If he reacted in so many ways to the news that Cinder was getting married, imagine his reaction when he finds out she's pregnant.
Kai angsty
definitely not the pretext you wanted, but this is where Kai finds out Cinder's pregnant, and it's angsty and hidden and the child is his, milking every bit of angst for this series: a war to win (at all cost)
if you want a chapter that specifically has his reaction to Cinder's pregnancy, just read this chapter: i would stay forever (if you say don't go)
if you still want me to write the pretext of Kai finding about Cinder having another man's child I can do that, just send in an ask again mentioning that! thank you for this ask! :)
“I won’t become something beautiful and empty just to stand beside you.” Kaider angsty
Masterlist
last oneshot of my series: a war to win (at all cost) , it can be read as an independent piece, but it would make much more sense if you read it together, since there's a flow. I think I might complete my angst requests if you'll don't keep sending more (SEND THEM I LOVE WRITING EVIL ANGST) and maybe post a sweet fluff shot soon. tried my best to make this angsty angsty, hope you like it! <3
A/N: It's a Selene x Kai fic.
i would stay forever (if you say don't go)
Ship: Kaider
Words: 4.1k
Genre: Angst
Kai's Perspective:
The pale yellow walls of the hotel lobby cast a dull influence on him, much like everything in his life had become; the wrinkled white undershirt made him look as though he had been sparring with a giant workload, grey hair doubled in number within the last months of this mutual separation, that was happening, but still under the wraps, so everytime they came in the same room, Kai had to stop himself from saying things he wanted and instead pretend that he did love her enough to allow her to leave, if that’s what she saw fit.
You can’t love someone enough to make them stay.
Selene. His Wife.
She had always come back to him. But now that forlorn nights occurred more times than Kai could count, his mind kept telling him: coming back wasn’t equivalent to staying, coming back meant someone had left first.
“Kai,” his advisor, Torin, called, standing at the door, “Can you do this?”
Sighing, he shut his eyes, head pushed back against the warm leather of the sofa, humming in response, because there was no definite answer to the question.
He’d work through the inner turmoil, even when it came at the cost of his own peace— yet, he’d thought of the sadistic awakening of knowing how this might be his last few moments with her.
Once the news is public, their monarchies would make every possible decision to ensure that their paths don’t cross. In a way, they had already onboarded this implementation with the way Lee replaced Selene’s presence in cross-border meetings, or how Kai always skipped the briefings where the world leaders had to come together, instead letting his foreign minister handle it.
He couldn’t see her, and not think of it. He couldn’t see her and not say it.
“Please, don’t leave me.
I love you.
You love me too.”
The words came in all iterations to him, spoken in strings of desperate desires and longings in the middle of the night, before conscience broke what the heart wanted, and his actions stopped midway, right before dialling her number, unsure of how he would deal with the pain if she didn’t pick up.
“Come on,” Kai says at last, putting on his coat, as he wears a mask that can’t stick around long enough, and whispers, “I know you tried your best.”
“Was that for you or me?”
That makes him crack a smile, battered, but existent, and that’s enough of a sign for Torin to loosen the tension that he’s been holding inside him, since they arrived at Colombo.
And as they make their way to the room full of bureaucrats, leaders and people with more money than they were supposed to, Kai knows she’s in the room, just the knot in his stomach was enough reassurance of her presence being here with him.
It didn’t take a long time for her to get wrapped up around him, laughing at his jokes, sweet kisses under his throat that would leave a red stain, torturous than required, and Kai let her, in exchange, his fingers thrumbed against her waist, digging into the bone of her hips, staring at her, everytime she talked, and even when she didn’t.
They looked passionately in love. Three people had told them about how they can’t keep their hands off each other.
None of them had seen them when they were alone, how the hands had lingered, hovering, but there wasn’t enough courage to cross it, and Kai was tired of doubting and asking and digesting the rejection that followed, so he let it be.
-
The staff led them to their floor, her hands that had been in his arm the entirety of the dinner dropped to her empty side as she tried not to fiddle with her dress.
The large suite, painted in baby blue, was how they’d found the room when they entered. She notices the drop in his shoulders as the door closes.
"It's been a while," Selene whispers, leaning against the wall, as she soothes the strain of a migraine. She imagines hearing Kai hum to her words, already on his way to get refreshed.
"Selene," hears his call, voice muffled, and she half-heartedly opens her eyes to find him.
"There's one bed," he says, upon feeling her stand behind him.
"We're married."
"I'd ask for a room change or maybe a spare mattress-" He suggests, turning around hastily, indeed to find some staff, "- Don't be silly. They have no reason to give us separate beds when they think we're irrevocably in love."
"Are we?"
"What?"
"Are we irrevocably in love?" He asks, and in a long time, she finds him holding her gaze. The intensity is too much to handle, making her feel vulnerable, and he looks at her as if he knows her secret, and she looks away, because that’s what she’s been doing: fleeing.
"I think we once were," She whispers, looking anywhere but into his golden-brown orbs that still manage to take her breath away, "-Besides, you wouldn't want them to know, would you?"
"Know what?" He asks, confused.
"We're getting div-" And, not finding the courage to say it aloud, she instead says "- having troubles."
The words seem to do their magic, as he looks away, somewhat ashamed.
"I'll take a shower, it's too hot in here," Selene says, fleeing inside the bathroom. Sighing against the cool tile, she prepares a bath. If she were planning to stay hidden, she would rather do it for a long time.
"You don't need to hide in the bath for hours, Sele. I know it's awkward, but-" Selene hears his call from the door, it seems like he's searching for the right words, "- I don't want you to be so troubled over me."
It's comical how he never seemed to understand. Selene would always be troubled over him. Lost in her thoughts, she had forgotten to reply, and now his words were more agitated, "-Sele, are you ok? I'm getting a little worried."
"I'm fine, I dozed off. I will be out in a minute."
It takes her more than a minute to walk out the door, trying to find the armour against a person she wasn’t supposed to ever do, her wet hair sticking to the back of her neck, further adding to the discomfort, as she looked his way, apologising for holding the bathroom longer than necessary.
“You don’t have to apologise,” he whispers, eyes looking beyond her frame, as if he doesn’t want to see her. Selene couldn’t blame him for feeling that way—she had aimed for that reaction. However, with the way, there was a positive pregnancy test hidden in a stash of garbage that she was supposed to throw out herself; it wasn’t the most welcoming gesture.
She should have told him. It would have undone everything she did, and Selene wasn’t sure if she didn’t want that.
The divorce. Their divorce.
She hears him cough, breaking the spiral of troublesome thought, “-are you ok?”
“I’m sorry, what?” she asks, surprised at the question. He wasn’t supposed to care; Kai wasn’t supposed to be even in this room with her right now. Selene was supposed to be stronger than whatever her court wanted her to be; she was supposed to choose him over everything else.
“You look pale, and no offence, ‘very lost’,” he explained, drawing air quotes on the latter words, and it made her frown, as she smoothed over his worry, trying not to think about how he had noticed the after-effects of the morning sickness.
-
They had survived the gala and its cut-throat attendees, which is what Selene thought, until Shyla, her very own best friend, chose to cross paths with them, red smirk plastered on her face, as she pointedly looked at Selene, “If it’s not my favourite inter-planetary couple, you both look so lovely.”
Her tone is pompous enough for Kai to give her a sideways glance, as he holds a silent conversation to ask if she knows, and Selene nods once and notices the way the love he had been holding in his eyes gets replaced with indifference, as he drops his hand from her waist, and the missing warmth makes her yearn.
“Shyla, it's been too long,” Kai says, hugging her, and Selene notices the way his shoulders, which had been tense throughout the evening, ease, as if the pretending was a weight on him, having him in a chokehold.
“- I read your policy on the poverty chain effect. There is quite a lot of potential. Are the Lunars planning on its implementation?” he enquired, as they both turned to Selene for an answer, who had nothing more than a shrug to offer, “-you know how the aristocrats think about welfare programs. It will take some time to sway them.”
“We trust you to do it.” Kai admits, and the conviction in his words makes her flinch; even Shyla, who had been trying to unsee the uncertainty between them, gives her a look, before ruining everything.
“I know this isn’t my place,” she starts, and Selene shuts her eyes, already knowing how the interaction would make her feel, and tries to stop her, but to no avail, as she continues like a soldier on a mission, “- Selene is stupid, and you are stupidly in love, and it’s obvious you love each other. No one has told you how much bullshit you’re asking for.”
“Shyla,” Selene warns her, while Kai looks like a stranded sailor who’s been told the forbidden words and doesn’t want to hear them, chooses to do one thing Selene has been fixated on doing for months, flee, “- excuse me.”
Kai doesn’t wait for them to acknowledge the remark, as he vanishes, leaving behind an angry Selene with a friend she’d want to kill.
“Go after him,” Shyla orders, pushing her in the direction he has gone.
“Are you mad?” Selene yells, trying to keep her voice down to avoid making this a public scandal for everybody to see on their newsfeed within the next hour.
“I think I should be telling you that. The man literally said, ‘I trust you,’ when you have ruined his peace, and you’re stubborn enough so as not to see what’s right in front of you.”
“Shyla,” she seethes, and matching her tone, she grits her name, “-there’s the court-”
“Why does it fucking matter to you what they think?! They would never want you to be happy, especially not with Kai. Just forget about them for a minute and think about the ba-”
“Shut up, Shyla,” Selene shouts, making a few heads turn in their direction, “-you would stay out of this.”
Her words are final, as she leaves, knowing how Shyla has pressed every nerve where it could hurt, and worse of it was how she had to go back to a room where Kai would be waiting for a conversation, she wasn’t ready to have.
Luckily, Kai doesn’t come to the room the entire night, and the next morning, when Selene wakes up, his luggage is already missing from the room, and she doesn’t know whether to be thankful for it or not.
-
Kai didn’t see her for an entire month after that evening. He had come to terms with calling this ‘separation’ as ‘divorce’, and didn’t lose his breath every time a new document arrived in the mail regarding their duties henceforth.
That’s why, when he was asked to be present for a meeting in the Letumosis Prevention Act, there wasn’t much reason for him to obstruct, not even with the hanging doom of how he would have to meet both Selene and Shyla after their last conversation.
That’s why, sitting in the vibrant lighting of the conference room, he felt anxious from the thought of the after-hours of networking rather than the policy-making itself.
And as the dreadful hour came closer to ending, he could feel every cell in his body wanting to be removed one by one so as to obliterate his being, but luck won’t be on his side; it had never been, and this time won’t be any different.
Hence, when he noticed Lee, Her Majesty’s advisor, cross the room to stand next to Kai, he knew a tragedy was coming.
“Your Majesty,” he said, bowing in respect, as Kai nodded, hand stretched for a shake, expectantly waiting for him to continue, “-the Queen wanted to show unity in the Lunar Court, will you please join the afternoon session?”
He hears the question, sighs, as he senses his body agree out of habit before the conscience catches up, halting all thoughts, as he recalls the exact words that broke the marriage: “My council wants me to divorce you.”
He doesn’t want to meet men and women who know their marriage has become a sham, and smile as he kisses her cheek, pretending love solved all their problems.
Shaking his head, Kai argues against his earlier agreement, “Mr Lee, I believe the Court already knows there’s no unity, why go on a fool’s act?”
Lee is good at hiding his surprise, a slight nod of understanding, as he explains, “The Queen is trying to sway support for the new Bill Miss Shyla had wanted to implement—”
“Very well, you can tell the Queen. I won’t become something beautiful and empty just to stand beside her,” he announces, his frustration from their late meeting evident in his words, and when he turns to come face to face with his wife, there’s a hesitancy, but it’s quickly replaced with diplomacy, as he puts on the politest smile and wishes, “I wish you the best for your session. Forgive me for not finding the time to join you.”
“Kai,” she calls at him; however, he’s too done with everything to care as he cuts her off, “- I have President Varghas waiting on me, if you could please excuse me.”
The whispers around them go off; however, it is beyond his concern, since they would get much louder once the news is out. It’s only time.
-
Selene had been in her room, working through the draft of her next speech, when she heard the loud banging on the door, forcing her to get out of the warm blanket against her wishes.
To her surprise, when she opens the door, she meets Kai, who isn’t drunk, but he isn’t sober either.
"Sili," Kai gasps as he comes to stand straight before the doorway of her suite, shifting his body weight that was leaning against the door. His hair's dishevelled, like he's just rolled out of bed, or pulled at his roots enough times to make it resemble a bird's nest. She isn't sure of what led to him standing before her, some time past midnight, but whatever it may be, he seems entirely fazed by it.
"Everything all right?" She asks, shifting away to let him lean against the frame for balance, turning away the diplomatic papers she was reading from.
"I know," he whispers, eyes glued to the room behind her, and puzzled, she asks, "What do you mean?"
"It's-" he murmurs, nimble fingers tugging at the back of his head, as he tries to keep his emotions in check, and Selene wonders what might have made him so distraught.
"Are you all right, Kai?" She questions, leaning forward to pull his hand away from the messy locks that would soon be in his palm if she let him continue.
"When were you going to tell me that you're pregnant?" He throws at her, and she recoils at the question.
Obviously, this is what gets him so riled up. Had Selene not been a master at hiding things, the thought of him finding out would have crossed her mind, but it had been long since they noticed each other in ways they used to. Besides, they didn’t look at each other as much as they thought about fleeing each other; there was no way Kai would have realised she was pregnant from the small bump that was still too non-existent for even her.
"I don't k-"
"Don't lie to me," he grits through his teeth, and that's when she realises, Kai hadn't been staring at the papers she moved, but instead was staring at her abdomen. Perhaps, trying to know if his findings were just fiscal rumours.
"I wasn't planning to."
"Huh?"
"I wasn't planning on making you aware of my situation," She clarifies, and the way his eyes shot up to her, she knows he didn't want to hear that.
"And by 'situation' you refer to having our offspring, if you planned to do it?" Kai asks, jaw taut. She knows how much he wants to yell, but the only thing probably stopping him is his need for answers, and how he’s outside her room, where the echoes of his voice can be heard by anyone.
"Who told you?"
"I don't see how that matters," he points out.
"Obviously it does, Kai. We're getting divorced, they'd think I cheated on you-"
"Selene, having rumours about why we got divorced is the last of my concerns. I want to know why telling me wasn't even considered a possibility?"
"Shyla told you. Didn't she?" Selene's already moving past him, wanting to find her friend and strangling her to death.
"Why are you so bothered with how I found out?!"
"Because you weren't supposed to find out," She yells at him, pulling him inside the room, knowing how their voices would reach people they’re not meant to if she keeps him standing outside.
"Why?"
"It gives you a reason to delay the divorce, and I didn't want to make it seem like I was trapping you-" Selene answers, knowing how foolish it sounds.
"Selene," he tries again, but she doesn’t want to hear him. She wants to kick him out of the room, and pretend that he’s never known it, and she wants him to forgive her, and hold her so tight she forgets everything except for the way his arms feel around her.
"-And your stupid nobility would want you to be with me, and our marriage's already messy, without having a child," she explains, voice cracking as she looks at him, directly, and sees him, not a thought of how she wouldn’t survive this, but just him, broken like her, on the opposite side of the room.
“But why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, repeating the same question to find an answer, but Selene can’t give an answer because she doesn’t have one, so she becomes cruel because that’s all she’s been, “-because how would it matter?”
“It’s a baby— our baby,” he says, eyes bloodshot as he tries to make her see.
“It’s just a positive pregnancy test,” she states.
“Why are you doing this, Selene?”
“Because you’re adding emotions that shouldn’t exist in this conversation. It’s just 2 red lines. You just found out, so you believe this changes everything; it doesn’t. We’re still 2 people getting a divorce.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t understand how the divorce made you think it’s okay for you to not tell me that you’re pregnant. I can’t believe you called it ‘2 red lines’,” he exclaims, hand tugging at his tie, as he tries to keep his anger at bay.
“Get out, Kai,” she orders, tugging his hand to throw him out herself, when he pushes her against the door, and jabs his finger accusingly, “You hid the baby from me, and you had no reason for it. If you want the divorce so bad, you could have just mentioned it, Selene. I didn’t know you hated being with so much.”
“You didn’t notice it, Kai,” she whispers at last, the proximity getting to her, as she senses her tears trickling down her face.
“Is that an accusation? Forgive me, I didn’t realise you were—”
“—You were so lost in your own misery that there’s nothing you—”
“—apologies for feeling low, I’d try to be on top of the moon next time I divorce someone I love—”
“Kai,” she grits, pushing him away, as she repeats, “Shut up, shut up, shut up.”
“Why are you so adamant on not hearing it?”
“Because you don’t, and you’re drunk, and Shyla was a bitch to tell you secrets she wasn’t supposed to,” she says, moving away from him, as she tries to gain some control, while trying to keep her heartbeat from skyrocketing.
“Why are you doing this, Sili?” He begs, and it’s the nickname again, one that he shouldn’t be using, and it hits every corner of the heart she’s been trying to keep hidden from him, and she confesses, “-because you have this huge complex to save everything, but then you can’t, and it breaks your heart, and I’m not ready for it.”
“Give me a chance,” he pleads, his hands wrapping around hers, as he holds them against his chest, “Please, Selene.”
“Kai, we have been over this,” she whispers, pulling her hand away, but he tugs it closer again, and she looks at his distraught face and feels all the heartbreak she’s been trying to keep away.
"A child changes things," Kai replies, trying to reason with her, and she hates it, hates how much he’s calm even when she’s been an asshole throughout the months, and he’s trying to be patient.
"Don't you think I fucking know it?” Selene cries, chest rising and falling from everything she’s trying to keep in, “What a child doesn't change is us. I'm still the Lunar Queen, you're still the Emperor. I don’t see you for months, it takes days for you to just come and meet me, whatever serotonin rush you’re on, it isn’t a good idea.”
“Sili,” he breathes, forehead against hers, and she knows that she’s already lost this fight, “I don’t want to regret not trying hard enough.”
“That’s the problem, Kai. You’re trying too hard, and it’s still not working out.”
“Sili, this is our baby,” he says, his palm coming against her lower abdomen, and it becomes more difficult for her to keep her sob inside her.
“Kai, please.”
“-I want to take care of it—”
“-don’t do this to me, Kai.”
“— let me take care of you.”
She’s crying, her cheeks stained, as they mix with his tears, shaking her head and pulling away, and this time he lets her, “-we’re going to sign the papers.”
“Do you want to have the baby?” he asks, and she knows the implications are far greater than what those words mean, and she looks away because there’s no wrong answer to that question, but there’s no right answer either.
He repeats the question after a while, patiently waiting for her answer, and Selene knows that he would accept her choice, after all, he’d agreed to the divorce because it would make her life simpler.
“I want the baby,” she agrees at last, finding his eyes already looking at her; her knees give up, as she falls to the ground; however, his hands engulf her before they can hit the hard floor, whispering into her, “-I refuse to let my wife go through the pregnancy alone.”
“Kai,” she cries, hand drawing him closer, as she lets herself breathe since that fateful night when she’d told him about the Council’s demand, “- it would break me, if this doesn’t work out.”
He sighs, fingers in her hair, softly pressing against the scalp as they ease the tension, “Me too. But, I love you, and it has to mean something.”
Selene knows her problem hasn’t vanished, but it doesn’t matter, because Kai’s holding her, and she has only needed that for months. It might not get better, but he’s here, and it’s all that matters, she tells herself, as she snuggles closer to him, whispering, “I’m sorry. I love you.”
“It’s going to be ok,” he whispers in the crook of her neck, and the silence engulfs them, and it’s not lonely, and Selene finds comfort on the hard floor, before he breaks the calm, “Do you still want to show unity to your Council, tomorrow?”
She doesn’t understand the words until she recalls the afternoon conversation, and laughs, “Is this your way of telling them ‘fuck you’?”
Like a cheeky bastard, he only smiles evilly, “No, only showing how much I love you.”
Selene only laughs it off before capturing his lips, every bit eager to piss off the Council with him there.
this is one of the angst ideas had lined up for like 8+ months now, and it's half written, and it's heavily inspired from this fic I read last year, if I write in the way I'd meant to initially, it might fit in the "Phoenix" prompt of TLC Ship Week 2025! :)
PS: This is Selene Blackburn x Kai fic.
Masterlist
these sunflowers that no longer shine for me
Ship: Kaider
Words: 2.1k
Genre: Angst
Kai's Perspective:
He’d been waiting for her. Surprisingly, that’s all he seems to be doing with Selene lately—and the realisation makes him qualm. The thought couldn’t be given much thought, as he sees Mr Lee approach him, moving across the crowd swiftly, maintaining eye contact with Konn Torin, his own advisor.
A polite nod as he stands before the said guy, and whispers without any facial change in his expression. But if the sinking feeling in Kai’s gut is any indication, he already knows what the message is about. It becomes evident with the way Torin shakes his head slightly, eyes full of understanding.
It looks awfully like pity.
“Good Evening, Journalists. Unfortunately, Her Majesty won’t be joining us today. If you have any questions for the Lunar Queen, they’d be taken care of by the Lunar Ambassador, Mr Karahan. We may now begin,” the Commonwealth’s Head of PR announces, commencing the press conference.
Kai can feel the warm glow on his face as he enters the room, the loud chorus of questions being hurled at him. He only wishes this ends sooner than expected, as he takes the seat meant for him. Selene’s chair is briefly empty before Mr Karahan joins them.
"Greetings. It is a distinct honour to announce that the Lunar-Commonwealth Mining Corridor will be officially operational as of April 1st. Comprehensive details will be circulated to all delegates at the conclusion of this conference. This initiative stands to significantly bolster economic synergy and expand employment opportunities for both parties."
With this said, multiple hands go up in the air, most of them for the Lunar Ambassador and Head of Mineral Resources, which was ideal, for Kai was too shaken by his earlier realisation to work out on diplomacy.
“-My question was for His Majesty,” a woman in a pale green button-down asks, eyes sharp, and in all the years Kai has given to being royalty, he knows she was going to have a personal attack incoming, “-Does Miss Blackburn’s absence hint at her disagreement with the Mining Corridor? or worse, should she feel the matter is too trivial for her presence to be required?”
“Miss-”
“-Delalieu,” the lady provides.
“-It is presumptuous to suggest that Her Majesty, the Lunar Queen, views this conference or the corridor as trivial. She has worked exhaustively to bring this vision to fruition, prioritising the stabilisation of Earth-Lunar relations. Mr Karahan stated that Miss Selene was unable to attend due to ill health. Any further scrutiny into this personal matter is entirely misplaced, Miss Delalieu."
“Your Majesty, on that note, don’t you think Her Majesty’s presence in the Commonwealth’s activities is dwindling, like this ‘unit’ thing you affectionately mentioned in the early years of marriage, isn’t very obvious anymore—” before the reporter could make any more accusations, Kai silences him off, “- I appreciate your concern for my marriage, Sir. I’d take delight in expressing that my wife, Selene and I are in a very blissful marriage, and love each other dearly. We’re both Inter-Planetary leaders with quite busy schedules; the absence of both isn’t intentional. We’re trying our best to lead our nations to a better future, but we’re human at the end of the day, and cannot be present everywhere at once.”
Kai signals a curt nod, giving his cue to end this conference. No sooner do the words for closing leave Torin’s mouth, Kai’s already out of the back door, his frustration at the question evident.
Mr Lee is already waiting at the turn. The sight of Selene’s PA makes Kai lose whatever control he’s trying to keep hold of.
“Why wasn’t she there?” Kai asks, his voice on a higher note than usual.
“Your Majesty, Miss Selene had taken ill-”
“Please elaborate on this sudden ‘illness’ Her Majesty caught, that wasn’t reported to my staff or me on her arrival, 30 minutes before the conference?” He asks, all sense of calm lost, as the way Lee fidgets makes a lie incoming evident; hesitant, for he’s not sure how much of a cover-up he’s allowed to make.
“Please leave us alone, Lee,” Selene says, and her PA is quick on his heels. Kai doesn’t turn, but he feels her approaching, as her heels click against the black marble.
“Kai,” Selene whispers when she’s standing before him, and it takes everything in him not to wrap his arms around her, “I’m sorry, I had corn soup on the way here, and ended up throwing up as soon as I reached here. I was adamant about joining the conference, but my state didn’t allow it.”
Given that explanation, Kai meets her eyes, his anger pushed back, replaced by care for his wife. She was wearing his sky-blue hoodie, faded from long years of wear, her hair tied in a messy bun, as if she hadn't combed through it in weeks. I
“Are you feeling better now?” He asks, concern evident, finger pushing the short strands of hair covering her face, and feels how she leans into the touch.
“Somewhat, I’d love to crash out though,” and that was enough cue for Kai to pull her in a sideways hug, “-c’mon then, do you want to have a protein bar before that?”
“I don’t think I’d be able to handle it, but I’d like some cold milk with kesar. Did you eat dinner?”
“I had crackers before the conference, so I’d eat something light.”
Selene hums in approval. It had been 47 days since he’d last seen her, the longest in years. Kai recalls how his last visit to Lunar had ended on a sour note, something about not seeing each other enough. They’d thrown words they didn’t mean to, said things out of anger and circumstance. In the heat of the moment, Kai had left 2 days earlier than he’d intended. Nobody had apologised; they’d just overlooked the fight and gone about it.
That’s one of the reasons why Kai was so riled up about the question earlier. It had hit a sore nerve; both of them were avoiding it. Something inevitable.
“I heard the question,” Selene says, as the elevator door closes.
“- It was nothing,” Kai answers, hand on her back, as he unintentionally draws circles, “- I don’t think it was nothing,” she repeats.
“Please, Sele, we have fought on this before,” Kai sighed, hands withdrawn now, as the earlier feeling of resentment resurfaces. He doesn’t want to talk about this, as it leads to more fights, and overlooking it isn’t working in their favour anymore.
“I don’t want to either, but people are talking, you know this would be all over the media by tomorrow afternoon,” she points out, which is worse, for it’s the truth. They have a great list of sad edits from fangirl that don’t make sense. How could strangers know what utmost failure his marriage has become?
“We just met, I don’t want to talk about it,” He tells, voice leaving no room for argument, and for once, Selene agrees, and he’s grateful, but now there’s silence, which is daunting. Somewhere in between, a man enters the elevator, and Kai doesn’t know him, but he can trace the anxious energy he is holding inside him, hesitant to enter before Selene gives him the final nod. Kai isn’t fine, but he’s not not fine either. This way, their silence can be blamed on the stranger’s presence, and not on how they don’t know what to say to each other.
“I was thinking of getting something from the kitchen,” he mentions, looking at Selene, question evident, without being framed in that order.
She nods, “Could you bring me some pudding as well?”
There it is, the missing touch. Kai had hoped she’d accompany him, but instead she’d lost the hint. Tight-lipped smile, as he gazes down, feet shuffling.
“Sure.”
And he’s walked out, no glance back, as he exhales loudly. Walks inside his chamber, only to find Torin already waiting there.
“- I didn’t expect you here,” he remarks.
“To be fair, neither did I,” Kai states, peeling out of the blazer, as he throws himself on the leather sofa.
“You should talk to her—”
“I don’t know what to talk about, it’s like all the words vanish when I’m alone with her. I have never felt so much of a fool before,” he grunts, fingers tugging at his hair, as if removing the polished layer of the Emperor, one by one. The tie had already come off, one of Selene’s gifts from their courtship days, he recalls.
“Then you should tell Miss Selene that,” Torin points out, and his ever-welcome wisdom is stupid. He doesn’t have a partner, whom he doesn’t see for weeks. If Kai knows anything, it’s that Saho shares 10 pictures of his activity while Torin’s away at work.
“I don’t know how to,” Kai rants, eyes searching for something, ultimately in vain; there’s no miracle Torin can provide him. Communication isn’t one. “— it’s like walking around eggshells, and I’m tired, and I know she is too, but it’s honestly, I don’t know, Torin. I don’t know how to save my marriage, and I’m trying my best to do it.”
“You don’t have to overthink about the questions, Kai. You need to tell her that you love her and how you’re tired of downplaying it. She’d walk half the distance from there,” Torin says, patting his back, as he leaves. The door shut in his wake. He doesn’t like this suffocation, and this hiding from his wife.
Doesn’t know how to end this at all, how to make all these things fall back into place. He has a holograph of them on his desk. Her 19th birthday, from before they were dating. He’s giving her a pigtail ride after her leg had sprained, and someone at the competition had clicked them together. That photo was trending for months, ultimately forcing them to confess that they liked each other romantically.
He smiles. Wiping off the non-existent dust with his palm, he decides to act upon Torin’s advice. He’s gonna tell her that he hates whatever this is, and hug her until their bones hurt, and they have talked everything in the world, and then he would kiss her forehead, and ramble how much he’s missed her, and tell her how much she means to him.
Kai has a plan. He makes his way to the kitchen, packs some dinner for himself and 2 puddings, as she’d requested. He ends up getting a bowl of khichdi too, in case she’s hungry again.
“Sorry, I had to stop by the office,” Kai says, pushing the door open, “- don’t tell me you’re—” He stops, she’s asleep.
Head tilted at an angle that would give her a sprain, as she is unaware of the world, her body crouched to fit into the small space of the sofa.
He had a plan.
He stares, stuck in the moment. It didn’t matter what he had to say; she was tired. All Kai can think about is whether she was waiting for him, staring at the door, hoping he’d be there with pudding, like she’d wanted.
Scoffing at himself, he keeps the food he’d brought aside and walks towards her. Her sketchbook, hidden between her legs and torso, falls as Kai lifts her.
“Shush, it’s ok,” he whispers, lulling her back to sleep, as he drops her on the bed. His fingers moved the hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.
“Good night, Sele”, he whispers, covering her body with the duvet. A soft smile enriches his face as he kisses her forehead.
As he unpacks the dinner, he notices the fallen sketchbook, and knowing how she hates the way the graphite spills on the page when unkept, he picks it up, eyes scanning her work, only to find a half-done drawing of his at the recent press conference, and it’s in the way his eyes look lost, that he knows, she watched him.
Kai doesn’t know what to think anymore, but the ache in his heart is too loud for him to overlook anymore. He glances at Selene, takes in her calm face, the way her chest rises and falls, and feels the weight of everything he’s been trying to hold.
A tear ends up on the paper, smudging the layers of graphite she’s crushed against the white, “Fuck Kai,” he mutters under his breath, desperately trying not to have a breakdown.
Wiping the snot by the back of his hand, covers the book, dinner all forgotten, as he promises himself to get them through this.
--
A/N: There's more to come, it'd likely be a 4-5 chapter story, I'd try to post most of it by the end of this month.
I had planned to write this for the TLC Ship Week 2025, and it's like 6 months late, but better late than never, written for the prompt "Prosperity" :)
also it does fit the 'Family Sunday' vibe for TLC Fan Events, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tag early @tlc-fan-events <33
Masterlist
hold my heart (it's yours to keep)
Ship: Kaider
Words: 2.3k
Genre: Domestic Fluff
Kai's Perspective:
Kai walked down the hallway, unbuttoning his suit, as he pulled the port from his pocket, scrolling to find the Palace menu for dinner. Wondering how he, the Emperor, was forced into following the food schedule, and then thought about how it was probably his mother, who had come up with this system, and no one wanted to argue.
Spicy King Prawn.
Well, he would have to thank his Ma for having made such a wonderful menu. Cinder’s favourite, to be exact. Speaking of his wife, she’d already be at the dinner table, so he thought it was futile to walk to their bedroom. But taking one glance at his white, wrinkled shirt that he’d worn from one meeting to another, he chose to change into something more comfortable.
“Ugh,” he heard a loud groan coming from the bed, scaring the shit outta him.
“Damn, Cinder. You’d give a man a heart attack,” Kai chuckles as he pulls the tie around his neck loose.
“Like I care,” she mumbled, and Kai didn’t pay heed, as he searched for the black slacks that he remembered throwing in some corner this morning.
“What’s wrong?” Kai asked as he walked through the bedroom, expecting Cinder to be eager to walk out of the room. Instead, she was sprawled on the bed, still in her work clothes, hair resembling a bird’s nest.
“Life,” Cinder scoffed, and had the circumstances been calmer, Kai would have joined in on the remark. He chose to overlook it, shifting in the bed, as he leaned near his wife, “Cindy, what happened?”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Too bad, because we’re not leaving until you talk, and it’s your favourite dinner.”
“Don’t wanna eat,” she grumbles again, hiding her face deeper into the forts of pillow she’s made for herself, and that’s enough sign for Kai to know it’s been a bad day. Probably one of those, where someone questions her authority due to her special gifts. Kai has grown tired of people calling his wife names, but Cinder is too independent to let him stop it.
“Fine, I’d be back in an hour. You’d probably feel better by then,” Kai says, pushing himself off the bed, as he walks away. Putting his port for charging, as he takes out slippers from the rack, expecting Cinder to be at his throat at any moment.
“Are you leaving me alone, Kai?” Cinder asks, now sitting upright, shocked at his words.
“Didn’t you want that, babe?” Kai calls from the other room, looking for the calming hair oils Cinder uses, but thinking better of it, he picks a few-
“What’s wrong with you?” She says, irritation clear in her voice, and if he’s not before her in the next minute, she’d be madder at him than all the other people she was mad over in the last hour or so.
“You wouldn’t talk with me,” Kai points out.
“You didn’t try hard enough for that. Have fun eating your dinner!” She yelled and pulled the duvet above her as he walked back into the room. He smiled at her antics. It was always fun to get her riled up.
“Very well,” he whispers, pulling off the covers, and getting her to turn around, “-what are you doing?”
“Trying harder,” Kai says, kissing her forehead, and then the left cheek, and right cheek. He’s about to capture her lips when she swats him away, “-I’m angry, remember?”
“All I see is you being a baby,” He chuckles, and then captures her lips, and she doesn’t argue, sighing in the embrace instead, her fingers pulling at his roots, as she pulls Kai closer. And when they both break the kiss, in search of air, she hides in the crook of his neck.
Kai doesn’t push for a conversation; Cinder’s a talker. She ends up sharing her worries later rather than sooner; he needs to wait it out. So he finds himself drawing oil from the bottles he’s carried into bed.
“I’m gonna move you a lil, ok?” Kai tells her, and, getting no rebuttal, he shifts position, so she’s sitting before him, her knees pulled to her chest, her chin resting on its crown. Kai notices how small she looks, in rumpled sheets and brown hair that’s tangled in knots that will take hours to straighten. Her pink polo shirt from the morning is no longer tucked into white dress pants, which are surprisingly not stained with grease.
“Kai, you’re staring.”
“Oh, sorry,” he mutters, a little embarrassed, 4 years into marriage, and he still somehow gets enraptured with her in the smallest of moments. Thorne gifted him a tee that read “Cinder’s Lovesick Boy” as a joke, but he ended up cherishing it more than the actual gift Cress and Thorne had bought for his birthday.
He feels her nudge him out of his train of thought, and this time, he is sheepish, sitting on folded knees, he finds himself overlooking Cinder. Her brown hair resembled a nest from this angle, and he huffs at the challenge, oiling his hair to ensure minimal damage. Partitioning the hair into two parts, his nimble fingers untangle knots, one at a time.
There are no words exchanged between the two, just his focus on getting her hair tidied up, while she seems to enjoy the caress. From the way her head is loosely hanging on the edge, Kai’s convinced Cinder’s napping; he wouldn’t have minded if they both hadn’t missed out on dinner. However, he lets her rest, at least until her hair’s sorted out.
“You know, I wonder if you were a hair spa worker in some lifetime,” Cinder murmured, oozing a chuckle from him.
“You’re the only customer in this lifetime,” he replies cheekily, a quick kiss on the edge of a forehead.
“Very poor business execution.”
“I don’t need the money-”
“Way to go, Emperor! So humble of you,” she mocks, twisting to face him.
“We earn the same amount, my darling Empress,” he teases, fingers drawing against the curve of her jaw, while he gazes into her eyes, and he’d almost captured her lips-
“Ouch, what was that for?” He calls, nursing the not-so-light punch Cinder landed on him.
“You played with me-”
“When did I do that?”
“-Oh, you did, Kai. ‘I’m going to have dinner, you’d probably feel better in some time.’ Who was that?” Cinder parrots, launching herself on him, and he dramatically falls, puffing as if she weighed a ton.
“That did get you talking, didn’t it?” He replies, cheekily, and seeing how she’s wriggling her hair in all directions, goes, “-stop messing your hair anymore, I just worked hard to untangle it.”
Cinder wakes up as he pushes himself on his knees, only for her to come back with, “Are you gonna give me a shit for how messed up my hair is?”
“They’re your hair, and it’s not messed up anymore. I untangled them. If you sit still, I can braid them for you,” Kai offers. She’s sitting within a minute, making him smile, as he partitions the hair in 3 parts, swiftly making crosses.
“Have they made Spicy Prawns today?” She enquires, and Kai holds the laugh inside him, and in his most serious voice says, “I assume, yes.”
Cinder nods, expecting him to say something, but as a troubled partner, he lets her sit in the silence, as he completes the braid, fastening it with a band. One look at the work, before he hums in approval.
“C’mon, dinner is already delayed enough,” he exclaims, pushing himself off the bed. Now that Cinder is more composed, he freshens up, as he had intended to.
Walking back into the suite, he finds her in the same position, “Aren’t you coming?”
“I’m tired,” she sighs.
“It’s dinner—”
“— I know, but it’s been a stressful day,” she admits.
“I can ask for dinner to be served in our room,” he suggests, but she’s quick to refute it, “- I don’t like the smell of prawns in our room.”
“Cindy, you can’t just skip dinner,” Kai tried again, moving beside her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, head lulled in the crook of his neck, as his hands wrap her, “Should I give you a ride to dinner?”
“Will you?”
The quiet tone of her voice is enough indication of why she’s tried. He doesn’t verbally affirm her; instead, his arm is already under her knees, another on the back, as he walks out of the room.
She’s silent the entire way, face angled towards his torso, so she won’t have to make eye contact with anyone. Kai can feel the way her body is a tiny bit flushed, notices that someone is walking their way, and smirks.
“Your Majesty,” the assistant says, “I have shared the files with you,” his eyes staring intensely at Kai, as if not wanting to look anywhere else.
“Very well. Aren’t you going home?” He asks, and knows Cinder’s eyes close in realisation, without having to see it.
“Yes, sir, I was about to leave. I have a game night planned,” he informs, sheepishly.
“Have fun, Alan. Pray you win all the games tonight,” Kai wishes, and shifts Cinder a bit, enough to give her the attention she’s trying so hard not to have on her, “I won’t keep my wife waiting, we’re on our way to dinner.”
“Good night, Your Majesty,” Alan greets, and there’s a pause, not remarkable but obvious, before Cinder replies, “Good night, Alan. Wish you luck!”
Without even looking up from her cosy position, or opening her eyes for that matter. Kai knows she’s truly mortified right now.
“You did that on purpose,” she accuses, once they enter the elevator, eyes wanting to meet his. As a good husband, Kai stares at the door, no care in the world of her sharp glare.
Ding
“You should put me down,” she demands, as they reach their floor, knowing there will be more people on it.
“You were tired.”
“I can walk”
“I know,” Kai mentions, as he crosses the distance, smiling politely at all the servers, who have no regard for this affectionate exchange, for it’s the most normal of Tuesdays for them.
“Kai, this is -”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed over. All of them know I love you,” he challenges. That does shut her up, which is enough for now. He forgoes the table for the small couch they had brought in for casual dinners, where there weren’t people to host, but just Cinder and him, too tired after a busy day to sit on stiff chairs. Proping himself such that she sits close, feet tucked to the side, so that they’re leaning sideways.
“You know, they don’t even stare at us anymore,” he points out, once the food is served. Cinder, having chosen to ignore him, digs into her plate.
“That’s good, I hated how they stalked us every time I came to visit you as the Queen,” she says at last.
“They didn’t stalk us, it was all you, madam—”
“Why would they stalk me?”
“Your ignorance amazes me,” Kai chuckles, “You were the revolutionary, remember, everyone wanted to see the girl that killed Levana.”
“They saw me in rallies and speeches-”
“True, but it’s different to see someone in a professional capacity, and find the said person doing something domestic. They didn’t want to see the Queen; they wanted to see you.”
“That’s very profound. Do you ever stop being the philosopher?” She retorts, cutlery pointing in his direction, as she pauses her slicing.
“Do you want me to?” He questions, wiggling his eyebrow, in some boyish charm, his 15-year-old self had learned, and forgotten to let go.
“No,” she replies, “I love my thot husband.”
And now it’s Kai’s turn to be flushed, colour travelling to his eartips, and in the way he sees the maids giggle among each other, he knows they still stalk them. The rest of the dinner is all about the day’s mishap, sharing little jokes that happened throughout the week, and everything about policy making and wanting to crash in bed, and retorts their sass self can’t help but make.
“Madam,” Hina, their new baker, says, “Cheesecake, like you’d wanted.”
“Cake for what?” Cinder asks him once she knows Hina is appreciated for her work.
“Does there have to be any reason to eat cake?” Kai replies, shrugging his shoulders.
“Not really, but I just thought—”
“Well, if you do want one, we’re celebrating how fabulous my wife is.” He’s smiling abashedly at her now, and the way she’s flushed enough not to meet his eyes is enough for Kai to take matters into his own hands.
“Open your mouth, we gotta finish this, and go back,” he orders, spoon ready at her lips for her, but she’s had enough of his toying, as she counters, “Why, eager to get me in your bed are you, Emperor?”
“Indeed,” he admits, a smirk tugging his features, as Cinder eats from the spoon.
“— I know they’re staring now.”
“Let them, we gotta focus on the cake,” as he takes a bite himself, “— damn, this is crazy, we need to have them make it every day.”
Cinder laughs, sprawling on the couch, as she lies against Kai now, her earlier embarrassment of being watched entirely gone.
“Thank you,” she whispers, before he feeds her. To an outsider, it would look like she’s thanking him for the cake, but Kai’s known her for 8 years. It’s about making her feel seen, especially among the staff who always end up talking more than they ought to.
“Next time, just say it,” he says, and she nods, raising herself to capture his lips, and they taste of blueberries, chapped lips, and whatever sickening taste love has.
“Kai,” she murmurs against his lips, and he hums her to continue, foreheads touching, “- carry me back to the room too.”
Smiling against her lips, he whispers, “I will,” before closing the gap, as he kisses her to heart’s contentment.
i have 3 such elaborate angst idea in my ideas for kaider, and like they're all planned out, the only issue is I'm in a great mood to write fluff, and I have 0 fluff ideas to write about, all I can think about fluff writing is dopamine rush, and I can't write those 2 words, and I can't write angst words, cuz my vibe isn't matching, fuck this shit.
where he makes a mistake and that makes Cinder move away from him for a while, and years later he looks for her to tell her that he still loves her and they can overcome the misunderstanding together
hey, I thought about writing something new for this particular prompt, but then I also received a request, that wanted something similar, so I tried to salvage both of them into one.
you can find the fic here! if you want this fic from Cinder's fault pov: I have this fic here and here!
I hope you like it, anon! thanks for sending the ask, means a lot! <33
I would need a story where Cinder meets her future husband at a meeting or ball at Europe with her Rampion friends having a good time, thanks. (Years after Cinder and Kai break up)
hey, I have written a fic like this, and it's not really comfort/comfort, but the context is same. It's writter here, you can have a look at it, and if there's something else you want, I can try writing some snippet for it.
I hope you like it, anon! thanks for sending the ask! <3
