#hormonal stuff

[radiocurrency]

I feel like total shit and fucking depressed as hell and it's literally only because i did my t shot today the hormonal backlash for these couple of day i get is horrid it's like pms all over again i feel like shooting myself in the face but in like two days i'll probably be ok again this is fucking stupid i need to get the time between my shot reduced

[cleffdiving]

[etherealcabbage]

This is...Too weird.

These hormonal things are really, really weird and unpredictable. One moment I'm lying on the couch curled up into a ball feely lonely and misserable, and then all of a sudden...Poof. It's just...Gone. No sort of releasing tension, no sort of comforting, just...Gone. I feel weird.

This is me right now. I just don't know how to function.

[etherealcabbage]

Okay, okay, time to work this out.

Need to slow my roll, get it all out on something. Not the whole emotional aspect of it, let's try looking at it from a logical standpoint. Okay, let's try some symptoms. Usually when I get like this, I am, of course, depressed. Typically it's about problems I've solved countless times and not being able to clearly see answers right if front of my own eyes. I also tend to over-analyze things, blow em out of proportion, which just leads to more worry and, of course, regret. Regret, the next symptom, is me feeling bad about normal things I've done which were not bad in the slightest and yielded only good results, but then I start to wonder what if. "What if" asking is the next syndrome, and it plays out with me wondering what if I said something wrong, or what if someone thought my doing that meant that, and leads to all sorts of pointless and silly conclusions. Next on the list would be illogical thinking, which I can bundle with regret and what if. Typically it's me worrying about all the little things I COULD have done wrong, and freaking out about a non-existent butterfly effect. I suppose paranoia is the word. I GUESS paranoia could be one of the symptoms as well, but it's more of a "what if they don't mean what I think they mean" instead of "what if they're out to get me". All bunched under the category of illogical thinking. Next on the list is a constant desire to talk with someone close to me. Sometimes it's just wanting to talk, just for talking sake, but sometimes it's wanting to say all the thoughts and problems, and up until recently I've restrained. Now that I have, all my thoughts and problems have solid answers, so there's no NEW questions, thus I revert to worrying about old ones. Okay, this is good. Progress. Well, MORE progress. Alright, what else is there...Fear. That's a big one. A big weird considering 99% of the time I'm not afraid of anything. I even conquered my fear of the dancing wooden man, so I'm not afraid at all. I suppose this means that because it's somewhat foreign to me, my body sort of blows it out of proportion and makes me worry even more. But yes, fear bunched with "what if" thinking leads to illogical thoughts.  In conclusion, we have depression, over-analyzing, regret, what if-ing, illogical thinking, mild paranoia, a constant desire for some sort of contact with someone close to me, lack of good judgement skills, and fear. Wrap it all up and what do you have? To all of you at home who guess anxiety, congratulations! These hormonal cycles lead to one big, week-long anxiety attack. Maybe not EXACTLY anxiety, but it's certainly the closest word...I think. But for someone who has helped quite a few people with mind-numbing anxiety, I should be able to know that these thoughts, this thought process, and this entire mood is just one big silly gambit. It's everything that I'm afraid of blown out of proportion and focused on me, once a month. It explains everything, all of it. This, coupled with the reassurance of these thoughts indeed being silly, does help. Chances are it won't stop until it's run it's course, but giving identifying things helps take away some of their power.

[etherealcabbage]

Emotional Status: Verified. Commencing dispersal of feel-good attributes. Mood levels at 67%. Dropping. Attempting to Stabilize.

Identifying logic in computerizing this: Logic-Not Found.