please analyze jackles eating that cake with his hands behind his back. PLEASE.
Okay so. You asked and I am ANSWERING. The picture in question is above. Look at that man go.
We’re going to start with the less weird part of this particular Jackles Shenanigan: the spectators.
Spectator Number One: Jared. Man’s just chilling in his beanie. Zoom in on his face. Go on. Zoom in. See that? That is not confusion or What-The-Fuck-Jen on his face. That’s more of an Oh-This-Again-Dude? He’s not like jumping up and down or laughing his ass off or showcasing any other Padalecki Flavored Humor Expression. So he’s not shocked. This is, apparently, just in line with what Jensen does off camera. He’s just Like This, and Jared has accepted it. Jared probably also wants cake.
Spectator Number Two: I do not know who this woman is but at least she’s having a normal reaction. If the image of her face could talk it would probably be saying “what the FUCK are you doing” because honestly that’s the sane reaction to have here. She should also, incidentally, have a pretty good look at his ass at this point. I have determined that she is probably the most sane person in the room at this time.
The Cake Itself: Moving on to one of two edible centerpieces in this photo: there are slices of cake on plates on the table, which is VAGUELY reassuring, I think. Here’s the logic for that. He’s not just sticking his whole ass chin and neck in the unmarred top of a totally whole cake. There’s probably a few pieces missing from the side he’s leaning in on, and he’s just taking a bite. As one does.
The Jackles: oh boy. Buckle up. There are SO MANY THINGS. First of all, he is Faceplanting Into A Cake. That’s a pretty big one. I’m not sure why. There’s a Styrofoam cup on the table. Coffee? Maybe he’s sleep deprived? There’s also Coca-Cola. Maybe he’s on a caffeine high and Thought It Was A Good Idea At The Time (spoiler alert: it was not). Few more points on Jensen, we’re gonna break it up into a couple of slots.
Jensen’s Attire: It looks like he’s wearing Dean. I don’t think he is, although I might be wrong. I don’t see any laces on his boots, and Dean tends toward laced up work boots. The Cowboy Boot Style is all Jen (and me, I do that too). Now, and this is interesting. I do not know when exactly this picture was taken (I think it’s fairly recent?) or anything and I do not claim to be an expert in analyzing Jensen’s clothing or anything so this may be Totally Untrue. Take it with a grain of salt. That looks like it might potentially be The Necklace he’s wearing. You know, the bead necklace he and Misha have matching/similar ones of. This might be wrong! I tried to identify the necklace by scouring a truly horrific number of pictures of the man, and was unable. You better appreciate the effort I’m putting in. Moving on. I can’t tell if he has the Always With You charm bracelet next to his watch or not, and I did in fact zoom in and open a photo editor to lighten the photo and generally went way too derangedly far on that.
Jensen Himself: hoo boy. Baby boy do you realize what you’re doing here. First, his face. For all that he’s got it buried in that cake (pun absolutely one hundred percent intended) he looks either like he’s concentrating very hard or he’s dead inside. Possibly both. Possibly Dean is fighting for control of the vessel and yelling in his brain about eating pie instead. Next up, The Stance. Falling completely in line with his omega sensibilities, this motherfucker is presenting. Mostly. That’s definitely an awkward squat with the bowlegs going further out, and that’s definitely his ass sticking out there. Only complaint is he hasn’t quite learned how to arch his back properly, so he mostly looks like those porn videos that are all “Anal Virgin College Boy Pegged By Hot TA In Latin Language Lab Study Hall” where the poor kid doesn’t even know what to do with his hands. Speaking of.
Jensen’s hands: what the fuck bruh. Okay one of them is behind your back instead of, idk, being used to support you so your nostrils don’t fill up with cake. Interesting choice there, bud. That one looks like he’s waiting to get handcuffed. The other one is for some INEXPLICABLE REASON wrapped around the OUTSIDE of his THIGH and then is just kinda. Hanging out there between his legs. What possible purpose is that serving, dude.
In Conclusion: Himbo Manwhore (affectionate)
For legal purposes please do not assume that this is the gospel, it is not and I might very well be wrong about things up there. This is also not intended to be in any way mean or harsh toward Jensen and everything I say I say out of love and more than a little exasperation