#long term depression

[nympherie]

If you're out there and you're reading this...

And you want to, of course

Tell me a reason why you keep on living even when it seems like there's none left

I feel like I've ran out of strings to hold on to

[varolianenigma]

Tramatic childhood math is

Your mom telling you no one in the world loves you (or will ever love you) like your mother + you knowing for a fact your mom did not love you at all = no one loves you and no one will ever love you.

When life feels like a never ending punishment for the unforgivable crime of existing as if it were in youre control that you came to be.

[varolianenigma]

Will life be worth living after we've "fixed" the depression?? Because i would argue it aint so why bother?

To be pleasing company to the peoeple who would be sad by the news of your death.

Does it matter that im privately mourning suffering on the inside if they can't tell???

[biology-geology-beaches-india]

The Science Notebooks of S. Sunkavally, p 697.

[varolianenigma]

Thank you child me. Thank you for making lemonaide out of lemons as best you knew in an environment that seemed set to make you regret the sin of existing. Thank you for holding on just a little bit longer. Even if you gave up. Thank you for locking up the most vital parts of us until its safe to come out. Thank you for planting the seeds to be different. Thank you for surviving.

[varolianenigma]

I want to be the last to suffer the things i survived. Let no one else know what it feels like.

[varolianenigma]

Do you ever get into a moment where you had been avoiding your doctors visits and check ups because you're not sure if you're hoping for a clean bill of health or if you're hoping that you're at death's door??

Like you dont really have anything that makes you want to live but at the same time ending it feels like you might needlessly hurt the people around you??

[varolianenigma]

Depression makes anxiety feel like death is flirting back at me. Like it feels like im finally going to die but not really. Seriously what a fucking tease.

I flirt with death and death flirts back. Like when are we going to end this "will they or wont they games" already?