Indeed: ~Hikaru's Internal Disarray!~
➼ pairing(s): kyoya ootori x reader, hikaru hitachiin x reader (platonic!)
➼ summary: Hikaru has a hard time facing his feelings, but he doesn’t have to do it alone.
➼ word count: 3.4k words (i know, it's short, i'm sorry)
➼ what to expect: "I think... I'm in love with her, Kaoru."
➼ warnings: angst
➼ the first chapter of a mini Indeed collection :)
The cosplay choice for this week is almost too reminiscent of the Ouran Fair. Tamaki has been feeling exceptionally regal as of late, and has decided that the Host Club will be tending to their guests as members of the Ouran Academy's royal family. It's your first time hosting in cosplay, and your guests seem to find you quite charming.
"But, princess... what would the others say if they saw us together?" The guest closest to your side, who'd requested personal time, bats her eyelashes up at you, falling into her role.
"Don't fret, it's just you and I here together. Nothing shall harm us." Truly, the two of you are only separated from a line of guests by a simple privacy screen.
"In my eyes, you are the true princess, worthy of my protection." You pluck the tiara from the crown of your head and gently adorn your guest with it.
She swoons, "Oh, y/n~"
But soon, her time is up, and the next guest in line scurries behind the screen to take her place in your arms. Your patrons seem to be primarily ladies today, but that's hardly anything to complain about.
As Kyoya monitors your queue, he can't help but notice that the percentage of guests requesting you today nearly rival Tamaki's average numbers. It must be the theme; he cannot deny that you look truly akin to royalty.
The pride in Kyoya's chest swells pleasantly at each little stray comment he hears about your hosting abilities, and he can't imagine why he was ever against you becoming a host in the first place. Irrational speculations, perhaps.
After a few guests or so, you take a scheduled break to stride about the room and interact with the general attendance of the Host Club.
"y/n-Senpai~!" Two mischievous voices chorus and catch your attention. You find Hikaru and Kaoru lounging beside each other, across from their guests, waving you over with identical smirks.
"Yeah?" you implore, stepping closer to them. You're less than willing to get wrapped up in whatever they have planned for you—your guests have risen to insane numbers today, and you have your own things to do.
"Come on, come closer!" Kaoru whines, earning a teasing snicker from his brother.
~Hikaru's Internal Disarray!~
You know better than to give in to their antics when they fail to provide a prior explanation. You cross your arms and shake your head, "I'm not coming over there. Tell me what you need, and I'll be on my way." You insist with a knowing look.
A hand is placed to the small of your back and urges you in the opposite direction gently, "Hikaru, Karou. y/n is occupied with her guests. Please don't distract her."
You smile gently at Kyoya's insistent voice and nod, briefly sparing the twins a shrug before sauntering off to tend to your guests.
Hikaru's playful smile fades into a prominent pout, his brows furrowing as he crosses his arms and turns away from Kyoya.
"Isn't y/n so dreamy? She really is like a princess!" One of the twins' guests swoons as her friend hums in agreement with an eager nod. Hikaru rolls his eyes.
"She's not all that. Wouldn't you ladies rather spend your time with a prince? Or better yet... two?" Hikaru bows slightly to cradle the guest's hand with a smirk.
Beside him, Kaoru's brows furrow in confusion.
"Oh, well, maybe..." The guest flusters, red quickly spreading across her pretty cheeks as she glances bashfully away from Hikaru, and her friend encourages her with giggles. ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
The afternoon drags on with excruciating slowness. Each tick of the club room's grandfather clock in the corner marks time that Hikaru wishes would speed up so this miserable day could end. He maintains his hostly facade for the guests, but the effort is exhausting in a way hosting has never been before.
Kaoru keeps shooting him concerned glances between entertaining their guests, but Hikaru refuses to meet his brother's eyes.
Across the room, you laugh at something Haruhi says as you refill teacups for a cluster of guests who have migrated to her table. The sound carries through Music Room #3.
"I heard she learned all the proper royal etiquette just for today's theme," one of their guests whispers to her friend, though not quietly enough to escape Hikaru's notice. "Kyoya-Senpai must have helped her prepare. Aren't they such a perfect couple?"
The words make Hikaru's chest pulse strangely. His jaw tightens visibly. Perfect couple. Of course you are...
"Hikaru?" Kaoru's voice is quiet, only meant for his brother's ears. "You okay?"
"Fine," Hikaru mutters through gritted teeth, his smile never wavering for their guests' entertainment.
When Tamaki sweeps by with his usual dramatic flourish, proclaiming something about "the beauty of noble aesthetics" to a swooning crowd, Hikaru feels his last thread of patience snap. He watches as you pause in your hosting to laugh at something Tamaki says.
"This is ridiculous," he hisses under his breath.
Kaoru immediately tenses beside him. "Hikaru, don't-"
"What's so special about playing princess anyway?" The words come out louder than intended, but Hikaru can't seem to stop them not that they've started. Several nearby patrons turn their heads to look at him with startled expressions. "It's just dress-up. Anyone can do it."
"Hikaru." Kaoru's warning tone is sharp.
But Hikaru is already standing, his chair scraping against the polished floor with a screech that cuts through the remaining ambient conversations. The room goes quiet, attention shifts toward the commotion.
"You know what? I'm sick of this." He scoffs, his voice filling the music room with its sharpness.
You look up from across the room, your eyes widening with surprise and confusion.
"Everyone's been fawning over y/n all day like she's something special."
"Hikaru, sit down." Kyoya's voice cuts through the tension like a knife, low and dangerous.
Hikaru ignores him. "Well, newsflash-she's just another host! She's not some perfect little angel who deserves everyone's constant attention!"
The silence that follows is deafening. Even Tamaki seems frozen in place. Your face has gone pale, the hurt in your eyes visible even from across the room. But there's something in Hikaru's expression that dissipates the hurt quickly, the same sort of expression he had when he was staring daggers into you at Kyoya's birthday celebration.
Kyoya's expression has transformed into something truly terrifying, his glasses glinting as he takes a step forward.
The reality of what he's just said crashes over Hikaru like a bucket of ice water. His anger drains away instantly, replaced by a sickening sense of horror.
"I-" he starts, but no explanation comes. There is not explanation that can justify what he just said.
You rise quickly from your seat as the doors to the music room slam open, Hikaru bolting through them. His princely costume flows behind him like a cape as he flees down the hallway. Kaoru rushes after him, calling his name.
His feet carry him as quickly as they can through the winding hallways, passing startled students and concerned instructors, until he finally bursts through a side exit into one of the smaller courtyards. This one is hardly visited, tucked away behind the humanities building where most students don't bother to come. It's quiet, private.
Hikaru collapses onto a stone bench, his breathing ragged and his hands shaking. The ornate crown that had been perched on his head at some point during his journey now rests crooked, so he tears it off in anger and throws it into the grass.
"That was quite the exit."
Hikaru's head snaps up to find Kaoru standing at the courtyard entrance, his expression unreadable. But not to Hikaru. He knows his brother is concerned. Kaoru walks forward slowly, deliberately, before settling onto the bench beside him.
"Don't," Hikaru urges, his voice hoarse. "Just... don't."
"Don't what? Point out that you just had a complete meltdown in front of everyone? Mention that Kyoya-Senpai looks like he's planning your funeral?"
Hikaru cringes, "Is he mad?"
"What did you expect?" Kaoru's voice is harder than usual, laced with disappointment that cuts deeper than any anger from his brother ever could. "You basically declared that his girlfriend is worthless in front of a room full of people."
Hikaru buries his face in his hands, his shoulders beginning to tremble. "I didn't mean... I wasn't trying to..."
Kaoru sighs, his voice losing its edge as he gentles it, "Then... what were you trying to do?"
The question goes unanswered for a moment. Something sparks in Hikaru's mind, and he realizes something. Something that feels like it's crawling up his throat and begging to be released, but... he can't. It's been eating him alive all day, and perhaps longer...
"I think..." The words stick in his throat as he tries to push them down, but they force their way out. "I think... I'm in love with her, Kaoru."
His brother doesn't react with shock or surprise, though it is a loaded sentence that would have shocked anyone else. Instead, Kaoru just sighs again, deeply, a sound filled with understanding and maybe a bit of sadness. "Are... you sure about that?"
"Every time she smiles at someone else, I feel like I can't breathe." Hikaru's voice cracks slightly. "When she laughs with other people, when she lets Kyoya touch her, when she gives her attention anyone but us... it hurts. It physically hurts. What else is that?"
Kaoru reaches down and picks up the discarded crown from the grass, turning it over in his hands thoughtfully and brushing a few stray blades off of it.
"When was the last time you cared this much about impressing someone who wasn't me?"
"Never. Maybe Haruhi."
"When was the last time we had a friend? And I mean one who doesn't share your DNA." Kaoru smiles despite the situation.
Hikaru's frown deepens. "What are you getting at?"
"Think about it, Hikaru. Before the Host Club, before y/n-Senpai, it was just us against the world. We didn't... need anyone else. We had each other. But now..." Kaoru trails off, his gaze distant. "Now we have other people in our lives. Real connections. And that's-"
"Terrifying. But that doesn't explain why I-"
"Doesn't it?" Kaoru interrupts gently, "I think you're overthinking this. I think you love, y/n-Senpai, but... not in the way Kyoya-Senpai does."
The words settle over Hikaru like a familiar blanket, both comforting and uncomfortable. He wants to argue, to insist that Kaoru is wrong... but doubt has already started to creep in.
"She and the club are the first people outside of us to care about us, right?" Kaoru continues, his voice soft.
"So?"
"So... you're not jealous of Kyoya-Senpai. I think we've just... never had a friend like that."
There is a long beat of silence. Maybe a couple more. Hikaru's mind sifts through memories. Every interaction with you, every smile, every moment of attention you'd given him. And slowly... reluctantly... he begins to see what Kaoru is suggesting.
The jealousy he feels when you talk to others... is it really romantic? Or is it the jealousy of someone who's never had to share before? The hurt when you prioritize Kyoya... is it heartbreak? Or is it the frustration of coming second when he's always been first in his brother's eyes?
"What if you're wrong?"
Kaoru shrugs, "Or, what if I'm right?"
Before Hikaru can respond, footsteps echo across the courtyard. Both twins look up to find Kyoya approaching, his expression carefully controlled but not hostile It's more thoughtful than anything else. Kaoru immediately stands, squeezing Hikaru's shoulder once before leaving the two and heading back toward the main building.
Kyoya stands before Hikaru with his arms crossed without a word, and for a long moment, it's silent.
"I'm sorry," Hikaru groans.
"I know you are." Kyoya's tone is surprisingly gentle, lacking his usual aura of intimidation when he's upset. "But it's not me you should be apologizing to."
Hikaru nods miserably. "I... I know." he murmurs shamefully.
Kyoya steps forward and settles himself onto the bench beside Hikaru. Not too close, a little stiff.
"I heard what you said. To Kaoru." He says flatly.
Hikaru's stomach drops. "Senpai, I-"
"No, it's... alright. I'm not upset. To be honest, you're not exactly subtle." Kyoya does his best to jest.
"You're not mad?" Hikaru asks cautiously.
"No." Kyoya finally glances at him, and there's understanding in his eyes. "She's easy to care about."
Hikaru doesn't know what to say to that. He'd been bracing himself for anger, possessiveness, for some kind of territorial warning. Definitely not... this.
"Do you want to know what she said to me once?" Kyoya continues. "About you and Kaoru?"
Hikaru hesitates, then nods wordlessly.
"She said that you two were the first people in the Host Club that really made her feel... comfortable. Made her laugh." Kyoya's expression softens slightly. "She values that. Values you. Both of you."
"Really?"
"Yes, she talks about you often. About... how much you've grown, how glad she is to have you as a friend. And she worries about you endlessly." Kyoya pauses.
There is a silence. Hikaru blinks, still not facing Kyoya. He doesn't think the two of them have ever... talked for so long. Alone.
"Her feelings are hurt... but she knows you didn't mean it. And it doesn't change how she feels about you. That's the kind of person she is."
Hikaru feels his throat tightening. "She should be mad at me."
"She's not. She... forgives easily. Too easily, most of the time. Don't take that for granted." Kyoya stands, brushing his shoulder off, the tassels of his costume dance under the movement.
"I won't." Hikaru promises immediately.
"Good." Kyoya begins to walk away, pausing. "She cares about you. As a friend. And that's not nothing."
Hikaru nods, keeping his gaze to the ground rather than on Kyoya. Kyoya regards him with a knowing look, one he knows Hikaru doesn't see, and follows in Kaoru's path to the main building.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
By the time Kyoya arrives back to the club room, Tamaki has managed to direct the ladies' attention back Honey, Mori, and himself. As Kyoya lets the door click shut quietly behind him, you rush to his side.
"Is he alright? Kaoru came back without him and-"
"Hikaru is fine. He's just... working things out for himself." Kyoya places a reassuring gloved hand on your shoulder.
"It's just like you to be worrying about someone else when your pride has been wounded." He teases, leading you back to into the music room's center.
You scoff, "My pride isn't hurt." You shake your head.
Kyoya quirks a brow.
"Well... maybe a little. I know he's..." you chew your lip anxiously.
"I think it's a little bit like when I thought I was losing you to being a hostess, perhaps." Kyoya theorizes.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sure he'll come to his senses. He cares about you... maybe a little more than he should." Kyoya grumbles the second part of his last phrase.
"Oh, come off it. He's a kid, and a girl is sometimes attentive to him and also attentive to others. He's probably just confused." You sigh, waving him off dismissively.
"Indeed." Kyoya chuckles.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
Music room #3 is nearly empty when Hikaru finally works up the courage to return. The guests have all gone, and the decorations somehow look sad in the dimming light, like a party that ended too soon. He finds you alone, methodically packing away teacups and saucers into their proper places.
You're still wearing your gown, though you've rid yourself of the tiara. Your hair falls loose around your shoulders now, catching the golden light filtering through the windows. When you hear the door open, you look up, and the expression on your face is not what Hikaru expected. Not anger, not even hurt. Just... quiet. Understanding, and it makes his chest ache worse than any accusation.
"Hey," you say softly, setting the teacup in your hands on the table beside you.
"Hey." Hikaru hovers near the doorway, looking smaller than you've ever seen him. His costume is rumpled now, his hair messy like he's been running his hands through it.
"You can come in, you know. I'm not going to bite." You almost laugh.
He takes a few hesitant steps forward, then stops again. His hands fidget at his sides, clenching and unclenching, and you recognize the movement. It's what he does when he's trying not to run from an uncomfortable situation.
"I'm sorry." The words come out rushed. "What I said-I didn't mean it. Any of it. You are special, you're amazing, and I was just being stupid and jealous and-"
"Hikaru." You keep your voice gentle, as if he were a spooked animal. "Breathe. Take a breath."
He does so, shakily, and you can see him struggling to hold himself together. You move toward him, slowly.
"I know you didn't mean it," you say simply.
As always, Kyoya was right...
"You... you do?"
"Of course I do." You're close enough now to see the redness around his eyes, the way his jaw is clenched to keep the lump in his throat down. "Hikaru, I've known you for how long now? You think I don't recognize when you're scared?"
"I'm not-" He begins defensively, then deflates. "I was scared. I am scared.
"I know." You reach out and gently fix his rumpled collar. The gesture is automatic, maternal, and you see him blink rapidly.
"I talked to Kaoru. He didn't tell me everything... but he did tell me some."
Hikaru blushes heavily. You hurriedly interrupt his thoughts.
"Don't blame Kaoru. I pestered him." You smile gently.
How do you just... know what he's thinking? It's a skill you've always impressed him with.
"I'm sorry... I know you're with Kyoya-Senpai. I shouldn't have-"
"I understand, Hikaru, don't worry." You reassure, patting the side of his arm.
"I've... been noticing your behavior lately. When I dote on the other members." You say slowly and tenderly.
Hikaru tears his gaze from you and reaches up to scratch the back of his head.
"You've never had to share attention before. I understand. You and Kaoru... you've never had to compete for his attention. But I promise..."
You somehow implore Hikaru to at least look at your expression with just your tone of voice, "You don't have to compete for my attention. Friendship isn't a finite resource... I have plenty to go around." You say playfully.
Hikaru groans, burying his face in his hands, "This is so embarrassing."
You giggle, "Maybe a little. You're quite fun to tease, but I'm trying not to."
Hikaru shoots you a glare that has no real meaning behind it.
"I like you better when you're not lecturing me." Hikaru crosses his arms defiantly.
"What kind of Senpai would I be if I didn't lecture you?" You turn back to your tea service organization.
"Come on now, you're going to help me with this." You say determinedly, not facing him.
There is a moment of silence as Hikaru simply watches you for a brief moment. He finds comfort in how easily you drop an uncomfortable subject.
He falls into a quiet routine beside you, picking up used teacups and saucers and matching them together. After a few brief moments, you speak again.
"You know you're one of my best friends, right?" You peek over at him, hard at work.
Hikaru nods, "I know... you're mine too." He grumbles.
You grin widely. When you can get Hikaru to express affection, you consider yourself immensely lucky.
"You and Kaoru are some of my favorite people. Maybe I like Kaoru more, though..."
"Alright, maybe this was a mistake-" Hikaru sets down the teacups in his hands and you rush to interrupt him.
"I'm kidding! I'm kidding. I love you both." You elbow him.
You don't miss the way Hikaru smirks to himself. "I would hope so."
As the two of you fall back into your monotonous routine of tidying up the music room, there is a comfortable silence that falls between the both of you, a silence that only the closest of friends can create together.
The silence between you says more than words ever could, and you both mutually understand each other. And you wouldn't have it any other way.
🎵I run and run a thousand miles, and I am barely breathing. Only the fuel of a passionate heart keeps this body strong and moving forward.
Could it be I found a place to rest? How far until I’m OK?
Trees of the town reveal the time has come once again to shift our shade and colors. 🎵
🎵The world always changes around us but weakness will always remain;
Through all the pain, believe in who we are right here and now! 🎵
🎵Raise one hand to the sky; raise them both lift them high!!
And you’ll cut through the darkness make it go!
The time to start is now! And I can show you how.
Start with me, and the world will be even bigger than ever before. 🎵
♡Next time, on Indeed...♡
Though different than his brother, Kaoru lets slip something he's kept to himself for a long time...
♡We'll see you then!! ♡
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Adieu~ 🌹🌹🌹
