Raphael came into consciousness face-down. Through the clear floor, he peered into endless whiteness. There seemed to be something moving around down there. When he tried to focus on it, his eyes stung, and the thing vanished. The thing reappeared a minute later, and he tried again to the same effect. Giving up, Raphael rubbed his eyes and sat up.
Walls formed to create a room on the floating floor as he moved his attention from below. The walls were made of large checkered strips running horizontal and vertical at nauseatingly fast speeds. Raphael tried to look back down when he saw a spot in the corner of his eye where the checkered walls weren’t forming. A cloaked figure sat on the edge of the floor, gazing into the white. The walls left a human-sized circle to afford them a view of nothingness.
The figure turned their head slightly to the left and said in a scratchy voice, “Why are you here so early?”
Raphael said, “I- I don’t know.” There was a long pause. “Where am I exactly?”
“Inside your mind,” the figure responded.
“And who’re you?”
“That’s a bit more of a complicated answer,” they said. “I am all of the people who have used your soul before you. When we die, we don’t get to vanish or go to any afterlife. We all just pile up in here inside me. It’s an unfortunate curse. If you’re asking for a name, Ishnin will suffice. He’s the most dominant… being sharing this soul. He was the first life and the longest life, and he’s the bastard that got us stuck in this situation.”
“Ah,” Raphael said slowly, “so, when I die, I’m going to end up as part of a hivemind in here for eternity?”
“That’s the most likely scenario, yes,” Ishnin said.
“Has anybody— have any of us— not done that when they died?”
“Not yet.”
The checkered wall sped up wildly in the periphery of Raphael’s vision. “Is there any way you know of to not end up here?”
Ishnin went silent. He turned back to the The walls kept speeding up and slowing down. Raphael stood where he was for several minutes waiting for any answer at all. Realizing Ishnin wasn’t going to provide one, he started moving to the edge of the floor near him. His movements were heavy and difficult like in a dream, and the distance was inconsistent as he walked. One moment he would appear only ten feet away, the next, forty. After what felt like an eternity, he reached him.
Raphael sat down and tried to look into Ishnin’s face beneath his hood. It was blurry and constantly shifting between people. The faces were foreign, but at the same time, deeply familiar. It was like looking into a clouded funhouse mirror.
Raphael said again, “Do you know of any way for me to not end up here when I die.”
His voice was softer this time and more desperate. Ishnin took a slow breath.
“Technically, yes,” he said, “but I have not been able to try it. Usually when people come to me, they’re already dead and in my consciousness. You’re apart from me though. With any luck, you’ll wake up and be able to enact my plan.”
"And what is the plan?” Raphael started nervously kicking his legs over the edge.
“There are a lot of moving parts and things that would need explaining. We won’t have enough time to share it all. If you’ll allow us into your consciousness, you can understand when you wake up.”
Raphael picked his feet back up onto the floor, “I don’t want to share my brain.”
“Of course. My apologies,” Ishnin said.
There was a tense silence for several more minutes. Raphael tried to look anywhere else, but every direction was nauseating or an eye strain or both. Not even closing his eyes would make the images go away.
Ishnin spoke, “You know, the identities of the past lives aren’t really their own identities so much anymore.”
More silence.
“The memories of those lives are just Ishnin of another name. We all share a soul so it’s all more like the same person going through different circumstances each life. You won’t stop being Raphael if you let us in. It’ll be more like remembering something you thought you’d forgotten long ago.”
“You said that Ishnin is the one that got us stuck in this reincarnation cycle. What did he do?” Raphael said.
“Oh.” His voice became pained. “Well, I— he was a healer. He wandered into a section of the library his mentor strictly prohibited. The forbidden books were just so enticing. He became fascinated by these unknowable creatures old as the gods themselves. Maybe older. He sought one out. He was weak, and it clenched onto his mind. It filled it with horrible desires. Ishnin was still technically in charge, but the thing was too powerful for him. It corrupted him. It gave him knowledge he used to learn how to kill gods… permanently. He constructed the first god-slaying weapon, and he used it. He killed four before he was caught. Destroying him would’ve been too merciful. So instead, they did this.”
Raphael inched away. “And how do I know that I can trust you now?”
“Do you have a choice?”
“Yes! I’d rather be stuck inside mind purgatory forever than unleash someone like that back into the world.”
“I suppose that is what you would say.” Ishnin hung his head. “When he died, the thing lost interest. It only took a couple years for its influence to wash out from us entirely, but we’ve been clean of it for centuries now.”
Raphael hesitated. “So if I let you into my mind, then what happens?”
"You’ll probably still be Raphael, but you’ll also be Ishnin and everyone else in here. You’re going to share our memories sooner or later no matter what you do. At least this way, if my plan works, we won’t be stuck here for eternity,” he said.
“What exactly is your plan? The gist of it at least.” Raphael asked.
“We are going to become a god again.”
Ishnin weakly held out a hand. There was almost a pathetic smile on his ever-shifting face. Raphael considered it. He wasn’t sure how much he believed him, but the thought of being here forever was unbearable. He looked into the whirlpool of nothingness below. The creature taunted him in the corner of his eye before disappearing. He looked back up. Ishnin’s hand was still extended.
Raphael shook it.
He bolted awake. The memories of past lives rushed in. Some where as a vivid as they day they happened. Others faded within an instant. The plan delivered itself neatly into his mind. One detail stood out among the rest. Raphael had dismissed it when Ishnin implied it, but now it stuck out as an immutable truth in his memory. Without thinking, he let the words slip out of him:
