“James?” Lily called out, coming in through her door after proving her identity to her wards. She had barely left her flat in days, only going to the hospital for her shift. And then spending most of that time daydreaming about certain glasses-wearing former Head Boys of her aquaintance. She was very glad that none of her co-workers (to her knowledge) were capable of performing Legilimency. And that the patients were more focused on their own, rather more pressing concerns than on Healers blushing redder than their hair for seemingly no reason, even if the Healer in question was taking a bit longer than usual to bring them their Pepper-Up Potion.
Still draped in her work robes, she looked around for signs that James was here. He’d practically moved in over the past few days, something that kept him as close to her as she wanted after he’d proposed, but also meant that Lily now rather felt as if she’d somehow skipped over the wedding entirely and was coming back to their shared home after a day’s work. There were two mugs at the sink of her tiny kitchen, leftover from breakfast. Lily smiled at the sight without entirely meaning to. It wasn’t the first time he’d stayed over, but something about it did feel different. Possibly it was the knowledge that this would be the rest of their lives (though hopefully not in her really very small flat).
Maybe that was what was giving her the courage to finally tell him about her Patronus. Lily kept grip on her wand - she usually put it down once safely inside her flat, though she could hear Moody’s disgruntled voice at the back of her head - so as to keep it ready. She didn’t want to give herself any chances to back out. It was stupid to be nervous about it, of course James would be pleased. It certainly wasn’t a more serious committment than marriage.
WHO: The Marauders (James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew) and the Gryffindor Girl Gang (Lily Evans, Marlene Mckinnon, Mary Macdonald)
WHERE: Hogwarts Grounds
WHEN: Saturday, January 21st, 2PM
Snow had fallen outside Hogwarts on Saturday morning, and naturally, a bunch of students decided to head outside. The Marauders followed suit, and ventured out to the grounds after lunch. The snow had piled up throughout the beginning hours of the day, covering the grass in a thick layer of white flakes. Sirius walked alongside everyone else, all of them talking together about anything and everything they could think of.
Suddenly, Sirius had an idea, and put on a mischievious smirk as he bent down to pick up a handful of snow, indiscreetly rolling it into a ball a ball and chucking it at his friends. “Snowball fight!” He exclaimed, grinning wildly. It didn’t take long for it to escalate into a full-fledged battle together, the boys throwing snow balls back and forth at each other. Sirius dodged an incoming one that he was pretty sure Peter threw, before grabbing some so he could get revenge. He hurled it towards where Peter had been standing, but realized he’d moved before Sirius could do anything. It was almost comical how the snowball soared past at full-speed (really, it had been a good throw), and smacked right into Marlene, who was standing to the side with Lily and Mary. Sirius couldn’t help but laugh at that as he called out, “All right there, Marls?!”
Coming to the party had been a blessing in disguise, keeping her mind off of everything just enough to not completely fall apart. Zavian, Belle, being in someone else’s body, all of had become too much. Too much of something she had no clue how to fix. And the one person Lei could relate too had disappeared, she worried something might have happened to James. She even went as far to file a missing person’s report to gain the peace of mind that someone else could look for him too. Her eyes went wide as she saw him though, relief and sadness washing over her as she ran to him. Arms wrapping around him tight as if he might run away again. “You can’t do that again. It’s not right.”
The fact of the matter was, it was difficult to avoid the Head Boy if you were the Head Girl. It was also difficult to avoid one NEWT level Auror hopeful if you were another NEWT level Auror hopeful. As it stood, seventh year was the year Hogwarts had decided to throw James in every aspect of Lily’s life, right when she would notice it the most. Between Head Student duties, sharing all the same classes, and having all the same friends, the only times Lily and James were apart were when she made time to see Severus and he was running Quidditch practice.
And if you pointed out to her that those were the times she most often preferred to see Severus since it meant Marlene, Sirius, and James were already busy? Her denial would most likely be snippy and the tiniest bit strongly worded.
She might also, of course, deny that she wanted to avoid James Potter. She wouldn’t admit that every time they were alone together she remembered the way he’d kissed her on the train or the way he looked at her and made it hard for her to breath when they’d been reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream. She was certainly not getting flustered just thinking of the way he looked after practice, his jersey askew from the time on the broom, his cheeks pink from the wind and excitement, his hair more than his normal level of messy. And she absolutely didn’t forget how much she wanted to avoid him as she walked into the Library and saw him with his head bent over some books, taking her completely by surprise.
It was still the first week, after all. James Potter voluntarily doing homework was still something of a novelty. “Mind if I join you?” she asked in a quiet voice, mostly because they were in the library but a tiny bit because, now that she cared, the idea of him saying no was always present in her naturally nervous mind.
He jumped when he heard her voice—that golden voice of a siren that might well be his undoing—and yanked the parchment he’d been scribbling on off the table before she could see what was written there. The book still lay plainly in sight, though. A Midsummer Night’s Dream. He’d been reading it instead of doing actual homework, and was in the process of taking notes on the whole thing when she’d walked over.
But he knew that she noticed the book. “Yeah, sure. Hey, Lil,” he gave as easy of a smile as he could, though it was a little too wide. And when he saw her gaze fall to the book, he blurted, “I’m not reading this for you.”
He froze, inwardly cringing. ‘Smooth, Potter.’
James practically levitated in surprise when he heard her voice and Lily had to bit the insides of her lips to keep to wide a grin from spreading across them. She was puling out the chair in front of her when her eyes landed on the book and as soon as they did he was speaking again. She’d hardly registered that he was actually still reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream and then as he protested that was doing it for her, she felt the offending heat of a tremendously embarrassing blush creep over her cheeks.
"No, of course not," she said with as much grace as he had, taking her place in the seat opposite him. "I mean it’s just - it’s a really good play." As if rambling on would make it seem less casual. Less absolutely awkward. Less like a twelve year old with a crush.
"So, Defense seems like it’s going to be a whole new level of hard this term." Yes. Good, Lily. You might as well have asked him about the bloody weather.
He nodded and scratched the back of his neck. “Really good play,” he agreed before he closed the book and set it aside. Might as well do real homework, because how was he supposed to read the play without thinking of their acted out scene when she was sitting right there? ‘
If thou lovest me—shut up, Potter.’
He glanced up again, trying to ignore the way his face had heated up. “Uh, yeah. Probably good, though. I’d rather learn the harder stuff in school than have to find out the hard way once we graduate, you know?” He reached for his DADA textbook and flipped it open to a random page. Honestly, he couldn’t focus on homework or even remember the assignment with Lily right there.
She couldn’t help but keep glancing down at the book but every time she did she just flashed back to their first day in their Common Room together and that was not good for her sanity or her dignity. Stupid bloody Shakespeare, she thought, as if this was all the long dead playwright’s fault.
She nodded in agreement with his words, forcing herself to push down her embarrassment and her nervousness and to behave like a normal functioning witch, for Merlin’s sake. “I barely made it through last year,” she admitted as she pulled out her own book and a roll of parchment on which to take notes. Or at least attempt to. “It’s not exactly what you might call my best subject.” There was a stubborn displeasure in her voice that accompanied any discussion of any class she found she wasn’t naturally good at.
He set his quill down on the table and noticed a large swipe of ink stuck to the outside of his hand. He must have obtained it while he was trying not to let her see his notes, which meant they were probably nicely smudged now. Bloody hell. He’d have to redo those later, then. Preferably when she wasn’t around.
"Really?" He asked before licking the index finger of his left hand and rubbing it along the ink on his right to try getting it off. "Ah, well you’re in luck. I think a trade-off in tutoring might benefit us. I could help with D.A.D.A. and you could help me with Potions, if you’re up for it? I’m bloody awful with those and I need to do well obviously, to be an Auror."
She’d never thought of it before, asking James’ help in Defense. Marlene had always more or less dragged her through and even that had been against her will. Lily disliked nothing the way she disliked asking for help. That meant admitting she needed help in the first place and this was a class, for Merlin’s sake. She could manage. And so she surprised herself and her pride when the words she heard coming out of her mother were, “I’m up for it.” She could barely sit in the library for five minutes with him without blushing but somehow her mouth had decided this would work. “Decided you’re ready to stop blowing things up in Slughorn’s class when it’s not on purpose?”
He laughed at the last comment, deciding not to dwell on the fact that she’d said yes, even though he was internally freaking out. Lily Evans, genius that she was, wanted his help with a class. This was unprecedented. Of course he wanted to spend time with her, but what if he messed up or did something stupid? Or worse, tried to kiss her again? He couldn’t exactly help that feeling, because it was always there, but it was getting harder to resist. He needed to cool it, though, or he’d freak her out, too. They didn’t need that; he was freaked out enough for the both of them.
"Basically," he laughed. "And I need at least an E to qualify as an Auror, so I’m going to need to actually take it seriously this year."
She could have breathed a sigh of relief that the eager way she’d jumped on his offer was apparently more prominent in her head than it was to the observer. He would have mentioned it otherwise, wouldn’t he? He always had before. “If you only get an E after studying with me, you’re trying to fail,” she said with a bit of a smug echo to her grin, her inner self rolling her eyes as she failed completely to have any kind of grace at all.
He snorted at that. “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but stop being so arrogant,” he teased, as she’d teased him hundreds of times before. And then, before he could stop himself, he looked up and winked at her. He dropped his gaze quickly and cleared his throat. “No, but really, thank you. I definitely need all the help I can get.”
"I will not, it’s my turn to be the prat, remember," she said with a pleased smile not minding in the least that their roles had reversed for the moment. And then he winked at her and she forgot why she was pleased. "It’s no trouble, at all" she forced out, looking down as he did and opening the book she’d placed on the table to a page she couldn’t be bothered to read. "It’ll be fun." What would? Studying? Or studying with James Potter?
"Right, right. Course it is. Well, continue on. That was nothing compared to how much of a prat I’ve been," he pointed out before glancing to his books. "So, Potions or DADA first, then?" He asked before grabbing the corner of his robe. He lifted it to his mouth, his untucked shirt rising juuuust enough to show a bit of his abs, then licked the material to wet it and rubbed it hard against the ink spot on his hand. Stupid stuff wouldn’t come off.
She was sure he had asked her a question but he unfortunately asked it at the same time he inadvertantly - my arse - tugged his shirt up with his robe. He’d been trying to get that spot off his hand and she’d managed to avoid the way his jaw tightened as he licked the skin but this had caught her off guard. “I’m sorry -” she muttered, shaking her head to unlock her gaze. “Um - Defense, I suppose.” Because there was no way she would be able to concentrate enough to actually be the one doing the tutoring.
He glanced back at her and raised his eyebrows. She was staring at him a little funny. “You feeling ok, Lil?” He teased. “You look kind of distracted.” And that wasn’t normal for her in the slightest. “Yeah, okay. Defense it is. The assignment is pretty simple, actually,” he assured as he flipped to the proper page. “I learned this spell in fifth year,” he chuckled.
As he mentioned her suddenly dazed look again, she shook her head and willed herself not to blush through sheer stubbornness. “I’m certain I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, her voice less convincing than she would have liked. “Oh for Merlin’s sake.” She pulled her wand from her bag and with a quick flick the stain disappeared from his hand. She’d not said a word and, seeing as the nonverbal spell had worked, looked quite pleased with herself as she flipped to the same page of their D.A.D.A. text.
He was confused when she drew her wand but didn’t say anything before he noticed the stain had disappeared. His eyes widened and without thinking, he reached across the table and grabbed her hand before she could turn to the proper page. “Lil, do you have any idea what you just did?” He asked in a hushed tone. That was brilliant! Even he couldn’t do that!
He took her by surprise as he grabbed her hand but it quickly gave way to a grin at his excited tone. “Stopped you from rubbing your hand raw?” she suggested with a smirk before she let a real smile shine through. “I’ve been trying to get it right since last year,” she admitted, meaning the non verbal spell. “I figured we were going to learn it in NEWT level anyway.”
"Well yes, but other than that," he laughed, grinning over at her. "Do you have any idea how brilliant you are?" He demanded, all awkwardness lost despite the fact that he was clinging to her hand. "Really, though! You’re the first person I’ve ever seen manage it. Dad can’t even do much, not at that level anyway,” he was starting to ramble a bit, but he was so impressed. “The fact that you can do that is incredible. Do you have any idea what the idiots who think they’re better than you would say if they knew you had that kind of skill?”
Her smile simply widened as he went on, the fact that he still held her hand going completely unnoticed - or at least unchanged. “it’s really not that big of a deal, James,” she insisted, pleased with herself that she managed to surprise him that way, though later she’d stay up for hours why it mattered so much at all. “Anyone could do it if they spent as much time being stubborn about it as I have.”
"It is a big deal!" He protested, his jaw loosening a bit in awe. "I mean, you’re amazing," he breathed out. "Honestly, did you know that? And please, I’m just as stubborn as you are, and I can’t do that." He was an Animagus and she wasn’t, but whatever. She definitely had skills he couldn’t match.
"It’s really not!" she insisted, not sure why she felt so humble about it but blushing as James continued pointing out that it was so incredible. "I bet you could master non verbal spells if you worked at it long enough as well," she argued. "You’ll have to at least a bit. It’s part of your NEWTS."
"It is. Stop being so humble about how incredible you are," he grinned. "Well maybe once we finish DADA, you can help me learn that spell?"
"I don’t need to be humble, trying to figure out this assignment will knock me down all the pegs I need," she insisted, changing the subject for the sake of her blush. "I can try. I’ve only just managed it myself but if there’s a charm you’re really good at, that’d be your best bet to try non verbally."
He grinned to see her so flustered. She was adorable. “Ok well, I’ll work on it later,” he assured. He already knew what he was going to do, and he wanted to have it ready for her birthday. He had some time. “So. DADA. What do you need help with?”
She was glad when he finally moved on. A girl could only blush so much around another person before any sense of dignity was completely lost. And it was far too early in the term for that. “Every time I cast ‘Fianto Duri' nothing happens. Nothing is strengthened, and I think last time I got so frustrated it backfired and ruined what it was supposed to strengthen. And if I never have to try and cast a Patronus again, it will be too soon.”
He grinned at that. The answer to the first problem was so obviously right in front of her. “Well if we’re doing spell work, maybe we should go to a classroom and work on these? The first one is simple. You have to use your frustration to help with the spell. Use it to strengthen the spell, not weaken it.”
She nodded at his suggestion to go to a classroom, pushing her book back into her bag. “The more frustrated I get, the worse it backfires,” she grumbled as she stood, knowing that she sounded like a petulant child but not really caring. She hated not being able to master something she tried to do and that she had to ask for help was a constant thorn in her side. Even if it did mean asking James.
He chuckled as he packed up his things and walked out with her. “Lil, I mean this in the best way possible, but you have more anger than anyone I have ever met. That’s a powerful motivator,” he pointed out. “You just have to refocus it into something productive, yeah? It’s like, when you think denying a tragedy makes you stronger because you deny it. But it doesn’t help at all to deny it. You only get stronger when you accept it and find ways to survive despite it, yeah? Same thing with anger. Let it motivate you, not distract you.”
She opened her mouth to protest the idea that she was ‘had more anger than anyone’ he knew, but before she could get a word out, he continued and she couldn’t help but listen. She listened as they walked but the more he explained, the less she managed to think about the charm. She had to, at some point, accept the fact that James Potter would do little this year that didn’t surprise her. This was just another thing in a list of behaviors she’d only seen for the first time. She realized he’d finished speaking and she’d not yet said a word. “Right,” she said as she tried to focus. Then she had to scoff. “Embracing my frustration is not my strong suit.”
James held the door for her as they exited the library and followed her out. He snorted at that. “Well it’s a good thing I’m here to help you with this spell then. I can’t think of anyone who frustrates you more than I do,” he teased and led the way to a classroom across the corridor from the library. He peeked his head inside and looked around before telling her, “This one should do.” Once again, he stood aside to let her enter first.
She chuckled at his observation. “You’d just better hope I don’t go too far in the other direction and the whole thing backfires at you,” she teased, at least ninety five percent certain she had enough control to keep her spells from backfiring on anyone in particular. She grinned at him as he held the door, a soft grin of gratitude that she found she was using quite often. This chivalrous trait of James’ was not lost on Lily and she ducked her head to hide the pleased smile as she passed him into the room.
James grinned at that. “Yeah, let’s try to avoid that. I don’t want to know what would happen if you ended up weakening me. I’d hate to be stuck as a scrawny little git, you know?” He chuckled and walked in after her. He pulled a quill from his back and set it out on the desk to practice on. “All right, watch me the first time and then we’ll give you a go,” he told her and performed the spell. He picked up the quill and tried snapping it in half, but couldn’t. “See? You try to break it.” He offered it to her.
"Oh, you mean you haven’t been hit with that one before? You just naturally look that way?" she smirked as she spoke, setting her things down and pulling out her wand. She watched him as he cast the spell; how he spoke, the inflection he used, the movement of his hand, even the look on his face as he conjured the right intention. And as he handed her the feather, she made a face at it. "Last time I tried this I blew the feather into pieces," she said, trying in vain to break the blasted thing.
James’ mouth dropped open in surprise. “Whoa, no need for the claws,” he laughed and nudged her gently. “You prat,” he added with a grin. That definitely counted toward all his behavior that she had to make up for now. “Okay, well try not to do that with my quill because it’s the only one I have right now.” He reversed the spell once she realized she couldn’t break the quill. “You try.”
She grinned as he nudged her, pleased with herself, a grin that turned into a laugh as he called her a prat. “Being on this side is more fun than I thought it’d be,” she observed smugly. “No worries there, I’ve aced repairing charms,” she assured, her voice distracted as she prepared to try this blasted spell once again. She tried to focus, to channel her frustration the way he had told her to. "Fianto Duri." She picked up the quill and tried to break it, clenching her jaw irritatedly when it bent with ease. She stopped before she broke it in half, looking over at James as if to say "See?"
"Ah, good! You’re frustrated!" He grinned to see the way her jaw clenched. He’d always found her cute when she was angry; that was probably why he annoyed her so often in previous years. "Okay, now that we’ve got you there…" He took the quill from her hands and set it on the desk again.
"Here, wand up," he instructed and moved behind her. "It’s as much in your stance as it is the proper pronunciation, you know. So square your shoulders," he said and set her hands on her upper back. One stayed there while he moved his other hand to her wand arm and stepped up to stand beside her. "Elbow slightly bent. Loosen up your wrist, and make sure the motion is fluent. It’s a little jerky the way you’re doing it now. Try again."
No one had ever used the word good to describe her being frustrated and she narrowed her eyes at James to signify that she didn’t agree with that particular word choice either. But she was nothing if not determined and so she held onto that frustration. He moved behind her and she steeled herself to focus. And then he put his hands on her. She might have thought, after their kiss and the way the air had seemed electric in the common room the other day, that this would send her mind spinning but it had the opposite effect. Her focus narrowed to the places where his hands touched her. One hand warm on her shoulder, his heat seeping through her clothes. The other on her arm, adjusting, brushing skin. These spot pulled her attention with undeniable force and as she felt that, she bit her lip and directed it. More fluid, her wand arm moved and the incantation left her lips.
She really hated that with this spell, there was no immediate way to tell if you’d succeeded. It was anti-climactic and it forced her to move, to fetch and pick up the quill. It was an odd lapse of moments before she smiled widely. “It worked!”
His hands lingered once she’d cast the spell, as if he was incredibly reluctant to let her go. Being so close to her had advantages he couldn’t ignore, no matter how hard he tried. For example, from this angle, he could see the way the way the corner of her eye wrinkled when she narrowed the green orbs in concentration. He could feel her heart thrumming in determination through her wrist, pulsing into even his fingers until his own heart matched the pace. He could smell the kind of shampoo she used; he didn’t know what it was exactly, but it smelled like strawberries. He had a distinct feeling that was all he’d eat for breakfast the next day, the smell embedding itself deep into his subconscious.
But she moved away and he lowered his hands to his sides, swiping them against the sides of his grey slacks to make sure they weren’t sweaty. “Of course it did,” he managed to speak without stuttering, and stepped over to her. “I’m an excellent teacher. Obviously.”
Sitting in the common room the other day, their closeness had frightened her but now, innocuous as it was being part of a lesson, she wanted little more than she wanted not to move. He filled her senses, the sound of his breathing and the smell of him enveloping her, and she wished she didn’t care if the stupid spell had worked. As it was, she stood under his hands longer than she had to, savoring the feel of his hands on her, before she finally moved. She laughed at his words, swatting his arm with the now unbreakable feather. “Prat,” she informed him. “But you are. An excellent teacher, I mean.”
James laughed as he drew his arm back and rubbed it. “Ow! That thing hurts now,” he joked and snatched the feather from her. It was still pliant so it didn’t actually hurt, but nearly impossible to snap. He tested it for himself and nodded. “This is good work. You want to try it a few more times, or should we move to the Patronus Charm?”
"Baby," she teased as he took the feather from her. She smiled widely as he told her it was good work, pleased that he was pleased and not entirely certain why. It was different than just being proud of herself for accomplishing it, it was as if she would have been upset if she’d failed. Like she would have let him down. "A few more times," she said, wanting to make sure it hadn’t been a fluke. It took a few more tries for her to be able to cast it without him physically guiding her through it but eventually she managed to focus herself without the added incentive of his hands on her. Though she missed the excuse to feel it.
He didn’t move to her again as she practiced it, but didn’t pay much attention to the results either. He was watching her, perhaps too intently, but was it his fault she was so captivating? Her determination was adorable and admirable. He felt like he was more invested in her success than even she was, beaming each time she got it right. “Brilliant! That’s exactly it, Lil,” he complimented after her fourth successful attempt. “Bloody brilliant.”
It was no small wonder it took her so long to get her focus under control, so hard was it for her to not be distracted by him. He watched her with intensity and every time she felt his eyes on her she had to fight the urge to smile. It wasn’t until she stopped fighting it and let herself enjoy it rather than be embarrassed that she was able to focus enough to cast the charm successfully. Once she did, though, the spell came easily time after time until she felt sure she’d be able to cast it at will from now on. She was glowing by that point, with her success and with the compliments James paid to it. “You’re really good at this,” she mused as she finally lowered her wand, satisfied she’d gotten it. “I know you’ve your heart set on being an Auror but I could see you back here one day. Professor Potter.” She chuckled on the last words, imagining one day dealing with a student as troublesome as he had been.
He smiled when she first spoke, accepting the compliment with a simple, “Thanks, Lil.” But then she started calling him Professor and it made him think things. And feel things. The tips of his ears turned red and he raked a nervous hand through his hair, trying not to be so obvious. The idea of it had been in his mind since fourth year, though, because it was so easy to think of when she was walking around in a button up shirt and that skirt and with a tie, for crying out loud.
"I-I dunno about that," he finally managed and tried to focus on something else. Whose classroom were they in? Flitwick’s. He nearly grimaced, but the image of their professor definitely took his mind off the idea she’d gotten stuck in his mind. That couldn’t have been completely unintentional. “So. Patronus, then?”
Lily didn’t think twice about her words until she noticed the tip of his ears go red. Even then it took a moment but when she put it together, the ears and the rake of a hand through his always messy hair, the way he ducked his head, she bit her lip to keep from grinning. She hadn’t meant anything like that when she said it but now that it was in her head, she had to turn away quickly to hide her own blush.
"Yeah, Patronus," she said, clearing her own throat and picking up her wand. She made sure she had her face - it’s color and all - completely under control before she turned back to face him.
How was he ever supposed to focus now? He cleared his throat again for good measure and let silence linger too long as his ears returned to their normal color. “Uh, right. So, you obviously know the incantation. The trick is to find your happiest memory to summon it. Usually, it’s a subconscious memory. For example, if I say, tell me about the best day of your life, what would you say? Don’t think about it, just answer.”
She forced herself to listen while he spoke, to focus on his words and what he was telling her about the spell. It wasn’t anything new, Professor Merrythought had said as much when she’d introduced the charm last term, though they hadn’t done much work on it. When he mentioned the happy memory, she faced the same wall she always did. She wanted to think of the days with Petunia but they were tainted by the way the girls had left things. She wanted to think of afternoons in the meadow with Severus but she couldn’t think of those without hearing him call her a mudblood. She wasn’t sure anymore what the best day of her life was because she thought too much, couldn’t separate things. She tried to do as he said though, to just answer. To not think. “I don’t know,” she said after a moment, letting out a hard breath and opening eyes she had closed to try and remember. “I can’t turn my mind off, every time I think I have one I counter it.”
He saw the struggle and was admittedly surprised. She seemed like a fairly happy person, so this shouldn’t have been difficult. Though, it made sense according to her last words. “Hmm. Well, what about the day you got your Hogwarts letter? Or — I dunno, what are big milestones for girls? Your first kiss, or something?” He assumed it definitely wasn’t when he’d kissed her on the train, her first kiss, because if anyone with a shred of logical thought had ever seen her, they’d all be clamoring for a kiss from her.
She bit her lip as he mentioned possible memories, shaking her head against them before he’d even finished. “When I got my letter, my sister cried herself to sleep because it mean we really were different. She didn’t know I heard, but I did. I was so excited until then but when I heard it - I asked my mum the next day if I had to go.” She’d never told anyone but Sev that before but it was so easy to get out now. She assumed it was because she told him that story like it was simple fact, she wasn’t recounting emotion, just explaining why it was no good. It couldn’t possibly be because she was beginning to feel like she could tell James Potter just about anything.
"And my first kiss was awful," she went on, grinning now. "Benjy Fenwick. Sixth year. It was wet and sloppy and the highlight of that complete train wreck of a relationship." The two had dated for two months before he broke up with her, the memory of the end of things between them causing her smile to fade just a bit."
James glanced to her in surprise and frowned. He knew that her relationship with her sister wasn’t good and he still hadn’t figured out where that came from, but he was starting to get a glimpse into the entire situation. He didn’t push it, and it didn’t seem like a big deal to her the way she said it, so he let her move on.
"Wait, Benjy Fenwick? No it was not!" He laughed at that. He’d known they’d dated, but what? She’d kissed the prat?! "I mean, sixth year? You didn’t get a first kiss until you were sixteen?"
He shook his head and continued, knowing she might ask when his was. “Mine was with Marlene,” he laughed. “We were four. We got married, you know. Hate to break it to you.”
"Why does that surprise everyone?" she said through her own laughter as he commented on how old she was when she had her first kiss. "It’s not like I’m some old maid. Sixteen is a perfectly respectable age for a first kiss." She’d never been very interested in dating, Benjy had been the only boy who’d ever gotten more than a first date and frankly, that was entirely Marlene’s fault.
She raised an eyebrow at that, a teasing look already gleaming in her eyes. “James Potter have you been pursuing me all these years while married to my best mate? Some husband you are.”
"Sixteen is so old!" He laughed. "At least, in comparison to mine," he shrugged and glanced over at her. She was far too good for Benjy. He was a decent kid, but stupid enough to break up with Lily.
"Ah, it’s okay," James shrugged. "She’s been sleeping with my best mate, so it’s not like she’s the best wife either," he laughed. "It’s an open marriage, don’t worry. And if it makes you feel better, we kissed and then we both wiped our lips clean. Girls were gross to me back then, you know?"
"Sixteen is a perfectly normal age to have your first kiss," she insisted again faking a pout. "Besides, with Marlene as my best friend at least one of us has to be respectable."
"I promise, I’m not worried," she said assuredly, a brush off that sounded familiar from so many years of use but which lacked her usual conviction. Of the two of them, she supposed Marlene was a worse wife than James was a husband. "You’ve gotten over that since then, yeah?" she asked teasingly.
He snorted at that. “I s’pose you’re right,” he agreed. “And I’m telling her you said that,” he grinned.
Her next comment made him laugh, though it seemed like everything she said had been doing that. He was all for laughter and mischief and what have you, but honestly never expected her to be the cause of it; the thought that they’d ever have a normal conversation still blew his mind, even now that they were past that point. “Obviously,” he said, giving her a nudge. “Girls aren’t so bad, I guess.”
"As if Marlene hasn’t heard me say it plenty of times before," she said with a laugh. She loved her best friend beyond words, of course she’d pointed out her propensity for slutiness. With love and - more than a little - admiration.
His eyes crinkled when he laughed, she had begun to notice. She hadn’t ever talked to him long enough, or easily enough, to notice that before. Sure she’d seen him laugh, he was friends with Sirius Black after all, but she’d never been close enough to appreciate it before. She nudged him back with a soft smile. “Glad you’ve come around.”
"I somehow don’t doubt that at all," he mused. "You two have basically the same relationship that Sirius and I do, I think. It’s interesting to see how that works with girls."
And then he realized the way she was staring at him, with a gleam in her eyes that he knew well. It was all he could do to keep from blushing again, or hyperventilating. He’d never imagined —not really anyway— that she would look at him like that, unless under the influence of a love potion or something. He stared back. “Me too.”
"We surprisingly spend a lot less time in each other’s beds," she said with utmost seriousness, "though we do spend a lot more time holding hands." She’d never thought much about how she and Marlene mirrored James and sirius, not until the past summer when she found herself running away to her best friend’s home for the summer.
He had caught her staring and for once, she didn’t look away blushing. This was nice and she was surprisingly starting to feel comfortable. Her smile softened as she held his gaze for another moment. She bit her lip, as if thinking about something important. Which she was. When she’s made her decision, she ducked her head and grinned, breaking the moment. “So. The patronus,” she said looking back up. “Let’s give it a try?”
"Ah, well that’s no fun," James said. "Sirius is a cuddler, believe it or not. Actually, we both are, so it works pretty well when we sleep in the same bed." Which, really, was every night. "I never had a brother until I came here, you know? So that’s kind of nice."
He couldn’t help but be intrigued when she bit her lip, because he knew she was thinking about something important. “Yeah, sure. Whenever you’re ready,” he nodded and indicated in front of them.
She grinned at his words about havin a brother and knew that was the core of it all. Sirius was James’ brother, Marlene was her sister. “Marlene’s a better sister than I could have asked for,” she said softly. “I thought I’d lost mine because I came here, I don’t know what I’d have done if she hadn’t found me.”
Something had occurred to her as they sat there, hazel eyes meeting green, and the thought made it hard for her not to smile. She felt confident, prepared. She thought about James’ words, the kind of memory she needed to produce a patronus, but it wasn’t a memory she recalled. It was a feeling. The way her stomach had jumped and she’d just felt - warm, when he’d had his hands guiding her through the last charm. She held onto that, a confident grin on her lips, as she the spell left her lips.
Light left her wand which was more than had ever happened before. It didn’t take a specific form, not the way it had always been described, but a shield of sorts appeared, which was better than she’d been able to manage in the past.
James frowned at that, slowly starting to put the pieces together. But there was still a lot of information she’d left out that he didn’t understand, so until he got a complete picture, he was going to try not to focus on it. “You would have been okay, I think. People gravitate toward you. You just have that effect.”
He watched her attempt the Patronus and grinned when she managed as much as she did. “Brilliant,” he encouraged, keeping his voice soft and quiet so he wouldn’t ruin her focus, even though he felt like exclaiming happily when she managed. “Keep focusing on that memory,” he urged and set his hands on her shoulders again, grinning at the light she was giving off. “If you lose focus, you lose the Patronus.”
She’d heard variations of those words forebear, most recently and notably from Severus, and they never made any more sense in her mind the more she heard them. She didn’t see what was so special about her, what people saw in her that made them say things like that. “I’ve no idea why,” she muttered to his words, letting out a bemused breath.
She felt him move behind her, too focused on the light she was maintaining to watch him move. She listened to his words and strengthened her focus, but when he put his hands on her, she could only think about that. The light didn’t fade, though. In fact, it only got brighter. It didn’t become corporeal, but the light was nearly blinding. “Oh!” she yelped, stepping away from him. As soon as the contact was broken, the light disappeared. Something Lily definitely noticed.
James grinned and squinted against the light as it grew, but soon it became too much for him. “Lil—” he said but she yelped over him and pulled away just as he moved his hands back to shield his eyes. “Bloody hell. I’ve never seen a Patronus do that before,” he told her, his eyes wide as they strained to adjust to the sudden lack of light. “I think you burned out my corneas. What, I wasn’t blind enough?” He teased, grinning even as he blinked to try and get rid of the spots in front of his eyes.
The behavior of her Patronus was odd and confusing, to say the least, and it had left her more than a little shaken. She stared at her wand after the charm had broken off as if it had betrayed her by behaving so oddly. “I haven’t either,” she said with a bit of a frown. She’d never been able to cast one before and now when she did, it went all wonky. This was quickly becoming one of her least favorite Defense spells. She smiled wryly at his words, though. “Maybe I just wanted glasses to match yours,” she teased, the light just as bright on her eyes as it had been on his.
He snorted at that and nodded. “You’d look good with them,” he grinned. “I think we can call it a night, if you want? We should probably head back and start dealing with patrols or something. And I still need to finish reading the handbook,” he winced.
"After you’ve made them sound so practical and glamorous?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "I’ll pass, thanks." A part of her wanted to protest, to stay here with him. A thought which caught her off guard and spooked her into agreeing. "Yeah, I just need to stop by the tower. Promised Marlene I’d drop her a book since she’s allergic to actually entering the library," she joked, lying rather boldly but needing a moment to herself before diving into Head duties. She was still rather caught up in the odd behavior of her Patronus and she had a feeling being around him would not clear her mind enough to think about it. "I’ll see you back at the Common Room, yeah?" She gathered her things and made her way to the door. "Thanks, by the way," she said, turning with a grin. "For the help. I might make it through this term after all."
