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Stiles *watching Derek, with salt-and-pepper in his hair and beard, wearing glasses, a cardigan, and fuzzy socks while drinking tea and reading a book*: I'm gonna fuck that old man.
Scott: He's not an old man.
Stiles: Look at him. He's got one foot in the grave.
Scott: He's three years older than us.
Stiles: He's lived such a long life. I hope I can make him happy in his final days.
Derek: You know I can hear you, right?
Stiles: His hearing is still so sharp. 🥹
Lydia: "I used to think Derek hated you"
Stiles: "He did"
Lydia: "Stiles"
Stiles: "Okay, maybe not"
Lydia: "The man carried you out of burning buildings"
Stiles: "Friends do that"
Lydia: "He threatened people for making you cry"
Stiles: "Best friends do that"
Lydia: "He drove across the state because you had the flu"
Stiles: "..."
Lydia: "Stiles"
Stiles: "In hindsight, there may have been clues"
Derek: Stiles, come here
Stiles: Why?
Derek: Just come here
Stiles: No
Derek: Why not?
Stiles: You’re gonna bite me
Derek: I’m not gonna bite you
Stiles: You’re gonna bite me
Derek: *pouts*
Stiles: Derek I can literally see your fangs
Derek: *pulls his lip up* no fangs. I’m not gonna bite you, baby. Just come heeeere
Stiles: *backs away, squinting* Then why are your eyes glowing
Derek: *blinks them back to green* They’re not. You’re imagining things. *follows after him*
Stiles: Why are you LICKING YOUR LIPS
Derek: *smirks*
Stiles: DEREK—
stiles: finally got my first boyfriend ever!
derek: and your last.
Derek being the big bad dangerous wolf but Stiles is most attracted to his secret boring self.
Stiles: u up? What r u wearing?
Derek: My night guard so I don’t grind my teeth it wakes me up.
Stiles: ffuck
Stiles: what r you wearing? Like clothes
Derek: Eli got me pj pants for Christmas.
Stiles: “Derek and I are dating now.”
Erica: “Now? What the hell do you call what you two have been doing before now?”
*Derek, Stiles, and the 3 betas get into the Camaro*
Isaac:Why does Stiles get to sit up front?
Derek: …Well
Stiles: *straight face* Because I let Derek fuck me against the wall last night. He had me hanging on his co-
Derek: *blushing furiously* OK Stiles. I think they get it.
Erica: No please continue. I want all the details.
Boyd: …
