundle of nerves pocketed inside, and he wasn’t a stranger to abusing that. He angled himself better for it, and it was somewhat painful when he stabbed into it again, but your pleasure was undeniable. Lohen tried for your mouth again, and you quickly clamped your panting lips shut.
He chuckled, his teeth nipping your upper lip. You flinched, and he giggled more.
“You mad at me?” he asked teasingly. “Just ‘cause I made fun of you for reading erotica?”
Your brows furrowed together. “It’s not eroti—! Mm!”
Ah, he had gotten you with that one. While your mouth was open, snapping at him, he had leaned down to slot his against yours. His hot tongue broke past your lips, waltzing around between your teeth like it owned the place. He moaned against you, stroking his thumbs over your cheeks, and gave you another solid thrust.
Your nails dug into the fabric of his shirt. Eyes fluttering shut, you felt yourself slip into a state of pure bliss.
But then things started to get cold. You thought you were imagining it at first, that maybe it was just a shiver, but then your teeth started chattering against the soft of Lohen’s tongue. He crooned a naughty little giggle, and the reason behind your frigid state became startlingly clear.
Shuddering, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling his body further into yours. You turned your face away from his kiss, clinging to his warm frame as you barked, “Why are you doing that?”
Of course, you were referring to his inappropriate use of his cryo vision. Lohen snickered.
“I like it when you cling onto me,” he purred. “Makes me feel good.”
“It’s c-cold,” you complained.
“Then I guess you’ll have to cling a little bit harder.”
“Lohen…”
You groaned, but you wrapped yourself around him tighter anyway. With both arms and legs holding him in a vice-like grip, you hooked your chin over his shoulder, your cheeks warm. He nuzzled into the side of your face, pressing sloppy kisses to your cheek all the while. For a guy who complained about the mundanity of kisses and cuddles, he sure was a hypocrite whenever he was on top of you like this. You had even started wondering if he liked it more than you did.
Your palms, flat against his back, stroked across his blue button down. He let out a breath against your cheek.
“You feel good,” you murmured.
His hips stuttered. Lifting his face back over yours, Lohen grinned at you, red consuming his cheeks from ear to ear.
“Yeah?” he said. “You like me or something, Bun?”
You cracked a smile back, rolling your eyes. “You’re so silly.”
“Heh…cheeky girl. I’ll show you silly.”
He rammed into you harder, his brows furrowed, but with a satisfied smile still etched across his face. You moaned his name, your eyes trained on that wicked grin of his. When his mouth descended onto yours, you dug your nails into the fabric of his shirt.
“Mm,” he moaned. Between wet, sloppy mashes of his mouth against yours, “Gonna fuck you silly, Bun.”
Embarrassing, but you liked the sound of it.
“Gonna make you go, oh, Lohen!”
Okay, now he was just being a dick. Your cunt was still throbbing though, so what did that say about you?
“Ah, Lohen, stop!” he mocked, his shoulders shaking with his laughs. “Good impression, no?”
“Can you not make fun of me while you’re fucking me?!”
“Aw, but I like it! You’re so cute when you’re mad, Bun!”
“Just shut up and fuck me!” you sputtered.
“Ha! Well, if you insist.”
“Oh,” you moaned suddenly, feeling the stroke of his cock shift into a pound. His tip fucked that spot you adored like he’d never get a chance at it again, and as pleasure shot through your core in hot waves, you sputtered, “Yeah, just…just like that.”
“I’m gonna make a bingo card next time,” he purred. “Fill it full of the shit you say when you’re about to cum.”
Why, oh why did you like it when he made fun of you like that?
“I wonder if it’s gonna be slow down! or not yet! this time. What do you think, Bun?”
“Slow down,” you slurred, your heels digging into his hips. “Fuck, Lohen, slow down.”
“Like music to my ears.”
“I’m gonna cum,” you whimpered. “Please stop.”
“But I want you to cum, pretty girl.”
Oh fuck him.
Lohen laughed when you slipped into it, your hands clawing at the back of his shirt while you mewled and moaned the exact way he had made fun of you for. You felt the sting of his hips into yours, a bit of biting cold that he couldn’t control, preceded by the lively throb of his dick inside you. Your back arched as though you were being pulled to Celestia, but Lohen’s body kept you tethered, holding you right where you were.
“Fuuuck,” he drawled, his eyes unfocused. He grinned, but the expression twitched, shifting his face between a smug one and a desperate one. Fingers clawing into the floor beneath you, Lohen half-spat, half-moaned, “Bunny.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck, you were cumming again—.
“Good…good job,” he said, his voice lilting into a whimper. “You’re my…my everything, Bunny.”
Tears budded at the corners of your eyes. Holding him ever so tight, you whined back, “I love you.”
He exhaled a shaky laugh. Lowering his head, the tip of his nose brushed against yours.
“Pretty girl,” he crooned. “I love you more.”
With an ear-splitting smile, tears ran down your cheeks as you laughed. Lohen craned down to kiss you, swallowing your giggles and salty tears along with your hot tongue.
“Mm,” he said when he withdrew. “Still gonna make that bingo card.”
Your smile immediately fell flat. Whamming your fists against his shoulders, Lohen only nuzzled into you and laughed.
What a pain of a boyfriend. He was stupid, reckless, and borderline psychotic.
Yet in the depths of your heart, you knew you wouldn’t want him any other way.
a/n: hello from the future of this post! (7/12) this is my most popular lohen fic here on tumblr to date, so i hope you enjoyed! it is also one of my personal favorites! you can find more lohen on my masterlist~ if you liked the fic, please consider leaving me a heart! (˶>⩊<˶) ♡ reblogs and comments appreciated! masterlist
