#jackson wang angst

[mykoreanlove]

Happy Birthday King 👑 😘

Celebrate Jackson with some stories of mine 🤪

[jaefuck]

Never Forever Pt 2 | Jackson Wang X F!Reader

[Part One] Summary: It'd been three years since he'd left you, and since then you'd kept a distance from everyone. You weren't going to find your happily ever after, or at least you thought. Warnings: Angst, Depression, Anger, A/N: I haven't written for jackson in years, hope this is okay! I've been writing for Marvel and Love && Deepspace for the last year or so. I'm not used to writing fluffy pieces anymore.

You clutched the phone to your ear and chuckled as your best friend rambled on about something her daughter had done. It was indeed probably the cutest thing you'd ever heard, but you couldn't shake the undeniable clench in your chest when you thought about the future you could have had too. Shaking off the memory of that restaurant, and brining yourself back to the present you sighed.

"Well, I'm where I need to be I can call you back later?"

"Alright, I'll talk to you then, love you!" She said through the phone then hung up.

Since Jackson had broken up with you you had thrown yourself into your work. Blind dates set up by friends but never truly letting yourself get attached, now labeled as avoidant was not something you'd ever expected. Not when you so readily threw yourself into the last relationship you'd had. Unluckily for you, today had other plans--ones that would force you to face something you never truly had.

Jackson Wang.

It wasn't surprising that you were still working in the same circles, and you knew he was around but when you walked into the office your step faltered for a moment. Though, you were impressed with how quickly you recovered. Around the table sat many other higher ups at your company.

His eyes met yours and he offered a small smile, you didn't know how to react so you did the same. The way you two knew each other wasn't work appropriate. You knew everything from his mom, to how his family life was growing up. You knew more intimate things too, like how he took his coffee or how he preferred his bacon cooked.

Shaking your head you took out your notepad to take notes on the meeting, but when he spoke it was as if he commanded your attention. It'd been this long, and still your heart seemed to beat only for him.

"With my leadership in the company we can encourage growth not towards our usual consumers. Based on bi annual data that I received it shows that a different age group is now moving into the work force, and by appealing to that work force while the older generation retires we can secure more long lasting employment and loyalty within the company." he explained his voice fading off as you watched him, you always loved how passionate he was about work or about anything.

The way he carried himself demanded attention and for some reason, despite how he broke you heart, you still gave it to him. The men seemed to bicker for a while causing you to roll your eyes, of course the geriatric board members wouldn't like the idea of their jobs being aged out.

"I think its a great idea," you interrupted them, "if we continue on with only pandering to the senior employees our turn over rate is going to only get higher. It costs us more annually to train new employees than it would to slightly shift how we run the offices and give better benefits to ensure employees stay on longer."

The room seemed quiet after that, and slowly one by one the men agreed to his terms. When they vacated the office you saw him approaching you, you didn't want to see him--didn't want to talk directly to him. It was all too much even after three years.

"I missed you,"

You blinked for a moment then furrowed a brow, "Fuck off," then turned on your heels to leave the office but he grabbed your arm.

"I deserved that, but it doesn't make it not true." he spoke to you in a hushed tone.

You let out an incredulous laugh as he pulled you in front of him, "What the fuck, Jackson? You can't just grab people like that, you lost that privilege with me three years ago."

He nodded, "I know I did," but he seemed almost pleading. "I got help, I saw so many different therapists it made my head spin and the only thing that never changed in my mind was you."

You didn't say anything this time not understanding, your heart pounded in your chest as he tentatively put a hand on your waist to pull you closer. "All I could think about was you, and... I thought it was guilt for a while but it's not." he murmured gently, the ghost of his breath on your face.

"Than what's is it?" You whispered softly, scared of the answer.

Jackson breathed a laugh, "I love you, never stopped, probably never will and I know I don't deserve a chance or for you to even consider -"

"You love me?" You whispered interrupting him softly, "I.. I've changed,"

"So have I," he assured her," I'd be surprised if you hadn't. "

You didn't know what to do but he seemed to as he interlaced his fingers with your left hand. "You're not married,"

"No," you whisper.

He hummed, his thumb caressing the back of your hand. "You're not seeing anyone."

"No,"

His mouth was closer to yours now, "I want to kiss you,"

You breathed deep, "Yes," it was almost a desperate plea and his lips were on hers in the shitty fluorescent lighting overhead. His arms wound around you as he lifted her onto the conference table then cupped your face.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered burying his face into your neck. Your hands came up to stroke his hair gently as he soaked you in, "I'll never leave again... ever."

Tears filled your eyes as you held onto him like an anchor in rough seas. "Okay...for the record I love you too."

A broken laugh escaped him and he brought your mouth back to his and even if this didn't last forever a part of you didn't care... because he was yours now.

[mykoreanlove]

when we were us

„Come on, y/n. This is going to be an amazing night!“

Henri dragged you into the bar excitedly while searching the place for his friend Jackson.

You had been in the city for almost three months and your friend still had no idea of your innuendos with Jackson. You had not heard from him in weeks and would have loved to keep it that way, however Henri was persistent and dragged you to the party.

The place was packed with people, loud music and alcohol all over.

„Henri, I’m gonna go freshen up. I’ll find you in a minute“, you excused yourself to the bathroom.

Hands gripping the marble sink tightly, you took a deep breath and talked to yourself in the mirror.

„You’re going to get through this, y/n. Just be nice and talk to the others. It’s going to be okay.“

You made your way back to the bar and found them instantly: Henri was sitting next to J, and opposite of them was Jackson.

„Hey guys“, you greeted cheerfully and waved your hand.

„Whoa y/n, I haven’t seen you in forever! You look gorgeous!“, J chimed in.

You sat down next to Jackson and smiled, happy yet nervous to see your old pals.

Jackson turned his head and leaned over to you, smiling shyly: „So, how’s the city been treating you so far?“

You shuddered at his presence. His rich scent intoxicated you all over. You took a good look at him - he looked skinnier, paler, his hair got longer and lighter, he was wearing it in slight waves now. You wished you would be indifferent when looking at him, but parts of you still longed for his love.

„You know how it is“, you brushed him off swiftly and went to the bar.

Jackson nodded silently, jaw clenched and took a big gulp of his drink, understanding that you were done with him.

You tried your best to avoid him all night - you mingled with Henri and his other friends, met new people and took social breaks outside and it worked. Jackson didn’t cloud your mind most of the times, fortunately so.

„Guys, let’s head back to Jackson‘s place like last time. Remember your first night here, y/n?“, Henri cheered intoxicated yet happily.

You averted your gaze, not being able to look at Jackson. That night back then was the first time that you had hooked up - unintentionally but the attraction between the two of you was just too strong.

„Okay, let’s go“, Jackson got up and shooed you out of the bar.

You were trying to make up an excuse but before you could say anything Jackson whispered into your ear, making that decision for you.

„The night bus isn’t driving anymore, don’t even think about it.“

You found yourself squeezed in the back of a cab between J and Jackson, just like the last time. Only then you felt butterflies tumbling in your stomach whereas now your whole body felt tense. Quickly, you took a glimpse at Jackson‘s hands - they were curled into fists. Was he just as uncomfortable as you were?

The next hours were spent in his apartment, drinking and laughing, reminiscing about the old days and dreaming of future plans. You did your best to relax and overplay your nerves, and luckily no one noticed.

„Guys, I’m going to bed. Night!“, Henri declared as he got up and walked into Jackson‘s bedroom.

„Yeah, me too. This time I’ll sleep in there, too. Not making the same mistake twice with you out here“, J chuckled and followed Henri, closing the door behind him.

Once again, panic arose within you. You had done your best to avoid Jackson all night but now you had to sleep next to him, alone?

„You want my shirt?“, he asked calmly while holding out a fresh, black shirt for you.

You took it thankfully and changed before falling onto the mattresses he had arranged in his living room.

Jackson was lying next to you - you felt the heat radiating off his body. Every cell in you wanted to touch him but you knew it was wrong. You had been burned by him way too often.

Quickly, you turned around, your back to him and closed your eyes.

„Night, Jackson.“

A deep sigh escaped his lips, this whole ordeal was weighing heavily on him.

„You’re mad at me, aren’t you?“

You held your breath, unsure if you should reply.

„That’s why you’ve been avoiding me all night. Right?“

You chose to stay silent.

„Y/N.“

The plead in his voice was too much to bear, so you turned around and faced him.

„Yeah. I am.“

Jackson‘s eyes turned darker, filled with remorse and regret.

„I’m sorry, y/n.“

„What are you sorry for?“

„For hurting you“, he said softly.

„Yeah, whatever“, you turned around annoyed.

„No, y/n, really. I’m sorry for how it went down between you and me.“

All the anger, all the rage you had been swallowing the past weeks resurfaced and wanted to come out. Frantically, you turned around once more.

„Cut the BS, Jackson. I liked you. You know that I liked you and I wanted to get to know you more. But for you it was only about fucking the new foreigner or whatever. Was it fun leading me on? Getting my hopes up?“, you spat in frustration.

„It was never about fucking the new foreigner, y/n“, he declared calmly.

Jackson let out a deep sigh, trying to find the right words to make it up to you.

„I felt this immense attraction right from the beginning. I was so into you the moment I saw you in that bar. You may not have planned our first hookup that night but I had been fantasising about it ever since I laid eyes on you“, he explained for the first time.

„And after that I tried my best to stay away from you but I couldn’t. I mean look at you, how could I have resisted you? So I ended up at your place, sleeping with you again.“

Flashbacks of that night came into your mind - his hot lips on your neck, his big hands on your waist and his lean body over yours.

„But you heard me say that I couldn’t be with you. I did a whole soul striptease and told you how fucked up I am. I told you how every girl cheated on me and how that broke me. I told you to find someone else, y/n.“

You gulped as you remembered the night Jackson opened up about his love life. He even told you the story of his last girlfriend, the one he wanted to marry, but found out she was cheating on him while moaning someone else’s name during sex. You remembered clearly how little he felt when he let you in on his dark past.

If that had been the last interaction with him you would have understood. But it wasn’t.

„You told me to find someone new but every time we ran into each other you behaved like you wanted me, Jackson. Remember how you kept talking about taking me out on dates? Like every single time we met after you were imagining us going out, telling me about all the places you wanted to take me. Which you never did. Why did you say that shit in the first place?“

„Because I can’t resist you. When I’m with you I feel like I can trust you and trust in love and I want to touch you and kiss you and worship you in every way. I want to show you off and make sure that everyone knows that the greatest girl in the world is mine. But when I’m alone, when I come back to my senses I realise that this could never happen. I cannot give my heart to you, y/n. I can’t risk getting hurt again.“

A deep silence filled the room.

„I’m just too damaged for love, y/n.“

You were searching for the right words but got interrupted by his silent sniffles.

„Jackson, are you crying?“

He didn’t need to say anything since you already understood his being.

You opened your arms and embraced him, holding him tightly while he was crying.

„Do you know that you’re not even my type, Jackson? You’re not the one I normally go for however when I saw you, I felt this strong pull towards you. A very strong pull that I couldn’t deny. And I asked myself why was that? Why am I so attracted to this guy?“

You paused briefly.

„It’s because you feel like warmth. You feel like sunshine to me. And when we were at my place and you told me about your past and all the hurt I realised why I want you in the first place. Because you’re like me, Jackson.“

Jackson looked up at you with big eyes, not understanding what you were implying.

„You and I are very similar. We both got hurt badly and never got over it. And because of that we decided to build a protective shield around us, one that is super bubbly and positive. A shield that is so different from the real pain we feel on the inside. A shield that is so convincing that nobody would even dare to think we feel unhappy on the inside. And when I realised that you were doing the same as me I felt this strong connection towards you. Like I saw myself in you.“

It felt good to finally get that off your chest.

Jackson wiped away one of his tears before answering.

„Believe me or not but you are the first person to ever see that. See me“, he admitted.

„Really?“

He nodded silently.

„You and I are not similar though, y/n. You’re braver than me.“

Now you were the one looking at him puzzled.

„Am I?“

„Yeah. You didn’t shut your heart off to love. You’d still give it a go. But I can’t do that anymore. I can’t risk getting my heart broken anymore.“

Each word of his was filled with deep sadness, tearing at your heart.

„You know I can’t promise you to never break your heart. All I could promise is that I would have treated it with the most care in the world.“

Jackson nuzzled his head onto your chest and hugged you tightly, knowing that this would be the last time he’d ever get the chance to.

„I don’t know what kind of girls you dated in the past but you’re right, I didn’t give up on love. I think I would have been perfect for you. Loving, caring and kind. I’m not saying I’m the love of your life but you know…

I would have been glad to date someone like me. I sincerely think I’m a good catch.“

Jackson smiled, agreeing with every word.

„You are. And that’s why you won’t have any problem finding another guy. Someone that can love you the right way, y/n.“

„Yeah, you’re right“, you agreed. „But still I wanted it to be you“, you declared sadly while tightening your grip around him.

„I would have loved that, too…“

[mykoreanlove]

🥃 realizations

„Here buddy, take it.“

Jackson’s manager handed him a glass filled with dark brown liquor.

„I know how much you need a strong drink.“

Absentmindedly, he sipped some of his beverage. It tasted bitter which never bothered him in the past but now it felt distressing to him.

Why?

Because it clouded the sweetness he was living with you. Jackson grabbed his phone and walked out on the balcony, escaping the party crowd that pretended to love him for their own gain. He was overlooking the skyline of tonight’s city, wishing he’d be able to share it with you.

„Hello?“, you answered sleepily.

„Shit baby, did I wake you up?“

He quickly took a glance on his wrist, calculating the time zone you were in.

„Hmm, but it’s okay. Are you alright?“, you mumbled softly.

„Am now“, he answered truthfully.

A soft smile formed on your lips, adding lovely hearts to the butterflies that were already nestled in your tummy.

Jackson took another look at his drink before explaining the reason for his call.

„I’m at that party I mentioned before and my manager came up to me and handed me a drink. Saying something about how much I needed a strong drink. And you know that used to be true back then.“

He paused for a moment, choosing each word carefully.

„I took a sip and it burnt my throat. It tasted disgusting. How come I’ve never noticed that before?“

Flashbacks of party nights with heavy drinking flooded his mind. Nights in which he drowned himself in liquor, nights in which he forgot his pain for a short time.

„What changed?“, you asked him.

Jackson smiled soundly while answering.

„You.“

He took a deep breath.

„You changed me, y/n.“

Suddenly, you felt very awake.

„I changed you?“

„Yes. You changed me for the better, y/n. I realized that I don’t need all those drinks because I’m finally at a point at which I’m not running away from something. There’s no need to escape the bitterness because it doesn’t exist anymore. All that’s left is sweetness…“ Jackson paused again.

„Sweetness because of you, baby.“

You fumbled for words; his serenity touching you wholeheartedly.

„Who knew that my love was able to do that“, you chuckled proudly.

Jackson chimed in, giggling like he used to when he was younger.

„Only your love was able to do that baby.“

Jackson rotated the glass and poured the remaining drink from the balcony, emptying it all into the night.

„Your sweet love is all I need, y/n.“

[mykoreanlove]

Jackson on Kinjaz

Your phone was blowing up constantly.

„Oh my god, did you see this?????“, your friend asked.

With shaking hands you clicked on the link.

„I used to be critical on myself in my mind in a negative way. Not healthy. At all. I would call myself names and put myself down in my mind. I drank the most disgusting shakes for my body health but up here? I was rotting.“

„Yeah, yeah. I remember videos of that nasty shake. What did you put in there - chicken?“

„Gotta get my protein, man. But you know I would constantly feel guilty for what I have done or what I might do.“

„Like what?“

„Like. Okay, like did I practice enough? Is magic man good enough? What if I let everybody down? How will I cope? How will I live?

All these voices.. these fucking nagging voices were with me 24/7.“

„Damn that sounds tough. What did you do?“

„I thought it was impossible to fix because I tried so hard and nothing changed me. Or if it did, it would only last a couple of weeks and I’d be back to feeling like shit and talking down on myself.

Jackson, you moron, how could you do this? Did you really think you could make it? You don’t deserve this success. You don’t deserve to be happy.“

„Jackson, bro. I feel for you. Really.“

„Look, I’m just being honest. I would naturally think of punishments coming my way. I’d imagine injuring myself or loosing all my fans or money. I’d think of the most horrific shit late at night when I should be peacefully sleeping.

I would try to change my thoughts to change my feeling. I would rationalize my way out for hours to only find myself entering a new cave.“

„Like a merry go round.“

„Exactly, I was stuck. Same shit, different day. My gut always had this underlying feeling of tension.

I tried my best to give myself relief but like I said, I could not find Relief for longer than a week. Maybe a month at best.“

„Is that why you turned to alcohol? Because I remember you chugging down a bottle of Hennessy and thought to myself that’s not normal.“

„Oh, of course I started drinking more. I needed more. What used to make me pass out back then is like a cute little cocktail to me now.“

„Damn, that really is a lot to handle. Did you try other things, as well?“

„Look, I tried everything in the book. You name it, I tried it. Worked out. Meditated. Drank. Had sex. Nothing could give me what I craved so badly. Nothing. Until I found her.“

You swallowed hard.

You had no idea that he would share all this with the public. You were very well aware of his struggles but hearing him talk about them upset you. It broke your heart imagining him like that, all dim and broken.

Also, it made you nervous.

You had no idea that he would introduce you into the world like this.

You had no idea that he would reveal your relationship to his homies on a podcast.

Yet, you were intrigued.

„Her as in …?“

„You see, love is a funny thing, right? I didn’t plan to fall in love, nor did I want to but I kind of did. I found the one, man. I found the love of my life and I was lucky enough to have her love me back. Do you know how rare that is?“

„Yeah, it is for you. I remember our last interview and how we wanted to get you on tinder and shit.“

„Exactly! I used to be on my own for years. Years, man. I gave up on love completely, thinking this was meant for others but certainly not me. And then she came into my life. Like an angel that was coming down to help me. Save me even.“

„Your savior, huh?“

„I swear to god her love saved me. It saved me from drugs, it saved me from self destruction and first and foremost it saved me from myself. I gotta be honest man, if I hadn’t met y/n I wouldn’t even be here anymore.“

„Wow. That’s, that’s a pretty heavy revelation. I’m glad you’re doing better now.“

„Oh, I am. Management is probably going to kick my ass later but I don’t care. Let me loose fans, let me loose money. I don’t give a shit. If you support me now, you support the real Jackson Wang. And that’s me right now - happily coupled to the most beautiful soul on this planet. If you can’t handle that - my bad.“

„Okay guys, it’s over. China‘s most wanted bachelor is officially off the market. WHOOOO!!“

„Yeah, the king has finally found its queen.“

„So, what is she like?“

You paused the interview and took a deep breath. Jackson was very vocal of his feelings for you, but hearing it like that felt different. The biggest smile was plastered on his face as he was talking about you.

You as in his queen.

You as in future Miss Wang.

Hundreds of butterflies announced themselves in your stomach, making you giddy and joyful.

„Oh man, she is the best. Like, she is so breathtakingly beautiful. Inside and out. We have the best conversations. I feel like she is my best friend. Truly, no one gets me like she does. It’s just.. it’s effortlessly easy. We laugh a lot, we talk a lot, we share everything with each other. I’m just so grateful, man.“

„Yeah, I can see that. You’re grinning from ear to ear. Make sure to invite me to your wedding.“

„Like you invited me to your birthday?“

„Okayyyyy, let’s wrap it up. Guys, that’s it for today. Thank you Jackson, really appreciate you brother.“

You stopped the video, giggling at your petty boyfriend.

„Remind me to have a word with you once you’re back, yeah?“, you texted him.

It didn’t take him a second to instantly call you.

„Did you see it? Already? Damn babygirl, you’re quick“, he teased.

„You could have warned me, Wang!“

„I didn’t plan to say all that but I couldn’t help myself. It just.. it just came out of me. I really meant it though.“

„Everything?“

He knew exactly what you were implying.

„Oh, I’m gonna make you Miss Wang for sure. Rule my kingdom with me? Please?“

[mykoreanlove]

Daddy fever

Mornings used to be rushed, since he had to balance the weight of the world on his strong shoulders. Quick kisses, quick touches, quick releases followed by quick declarations of love.

But ever since you got pregnant quickness got interchanged with longevity.

Jackson took his time to be there for you - and your precious little angel that would soon be welcomed into this world.

He would hold you in his arms and whisper the sweetest compliments in your ear. He would kiss and caress you, always attuned to how you were feeling that morning.

In the first months of your pregnancy he used to hold your hair back and dry your tears but ever since you reached the last semester you were relaxed. Jackson’s hands never left your round belly, he always hoped to catch a kick. He would look at you like you put the stars in the sky, he was still in awe that you were about to gift him the biggest present he would ever receive.

„My baby, my sweet, precious baby“, he would mutter under his breath.

„Hey, what about me?“, you faked jealousy in oder to get his attention. Jackson threw his head back in laughter and mustered you vividly. „You, y/n, are the love of my life. My glowing goddess. My happiness. My life.“

Moments like these made you think about creating a sibling instantly.

Waking hours were spent on your own, but never lonely. Jackson would text and call as often as he could, always tense if you were alright. He hated being away from you, especially now, but his drive and ambition was just a part of him as his loving kindness. After all, why not create a kingdom for the newest member of team wang?

He would drop baby names and ask for your opinion. He would order giant plushies and colorful blankets and stylish onesies like crazy because he wanted his child to be the happiest. Jackson postponed meetings and shows because he would want to spend every minute with you two. If he couldn’t make it he would send his best friends to look after you, sometimes even his mom. He had always been protective but ever since you got pregnant his urge to protect merged into something bigger, more purposeful.

Nights used to be sexy and passionate but ever since you got pregnant they were mostly replaced with comfort and relaxation. You didn’t mind as you knew that he loved you regardless, but something about your pregnancy glow made him go feral. But he would never pressure, never rush, you always came first.

Jackson would pour you lavender bubble baths and chat with you while figuring out how to build a crib. He would wash your hair and place sloppy kisses all over your face, happily. He would massage your feet and rub your belly with oil to help with stretch marks.

„Hey, little one. Here is your daddy“, he would always whisper against your belly. „I know you’re comfortable in there but I really can’t wait to finally meet you. I feel like I’ve waited for you all my life.“

Moments like these made you tear up even more, fuck hormones, Jackson was supplying you with all.

You caressed his hair, massaging his scalp lightly.

„Jackson“, you called out. On his knees he looked up, eyes glossy with appreciation and grace.

„I love you“, you whispered.

He smiled and looked away, wiping a tear from his cheek.

„Hey, don’t you hide from me. You’ve seen me cry hundreds of times, haven’t you?“

He chuckled, his eyes back on you. „I’m just so grateful, you know? I’ve been lonely for so long and now I have you and our little angel. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve all this, you know y/n?“

Old habits die hard, don’t they? You helped him up and kissed him tenderly.

„Jacky, you don’t deserve this. You deserve even more. Trust me on that one?“

[mykoreanlove]

backseat love.

You lay in the back of his red mustang.

His beloved car was parked in a secluded stop near the beach.

It was a warm summer night in late August.

The sky was clear, the air was crisp.

The moon illuminated your beautiful features effortlessly.

You closed your eyes.

Jackson’s musky scent clouded your mind completely.

You felt his plush lips exploring your neck.

His kisses were sweet, restrained even.

His body hovered above you, always leaving a bit of space as to not smother you.

Your hands trailed along his strong arms, rubbing circles on the spots in which his skin was tattooed.

Jackson stopped kissing you for a moment as he giggled under your touch.

“That tickled.”

You smirked diabolically.

“My bad”.

Not even a second later you had your hands on his sides tickling him on purpose.

Jackson got startled and tried to escape your nimble fingers while laughing hysterically.

You learned to love that high pitched laugh rather quickly.

He easily freed himself out of your touch and reversed the roles.

Now, he held your hands in place and laid directly on you.

Feeling him felt nice, being this close to him felt even nicer.

The mood changed as quickly as his eyes did.

You did not understand how but his dark eyes turned even darker somehow.

Jackson looked at you intensely.

“Y/N, don’t you ever do that again. Unless…”

He stopped talking and observed your face instead.

You felt his eyes linger on your lips.

Excitement rushed through your whole body.

You licked your lips in anticipation.

“Unless?”

Jackson’s eyes lit up from arousal, swallowing hard.

“Unless you want to get punished, baby girl.”

He crushed his lips onto yours and kissed you with his all.

Desire, longing, yearning, passion – you couldn’t think of a word to describe him.

Describe this.

Your fingers found the back of his head, tugging on his Cruella hair.

“Need you closer.”

You mumbled in between kisses, not wanting to break contact with his lips.

Jackson complied, thrusting his hips onto you.

“Like this?”

You moaned.

Your eyes shot open from embarrassment.

Jackson’s lips turned to a smirk, watching you very closely.

“I wanna do that again.”

You looked confused.

“What?”

“I wanna hear you moan again. No, I-”

He thrusted his hips again, making you understand how desperate he was for you.

“I want to make you moan again. And again. And again.”

Jackson’s lips found yours again, kissing you until you ran out of breath.

His almond shaped eyes looked down at you, requesting.

“If you let me?”

Fuck, he was good.

Your hands let go of his hair and travelled down to his crotch instead.

You were kneading him through his pants, smirking at him.

“Let’s go then.”

You had no idea how long the two of you had been at it.

The car was rocking.

The windows were fogged.

The air smelled like sex.

Both of you were sweaty and out of breath.

You still sat on his lap thanks to the last position he had you in.

You were covered in bite marks.

Neck, tits, inner thighs – Jackson marked you everywhere.

“I had no idea our date would go like this but I liked it.”

He laughed shyly.

You mirrored his laughter and pressed your forehead to his.

Jackson took your head into his hands, watching you with the biggest smile.

“You are so beautiful, y/n. Like really, fucking beautiful.”

He placed another kiss on your lips.

The kisses before were hungry and hurried.

Now they were sincere and sweet.

“How the hell are you still single?”

Ouch.

That one hurt.

“Because of guys like you, Jackson.”

You wanted to get away from him.

And his car.

You wanted to get up and cry.

“Because of guys like you. The ones that get to know me and tell me the sweetest things. Y/N, you are so beautiful. Y/N, you are so great. I wanna date you and do this and do that blablabla. Guys like you Jackson, they only want to fuck me and then they leave for someone else. You tell me why I’m still single.”

You practically spat out those last words.

Rage filled your whole body.

“Hello? Y/N? You okay?”

You snapped back to reality, leaving your blame game fantasies.

An awkward laugh left your lips.

“Sorry, got lost in thought.”

You smiled, hoping he would let it go.

Jackson was not sure what to do next.

Your vibe had changed completely.

You were cold and reserved now.

Your body tense.

Your smile fake.

“Did I.. Did I do something wrong?”

You turned your head away, laughing again.

“Of course not.”

His hand grabbed your face smoothly and turned it back so you could face him.

“Don’t do that y/n.”

You looked at him surprised.

“Do what?”

“Don’t hide from me, please. I know that I said something that triggered you and I’m sorry. But please, don’t shut me out.”

Jackson’s eyes were filled with sorrow – something you had never seen before in a male counterpart.

Slowly you regained your composure.

“You asked as a joke, I overreacted. It was really not that deep.”

“What if it was?”

He tugged back the strands of hair that fell into your face.

“What if it was deep? Why not talk about it? Don’t hold everything in, y/n.”

You were resistant.

This was not what you wanted.

This was supposed to be a careless date.

How did it turn into this?

“Do you trust me?”

Strangely enough, you did.

You nodded your head.

Jackson beamed you a smile.

“I trust you, too.”

His words touched you.

He touched you.

You felt yourself relax, as if weight had dropped off your shoulders.

You let out a deep breath.

Jackson took your hands into his and squeezed them.

“Wanna know how this normally goes?”

He nodded quietly.

“Well, I am still single because I meet the worst kind of people. You know the ones that don’t want to commit but behave as if they fell in love with you? It’s always the same – they tell me the nicest things, just like you did. Y/N, you are amazing. You are beautiful and smart and funny blabla, how are you still single?”

Tears were starting to fill your eyes.

Jackson didn’t say a word.

He knew it was hard for you.

He knew what it felt like to be in your shoes.

He knew how hard it was to open up about your struggles.

Tears were running down your cheeks.

“God, I feel so stupid telling you all this. I am still single because guys only think of fucking me. That’s all they do. They use me and then they throw me away. Like I meant nothing. Like I was trash. They delete my contact, they block me, they are out of my life without a single word. That is why I am still single, Jackson. I’m just not made for love.”

Your last words lingered in the air for a while.

You felt his thumb on your cheek, whiping away your salty tears.

“That was hard, wasn’t it?”

You nodded.

You felt small.

You felt vulnerable.

You made a giant fool of yourself on this date.

Great.

“I admire you, y/n.”

Your reddened eyes shot up, looking at him with confusion.

“You.. You what?”

Jackson laughed, adoring your cuteness so much.

“I know what it’s like to go through hard times. And how it feels to be rejected. And how it feels to bottle it all up. I am sorry that you had to go though all this. But you haven’t closed off your heart and I admire you for that.”

Now you wanted to cry more.

Not out of sadness, but out of gratitude.

“What? Did you expect me to kick you out of my car after you confessed all that?”

Jackson laughed and started kissing your tears away.

He looked at you sternly, whispering.

“I would never do that.”

All of you wanted to believe him.

All of you craved for someone that was good to you for once.

But all of you was suspicious because of your past.

„You said this happened normally, right?“

You nodded.

„Good.”

He pressed his forehead to yours, closing the space between the two of you.

“I’m sure you already know that I am not a normal guy, right?”

[mykoreanlove]

AM hours.

jackson wang x reader // angst // short scenario

________________________ 🍓 __________________________________

You tossed and turned and no matter how hard you tried; you just couldn’t sleep. The tiredness in your body was overwhelming, painful even, but your mind was wide awake. You were annoyed – with yourself and with him.

Jackson.

You haven’t heard from him in weeks. You used to drive yourself crazy figuring out what he was doing, why he was doing this and why he suddenly lost interest in you. Until you decided that you had to stop. He clearly wasn’t interested in you anymore and had a very shitty way of communicating that.

Were you sad about that?

Yes.

Were you going to torture yourself for the rest of eternity?

No.

At least you tried not to but here you were weeks after hearing from him unable to sleep because that Chinese devil still lived rent-free in your head.

You flinched as you checked the time on your phone, your eyes not used to the brightness. It was almost 4 AM and you were wide awake, awesome. You left out a long sigh and scanned over your messages. You giggled at the drunken texts from your bestie, at least one of you was living her best life. But when you noticed the other notifications, your heart sunk into your stomach – it was him.

Your body started to shake as you did not expect that. “Is he kidding? Now he wants to talk to me? He’s probably drunk at some bar and got no chick to fuck tonight and feels lonely. Oh sure, let’s call Y/N ‘cause she’s dumb enough to take you back. No, fuck you, Wang”, you scoffed.

You typed your reply “there is nothing to talk about :)” and put your phone aside. You felt hurt by his actions, you felt betrayed by his words, and you felt disappointed in him for treating you like that. You sure as hell did not deserve that. You noticed your phone lighting up – it was Jackson calling you. You had a feeling that this wouldn’t be over until he said what he needed to say, so you picked up.

„What do you want?”, you basically snapped at him.

“How can you say there is nothing to talk about, Y/N?” He didn’t sound drunk at all.

“Because there isn’t?”

You noticed him getting angry, unable to hide his frustration. “Don’t you come at me with that shit Y/N. I know you’re hurt. I know I hurt you immensely and you’re sweeping it under the rug?”

Now you were the one unable to mask your frustration. “What do you want me to do, Jackson? Huh?”

“Get angry at me. Tell me how much I fucked up. Tell me I behaved like a complete piece of shit. Tell me that I made you put down your guard for nothing. Tell me that I made you fall in love with me and behave like I did as well only to let you fall and disappear. Tell me how much of a coward I was to ghost you, to only message you when I needed you. Tell me what an egocentric asshole I was and that I don’t deserve you and I should go to hell for that. Get angry at me for being emotionally unavailable and putting myself first. Yell at me for making you believe I fell for you when in fact I didn’t. Please, get angry at me!”

The line turned silent. He confirmed your biggest fears – he indeed fooled you into believing that he fell for you. Purposely. You couldn’t keep up with the bazillion questions you formed in your mind as you thought of an answer.

Why did you do that? Why did you play me like that? Why did you lie to me? Was it that easy to fuck with me? Why were you not honest? Was I not enough for you? Is there something wrong with me? Why are you so evil? And why the fuck do you call me in the middle of the night to tell me all of this?

You felt your heart going cold, trying to numb out the pain he had caused you. It seemed like he waited an eternity for your answer: “Why would I?”

You hung up on him. Jackson was no good for you and now you had your answers. You had to choose yourself, choose your peace of mind over him. If you didn’t, you’d never break free of that abuse.

Jackson on the other side gazed lifelessly at the screen of his phone. He knew you were gone; you didn’t even wait for him to answer you. But he still said it: “So, I know you still care.”