#labor mention

[ss-wingman]

So I've been reading dad squadra, freaking love them, and it got my angst brain thinking, how would melone, ghiaccio and risotto react to his s/o having a premature baby, like she's in a lot of pain during the labor and when the baby is born she and the baby are fine, but the baby needs to be in the incubator (sorry if it's to angst, you can skip this if you want to)

Melone was certain things were perfect; that you and the baby were just fine in his care. When you suddenly go into labor, he's having a full-on panic attack, wondering what could have possibly triggered this. You have to pull him back to reality to have him take you to the hospital ASAP. He calms down immensely know your both safe, but a little part of him broke fearing he could've lost either of you. After soothing you, his eyes stay glued on the baby. He asks all of the questions to the doctors and nurses and is eager to bring you both home.

Ghiaccio was absolutely freaking out. From the moment your water broke to the ride all the way to the hospital, he didn't stop talking and swearing. It wasn't until you were resting and the baby was in the NICU that he finally stopped. He checked in on you once you had the energy. He asks the doctors and nurses every single question possible – he has to know what's going on or he may never relax. He stays with you, mostly, telling you everything the doctors told him. It's a heartbreak, not even being able to hold your own baby, but you will. They'll be OK. You'll both be OK.

Risotto does not leave you or the baby's side. No one in the hospital could get him out of the room without one or both of you with him. Even when you're given the clear, he was hesitant to bring you home without the baby. You two practically live at the hospital after you're discharged, watching your baby, talking to them, and promising them they'll be home soon. He's 1000X more protective of both of you, now, even - and especially - as the baby grows. It will get annoying.

[nurseofren]

What is it about the fantasy of being handled so gently and tenderly while giving birth and being in labor that just knocks my fucking socks off. Like my heart explodes at the simple fucking thought.

[whovianayesha]

Aghhh I'm so nervous. My sister is in labor and I'm just really nervous and worried.

Everything will be fine!

[redpandahappypanda]

I am offically overdue. And overdone. I'm so tired guys. It's so hot out, and gravity is a bitch and my belly itches so bad because I am not getting stretchmarks. (And who would have thought I would bitch about NOT getting those??)

I am so giant. Alfred is having a ~*dance party*~ in my abdominal cavity right now. I keep expecting to look down and see strobe lights coming out of my belly.

I am actively leaking SPRAYS of colostrum when anything comes into contact with my breasts. I went out and bought a manual breast pump to relieve some engorgement because HOT AND HOLY DAMN my nipples HURT. It's very much like getting zapped by a nine volt battery. On my nipples.

I have been contracting with very little regularity, but they are getting longer and more intense. I tried to find my cervix yesterday and it's gone on walkabout. I can't find it. But I can't feel baby either, so it's probably just my fingers not being long enough. Simon doesn't want to even attempt to put his hands down there. (Out of fear that he would hurt Al. No amount of reassurance can convince him that there is no way for him to hurt the baby.)

Somebody come break my water bag. Get this baby OUT

[redpandahappypanda]

Guys

Seriously, I got Simon to take me and Bean over to my mother in law's home to swim in the pool this evening. And no joke, I feel ten thousand times better. That buoyancy, man. It pulled so much pressure off my pelvis, off my back. I feel way less tired and gross and giant.

I'm a little achy now, but over all I feel SO MUCH better.

I am really wishing I had pushed my insurance to cover one of those giant labor tubs for when I go to deliver, because I can see that being like. THE thing that keeps me sane and not begging for a spinal. Oh well. Live and learn, I suppose.

Last night I started having contractions every five minutes, for thirty seconds apiece, for over an hour. That's the standard that you want to meet in order to start making your way to the hospital to start having your baby. Typically by that point your cervix is open to six centimeters (or more!) and you're in active labor. Fantastic right?

They whisked me into triage right quick, checked my cervix...And Nothing. No changes to my cervix from my last exam. Three centimeters dialated, 60% effaced, absolutely not anywhere NEAR where I needed to be for admission. Not even after another two hours of regular contractions. I was slated for discharge after another NST, just to be on the safe side and see how productive my contractions actually were.

Survey says: not very. Even with the strength and frequency of contractions, I am still being termed as being in "prodromal labor". These are somewhere on the line between "real labor" (See: they fucking suck but cause you to progress), and Braxton-Hicks (which are typically painless and do nothing).

I was CRUSHED. On the bright side, Alfred is tolerating things very well. Better than I am! He's beautiful. He tolerates contractions like a champ. He also moves an approximate fuck ton and has a kick hard enough that he pushes the fetal monitors off my belly.

Unfortunately the poor triage nurse had to physically hold the fetal monitor on my belly for close to two hours before she got the results that were needed for us to be discharged safely.

We went in at 2200, and didn't leave until close to 0430. Eight hours in triage total. Sucks, but again, the staff at L and D were AWESOME. Both bedside nurses and the new resident were very attentive and great overall. They treated me with respect, dignity, and good humor. Wonderful, wonderful people.

[redpandahappypanda]

So everybody and their grandmother will suggest their own methods of labor induction when you start (truthfully) telling them how you feel at the end of your pregnancy.

Frankly, they are never helpful tips.

Castor oil: an emetic, causing horrific intestinal cramps, nausea and diarrhea. Supposedly takinng a shot of castor oil will irritate your uterus enough cause contractions. While yeah, this is basically true, I cannot think of a more horrific way of going into labor. Raging shit streaming from my butthole? Hard pass.

Have sex! Or alternatively, masturbate.

Uh, do you think I could find my own vagina with both hands and a map, much less direct a partner to the appropriate orifice? Semen does contain prostaglandins, which are a cervical ripener. And orgasm itself is a kind of uterine contraction. But you would have to reserve literal CUPS of the stuff and be shooting it up there turkey-baster style for it to do much of anything besides make your cervix a tiny bit softer. Orgasm while also being a type of contraction, is not the RIGHT kind of contraction. It is more likely that the oxytocin released by orgasm does more for dilation and effacement than the physical reaction.

(Not to mention that a pregnant person may not feel up to having someone all up in their biz. Being giant can be super uncomfortable, you might have a lot of pelvic pressure and having ANYTHING in or even near your vagina can bring involuntary tears to your eyes.)

Walk! Yeah, no. You could walk a marathon and it isn't going to force you into labor. You're more likely to just exhaust yourself and risk dehydration. Dehydration can cause contractions and muscle cramps, but they are STILL not the right KIND of contractions. It's not going to do much other than make you super uncomfortable.

Fry some eggplant! You got me folks. I have no idea what it is, but old wives alike all swear by eating fried eggplant to induce labor. Who knows? I'd try it.

Eat Spicy Foods! Yeah, I think this is an extension of the castor oil thing. It's just as likely to not do much other than give you liquid lava pouring out your anus.

Go for a drive on a bumpy road! This is one that surprisingly *can* help speed things along...But you gotta already be pretty well-primed. The jostling can cause your membranes to rupture and your water to break. But unless you're ready dialated a certain amount, or your membranes are ready to go, this just may be uncomfortable.

And unless your body is already ready to go into labor, none of this is going to help. The best thing you can do, is ask how the parent to be is feeling, and be prepared to sympathize, but DO NOT offer a solution. It's not helpful. It's annoying.

[redpandahappypanda]

Haaa, yay false labor contractions at fucking 24 weeks and three days

These can stop at any time now