#hp funny

[be-crazyinsane]

Sirius, to James, lying facedown on the bed, regretting everything: And then I called him dad.

Mr Potter, to Mrs Potter, on the verge of tears: And then he called me dad :)

[multi-bookworm]

Sirius: why is it so easy for people to believe that the earth is flat but have no trouble believing the sun and moon around round?

Sirius: I BET if they went on the SUN the EARTH would look round from there!

Sirius: ...

Sirius: I've solved the issue of the flat-earth theory.

Sirius: ...

Sirius: I've got to go tell James.

[a-very-potter-tumbly]

Harry, reaching for a coffee pot: What if I put coffee in my cereal instead of milk?

Draco, taking the pot as he walks past: What if you don't?

[sunfl0w3rmel0n]

Harry’s voicemail would sound like:

“Hi, you’ve reached Harry Potter. Sorry I couldn’t pick up your call.

If you’re Hermione, please limit your message to no more than 4 minutes. I’m a busy man, ‘mione, really.

If you’re Ron, yeah hi to you too. I’ll be at yours on Tuesday night for drinks. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten.

If you’re Neville, er- congrats on whatever new plant you just got.

If you’re Luna, yes I’ve renewed my Quibbler subscription. Tell your dad I said hello.

If you’re Ginny, congrats on winning your match and decided to call to scream at me about. If you lost… I’ll call you back soon.

If you’re Draco, I’ll be home soon. Don’t leave the stove on. Finish the laundry if you haven’t already. Yes I’m okay. Yes I miss you too. Yes I know you want my ‘bloody arse’ home. I love you too.

And if you’re anybody else, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible!”

[saltyseaturtle]

I need an AU where Malfoy gets blasted by a spell that gives him a head injury that makes him forget his family ties and influence. (Like the Dwight Office episode where he gets a concussion and is nice to everyone lol) As the school year goes on, Malfoy spends more time with others outside his house and actually feels joy and happiness for the first time in a long time! He starts to think that maybe the golden trio isn’t so bad after all…

Then, finally, he stumbles across a reverse hex to undo his injury in the restricted section (thanks to Hermonie’s recommendation ofc).

Secretly undoing the curse in fear his new friends might not want the ‘old’ Malfoy back, he struggles to push his family influence aside.

*You could also add a Dramionie bit*

After undoing his curse, Draco tries complimenting Hermonie in hopes she knows he likes her, but she only chalks it up to the curse and doesn’t realize he’s being genuine.

If anyone knows a fic like this pls share 🙏

[anotherpjofan]

The funniest shit in Harry Potter is that Harry always thinks Draco’s up to something. Like students are being petrified? It’s got something to do with a second year student because he hates him. He does something embarrasing? Draco Malfoy probably orchestrated it. And the one time he’s right that Draco Malfoy was a death eater, no one believes him because he always blames stuff on Draco.

[armen-jimmy-jab]

Lily: Remind me again how did this happen?

Remus: Someone threw a ball and I said "Sirius there's a ball, duck!"

Lily: Ok and?

Remus: Will you tell her or should I?

Sirius: And I asked "where's the bald duck?"

[kald-dal-art]

Underrated subplot of the HP books is McGonagall and Snape’s low key quidditch rivalry, like tell me that they are totally not betting money on every single match of the year.