#kipperlily copperkettle

[kipperlillyforpresident]

Today's Kipperlilly is having some Kip-to-Kip communication with Kipper Hayden!

(It is impossible to provide full context for this, but basically: Kipper Hayden is a fankid for May and Drew from Pokemon, in @kohakhearts Lemonverse. He is down bad for a spoiled little boyprince who is a fanboy for Kipper's older sister.)

[kipperlillyforpresident]

There are a lot of wonderful and super compelling designs for what Kipperlilly might look like if she got brought back from Hell. But I've been thinking on it, and I've settled on my own headcanon. Which is that she doesn't get a cool new haircut or burn scars or demonic traits.

I think she just gets a really bad sunburn. Well, not technically "sun" burn, since it wasn't the sun that gave it to her - but you get the idea.

(This headcanon absolutely not inspired by the fact I got sunburned this weekend. What are you talking about? That's a complete coincidence.)

[kipperlillyforpresident]

"Victim" Impact Statement

Content Note: This fic has Kipperlilly Copperkettle as an extremely unreliable (and self-victim-blaming) narrator discussing the topic of grooming and sexual assault. There are no explicit sex scenes, but there are frank references to sex. Please read with caution.

It can also be read on AO3.

Kipperlilly Copperkettle wasn’t anybody's victim.

She wasn’t Riz Gukgak’s murder victim. She was an enemy combatant he killed in justified self defense.

She wasn’t Ankarna’s cult victim. She was an opportunist who accepted the Shatter-Star to pursue her own ambitions. 

She wasn’t Porter Cliffbreaker’s rape victim. She was an accomplice who saw that her future God had a problem and offered herself up as a solution.

It was normal for a Divine Smite to feel like a mean orgasm. Occasionally, like a regular one. That’s what Porter told her.

It wasn’t normal for a mortal to eat ambrosia. Occasionally, there would be consequences. That’s what Porter told her.

What Porter didn’t tell her is that this newfound divinity increased his desire – to the point that Divine Smites could no longer provide him the satisfaction he craved. She figured that out all on her own.

She wanted this scheme to be a success. That wouldn’t happen if Porter was too horny to think straight. Clearly, they’d need to fix that, and having sex with her would be the fastest way to do so. That’s what Kipperlilly told him.

---

She might as well address the elephant in the room: Porter had a Goliath dick and Kipperlilly had Halfling holes. She made it work. What kind of adventurer would she be if she couldn’t handle a little pain?

---

After their first time (a quick blowjob beneath his desk), Porter said they had to keep their arrangement a secret. 

She was insulted. Did he think she was an idiot? Of course she wasn’t going to tell anybody. Her parents would immediately withdraw her from Aguefort Adventuring Academy if they found out. She couldn't become Student Body President if she wasn’t enrolled. Even if they did let her stay, the scandal would ruin her campaign.

(She knew her campaign was already dead. It had been the moment that Kristen fucking Applebees decided that she wanted to become president. Whenever a Bad Kid wanted something, they got it. 

But buried deep within her was an idealist, a pigtailed girl who believed in justice and fairness and progress. Who thought that a candidate with an actual platform would prevail over a candidate who only spoke nonsense.)

Belatedly, she realized his concern was more for his own reputation. That was understandable. He was a teacher, after all – it’d be bad optics if he was caught sleeping with a student. People would get the wrong idea. 

---

Did she like having sex with him?

Physically, no. Porter had never been concerned with her own pleasure, and Kipperlilly never asked him to be. That wasn’t relevant. She was a vessel to relieve his stress, not the other way around.

Emotionally, yes. Not in any romantic sense: their relationship wasn’t like that, and neither of them wanted it to be. It was purely business. And that’s what she liked about it – it was proof that she was valuable to the mission, that she was useful. 

---

A couple of weeks after Kipperlilly went to Hell, she was burdened with Figueroth Faeth’s company. 

“I’ll get straight to the point, Kettlecunt. I don’t like you–”

“The feeling is mutual, Pruneroth,” she snapped. When she revisited this conversation in her mind (over and over, consistently searching for what the right words would have been to make this asshole finally understand), this was always a low point for her. 

If she were a better person, she’d think that the whole thing was beneath her. If she were a better person, she’d think that fighting hate with hate (and that was what this was, hate – subconsciously and unintentional, most likely, but still hate. The kind she had been dealing with her entire life, the kind that made her embarrassed to be a Halfling) was no way to solve her problems. 

She wasn’t a better person, though. She was mainly upset that Pruneroth was such a lame insult. 

Fig looked unimpressed. “But, if you’d let me finish – I recently learned Porter was sexually abusing you. And it doesn’t matter how I feel about you as a person, I still think that’s fucked up.”

Kipperlilly explained to her that it wasn’t like that. She gave her a condensed version of the spiel: she wasn’t a victim, it was purely for the sake of their scheme, and she was the one who initiated it. 

“Wow. I’m so sorry. I’ve been there - I mean, not with Porter, but kind of similar. Wanting older men to give you romantic attention–”

“Did you listen to a single word I said? I didn’t want him romantically. I didn’t even want him sexually.” She over-enunciated each word, as if she were speaking to a small child. That was certainly what it felt like. “I wanted him to become a new God. I did whatever was necessary to make that happen, and yes, that included making him cum a couple of times. I fail to see why you even care.”

“If you’d let me speak a complete sentence before interrupting me, then maybe you’d see why!” Fig didn’t even seem mad, just disappointed. Kipperlilly was loath to admit it, but Fig had a point. She pantomimed zipping her mouth shut, and motioned for her to continue. “First of all, pretty much anyone is going to care if they learn a high school teacher sexually assaulted a student. I know you don’t want me to call it that, but that’s what it sounds like to me. Second of all, it doesn’t, y’know… feel great to send a kid your age to eternal damnation? The Shatter-Stars were a valid reason to get the rest of the Rat Grinders pardoned, but it didn’t count in your case, since you asked for it. But this could be a way to get you out of Hell, if I argue you only did it because you were groomed. And you want to get out of here, don’t you?”

Against all odds, Kipperlilly did not immediately flip out at Fig. Instead, she took a moment to consider her words. Mainly the last part, about her potentially getting a pardon. And while Kipperlilly couldn’t be convinced that she was a victim (she knew better)... whose to say that she couldn’t scam whoever it was that had jurisdiction over her soul?

It was a tempting prospect. But an impractical one. 

“Of course I want to get out of here,” Kipperlilly begrudgingly admitted. “But it’s not going to work. You already said the Shatter-Star wasn’t enough to get me out of here, so there’s no way this business would. My deal with Ankarna and my deal with Porter were basically the same: I offered my body willingly and they accepted it.”

“But that’s different,” Fig immediately said. Kipperlilly wished that she had pretended to think about it, at least.

“How?”

She looked at her pityingly. “It just is.”

[mymessagingblog]

Has anyone discussed what Kristen Applebees's knee jerk reaction to Kipperlily Copperkettle implies about her (Kristen) internal life regarding Riz and Adaine? Obviously she's less hostile with her friends who are constantly actively showing her they're on her side and wanting to support her, but the insecurity and fear and comparison must live with her in some way. Even Jawbone compares the similarities between klck and riz, and adaine lives in the same house as kristen. When riz is handing out game plans for passing junior year kristen notes how big her packet is compared to others'.

[casin0table]

doodle dump because I think I locked in last night

[kipperlillyforpresident]

let go of your cringe instincts. listen to me. this is a kipperlilly song

[kipperlillyforpresident]

On the name Kipperlilly Copperkettle

Kipperlilly Copperkettle is a distinctly halfling name. This is, ultimately, a bit of a subjective point. But if you look at the official D&D Halfling Species guide for naming, you’ll see that the last names are very similar word + word combos. We also see this in canon with Penny Luckstone.

Halflings are a colonized model minority. This is pure canon. Daisy Cubby mentions them being a model minority in Episode 5 of Freshman Year, and Gorthalax discusses how Solace was originally a Halfling country before humans conquered it in Episode 9 of Freshman Year.

In-universe, the consistent mockery of Kipperlilly Copperkettle’s name would come across as mockery of a minority name. I am not making the claim that the intrepid heroes are intentionally playing their characters as racist, because I do not think that is true. However, I believe this is a natural synthesis of my above two points.

Even if you are not compelled by the microaggression angle, I would like to posit that it is generally a dick move to make fun of somebody’s name and make zero effort to correctly pronounce it. As a purely personal anecdote: I have a distinctly Slavic last name. I’ve found it frustrating how little effort people will put into pronouncing my last name. 

Additionally, some of the incorrect names for Kipperlilly have misogynistic language in them. The canon examples are Clamface Cunthead, Clamhead Cuntface, and Cottoncandy Bitchfuck. I have personally seen variations on cunt used a lot in fanon. 

One final food for thought: they began to make fun of her name from the moment they met her. She had done nothing to wrong them by this point. They did this while within earshot of her. Interesting!

[basinbumblebee]

i’m so soft for young kipperlily. kipperlily who was the first in her family to go to the adventuring academy. kipperlily who has never felt excited by her parents’ safe life. who wants to be the best rogue ever. who is willing to work so hard to do it. who convinced a group of teenagers to call themselves the high five heroes. who got them to train after school everyday for hours upon hours. who must have watched the other small rogue in her class, this one green with goblin ears, run around after a mystery she couldn’t even get wind of. who wished that kalvaxus had killed her dad, if it meant that she got to know, got to investigate, got some excitement. whose best friend, the most devoted cleric she’s ever met, dies and does not come back, cannot bring herself back, just dies. whose rage becomes all that holds her together.