how does soren feel about his mom & the whole situation with her leaving?
honestly he kind of dealt with it by – not dealing with it. when he made the decision as a kid, he did it fairly unthinkingly. soren has always had a very, very strong natural urge to seek his father’s attention. when asked to choose between living with his mother and his father – that, alone, is something more monumental than a child is really capable of reasoning with. so before he could allow himself to think about it and what it meant to be asked something like that, he relied on his instinct. anything to seek out proof of his father’s love.
but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his mother. she was always good to him growing up and he tried to be good to her – to both of his parents – in turn. and it doesn’t mean that doesn’t miss her. it took him a while to understand the ramifications of what this decision meant – a little slower on the uptake than his sister, it was a few weeks without her that it dawned on him that this was a permanent change.
that was – the most difficult moment. the realization that choosing his father meant not choosing his mother. and it was in that moment that the sadness and fear truly manifested. he wondered, then, if it was his fault – if he’d done something wrong, or if he’d said or done something differently his mother might have stayed. for a few weeks, his sleep was plagued with nightmares and night terrors.
but through it all, he never stopped wanting to be the kind of person his father seemed to respect; he wanted to follow the example his father set. and his whole life he’d learned by example that being strong meant bearing hardship. it meant devoting your life to some great cause and seeking it regardless of the sacrifices and consequences. it meant long hours and stress, and sometimes it meant tragedy, too. so that’s what he did. he followed his father’s lead, and tried to emulate the great heroes of katolis, old and new.
he’s never really processed how he feels now, that he understands far more of the scope of the dissolution of his parents’ marriage. but what he does know is that he wants his mother to be happy – the rest of it, anything else he might feel – are only things that will get in the way of being a person worthy of his father’s love.
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