When the maladaptive daydreaming goes too far ✨️✨️✨️

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When the maladaptive daydreaming goes too far ✨️✨️✨️
Tw: Unexpected pregnancy, non-con/dub-con
Yan!Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park 1993) explains away your sudden unplanned pregnancy as 'chaos theory'.
"Well- well- I mean-" He shrugs, before settling his hands on your shoulders from behind the couch, gently massaging your tensed muscles. "I hate to keep bringing my work home, but uh- chaos theory suggests this could have happened. I mean, one percent with implants, but ten to twenty percent with birth control. Not to mention, maybe I haven't been the most effective at checking my condom expiration dates." You glare and smack at him, causing him to put his hands out in front of him, chuckling at your annoyance. You know he replaces them, you asked him to. You made it clear you wanted to be safe.
"That's not funny! This is serious, Ian, fuck!" Your distress is evident, both from your tensed posture and the tears welling in your eyes. The couch leather makes a slightly squeak sound as he rounds it and comes to join you, softening a bit.
"Hey- hey. You know I'm just messing around, I'm sorry." He rather dramatically tucks your head into the crease of his neck, cradling you like some baby. "I'm the bad guy, huh?" He pecks you on the shell of your ear. "Like I was saying, nothing is completely ruled out. I mean, in theory, everytime we got busy, we kind of accepted that risk." Another peck. "And you have to admit, we got busy a LOT."
Despite the tears, this makes you laugh, rubbing at the reddened rim of your eyes. "Fuck, Ian. What... happens now?"
"Well; uh-" He leans in as if about to propose something rather serious, his breath tickling you. Then, that facade falls. "I took your for a smart gal, but I guess I gotta walk you through it. In about nine months-"
"You're the worst."
It's sweet, comforting. Even if his inability to take things seriously upsets you, it's comforting in a way to feel like nothing had changed. Despite this upset, he's still your goofy, sarcastic chaoscitian.
You have no way of knowing that the only reason this falls under 'chaos theory' wasn't the butterfly effect of mistakenly using one expired condom, or getting so busy you forgot to pop your birth control pill. No, it was the much less subtle factor of him chucking your pills for sugar tablets, and poking holes in about half his condoms. Only half though, he did think it was kinda funny to leave a bit of it to chance.
even more nsfw headcanons of ian malcolm because fuck, he's hot
content: some projection, uhh I'm down horrendous for him
NSFW // 18+ content below !! minors GO AWAY !!
I need to stop going back and watching old movies with Jeff Goldblum in them because I can't handle seeing this gorgeous man.
ian malcolm is so hot, whoever is planning on making fics for him, DO IT!! (owen grady too!)
Ian Malcolm would be the type of guy to sit you in his lap and finger you until you cry while reading his emails, denying you his cock every time you beg for it instead.
"Be a good girl and wait till daddy's done with his work, 'kay sweetheart?"
Yes, Chef
Ian Malcolm x fem!reader
A/N: I saw the vision and had to make the blurb.
WARNINGS: 18+, unprotected sex, choking kink
WORDCOUNT: 972
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Food is a love language. A way of showing the ones you love that you appreciate them through new and family recipes. When words fail, a seasoned pan-seared steak with roasted vegetables can do the trick.
Surely, that’s how it’s been for Ian and you. He was introduced to your cooking in college of all places when he was invited to a dinner party and you were the head chef of your friend’s apartment. Culinary school treated you well – even through the hair-graying stress at times. And you adored treating people well through their stomachs’.
Ian was smitten the moment he saw you walk out from the kitchen with a tray of kebabs to add to the table. All he could think about was that you looked as perfect as the food you made for everyone.
“Cat’s got your tongue?” his friend said to him during the dinner, knowing full well Ian was too nervous to approach you. Mind you, this is not an issue for Ian Malcolm, playboy since the day he discovered that flirting could get you somewhere with a woman.
He didn’t want to be that way with you. He could just tell you didn’t put up with anyone’s bullshit – and you didn’t.
Years rolled by and a friendship blossomed. The said friendship turned into dating and dating turned into marriage. The big family wedding wasn’t on the radar, so you guys opted for city hall. You knew his history with now having ex-wives and multiple children. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into, but you knew he was worth it.
You’ve exchanged your chef coat and hat for an apron that ends up being covered in baking ingredients. The bakery you opened up turned into a cafe hangout, reminiscent of the one you used to visit with your friends in college as an escape. Seeing 20-somethings in groups go to your shop as an escape from campus helps you sleep better at night.
That and having your husband’s arm around you firmly to the point where it’s rendered difficult to get out of bed in the morning.
Rainy Sundays were your prime days to bake for your home. Just a house filled with Ian, you, and occasionally his children. Today was an Ian and you day, soft bossa nova playing from your record player as you bake his favorite cookies. Ian always joked how you were going to fatten him up with how well you bake and cook, yet the man is still physically built as ever. That’ll be his fault with how many times you catch him stealing a baked good or two late at night.
Ever since he came back from his weekend trip from hell, you made sure to have days where quality time was spent with each other. It was days like this that had you two on the couch, him laying on top of you, head on your chest with your fingers running through his hair.
The house was filled with the aroma of the cookies baking. Somehow this turned into a pheromone for the both of you.
“Fuck- yes, Ian, oh my God!” you screamed as he was pounding into you.
When he lifted you up on the counter you knew what was about to go down. You were craving him just as much as he was craving you.
That was another thing you noticed when he came back from that weekend: him having a near death experience has made him more hornier. Ian realized he needed all of you that much more. It scared the hell out of him that there was the possibility of not being able to give you a goodbye before leaving this Earth. He turned his existential crisis into some good use.
“You’re just too good to me, I had to give you something back, baby,” and his hand slid down to your core to rub on your clit while continuing his pace. You steadied yourself with your hands on his shoulders and Ian took the opportunity to snake his other hand around your neck gently.
Your eyes were rolling in the back of your head as you could feel your climax slowly build. He wouldn’t slow down, but you weren’t complaining. Your nails dig into his shoulders as his pace quickened on your clit. Ian could feel you getting close and he wanted his wonderful wife to have as many earth-shattering orgasms as she pleases.
“Come for me, baby. Come on my cock,” Ian whispered to you that launched a louder moan. His voice alone was able to get you wet. Hearing it during sex? You were a goner.
With his hand still on your neck he holds your head against the cabinet door to watch the orgasm rip right through you. The neighbors are probably going to get worried over how loud you were getting, but Ian couldn’t give a fuck. He had the best view in front of him.
Not long after yours you would feel his cock twitch and release inside you. His groans were throaty, but it was a symphony to you. His pretty voice matched with those moans. It was all heaven to you.
The timing was ever so perfect because the oven beeped. The cookies were ready.
“Can you do me another favor?”
“Anything, sweetheart,” Ian lazily kisses you as you two clung onto each other, catching your breaths’.
“Could you please take the trays out of the oven for me? I need a moment.” Ian chuckles and slips out of you. You watch with wide eyes as you see that it was dripping out of you. He feels you up softly, causing you to jolt from the sensitivity. Ian brings his fingers up to your mouth and you gladly accept to suck on them.
“Yes, chef.”
Ian Malcolm HCs
I just watched Jurassic Park for the second time in... ten years and am falling in love with the characters again. Enjoy some headcanons about our favorite chaotician.
Divider by @/olenvasynyt
Big whimsigoth vibes. His townhouse is jam-packed with books, dark old furniture, and a hodgepodge of art in mismatched frames. Chaotic in the best way.
One of your first dates was actually you helping him put up wallpaper. He’s had a roll of some spooky, victorian-looking stuff stashed in his closet for YEARS and the prospect of you visiting more often is what finally drives him to cover up his boring white walls. Falls even more in love when you agree to help AND show up with wine and flowers and snacks “to make it more fun.” Man loves being wooed what can I say
You contribute trinkets and art to his place as time goes on, and he remembers where every single one came from and when you gave it to him
Really leans into that dark academia vibe. Lots of time spent at art snd history and science museums, discussing what you like or don’t like about a piece. Neither of you are experts or know any of the insider vocabulary, but you’ll spend hours talking about composition, archaeology ethics, and, of course, his beloved chaos theory
So many coffee outings. Has an espresso machine at home but refuses to learn how to use it ‘cause it’s a good excuse to walk the city with you and peoplewatch from inside the shop. You know how to use it and he insists that the stuff you make tastes “even better than the, ah, concoctions from that enchanting little place down the street” It’s… you’re just making him a lavender latte every time
Concerts GALORE with this man. Doesn’t matter if it’s a well-known band or a group you saw on a shitty poster outside of your work- if you want to go, you’re going. And moshing. And drinking (if that’s your thing). And buying an overpriced shirt that the two of you are gonna share before you conk out on the cab ride home. Lots of next-day “was that band really good or was Ian really drunk” discussions
All of that said, don’t let him drive you to your dates. Ever.
His firm adherence to chaos theory is closely tied to a deep “whatever happens, happens” mindset. This is usually GREAT esp if you have a shit day and need some comfort or you’re a naturally anxious person, but this also means that he is the world’s most reckless driver
I’m talking no lane change signal, running yellows at the last second, choosing his speed based on “intuition”
Drive for him or take public transport to your dates. Please for the love of god and the safety of the entire state of Texas
Despite appearances, he really doesn’t dig material things. Sure, the museum tickets and the thrift trips and the coffees add up after a while, but he loves learning about you through experiences. What did you think of that band? Would you ever try an iced sparkling americano? What do you think was the motivation behind that movie character? Where do you think those people are off to? Was that estate sale you went to just now haunted? Man is whipped for someone who will engage in deep but meaningless discourse
All jewelry = fidget toy, and if it looks cool? Bonus
You got him a platinum celtic knot spinner ring one Christmas and he’s worn it every day since, whether it’s on his finger or on a chain. Fiddles with it constantly. You’ll probably have to get him a new one in a few years
TOUCHY FEELY TO THE MAX I’m talking knees brushing under the table, fixing your clothes for you, pressing his entire left side against you in a restaurant booth, draping himself over your back while you stand at your desk, fidgeting with your shirt cuffs when he’s bored, picking stray eyelashes, leaves, thread, etc. off of your face for you
HUGE on sharing clothing and accessories, and not in a possessive manner. Does not matter what your style is, masc, fem, etc. loves the idea of both of you just being able to blindly reach into the closet and wear whatever you pull out of it. Bonus points if you have any flowy, oversized stuff that actually looks oversized on his 6’4” ass
The only reason anyone found out that you were dating was because you got ready for the day six months into your relationship and decided your outfit needed a leather jacket. Y’know. That one. Cue some very amazed and outraged cries coming from your first period physics classroom
Some of your kids ventured across campus just to ask him if you were dating. Bastard gives them a sage grin, and shrugs and says, “Who knows? The world, ah, works in mysterious ways.”