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writing xue yang character development (from his pov) is so so funny bc you have to find a way to somehow convey to the audience that character development has occurred while also avoiding him ever consciously noticing that it has

#if i have written him comprehending anything about his own psychology it means it got ooc #xue yang #mdzs #aphelion.txt #xy #my writing #kmsa

I think the funniest ripple effect to come out of kmsa so far is xue yang hating jin ling's ass. he DESPISES that kid (bc if you really think about it, everything is jin ling's fault for being born). but he can't do anything abt it bc he doesn't want wwx to immediately kill him when he gets back (which is definitely gonna happen. any day now.) nevertheless jgy notices him eyeing jin ling like a cat wondering if it can get away with eating an escaped hamster and endeavors to keep them from being in a room together ever

#he likes songsong though.#aphelion.txt #mdzs #my writing #xue yang #jin ling #kmsa #do i have a tag for it. i don't think i do actually. whatever go my scarab #aughh i HAVE to update the Thoughts are gnawing me again #xy

read my 135k+ fic kmsa for the answers to hard-hitting questions such as "what if xue yang was inexplicably somewhat good with kids" (mostly confusing and disturbing to everyone up to and including xue yang) and "what if xue yang was lowkey the victim of a clan extermination before he started committing them" (doesn't stop him from committing them he just feels real weird about it when he does)

#'good with kids' is. to be fair. extremely relative #like i mean compared to canon i guess #it also is in fact explicable. but not to him! he's busy not thinking abour that #and i say lowkey bc like does killing everyone at the burial mounds really count. sort of?#kmsa #my writing #Or don't read it bc i still desperately need to make a round of light edits to the early chapters #Light to moderate #I mean mainly it's details but they make me cringe bc i started writing this thing in march 2023 #2 months post my first contact with mdzs #and my opinion/interpretation of a few things has changed somewhat in the almost 3 (3?!?!!?) years since #And i've been putting it off for ages but one of the small changes i wanted to make becomes relevant in ch18 aka the next chapter #it's like.. the one thing that's a plot point if only a background one ....#i promised myself for a long time that i wouldnt edit already posted chapters bc that way lies suffering only #and in this way i could make myself keep moving forward w/o my perfectionism killing me #the biggest barrier to finishing longfics i used to have was that id get dissatisfied with the early chapters and reboot them over & over #til i lost interest #Have successfully curbed that habit buuuokay now that we're like 20 tags in i can tell you what it is #IM DIVORCING WANGXIAN #IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE FOR THEM TO HAVE BEEN MARRIED IN ANY CAPACITY #ITS UNNECESSARY #i was playing w a couple fun fic tropes id seen and i was only like 30k in #i didnt realize id actually stick w this thing for multiple years #and eventually start to regret being sillay #aphelion.txt #As in they are just not married. Together but not married. Not as in im breaking up wangxian. JHDKFSJHDKFHSJGKHDKJG

sorry for being insane abt my own au but i keep cracking myself up bc xue yang's morality in kmsa is so so funny to me. like not that it's even the point, i tried to temper expectations that this au would ever make him thaaat much of a "good guy" but we're over 100k in and this is the progress we've made:

- social contract is real but only when wwx is there

- friendship is real(? probably, but Watch Out)

- this:

#HE'S SO......#like listen the found family did their best but they only had 2 years to work on it and then i gave him new and different trauma.#aphelion.txt #kmsa #xue yang #xy #mdzs

nothing like putting your whole fic into google docs to give you a bit of perspective. like i know 120k words is a lot but somehow 381 pages sounds so much longer

(to be fair, 37 pages of this is planning/outlines/timelines, but still, what the fuck)

#aphelion.txt #my writing #kmsa #why does it take so many words and so much time to get places i want to go. sobs #realizing that im at least 100 pages post burial mounds and barely getting back into the plot kind of depresses me LOL !!

kmsa isn't about "xue yang but he's on the 'good guy' side" or xue yang "learning empathy" it's about pavlov-ing xue yang into making a series of decisions that just so happen to look like they may have morality attached. and then he gets a better ending because of it<3

#aphelion.txt #my writing #mdzs #xue yang #xy #everyone is very nice in my comments tbh but i can sometimes sense the sentiment of. like.#“this says 'fix-it of sorts' but almost every bad thing is still happening?”#well first of all the 'of sorts' gives me a lot of leeway second of all it will start looking more fix-y eventually. slow-burn fix.#sorry if that's a crazy thing to say on a fic that's already over 100k i promise i also didnt want it to be this long. but MOST IMPORTANTLY #this is not a general fix-it this is a fix-it specifically for the only person who matters <3 xue yang #(half kidding i love so many mdzs characters but also this IS the fic where i allow myself to be insane abt him in peace)#kmsa

god. Dammiiit

#'if this hits 10k i stg' i was saying this morning. well #not only did it actually pass 10k i still didnt get done editing this weekend LOVE LOSES #aphelion.txt #my writing #usually a draft loses like up to 500 words on the final editing pass though so maybe it'll still squeak under 10k by the time i post it #kmsa #usually i've stared at these for so long i can barely tell if they're coherent by the time i actually post #i've never managed to fully kill my perfectionist streak lmao

a COMIC ??? a comic. a Comic. a COMIC. a cOMICccc

#Not Normal About It #inshallah i update this weekend......#kettledemon my beloved mutual i know you will see this and i need you to know i think about you every time i write mo xuanyu #who is not helping with the plot offroading btw. he's like. did you expect me to NOT support something unhinged #aphelion.txt #kmsa

#kmsa

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