#i'm stewpid

[l0uis-s1r]

ive just learnt that grian and etho (as well as some other hermits) have apanthasia and you guys do not understand how happy this makes me feel as someone who also has it

[l0uis-s1r]

Figured Tumblr might enjoy hearing what happened to me on the bus today, but first, a bit of context.

I'm transmasc and i wear a bunch of bracelets, of which one has the trans colours and one is rainbow. They're pretty subtle and its more of an iykyk. I also have a lot of fandom pins on my bag.

So I sat on the bus, and this man on the opposite side sees my bracelets and pins, and he excitedly picks his own backpack up to show me his rainbow pin. We did happy thumbs up at eachother and I was really happy with that interaction.

Doesnt end there tho. When his stop was approaching, he got out of his seat and went over to me, and I learnt that he's trans as well ("I know I dont look it", he said).

He told me to stay proud and stay a brat ("you're one of us now fella"), gave me a fistbump and told me I had very based fandoms.

One of the greatest stranger interactions I've ever had in my life, hope this guy lives his best life

[l0uis-s1r]

Dawg I just wanted to dip a biscuit in my fucking tea but it broke off instantly and then when I fished it up with the spoon I low-key inhaled that shit on accident

It's been ten minutes and I'm still coughing

I was drinking that tea to stop the coughing, not make it worse 😭✌️

[l0uis-s1r]

i forget how much i love the Bury Me At Makeout Creek album until i listen to it again

i forget how much i love mitski until i come back to listening to her

mitski is my most played artist of all time

mitski is the artist ever

[l0uis-s1r]

after literal years with the same tumblr user, which was way outdated, ive changed it

wild i know

[l0uis-s1r]

so about the new tadc episode.

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT

WHAT.

I KNEW ABEL WAS SUS BUT JESUS CHRIST FUCK

Oh I'm so not okay about this.

I know there's a lot going on but I'm not gonna dissect it cuz it's 1am for me and I stayed up for this. I need to rewatch to look through the details.

So just some surface thoughts for now

Jax. Looks so tired. He is so done and I was so worried he'd abstract on the spot in that room in front of everyone.

You can really see how he's deteriorating, and as a person with depression, among other things, he's becoming increasingly relatable. You see how he's slowly losing touch and also his mind, while he's still trying so hard to rationalise things.

He's only half-heartedly holding onto the persona he has previously been trying to present. I think him pushing ppl away even more now than ever is him trying to prove something to himself or maybe trying to use the little ounce of control he has left over his life.

Jax is absolutely terrified, and as we can see he's getting some sort of flashbacks or memory fragments from what I'm asuming was his life before this.

Now I really am curious about his past because that reaction and him pressing the button was really something I can interpret in multiple ways.

Zooble returned his question of "do you have someone waiting for you on the outside?", he looked sad answering, and maybe he doesn't. Maybe he thinks there's nothing left for him.

He immediately yelled at Caine about mind control when he showed up, and while that may have been about the entire ordeal, it might have also been about him pressing the button.

Maybe he doesn't want to go back for some reason. Maybe he doesn't know who he is anymore, outside of this persona.

There was more but it's late so I forgot.

Now about kinger. He was about to say something, back in his pillow fort when Pomni gave him the "administrator key". He started questioning immediatley when they told him about it because it didn't make sense to him that any of this would be possible, and he was right.

He knows something and I'm so upset that we're so close yet so far from his knowledge. I personally think that him being one of the developers can't be too far from the truth.

Only reason he would know that escaping in such a manner wasn't possible would be if he was aware of how the world works.

Abel only being an npc bugs me. I feel like that can't have been it. We've seen C&A, caine and abel, as a logo. Him being an npc seems weird and I don't think that's the last of him.

Now the most interesting part. The abstractions. Kinger mentioning them at mind alteration. If it's really Caine's fault they abstract idk how to feel. Not saying that in a negative way cuz I'd so be here for it, but yeah.

I feel like whatever is up with Kinger might be because of something Caine did, because the timing of the frame changing to Kinger and it being mentioned cannot be a coincidence

goodnight yall

[l0uis-s1r]

I scrolled so far down on my own blog that I accidentally came across an old mutual that I've since blocked

Wow that was long ago and wow that was a crazy time

[l0uis-s1r]

When all your friends are low-key so gorgeous and talented and interesting and you're just not.

Like every time these people talk about stuff I just sit there and I'm like wow, they know so much stuff about this thing that's special to them. Or they do the thing they like and they look so effortlessly pretty doing it.

Why is everyone just so full of life and knowledge and whimzy and so good looking all at the same time and I'm just none of those things at all.

I look at my friends and I want to cry because I admire them so much and I don't even understand how any of them like me when I'm just the most annoying person and just playing pretend or something. My interests come and go so fast that they're shallow and there's nothing cool to it at all.

What's worse is ppl always assume I'd know these cool music facts or that one music artist or the super famous painter or the small differences between alt cultures and I'm just like well I guess I'm just a poser then.

Genuinely I just walk around and feel like a poser